Chapter 1: Losing and Getting
"Ni yau chi na li? Wei! NI YAU CHI NA LI?"
He ignored the question and kept walking, away from all of them. He felt so fueled up, like he's going to explode. Clenching his jaw, he tried to control the anger dwelled up inside him.
The incident 10 minutes ago kept on appearing like a replay in his mind, again and again. He shook his head, trying to push the image away. Never had he ever felt like this. He had always been able to keep his feelings to himself, but, today he lost it.
Seeing him kissing her, holding her by the waist, not letting go even for a split second, and whispered to her ear had made him jealous, really green- eyed with envy. Why her? Why him? The same question lingered through his mind. He didn't have the answer.
"What the heck is wrong with him? I still haven't get to the best part yet. Always with his swing moods. Oh well! Here's the good news..Ah Si's coming back to Taiwan next week! He messaged me last night. Man, it has been 3 years since we last saw him. F4's back in the game! Yeah!!" Xi Men blurted out excitedly.
"Are you sure? Really? Oh yeah! Way to go Ah Si!" exclaimed Mei Xuo.
He went to the rooftop, the most deserted place he knew in the whole of Ying De, and sat on the railing of the roof edge. His mind was still on the questions. He adored her, liked her, and even loved her since he was 6 years old! How can she not see it? Didn't she's the only one able to read him? To understand him?
Ever since she came back from France last month, he had been in such a good mood. But, last 2 days has changed it all. Teng Tang Jing, the girl he is in love with, together with Mei Zuo, his best friend, announced their new change of relationship in front of Xi Men and him at VS.
That announcement has broken his heart into pieces. It felt like it has shattered to the ground and spread out into tiny bits. He didn't know how or when it could be mend back as a whole. He was crushed! From that day onwards, he was able to control his emotion and put on a good show, being ignorant and cold as always, only, to lose it today! He tried being happy for those two important people in his life, but deep down, he was hurt. Seeing them together has hurt him more than he could have imagined.
"You better be careful, you know." A voice heard from his left side. He turned and squinted to see who it was. A small figure belonged to a girl with two long braided hair came to his view. The girl was looking straight at him, with a curious look on her face.
He noticed a book on her hand. 'She must have come here to study', he told himself. He positioned his gaze back to the scenery in front of him. The girl approached him and stands by his side.
"You're not thinking of committing suicide, are you? Because, even if you do, the height is still not enough to kill you instantly. You would probably end up on a wheelchair or becomes a vegetable. That would be worst on you and your family. Such a burden you'll put on them."
He looked back to the girl and snapped, "I'm not that stupid."
She gave out a faint smile, taken aback by his tone. "That's a relieved. Bye now, take care." Ignoring the girl, he continued his stare towards the view ahead of him.
~~
"Where could have that Lei go to? He's still not here! Have you tried calling him, Xi Men?" asked Mei Zuo.
"I already did, 18 times! I've left a message on his phone. He's probably on his way here," Xi Men explained.
"Where's Jing? Aren't you supposed to come here with her, since she's your girlfriend now? The two of you really shocked Lei and me with the announcement. When did you two start having those feelings? How come I missed it? You're really cunning, Mei Zuo," asked Xi Men, started to interrogate and get the scoop from Mei Zuo.
Taking the glass of champagne, he sniggered and took a sip. "Jing would be a little late. She has an appointment with her agent. Emm. you want to know the juicy part, eh? Well, remember the time I went to that stupid wedding arrangement at France? I finally was able to escape from those meetings on the second day. That was the same day that I bumped into Jing. At first, it was nothing. It was the same way as before, you know, whenever I'm around her. She's the big sister. But then, maybe because it was just the two of us, those feelings changed a bit. I felt something for her and, you know how I am, so I acted upon it. Who knew that she felt the same for me? The rest, well, as it is now, we're finally in a relationship. Sorry for keeping it a secret, but we had just finally agreed on going steady last week," cleared Mei Zuo.
Xi Men grabbed Mei Zuo on the shoulder and playfully punched him on the arm. "You lucky bastard! So, how was it, eh? Magnificent? Incredible?" Mei Zuo winked and grinned. "In plain words, I couldn't get enough sleep each time!" The both of them laughed heartily to that comment.
~~
"Eh! You're still here? It's already 8 at night. Why are you still here? The college has already been closed." The voice startled Lei. He turned around and focused on the person behind him. The figure move towards him slowly. It was the same girl as the one in the afternoon.
"What about you?" he asked, flatly. "Can I sit? You haven't moved since afternoon, right? You must be famished. Want to share my bread?" asked the girl, handing out half of her bread towards him. He hesitated for a moment, and then took it.
"I like to come here every mid of the month to gaze at the moon. Did you know that you could see an old man on the surface of the moon? There was once a story that I heard about the old man. A thousand years ago, it was told, that the old man is still seen standing straight and the beard is not that long either, means, that he is still young and healthy. But, now he has already became a hunchback and depended on a stick to stand. They even say that if he could no longer stand, then that would be the end of the universe. It made you feel a little spooky, right?" said the girl, while eating the half part of her bread.
