DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me. If they did, Eric would not have gotten sick, Carter would not have gone to Africa, and there would be Carby babies all over the ER by now.
CATEGORY: Carby Angst
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None if you've seen all of Season 10.
SUMMARY: Carter, Abby, and the roller coaster of angst, drama and romance that is their relationship.
Chapter Seven
It has been over a week since Carter has seen Abby. True to her word, she did have a night shift the evening after their encounter at the clinic. In fact, she had been on night shift for eight days now. And of course, because they were known for their impeccable timing, Carter had been on days. This made the avoidance process much easier, and while Carter was grateful for that at first, he is now incredibly frustrated because he wants to know exactly where things stand between them.
And he misses her.
He is trying hard not to, but he can't get the image and feel of her out of his mind. He finds himself zoning out when patients are speaking to him, and he's gotten more than a few evil glances from his co-workers as he stares blankly from behind the admit desk while they work diligently around him. He considers waiting around after his shift; it really wouldn't be that difficult to run into Abby and take a few minutes to talk. But the pessimistic side of him would rather live in a limbo where he still has a chance at happiness with Abby than force a conversation where she tells him it was all a mistake. This is why he leaves as soon as his shift is over, and why he is now sitting in his kitchen, alone, waiting for the beep of the microwave to tell him his dinner is ready.
Instead, it is the ring of the doorbell he hears.
Carter walks to the door and is beyond shock when he sees Abby, dressed in jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt, her hair dancing circles around her face as the wind blows.
"Hi," she says to her feet.
"Hi," Carter replies to his own.
Abby looks up, and begins to fidget with her hands. "I'm sorry to just drop by like this, I should have called first..."
"Come in, I was just waiting for my dinner to cook."
Abby relaxes a bit and gives him a small smile. "TV dinner?"
"You know me too well" Carter moves aside so that Abby can enter his house. They walk into the living room where Carter sits in the armchair. Abby is perched on the edge of the sofa and looks as if she's preparing for a quick getaway if necessary.
"Do you have to work tonight?" Carter inquires.
Abby shakes her head. "No, first night off in eight days. I'm back on days tomorrow."
Carter nods in response. They sit quietly for a few minutes when the beep from the microwave breaks the silence and they both jump, startled.
"Your dinner's ready."
Carter looks at Abby. "I'm not so hungry anymore."
Abby sighs and looks down at her hands. "Look, about the other week... I'm... I just..."
"You're just what Abby?"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not."
Abby looks up from her hands and sees Carter looking directly at her. She opens her mouth to respond but he immediately cuts her off.
"I know you're probably thinking it was all a mistake or that I'm sorry it happened, but the truth is," he stands and moves over so that he is sitting next to her on the sofa, "that was the happiest I've been in a long time."
He looks at her profile and catches a faint glimpse of a tear in her eye. However, when she speaks, her voice is as strong and clear as ever.
"I don't want to be your second choice."
Carter takes her shaking hands and turns her body so she is facing him. "You could never be second choice."
"I don't want to make the same mistakes again."
"We won't."
Abby removes her hands from his and stands up. He is afraid she is going to leave but she instead walks over to the window and looks out at the street.
"I meant to come by the day after, but I didn't think I could deal with all of this until I found out if Eric was okay."
Carter cringes as he realizes he never even asked about Eric.
"But then one day turned into two, two to three, and now, eight days later, he still hasn't turned up, and we still haven't dealt with any of this."
Carter silently continues to stare at her back as she looks out the window, not sure where this is headed. She raises a hand to her face, and when she turns around, Carter sees that is was to wipe away a stray tear that had forced its way out of her eye.
"I don't want to put my life on hold anymore, but damn-it, sometimes its just too scary to hope too much."
Her voice breaks on the last few words, and Carter uses every bit of willpower he can muster to stop himself from walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her.
"What are you scared to hope for?"
Abby looks up, then off to the side, seemingly anywhere but his face.
"You. And me. Us."
