DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me. If they did, Eric would not have gotten sick, Carter would not have gone to Africa, and there would be Carby babies all over the ER by now.
CATEGORY: Carby Angst RATING: PG-13SPOILERS: None if you've seen all of Season 10 so far.
SUMMARY: Carter, Abby and the roller coaster of angst, drama and romance that is their relationship
Chapter 2
Abby inspects herself one more time in her bathroom mirror. She runs a brush through her hair and decides to put on her small diamond stud earrings. She takes a deep breath and realizes that for the first time in long time, she is satisfied with what she sees. Today she will officially begin her life as Dr. Lockhart. It was a long and twisted road full of detours and roadblocks that led her to her destination, but she has finally arrived. And it feels amazing.
She survived a dysfunctional childhood, alcoholism, the fear-based decision to abort her child, a failed marriage, being kicked-out of med school, almost losing her mother to suicide, a relapse, the discovery that her brother inherited her mother's illness, and the loss of the one man she ever truly loved.
"Jesus," she laughs, "my life is a damn soap opera."
But nothing can destroy her good mood today, not even a trip down memory lane. Today is her first day as a resident in the ER. And as she stands in front of the mirror, reflecting on both her physical image as well as the changes inside of her, she remembers the day she decided that she needed to turn her life around. The decision had been brewing inside of her ever since she ingested over half a bottle of tequila a year and a half ago, but it wasn't until she received his letter that she was able to take the ultimate plunge and go back to med school.
That day had been one of the lowest points in her life. She was professionally frustrated, and when she read those hurtful, yet honest words written by Carter, she realized her personal life was devoid of happiness as well. The old Abby would have wallowed in shame and self-pity, but for some reason, that day she decided enough was enough. After work she stopped by the university and got the necessary forms to re-apply to med school. She had been filled with a determination that she had never experienced before. She wanted to prove to Carter, and more importantly, to herself, that she wasn't a failure and that she could overcome her fear of life.
As she grabs her lab coat on the way out the door, she realizes she is holding the proof in her hands.
~
Her first day as a resident proves to be a chaotic one. The ER is slammed, and, because of a case of food poisoning at a local restaurant, she is already on her third set of scrubs. She misses the safety net being a medical student provides; any major procedure cannot be preformed without a resident or attending there to back you up. She also misses the camaraderie she shared with Neela, who chose surgery as her elective. She looks up at the board and is relieved to see that things appear to be slowing down for the moment. Pratt walks up to her and notices the exhaustion that is displayed upon her face.
"Hey, most of the patients are waiting on test results, why don't you go get some coffee."
Abby shakes her head wearily. "I'll be okay."
"Who knows when things will slow down again? Go. Besides," Pratt grins, holding out a dollar, "I want some too."
Abby smiles, thankful for the small break. She breathes in the fresh air as she exits through the ambulance bay and walks around the corner to the closest coffee shop. The coffee at the Jumbo Mart is usually older than what is in the lounge and is lukewarm at best, so the extra time it takes is worth it. She orders two large coffees, one to go, and sits down at a table and closes her eyes for a moment, trying to find a reserve of energy she knows must be hidden somewhere within her.
"You know, if you were in a bar, you could get kicked out for that."
Abby abruptly opens her eyes to see Carter standing over her, and gestures for him to sit down. After the incident at Susan's, the two had successfully avoided each other for a few days, and then Carter had gone to Africa for several weeks. She thought he was still out of the country. He sits, and there is an awkward silence. She suddenly wishes she would have braved the watered down coffee from the Jumbo Mart, or better yet, told Pratt to get his own damn coffee.
"I didn't know you were back."
"Just got back last night. The time change is a bitch," Carter replies as a waitress brings him his coffee.
"You working?"
"In about an hour. I just thought I'd get here a little early to readjust myself to things."
"Is Kem in town?"
At the mention of Kem's name Carter immediately looks down at his coffee. He appears so interested in it that Abby looks down at her own, wondering what could be so fascinating.
"We weren't sure if it would be okay for the baby, but I really wanted him to be born in the states, and the doctor said it would be okay. So she's here."
Abby nods her head and debates chugging her coffee and risking third degree burns in order to escape the awkwardness of the situation. Carter must be feeling the same way because he is still watching his coffee as if there is an Academy Award winning movie being shown inside of his mug. She is about to get up when Cater quietly says,
"I'm sorry."
She's not exactly sure why he is apologizing. For creating such an uncomfortable situation, for kissing her at the party, for showing up in Chicago with a pregnant girlfriend, for dumping her through a letter, or for running away after he promised he would never leave? She eyes him for a moment, waiting for him to continue. She notices the creases in his forehead and the dark circles below his eyes, and she begins to become worried. Because even though it has been a year since they have truly been together, the connection she feels to him is as strong as ever, and they still share their wordless language that allows them to know the other's innermost feelings simply by being in each other's presence. And what she sees is a very troubled Carter.
He looks up and sees that she is waiting further explanation. "At the party."
Ah. He's apologizing for the kiss. "It's okay," Abby hurriedly says. She continues with an obviously rehearsed speech prepared for this inevitable occasion. "The way things ended, we never really had any closure. That's all it was. No big deal."
A look of intense disappointment clouds Carter's face, followed by one of forced relief. He clears his throat and Abby looks at her watch. "Shit, Pratt's going to kill me. I better get back." She stands up to leave and as she walks away from the table, Carter gently grabs her arm. She freezes and looks down at his hand touching her skin.
"I'm sorry."
Abby knows he is apologizing for more than kissing her, but the force of the moment is becoming too much for her to handle. It took her a long time to truly accept that things were over between the two of them. Even after she received his letter, there was a small part of her that had hoped he would return from Africa and be overwhelmed with the changes he saw in her. After she met Kem and learned they were having a child together, those hopes were completely lost and she finally began to move on. So there is a part of her that is angry at him for reentering her life this way, but there is another part of her that still deeply cares about him and wants to help him deal with whatever pain he is experiencing. And it is quite apparent that there is something in his life that is causing him pain. But she knows that it is no longer her place to be the person that comforts him, so she simply nods her head in silent reply to his apology and then reluctantly extracts her arm from his grasp. She quickly exits the coffee shop and curses herself under her breath for letting herself get swept up in this situation again.
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Author's Note: Well, you all convinced me to continue. Plus, I didn't want to face the wrath of Taz. Thanks to everyone for the kind words of encouragement. I know I've said it before, but its an amazing feeling to know people are taking the time to read something you wrote, and the reviews really do make my day.
Please review!