HUNGER WILL MAKE CORPSES OF US ALL
Frodo, having (he hoped) made good his escape, crouched behind an ancient statue's fallen caput, nibbling anxiously at a cracker. But Boromir espied him. Cautiously, he assembled a bundle of kindling before approaching.
BOROMIR: I know why you seek solitude.
Frodo jumped.
BOROMIR: You're hungry, I see it day by day. Are you sure you did not steal my crackers needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other paths that we might take.
FRODO: I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my stomach.
BOROMIR: Warning? Against what? We're all hungry, Frodo. But to let that hunger drives us to do what is wrong...Don't you see it's madness?
FRODO: There is no other way!
BOROMIR: I ask only for the strength to defend my people!
Boromir tried to snap a sturdy piece of kindling, and failed. He looked at Frodo pleadingly, certain he had proved his point about needing strength.
BOROMIR: if you would but lend me the crackers...
FRODO: No!
Frodo stepped back.
BOROMIR: Why do you recoil? I am no thief. Unlike you.
FRODO: You are not yourself.
BOROMIR: What chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the crackers. And you will die of starvation!
FRODO: Hmm. Lose-lose situation. Best thing to do in a lose-lose situation? Run! Bilbo taught me tha...
Frodo started edging away, apparently trying to gain momentum....or something.
BOROMIR: You fool! They are not yours save by vile deceit! They should have been mine! They were mine! Give the crackers to me!
FRODO: NEEEEVVVERRRRRR!!!!!.....Remember that day you called Randy an It?
BOROMIR: So did you say it first!
FRODO: Liar! Fiend! Thief! I defy you! RANDYYYYYYYY!
Boromir lunged at Frodo. Frodo runs, but Boromir tackled him. Frodo slipped the Key into his mouth, and donned his sombrero. Boromir felt a great force suddenly knock him backwards. He was frantic.
BOROMIR: I see your mind!
Boromir slipped and fell.
BOROMIR: Frodo? Frodo! I'm sorry! I'm also hungry!
Frodo stood on a medium-sized stone porch. He had doffed the Sombrero and removed the Key.
FRODO: Hey! What's that?....O sweetness! TV! And a beanbag! And crackers! Oh sweet mother of comfort! What more could a hobbit want?
Frodo settled in to watch a very scary movie concerning a large black tower and a disembodied eye. He got so scared he backed off the porch, falling on his back at, predictably, Aragorn's feet.
ARAGORN: Frodo!
FRODO: Ahhh! The Eye! The Eye! They have a TV!
ARAGORN: Where are my crackers?
FRODO: Stay away!
ARAGORN: But I swore to protect you!
FRODO: You did? When? Anyway, can you protect me from your stomach?
ARAGORN: Uhhh...
Frodo help out a handful of crackers.
FRODO: Hunger has taken Boromir. Would you ignore it?
ARAGORN: I'm gonna count to five, and if you haven't eaten all those crackers by then, I'll...
Frodo ran. Aragorn turned around to find Lurtz and the gang approaching.
ARAGORN: Hi.
URUKS: Hai!
ARAGORN: So. Who are you?
URUKS: The Hai-ing Uruk-hai 6.0!
ARAGORN: Ummm. Cool. So. Wanna watch TV?
The Uruks nodded enthusiastically and climbed up the porch with Aragorn. They then proceeded to have a fight over who got the beanbag. At last Aragorn could no longer put up with the bickering.
ARAGORN: Oh! Go find a hafling.
LURTZ: FIND THE HAFLING!
The Live Uruks scattered. Aragorn rolled the dead ones off the porch.
ARAGORN: I wonder. Was I supposed to say that?
Frodo, having (he hoped) made good his escape, crouched behind an ancient statue's fallen caput, nibbling anxiously at a cracker. But Boromir espied him. Cautiously, he assembled a bundle of kindling before approaching.
BOROMIR: I know why you seek solitude.
Frodo jumped.
BOROMIR: You're hungry, I see it day by day. Are you sure you did not steal my crackers needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other paths that we might take.
FRODO: I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my stomach.
BOROMIR: Warning? Against what? We're all hungry, Frodo. But to let that hunger drives us to do what is wrong...Don't you see it's madness?
FRODO: There is no other way!
BOROMIR: I ask only for the strength to defend my people!
Boromir tried to snap a sturdy piece of kindling, and failed. He looked at Frodo pleadingly, certain he had proved his point about needing strength.
BOROMIR: if you would but lend me the crackers...
FRODO: No!
Frodo stepped back.
BOROMIR: Why do you recoil? I am no thief. Unlike you.
FRODO: You are not yourself.
BOROMIR: What chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take the crackers. And you will die of starvation!
FRODO: Hmm. Lose-lose situation. Best thing to do in a lose-lose situation? Run! Bilbo taught me tha...
Frodo started edging away, apparently trying to gain momentum....or something.
BOROMIR: You fool! They are not yours save by vile deceit! They should have been mine! They were mine! Give the crackers to me!
FRODO: NEEEEVVVERRRRRR!!!!!.....Remember that day you called Randy an It?
BOROMIR: So did you say it first!
FRODO: Liar! Fiend! Thief! I defy you! RANDYYYYYYYY!
Boromir lunged at Frodo. Frodo runs, but Boromir tackled him. Frodo slipped the Key into his mouth, and donned his sombrero. Boromir felt a great force suddenly knock him backwards. He was frantic.
BOROMIR: I see your mind!
Boromir slipped and fell.
BOROMIR: Frodo? Frodo! I'm sorry! I'm also hungry!
Frodo stood on a medium-sized stone porch. He had doffed the Sombrero and removed the Key.
FRODO: Hey! What's that?....O sweetness! TV! And a beanbag! And crackers! Oh sweet mother of comfort! What more could a hobbit want?
Frodo settled in to watch a very scary movie concerning a large black tower and a disembodied eye. He got so scared he backed off the porch, falling on his back at, predictably, Aragorn's feet.
ARAGORN: Frodo!
FRODO: Ahhh! The Eye! The Eye! They have a TV!
ARAGORN: Where are my crackers?
FRODO: Stay away!
ARAGORN: But I swore to protect you!
FRODO: You did? When? Anyway, can you protect me from your stomach?
ARAGORN: Uhhh...
Frodo help out a handful of crackers.
FRODO: Hunger has taken Boromir. Would you ignore it?
ARAGORN: I'm gonna count to five, and if you haven't eaten all those crackers by then, I'll...
Frodo ran. Aragorn turned around to find Lurtz and the gang approaching.
ARAGORN: Hi.
URUKS: Hai!
ARAGORN: So. Who are you?
URUKS: The Hai-ing Uruk-hai 6.0!
ARAGORN: Ummm. Cool. So. Wanna watch TV?
The Uruks nodded enthusiastically and climbed up the porch with Aragorn. They then proceeded to have a fight over who got the beanbag. At last Aragorn could no longer put up with the bickering.
ARAGORN: Oh! Go find a hafling.
LURTZ: FIND THE HAFLING!
The Live Uruks scattered. Aragorn rolled the dead ones off the porch.
ARAGORN: I wonder. Was I supposed to say that?