That soft look

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an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

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Here's something I wrote when I was supposed to be writing the next chapter of "Thunk!" and "Hey! What's with the growling?" Obviously, I got a little side-tracked. I've updated "Hey! What's with the growling?" and am going to add a rather… strange little blurb to my other Inuyasha story. I might add "Fevered Murmurings" to this series of one shots, making it like a different type of "Inuyasha and the Drive-Thru of Doom.". Hope you enjoy.

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Also, a shout-out to StoicStella, whose story, Unexpected Love, is definitely one of the better Sesshomaru/Kagome romances. So far it is tastefully written – thank the Lord she doesn't rush the romance… it takes a while for a person to fall in love usually, after all. So when you're done with this, or whatever you prefer, go read it. It's good! Scout's honor. (Tippy: Pshaw! Since when were you a scout?  mkh2: shut up!)

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Disclaimer: Tippy: Mikki is sleeping so I'm going to say this instead: Inuyasha, Incorporated, or whatever, doesn't belong to her. It belongs to that other person – look it up if you wanna know who she is cause I can't pronounce it. If you sue Mikki, I won't have anybody left to drive me around and buy me lots of goodie for no reason other than she's my older sister. Thanks. ::leaves room:: ::pops head back in:: Oh, yeah, 'shampoo and conditionaah* to yooouu.' ::leaves room again::

~

The fallen autumn leaves crunched under her feet, turning into dust that was blown away by the wind. The shrill of the last songbirds of the season warbled listlessly and hung in the air around her. The cool crisp air of the season brought a chill to her skin, her arms and legs, as always, exposed, and a flush to her cheeks. She noticed none of these things but marched, no, glided steadfastly down the familiar path to the well, and on the other side of that ubiquitous time portal, her home in the future.

'Inuyasha.' The thought rose in her mind and her eyes shone with tears, ready to spill over the edge at any moment.

~

She had come today for a visit, only for a few hours since she had a big test at school tomorrow, but feeling prepared she felt it was reasonable that, as long as she looked over her notes quickly at night before bed and once again in the morning, she would have nothing to worry about. Despite the fact that she was constantly in the Sengoku Jidai she had come to love spending her spare time there, the activities of her home in her era seemed lacking in appeal.

She had packed nothing, only a small lunch that she thought she could share with Inuyasha and a lollipop for Shippou, who was very fond of the sugary treats. She smiled and almost giggled at the first time she had brought one the size of Shippou's head, how his eyes had widened and he seemed to be in some sort of Lollipop Nirvana. The look of delight and happily babbled 'thank you's were well worth the sugar rush he had afterwards.

Suddenly she thought she heard something off to her side and walked that way, disregarding Inuyasha's advice that she stay on the path because she never knew what demon could be waiting in wood, hoping to get a bite out a mortal, even if it was a miko. She recalled rolling her eyes as he recounted that it was considered a real treat among the man-eating youkai because of the purity of miko blood, same as with the blood of children. She burst his bubble when she told him how in her time a miko was simply a virgin girl who worked the shrine grounds, not a girl with spiritual powers.

"Inuyasha," a girl's voice, breathlessly saying his name, was heard on the wind, wafting gently on her ears. It seemed to burn them.

Kagome froze, unsure whether she should go on then, swallowing tightly, she slowly inched forward to peer out from behind the dense brush and trees.

Inuyasha stood on end of a clearing and Kikyo was at the other, her bow, for once, not drawn, but hanging limply at her side. The thing that truly disturbed Kagome, though, was that soft look in his eyes.

She was beginning to hate that look.

That was the look he had that time, before Kikyo was resurrected, before they went after Kikyo's stolen ashes. She had talked to him, tried to convince him to come with her, with them, to retrieve the ashes, and put it back to peace. Then she had felt furious, he wouldn't look at her, did he hate her? For looking like Kikyo, did he hate her? And suddenly he grabbed her hands and…

That wasn't the only time. There were others, many, and she came to associate that look with Kikyo's memory, with any thought of Kikyo that passed through Inuyasha's mind. If only he would look like that at her and think only of Kagome! Kagome bit her lip lightly; it seemed so selfish but she wanted that so badly.

"Kikyo."

He had a soft smile on his lips, so gentle; he rarely smiled, Kagome knew that, and felt privileged in knowing that she had seemed almost every one of them. There were times, she knew, when he would smile in secret, naturally she wouldn't see them then, but she knew that many of these special, sacred smiles were bestowed on her. Now she felt certain that Inuyasha had given just as many to Kikyo. She faltered. What if she wasn't the one to have received the most? What if, when he smiled at her, he was really smiling at her, at Kikyo?