"Look! There's the moon! Can you see it? He's there, on the upper right side of the moon," exclaimed the girl, pointing towards the moon.
He lifted his head towards the direction of the moon. They gaze at the moon for quite some time in silence, before the girl stood up and bid farewell. "Don't stay here to late. The guard will make his rounds later. Got to go to work now, bye."
He just sat there, static for another 15 minutes, then stood up and walked down. He felt much better then he was before. The girl has eased his pain a bit, just by accompanying him. Her high spirits and talkativeness has made him forgets his own frustration.
'I wonder who she is', he wonders. He took out his mobile phone and switched it on; wanted to call his driver to pick him up. "Tit.Tit..Tit.Tit," his phone beeped, indicating he has SMS. After reading the SMS, he sighed.
There are two SMS, one from Xi Men; reminding him of their group meeting at VS, and the other are from Jing; wanting to have a conversation with him. He has a pretty good idea what the conversation is all about. Jing must've noticed the changes in his behavior. After all, she's the one with perceptive eyes, especially when it comes to him.
He doesn't think that he's ready for it yet. Deleting all the messages, he called for his driver. "I need a really good, long, undisturbed sleep after what has happened today," he muttered.
~~
"He sat there, unmoved for 7 hours? What's wrong with him? He must've a lot in his mind. Well, it is the best place to think and run away from the entire world. But still, this would mean that I'd have to share it with him..if he comes back," she speaks out her thought, softly.
She sighed, a little disappointed. For her, the rooftop has always been her sanctuary, ever since her first day at Ying De. It was her place to be free from the burden and the responsibility that had been put upon her.
'Well, he did look troubled. I hope he had gone on home. He looked familiar, but he's not in any of my classes. Maybe he's a senior,' she says to herself.
"Shan Chai, what are you doing? The customer is still waiting for her order." She blinked, practically aware of her surroundings now.
"I'm sorry. What is it that you want? The banana mousse cake? How many? Two? Okay. Please pay at the counter." After handing the order to the customer, she sat back on the chair.
"Shan Chai, what's wrong? Are you sick? Do you want to go home? I could cover for you." Shan Chai turned to face the owner of the voice.
"No, I'm not sick, Xiao You. Sorry for making you worried. I'm just thinking of something," she said. "Is it hard for you at Ying De? You should've come and study at my college. Then it would be easier for the two of us. I'm having difficulty in adjusting as well. Not knowing anybody, trying to be friends with others, trying to get along.it is rather difficult," Xiao You sighed.
"Emm.it is hard. Luckily I have Qing He to help me blend in. You know I don't want to study there. I don't fit in with those snobby rich kids. But, as a daughter, I just can't say no to my parents. They have pulled so many strings just to ensure me studying there. Such a waste of money!" Both of them sighed.
"Oh! I met a strange guy today," said Shan Chai. Xiao You straightened up, smiling.
"A guy? Shan Chai, have interest, on a guy?" Shan Chai gave Xiao You a deadly stare. "I'm just kidding. So, what is so strange about the guy? Is he a wacko? Did he try to hurt you or something?" questioned Xiao You.
"He's not a wacko, and no, he didn't hurt me. Even if he tried, I could defend myself. He is just, weird. Sitting on the railing at the rooftop for hours, unmoved. Really quite, cold expression and totally unfriendly. But, his eyes.." Shan Chai's voice trails off.
She could see the sadness and frustration in his eyes. Feeling sorry, she added, "His eye is full of sorrow. I even felt a stab of pain in my heart just by seeing it." There was silence for awhile.
"Emm. so, is he good looking? Cute? Handsome? Or just plain okay?" Xiao You chirpily asked. Shan Chai looked over in disbelief at her friend. "I'm sorry. Lighten up, Shan Chai. Well, for someone you don't know, you do care quite a lot for this guy," said Xiao You, heading towards the kitchen.
Xiao You's last sentence hung over her mind. 'That's true. Why did I care for him? Why do I feel the need to comfort him? Why should I even bother myself with these questions?' she asked herself, disbelieved by her own thoughts.
Then, it struck her. She likes him! No! That cannot be. She shook her head, denying the idea. "I just felt sorry for him. Yeah! That must be it," she said to herself out loud.
"Ni yau chi na li? Wei! NI YAU CHI NA LI?"
He ignored the question and kept walking, away from all of them. He felt so fueled up, like he's going to explode. Clenching his jaw, he tried to control the anger dwelled up inside him.
The incident 10 minutes ago kept on appearing like a replay in his mind, again and again. He shook his head, trying to push the image away. Never had he ever felt like this. He had always been able to keep his feelings to himself, but, today he lost it.
Seeing him kissing her, holding her by the waist, not letting go even for a split second, and whispered to her ear had made him jealous, really green- eyed with envy. Why her? Why him? The same question lingered through his mind. He didn't have the answer.
"What the heck is wrong with him? I still haven't get to the best part yet. Always with his swing moods. Oh well! Here's the good news..Ah Si's coming back to Taiwan next week! He messaged me last night. Man, it has been 3 years since we last saw him. F4's back in the game! Yeah!!" Xi Men blurted out excitedly.
