Trapped
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... If anyone thinks otherwise, they have major problems
Summary:
Sirius Black has fallen through the veil
Trapped between two worlds, he must decide whether to join the love of his life again or return to the living world and help in the battle against Voldemort
What will he decide?
And what will be the consequences?
Authors Note: I hope you like this. Please review once you're done. It would be much appreciated. Flames are accepted as long as they are constructive. Enjoy.
Told from Sirius' P.O.V.
I'm stuck between two worlds
The living and the dead
I don't know how
I don't know why
I don't even know how I know this
All I remember is falling through the veil
It kind of felt like floating through nothingness
Like nothing I'd ever experienced before
It was surreal
I remember dueling with Bellatrix, remembering that it was her who killed the love of my life
Then she hit me and I fell
Now I am stuck here
I am able to walk between the worlds but no-one knows I'm here
I can see her
She's just as beautiful as ever
I would give anything just to hold her in my arms once more
To feel her soft sweet lips upon mine
To be with her again...
Forever
I don't know how I know this but I just do
In 3 days time, it will be the samhain
I can go to one of the worlds to stay there
I can see her once more
And James and Lily
I can apologize for everything
I can finally be happy again
I don't know what to do
I want to be with her so badly
But then I walk among the living world
I see everyone once more
They're all mourning for me
I don't know what to do
I don't know where to go
I have only 2 days left to decide
What on earth am I going to do?
Remus has locked himself in his house and won't speak to anyone
Harry won't stop crying and is wasting away to nothingness
Everyone else is crying too
I went back to the Department Of Mysteries today
I don't know why
I just needed to be back where it happened
After that, I went and watched as she lay asleep
Silky hair spread across the pillow
I long to be there with her
To feel her long slender fingers wrapped tightly around my waist
Just like they were every time I took her out on my broom
I long to see her eyes light up again
Just as they did whenever I saw her
Except for one time...
When Bellatrix came into our house
When she came at her, wand raised
And said the two words that echoed through my head and haunted me for the rest of my life.....
Avada Kedavra
Today is the last day I have to decide
I know I must go tomorrow
I am almost certain that I will go to be with her again
I cannot stand to live without her
The past 16 years of my life have been agony
Knowing that I had given up an opportunity to be with her again...
I just couldn't do that
I couldn't survive...
I have made my decision
I'm going to be with her once more
I'm going to be happy again
It is today
Tonight I can leave here
I don't know what to do anymore
While I was in the living world for the last time, I came across a group of Death Eaters
They were talking about Voldemort's next attack
They said he was going to attack Hogwarts
He wants Harry dead
He's not going to rest until Harry is out of the way
If I go back now, I can warn them
But then I will have to be apart from her again
Who knows, If I go back, I may never see her again
I may not get the chance to go there
I may be miserable for the rest of my life
What am I going to do?
I've made up my mind
I have to go back
I have to warn them
I have to help them fight
I have to do what is right...
But who is it right for?And what about her?
Now is the time
I have to go one way or the other
I have to go and help fight
If only I could have one last goodbye...
The battle is over
Voldemort has been defeated
I want to go
I want to leave
I want this to be over so I can join her again
But I can't
And I don't no why
I spoke to Remus today
He told me to follow my heart and do what's right by me for once
Instead of what's right by everyone else
But I don't know how
It's like I'm trapped here now
I'm stuck in a nightmare with no way out
And that's the only thing I want
I knew I should never have come back
I knew it
Now I might never see her again...
I had a dream about her last night
She looked so scared
So afraid
Like she felt nothing could save her
And perhaps nothing can
I don't know what's happening
I don't know where I am
I feel small...
Empty
Alone
I can't do it
I don't know how
I'm lost
Confused
And still alone
Always alone
Perhaps it was never meant to be
Perhaps it's because she doesn't want me there
Perhaps none of them do
They all think I betrayed them
It's all my fault
Maybe she never truly loved me
No-one else ever did
My own family disowned me
And my best friend died because of me
I've never felt so afraid as I do now
Remus found me
He says he knows how I feel
But how can he
How can anyone
Nobody could ever feel as horrible as I do now
I know I have to die to get to her
But what if it doesn't work
And then I have no way out
I'll be trapped
In a black oblivion
With no possible way of escape
Ever
Remus and I sat in silence last night
Thinking
Remembering
Wishing
Dreaming
Every time I even think about her now I can feel the tears forming in my eyes
I don't want to cry
Haven't I already done that too much for one lifetime?
Haven't I suffered enough?
I want this all to end
I need it to be over
I need to let go
I couldn't stop the tears tonight
I realised this morning it was the day she died
Remus tried to comfort me, but nothing can
Nothing can bring her back
Nothing can release me from this
Nothing.
I cried myself to sleep
Remus sat with me
He's always been the quiet, smart, clever one
But I never realised until now, just how lucky I was to have a friend like him
Remus gave me something today
A scrapbook
Hers
Full of photos
Messages
Anything and everything that meant something to her
One thing in particular caught my eye...
An envelope with my name on it
I don't know if I can bring myself to open it
What if it proves that she hated me all along
I couldn't survive knowing the only person I had ever truly loved didn't feel the same
My life is already about as screwed up as it could possibly be
This is the only thing which could make it worse
Sirius,
I don't know why but I fear tonight will be my last
Please, don't make the rest of your life miserable because I'm no longer there
I will never forget you Sirius and I hope you never forget me
I have always loved you and I always will
I'll be watching you Sirius
I'll be waiting for you
You and me
Forever
She loved me
She really truly loved me
Remus says if I want to be with her, I must wait till the crescent moon
He says he will come with me if I want
I don't know if I'll let him
I've already put him through enough pain
Do I really need to make it worse?
I have three days left
Only three more days till I see her again
Three more days till she's mine
The two of us
Together
Forever
I now know why Remus wants to come with me
He wants to do the same as me
To be free of this world
To be with the people who he loves
The people who love him
Where he belongs
Where we both belong
It's tonight
I never thought it would be this nerve-racking
All the times I thought about ending my life
They never felt this awful
I'm still scared
Scared of dying
Scared of moving on
Scared of what I might find
Scared of seeing her again
Scared of what I might do
Scared of what I might say
Just plain terrified
We've decided to go to the lake at Hogwarts
It was always one of the places we spent most of our time at when we were there
I always heard that drowning was a fairly pain-free way to die.....
My hands are shaking
The tears running down my face are making my vision blurry
I have to.....
I need air...
I can't breathe...
I'm dying and nobody knows I'm here
This feels so strange
So unusual
Like being completely empty inside
As if I don't even exist
And maybe I don't
I've left the living world but I'm still not with the dead
So perhaps I don't exist
I can see her
Reaching out to me
As if she's glowing
As if she's the only other thing that exists
Her long slender fingers brush against mine
My heart skips a beat as she pulls me towards her
I've found her
She's mine again
Together
Always
Forever