Kikyo, in the clearing nodded slightly and took a step forward; likewise, Inuyasha also stepped closer.

Holding in a sob that had mysteriously crept up into her throat, Kagome turned on her heel and glided silently away, her feet skimming but not crushing the dry, golden autumn leaves under her feet.

~

Now that she was further away it didn't matter to her that her steps were no longer so quiet; they now fell more heavily, pressing and crushing, crunching the leaves into beautiful red and gold dust. Belatedly she noticed that somewhere along the way she had lost her small lunch but decided against turning back. If Inuyasha found it, he could consider it a last gift from her and consume it as his enormous appetite was wont to do. She was tired of always being forgotten – she realized that Kikyo's presence had distracted Inuyasha from noticing hers and that was why he hadn't come to greet her, in his usual rough way, when she had come.

She had said, no she had asked to be allowed to stay by Inuyasha's side and he had given his consent. Now she wasn't so sure she wanted to stay anymore.

Kneeling by the well, she pulled off her necklace that held the Shikon no Tama shards and then pulled out a deep green handkerchief, just a bit darker than her skirt but close enough to be matching and wrapped the necklace in it. She dug a small burrow by the side of the well and pressed the small bundle into it but not burying it, knowing that with Inuyasha's sense of smell he'll be able to quickly find and retrieve the kerchief with the shards. Surely he'd get the message.

She stood up and silently sent him a prayer to be well and take care of his Kikyo.

~

She lay on her bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think of the past and finally, tiredly closed her eyes, ready to give into sleep when she heard a soft scratch at her window. Her heart leapt into her throat – it couldn't be, could he? No. He couldn't possibly that stupid.

"Kagome?" a soft, husky voice called from just the other side of her window.

Yes, he could be.

She drew her eyebrows together, reluctant to open her eyes and see the silver dog boy on the other side. 'Dog man,' she conceded. He wasn't really a boy, certainly not like the ones in her time. He was a man. Then why did he have to act so childishly and expect her to go along with whatever he said like a child would?

"Kagome?" he called again.

"Yes?" she gave in, too tired to feign sleep any longer. Long ago she learned that he always knew when she was awake or asleep, and it was pointless to pretend otherwise.

"Open the window."

She frowned. He knew the window was open. It was always open – she never locked it, never since she met him, which unfortunately caused several embarrassing incidents that resulted with Kagome forever after changing in and out of her clothes in the bathroom.

"Open it yourself," she retorted, her voice at a monotone level.

There was a sigh outside and she heard the window slide to the side and then slide back closed after the soft fall of feet were heard on her floor.

"Why did you leave?"

Ah, so he had noticed she had been there earlier that day, if not from the time she had gone there then surely from the evidence of the lunch and the jewel.

She kept silent.

There was another sigh and her bed sagged down by her knees with a suspicious weight.

"You left… your lunch."

Silence.

"I think it's still good, it doesn't smell like there's anything in the basket that will spoil."

That was a surprise, considering his voracious appetite. Still, she gave no response.

There was a soft whoosh on her bed, the weight of the basket wrinkling the sheets under it and tugging lightly at her skin.

"You also left the Shikon no Tama."

She stiffened slightly though imperceptibly, to a human though not to Inuyasha. She let her sense reach out. She was concentrating so hard on forgetting she had overlooked the familiar glow and aura of the sacred jewel.

"Why did you leave?" Ah, back to that question again.

She was almost eager to fall back on the old standby that woman have used for centuries – "If you don't know, I'm not telling" – but she had always thought that was cruel and had always tried hard not to use it if necessary.

"You should know," she said tiredly, the strain of the words noticeable to their ears.

Inuyasha's ears swiveled over to her.

"Yes… and no."

She frowned slightly. 'Then why are you here?' She wanted to scream this at him, pulling his ears right off his head if necessary but she didn't.

"You saw Kikyo." Which of them said this, Kagome wasn't sure, but it was said and she turned her head to her side, away from him.

She heard rather than felt the basket lunch be placed on the floor and suddenly felt Inuyasha's weight spread out next to her. He was lying next to her. She suddenly felt nervous and rolled on her side towards the wall and away from him. He only rolled after her and put his arm around her waist, pulling her to her chest.

She was livid. Her eyes snapped open and she struggled to get out of his grip. He rolled over so that Kagome was under him, belly down on her bed.