Carter takes a deep breath. He had been preparing himself for this conversation for the past eight days, but now that he is here in the moment, he has forgotten everything he was going to say. "I know things ended badly last time around, but I think we both learned from that. So much happened that year, your brother, my grandmother, and well, we just got so wrapped up in ourselves that a relationship was just too much for us to handle. But Abby, I never stopped loving you. Even when I was in Africa, when I was with Kem, I loved you. I could never have admitted it to myself, but the truth was I did. And I still do."
"But is that enough?"
"It's a start."
The tears are now freely falling down Abby's face, and a few have entered Carter's eyes as well. "I don't want to hurt you again. And I don't want to get hurt."
Carter finally gives into himself and walks over to Abby and pulls her close to him. He is surprised when she lets her body fall into his and when he feels her hands clinging to his shirt as if she is afraid of what may happen if she lets go.
"Life is full of risks Abby. Sometimes you have to take one in order to be happy."
Abby looks up at him with a strange look on her face. "You're not the first person to tell me that."
She pulls herself away from Carter and reclaims her seat on the sofa. When she came to Carter's, it was to tell him that it was all a mistake, and that they shouldn't get back together. She had thought about it for days, and it seemed like the rational thing to do. Last time had ended horribly with both of them being hurt so badly. But now, here she is at Carter's house, and she can't seem to find the strength within herself to tell him she didn't want this; that she didn't want him.
She thinks about what Carter said about taking risks. Her mother had spoken similar words to her almost four years earlier. She hadn't taken her mother's advice, and she ended up being miserable. Until she entered a relationship with Carter. He was the only bright spot of her troubled life.
And then she drove him away. Afterwards she did take a risk by going back to medical school. She opened up to her friends more. She didn't let obstacles get in her way or bring her down.
But most importantly, she finally started to believe not only that she could be happy, but that she deserved to be happy.
Once she was able to believe that, she found that true happiness was not the unobtainable goal she had once thought it was. And maybe that was the most critical variable that had changed since she broke up with Carter. She would not be entering this relationship as a defeated, struggling person, but as a strong, fulfilled person. This relationship would no longer be about needing Carter to survive. Instead, it would be about sharing her life with him.
She reaches for Carter's hand and gently pulls him onto the sofa next to her. She gives it a gently squeeze as she softly says,
"I never stopped either."
"What?" Carter asks, puzzled.
"I never stopped loving you either."
Carter's mouth breaks into a grin.
"And maybe... maybe we're both ready now."
Carter cups her face in his hand, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. He looks at her for a moment and then leans in to kiss her. Just before his lips meet her own, he whispers,
"I won't let go this time."
"I won't push you away," she whispers back.
She kisses him. She kisses with the passion of a person who knows what it means to lose someone. She kisses him with the passion of someone who knows how incredibly blessed she is to have a second chance.
And as their kisses become more intense and they make their way towards the bedroom she realizes something.
The only thing she feels is happiness.
Afterwards, they lay together on Carter's bed, the covers a tangled mess on the floor. Carter is laying on him back, gently stroking Abby's hair as she lies curled up next to him. He can't believe how incredibly good it feels to have her body pressed up against his own. He notices her breathing has slowed and he wonders if she has drifted off to sleep.
"You awake?"
"No," is her mumbled reply.
"Are you hungry?"
This seems to get her attention and she turns her head so she is facing him. "Not if you're offering me a TV dinner."
He chuckles softly. "Actually, I thought maybe we could go out. You know burgers, fries, maybe some pie?"
"Now that sounds good. I haven't had pie in forever. Not since Doc's burned down."
Carter thinks for a moment. "You know, I don't think I've had any since then either. But there's a place around the corner that looks pretty good, we could try there."
"Maybe we could get some coffee too?"
Carter rolls onto his side so that he is facing Abby. He looks at her for a moment and fights back a few tears as he realizes how incredibly lucky he is to have her in his life again.
His confidant.
His lover.
And his best friend.
"Coffee and pie sounds perfect."
Author's Note: I apologize for the massive delay in writing this. I had some computer problems and then real-life took over. Anyways, I 'm feeling a bit rusty so I hope the ending was worth the wait.
Also, I lifted a few lines from various episodes, but I'm sure you already noticed that. Please let me know what you think, both about the chapter and the story. Thanks!