DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me. If they did, Eric would not have gotten sick, Carter would not have gone to Africa, and there would be Carby babies all over the ER by now.
CATEGORY: Carby Angst RATING: PG-13SPOILERS: None if you've seen all of Season 10 so far.
SUMMARY: Carter, Abby and the roller coaster of angst, drama and romance that is their relationship
Chapter Five
Carter dejectedly walks through his front door after leaving Abby's apartment. Abby was right, he shouldn't have tried to kiss her. Either time. He knows that. She knows that. So what on earth possessed him to do so?
He takes off his shoes and kicks them in the vicinity of the mat next to the door, the sound of them hitting the floor echoing through the empty room. He winces as the cold from the marble floor seeps through his socks and chills his feet. Cold radiates from the walls as well, and he longs for the warmth he felt just an hour earlier. He looks around and lets out a deep, frustrated breath. Abby's apartment felt like home. The mansion does not, despite the fact that this is where he grew up. Here, the pillows on the sofa are always properly placed. At Abby's, they are tossed about half-hazardly, mixed in with her worn afghan that smells like her soap. Abby's apartment had smelled like chicken noodle soup and tea; here, the kitchen was so secluded from the other areas of the house that none of the comforting smells of cooking were ever present. With Gamma gone, there was no one Carter looked forward to seeing when he walked through the door, while at Abby's, well, he wasn't going to let his mind go there. He knows he needs to let Abby go. He doesn't want to, but he understands he has hurt her too much to expect her to come back to him. Losing Kem and Alexander sent him into a spiral of despair, but the recent realization of what he threw away with Abby has made him aware that he needs to make some major changes within himself.
As he trudges up the stairs towards his bedroom, he realizes that the mansion represents so much that is wrong with his life, and those are the exact changes he needs to make. The mansion is seemingly perfect on the outside. Stately grounds, impeccably decorated and a presence of elegance are all terms the local socialite magazines have used to describe it. However, as only he knew, once you step inside the Carter family mansion, you enter a home devoid of the normal gaiety and love felt in most homes. It is a home filled with the memories of his dead brother, the subsequent emotional loss of his mother, and now the loss of his grandmother, the most maternal figure he ever knew. And, as he trudges up the mahogany stairs, he decides that this is not the life he wants. And he makes a decision.
When he reaches his room, he picks up the phone and dials a familiar, yet seldom used number.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom."
"John, is everything alright?"
"Yeah mom, everything's fine. I was just calling cause I needed a favor."
Carter has always been amazed at his mother's ability to keep her emotions a mystery. If his impromptu call was causing her to worry, he could never tell from her cool and even voice as she asks, "What sort of favor?"
"Well, I'm thinking of buying a house, and I was hoping you could give me the name of your realtor."
"Of course. Are you looking for something in the states or in Europe?"
"Actually here, in Chicago. Hopefully close to the hospital."
"Chicago? What about Millicent's house?"
"I don't know. It's just so big and it's only me, and, well, since Gamma's been gone it feels kind of weird to be here." Carter pauses and his voice cracks ever so slightly as he continues. "It's kind of lonely here. I keep thinking about Gamma and…"
"John?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you like me to, um…" Eleanor clears her throat before continuing. "I'm going to fly out tomorrow and we'll find something for you together. With your schedule you won't ever have time to find a new house and properly settle in."
Carter is not quite sure how to respond. His mother has not put herself in a position to worry about him in many years. Honestly, not since his brother died. A few years back he had finally confronted her about this, and although they shared a brief moment of tenderness, they soon after resumed their relationship of obligatory phone calls on birthdays and holidays. A few weeks ago Carter had swallowed his pride and told her about Kem and Alexander, and he had been surprised at how sympathetic and disappointed she had been. "I'm truly sorry John," she had said. "I know how hurt you must be." And now he could swear that she is picking up on his current state of mind, and she actually sounds concerned. So he is understandably confused as she willingly offers to come to Chicago to help him escape a lifestyle he knows she whole-heartedly endorses. He is equally confused with his answer.
"That would be great Mom."
**************************
"Son. Of. A. Bitch!"
Abby violently tugs on the latch of her locker, and when the door does not budge, gives it a good, swift kick.
"Jesus Abby. What did it ever do to you?"
"I'm not in the mood, Susan. I've been on since yesterday morning and I just want to go home and go to sleep. Problem is, my El token is in my purse, which is in my locker, which refuses to open!" Abby enunciates her last point by giving the handle another hard tug.
Susan smiles sweetly. "Maybe this is God's way of telling you that you should offer to cover for your dear friend Susan so she can leave an hour early to get ready for her date tonight."
Abby answers with an eye roll. "What about Chuck?"
"We decided to see other people. Well, I decided to see other people."
A knowing smile crosses Abby's face and she opens her mouth to respond when Carter walks in. He gives a small wave and opens his locker with ease.
"I hate you," Abby says as she flops down on the couch.
"What did I do?" Carter asks, confused.
Susan gives him a look and asks Abby, "What's your combination?"
"34-8-42."