"Get – off – me!" she hissed, a growl rising out of her throat, hackles raised, eyes blazing. "Get– Off!"

"No." His voiced rang calmly in her ear. "Not until you tell me why you left."

Blinking at this she sagged tiredly under him.

"I'm… tired."

"Of me?"

"Yes – and no."

"Why?"

"I'm tired of always being second best."

There was a sigh, a breath falling tiredly over her neck.

"Why do you think you're second best?" Inuyasha's voice suddenly took on the quality of that of a tired old man.

"Kikyo."

Ah, that should explain all, shouldn't it? All her fear, all her worries, all her doubts and anxieties summed up in that one simple, loathsome word. Kikyo.

Inuyasha's head drooped onto her shoulder.

"What makes you think you are second best to her?" Inuyasha asked.

Kagome blinked, tears rising. "Wasn't I always? Even you yourself always said that Kikyo was better, Kikyo – more beautiful, Kikyo – stronger, perfect, the best." She choked on the last words, half-hiccoughing with the strain to keep in her dry sobs.

"Don't cry." The words took on the soft quality it always took when he had that look in his eye, the look that was always directed to Kikyo, the gentle look that Kagome always hungered for, to have it directed to her.

Suddenly a large hand passed through her hair. It gently smoothed it out, over and over again it slid through the smooth strands.

"I hate it when you cry."

"But then why do you always make me cry?" she rasped out, finally breaking down in silent tears.

"Kagome," he murmured her name softly and turned her onto her back, still under him. "I'm sorry – I don't want to hurt you. Please, come back."

"I can't – I can't go back," she sobbed, eyes shut tight as the tears ran down her face. She couldn't bare to look at him when he had that look on his face that he was really directing to Kikyo.

Something soft brushed over her lips so swiftly that she thought she imagined it, except for how her lips burned after. She opened her eyes slowly to find him looking down at her, a sad look.

"You'll leave me then?" his voice quavered and suddenly she couldn't help but notice how he looked like a lost puppy.

"How can you expect me to go on forever with Kikyo there? I want to be with you… but I need to have somewhere to go to when this is over; it's killing me to always see you with Kikyo. Being by your side isn't simply enough for me anymore. I need more, I want more." She closed her eyes again and went limp in his hold.

His weight settled over hers and she let out a gasp, her eyes flying open. 'Heavy.'

"Did you know that Kikyo and I had come to an agreement this evening? I was going to tell you when I got back, but it turns out you already had."

What was he saying? She knew they had come to an agreement long before – he would protect her and when this was all over he would go to… she didn't want to think about it.

When she hadn't said anything for a while he continued.

"I have still offered her protection, but she is only second to you and the others. When this is over, we will purify the jewel and she will allow her soul to be put to peace, but she will go alone. I will stay… with you."

Kagome stiffened under him, hardly believing her ears. Is he saying…?

Inuyasha noticed how she had completely stilled and the sudden shift in her scent, but his nose was so befuddled form being so completely enveloped in her scent that he wasn't sure what it meant. Hurriedly he tried to placate her, whatever it took.

"…If you want me."

Kagome looked up at him. Soft golden eyes, that soft look that was beginning to shimmer with nervous tears, directed at her. How many times were those looks directed at her and she thought they were directed at Kikyo? She didn't know and didn't care to ask. She raised a hand and put it behind his neck, gently tugging him down to lightly kiss his lips. They stayed that way for a moment before she pulled back, Inuyasha looking like he was in a daze.

"Yes."

~Owari~

Ack- I wrote this in around an hour and forty-five minutes to two hours… instead of writing my other Inu story. Don't be mad! I just had to get this out. And that's that. Ciao.

In accordance with new FF.net regulations:

Not upcoming chapters for this and my other stories as well as upcoming fic

Note: I have switched the placement of 'That soft look' and 'Fevered Murmurings' back to the original placement of the fics when originally posted. I have another one-shot to be place here soon.

Do not worry fans of "Hey! What's with the growling?" and "Inuyasha's Trip through the Drive Thru". I have more pieces coming up for the both of them (I like my piece with the hammock. that's all I'm saying.) If you're into DBZ, check out some of my other fics - or at least "AntiFreeze!" if you enjoy my Mikki character.

To keep you happy, I'll tell you now that I'm putting up another Inuyasha fic either today or tomorrow - another one similar to my "Thoughts" style - a bit of romance and stuff. I know I was supposed to be working on my other fics but hey, when the muse bites you in the butt, either bite it back or let it have it's way and do as it says.

That's all I can think of to say now so bye!