[A/N]: Hmm, the eighth chapter... that means only one more to go. I would just like to say that with inconsistent character reactions, OOC-ness, and one hell of a horrible plot, I am very surprised that this fic managed to garner such a gathering of fans. Needless to say, I am also grateful and I wish you all lots of Pocky. Extra Pocky for those who review! Pocky may or may not actually exist.
I had to move; I knew it. I had to leave this dingy little motel and relocate to a new site, preferably one much farther away. This one was rather risqué in its relative closeness to Winner's mansion, being only twenty to thirty miles distant. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look any of them in the eye again: I wanted to be on the other side of space.
But to do that, I first had to move. From the bathtub, that is, where I was still situated after several hours of self-punishment, post-self-punishment revelry, and several bouts of unconsciousness. Moving proved to be... a semi-difficult task, one that would be accomplished of course, and hopefully as quickly as possible. This location was too insecure.
Every nerve of mine seemed to be afire. It was incredible and... exhilarating almost. To know what I had done to myself. And it hurt. A lot. But I deserved it. I deserved every nerve that lay afire beneath my parched and reddened skin.
It never occurred to me that I did not have to blame myself for everything.
"How do you feel about Wufei?"
Heero glanced quickly at Duo, and then focused his eyes back on the road. Neither of them had moved much in the last hour and had not spoken at all. The noise surprised him and the question even more so.
"I... don't know." His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. They had been driving for several hours now, hunting for any trace of the missing pilot. Duo had spent most of the time staring out the window. A speed limit sign zipped past them. Fifty-five miles per hour. He took his foot off the gas. Fifty-five miles was too slow. "How do you feel about him?" He had an inkling that this was really what his boyfriend was getting at.
"I'm not sure. At first, I just wanted to make him a little less lonely until he found someone for himself."
Heero nodded. That was what he had been hoping for as well.
"But then I started thinking and I came to the conclusion that there really wasn't anyone out there for him that could understand him, could understand what he's been through, what we've all been through."
"Hai," he prompted. Despite his love of communication, Duo sometimes needed to be shoved a little in the right direction to let his true feelings out.
"Not even Sally, and God knows where she is now."
"Somewhere in the south of China. That's where her last letter was from."
"Right. It's like how I could never love, really love, anyone but one of the four of you, because no one else could even begin to understand how my mind works and what I need and so on."
"Yes, I am the same." He understood what Duo was saying perfectly. It would have been impossible to let an outsider in.
"Q and T feel like this too, and I would imagine so for Wuffers as well. But Wufei doesn't have anybody outside of us, not even friends. You have Relena, I've got Hilde and Howard and his crew, Trowa's got Catherine and the circus, and Quatre's got all of his twenty-eight sisters and all forty Maganacs. But all Wufei has is us, and none of us are even there for him when he needs somebody."
"We have—"
"No, Heero, we haven't. He never looks like anything is bothering him, but he's just as good an actor as I am. Maybe even better. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he doesn't tell us anything because we've never given him a chance to open up? We always get absorbed in each other. Have you noticed that? Q and T do it too. Do you know how many times we've left him alone in the house? With no one there to make sure he was doing alright? Do you remember the last time you asked him how he was? I don't. He's always just kind of been around. I kind of always thought he would be."
"He's hurting. He's lonely. He needs someone. These are things I know," Heero added. "Before he and I talked, I would never have guessed these things. There was always something off about him, but I thought it was just who he was because he had been like that since I met him." He took his foot off the gas again. He was nearing seventy miles an hour. Fifty-five, he reminded himself, fifty-five. Fifty-five was too slow.
"Heero, then I stopped thinking and started feeling. And I found that I didn't want him to be lonely anymore, but I also didn't want him with anyone else. I want him with us. It's not love... but I think it could be in the future."
Heero didn't say anything, just kept his eyes on the road. He took his foot off the gas pedal again. He didn't know how it kept getting there. Fifty-five miles per hour.
"...Heero?"
He spared his boyfriend another glance. "I think... that I feel that way too."
Ta da! Okay, it's a little short. But at least it's here! After five (six?) months! Only one more chapter after this and that might be long because I am def not making a tenth chapter. Everything is going to be finished! Yay! Now you guys can't complain that I don't put out anymore!