Susan slowly turns the dial on the locker and a few seconds later opens the door with ease. "Ta-da! Now you definitely owe me a favor."
"I hate you too. And we'll call it even since I covered for you this morning when you were late."
Abby stands up, grabs her jacket and purse and looks at Carter, who is putting on his lab coat. "You been working nights? I haven't seen you in a few weeks."
"I've been working half-shifts."
"Now I hate you," Susan chimes in as she pours some coffee.
"How'd you manage that one?"
"Weaver let me. My mom's been in town."
Abby looks intrigued, she knows that under normal circumstances, Carter would want to work doubles when his mother was in town. "Just visiting?"
"No, actually, she's been helping me move."
Susan sits down at the table. "You're moving out of the mansion?"
"Yeah, it's kinda big for just me…"
Abby suddenly wishes Susan would leave the room. She knows there is something Carter is not saying, but she doesn't want to question him in front of Susan. Susan notices Abby looking at her and quickly stands up. "Shoot, I just remembered I need to check on a patient, I'll catch you guys later."
Abby rolls her eyes at Susan's failed attempt at subtlety. She stands up and walks over to Carter. "Is everything okay?"
He nods his head and smiles a genuine smile. "Yeah, everything is going well."
She gives him a quick nod with her head, not totally convinced. "How are things with your mom?"
"Surprisingly good. I think she is feeling kind of sorry for me right now," he replies as he reaches into his locker for his stethoscope. Abby uses this opportunity to examine his profile a bit closer. He looks better than she has seen him in a long time. The bags under his eyes have diminished and the creases in his forehead are not quite as deep. He still does not look like the John Carter she became such good friends with four years ago, but he also does not look like the John Carter that visited her in her apartment a few weeks earlier. She wonders if this change is the result of his move or the presence of his mother.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Abby says as she slips on her coat.
"Uh-huh. Unless you want to come over for dinner tonight. My mom is meeting some old friends, and I'd love for you to see my house…"
"I don't know Carter. That might not be the best idea."
"Just dinner. And I promise I'll keep a respectable distance at all times."
Abby begins to say no, but as she makes eye contact with Carter, she ignores her better judgment, and she finds herself accepting his invitation.
~
Abby walks down the street of well-kept row houses looking for number 3005. The nerves in her stomach are making her wish that she had rejected Carter's offer, but there is also a part of her that is looking forward to spending an evening with her friend. At least she hopes she can call Carter her friend. They had kept a safe distance from one another since the incident in her apartment, but now that the awkwardness seems to have dissipated she misses his company. After all, he has been a major figure in her life for the past four years, and she knows that she doesn't want to give that up completely. When she reaches his house, she takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and rings the bell. Carter quickly answers.
"Hi, come on in."
Abby walks inside and looks around. It is a lovely home, and it feels more like Carter than the mansion ever did. He leads her into the living room where she sits down.
"So I've got to ask, what really prompted this move?"
Carter sighs as he sits down. "Pretty much what I said before. The mansion was Gamma's house. Always was, even when I lived there growing up. I don't know. There are just so many memories there, I felt like I was living in a time warp. And then the foundation kept calling me and, between that and being reminded of Gamma every second I was home, I was going nuts. I just thought if I found a place of my own it would make dealing with all this family stuff a little easier."
"Is it working?"
"Kind of. I guess I'm starting to realize that I need to find a way to make everything being a Carter means a healthy part of my life."
"That sounds like something a very well adjusted person would say," Abby replies, smiling.
"Well, it's much easier to say it than to live it."
"How's your mom?"
"She's good. I think me going to Africa for six months and then everything that happened with Kem kind of freaked her out a bit, so she's been going out of her way to be nice to me."
"Really?"
"Really. Actually, now I'm the one who's freaked out."
Abby laughs out loud. "Yeah, it's strange when your family suddenly loses its dysfunction."
"Well, I wouldn't go that far." A beeping noise interrupts Carter. "Dinner's ready, you hungry?"
Abby nods her head and joins him in the kitchen.
*****************************************************************
Dinner is filled with casual conversation mostly focused around work, and is peppered with periods of comfortable silences. After dessert, Carter offers Abby some coffee, but she instead decides to leave. "I have to work in the morning," she explains.
Carter gets her coat and helps her put it on. "I'm glad you came over. I've missed hanging out."
He watches as she shifts uncomfortably, staring at the floor. "Me too."
"Well then we'll have to do it again soon."
Abby nods, and Carter can tell she wants to say something else. He has a feeling he doesn't want to hear what she has to say, so he quickly adds, "Maybe next time Susan can come too."
This seems to relax her a bit, and she looks up and smiles.
"Yeah, that would be fun."
He opens the door for her, and she pauses before stepping out. "Things are getting better for you, right?" She phrases it as a question, but he realizes she knows it to be a fact.
"Yeah, things are getting better."
She smiles again, and makes her exit.
He closes the door, resting against it, and lets out a satisfied sigh.
Things are getting better.
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Mucho thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!
Wrote this one on cold medicine…. Hope it makes sense!
Please review!