"Are you sure? Really? Oh yeah! Way to go Ah Si!" exclaimed Mei Xuo.
He went to the rooftop, the most deserted place he knew in the whole of Ying De, and sat on the railing of the roof edge. His mind was still on the questions. He adored her, liked her, and even loved her since he was 6 years old! How can she not see it? Didn't she's the only one able to read him? To understand him?
Ever since she came back from France last month, he had been in such a good mood. But, last 2 days has changed it all. Teng Tang Jing, the girl he is in love with, together with Mei Zuo, his best friend, announced their new change of relationship in front of Xi Men and him at VS.
That announcement has broken his heart into pieces. It felt like it has shattered to the ground and spread out into tiny bits. He didn't know how or when it could be mend back as a whole. He was crushed! From that day onwards, he was able to control his emotion and put on a good show, being ignorant and cold as always, only, to lose it today! He tried being happy for those two important people in his life, but deep down, he was hurt. Seeing them together has hurt him more than he could have imagined.
"You better be careful, you know." A voice heard from his left side. He turned and squinted to see who it was. A small figure belonged to a girl with two long braided hair came to his view. The girl was looking straight at him, with a curious look on her face.
He noticed a book on her hand. 'She must have come here to study', he told himself. He positioned his gaze back to the scenery in front of him. The girl approached him and stands by his side.
"You're not thinking of committing suicide, are you? Because, even if you do, the height is still not enough to kill you instantly. You would probably end up on a wheelchair or becomes a vegetable. That would be worst on you and your family. Such a burden you'll put on them."
He looked back to the girl and snapped, "I'm not that stupid."
She gave out a faint smile, taken aback by his tone. "That's a relieved. Bye now, take care." Ignoring the girl, he continued his stare towards the view ahead of him.
~~
"Where could have that Lei go to? He's still not here! Have you tried calling him, Xi Men?" asked Mei Zuo.
"I already did, 18 times! I've left a message on his phone. He's probably on his way here," Xi Men explained.
"Where's Jing? Aren't you supposed to come here with her, since she's your girlfriend now? The two of you really shocked Lei and me with the announcement. When did you two start having those feelings? How come I missed it? You're really cunning, Mei Zuo," asked Xi Men, started to interrogate and get the scoop from Mei Zuo.
Taking the glass of champagne, he sniggered and took a sip. "Jing would be a little late. She has an appointment with her agent. Emm. you want to know the juicy part, eh? Well, remember the time I went to that stupid wedding arrangement at France? I finally was able to escape from those meetings on the second day. That was the same day that I bumped into Jing. At first, it was nothing. It was the same way as before, you know, whenever I'm around her. She's the big sister. But then, maybe because it was just the two of us, those feelings changed a bit. I felt something for her and, you know how I am, so I acted upon it. Who knew that she felt the same for me? The rest, well, as it is now, we're finally in a relationship. Sorry for keeping it a secret, but we had just finally agreed on going steady last week," cleared Mei Zuo.
Xi Men grabbed Mei Zuo on the shoulder and playfully punched him on the arm. "You lucky bastard! So, how was it, eh? Magnificent? Incredible?" Mei Zuo winked and grinned. "In plain words, I couldn't get enough sleep each time!" The both of them laughed heartily to that comment.
~~
"Eh! You're still here? It's already 8 at night. Why are you still here? The college has already been closed." The voice startled Lei. He turned around and focused on the person behind him. The figure move towards him slowly. It was the same girl as the one in the afternoon.
"What about you?" he asked, flatly. "Can I sit? You haven't moved since afternoon, right? You must be famished. Want to share my bread?" asked the girl, handing out half of her bread towards him. He hesitated for a moment, and then took it.
"I like to come here every mid of the month to gaze at the moon. Did you know that you could see an old man on the surface of the moon? There was once a story that I heard about the old man. A thousand years ago, it was told, that the old man is still seen standing straight and the beard is not that long either, means, that he is still young and healthy. But, now he has already became a hunchback and depended on a stick to stand. They even say that if he could no longer stand, then that would be the end of the universe. It made you feel a little spooky, right?" said the girl, while eating the half part of her bread.
"Look! There's the moon! Can you see it? He's there, on the upper right side of the moon," exclaimed the girl, pointing towards the moon.
He lifted his head towards the direction of the moon. They gaze at the moon for quite some time in silence, before the girl stood up and bid farewell. "Don't stay here to late. The guard will make his rounds later. Got to go to work now, bye."
He just sat there, static for another 15 minutes, then stood up and walked down. He felt much better then he was before. The girl has eased his pain a bit, just by accompanying him. Her high spirits and talkativeness has made him forgets his own frustration.
'I wonder who she is', he wonders. He took out his mobile phone and switched it on; wanted to call his driver to pick him up. "Tit.Tit..Tit.Tit," his phone beeped, indicating he has SMS. After reading the SMS, he sighed.
There are two SMS, one from Xi Men; reminding him of their group meeting at VS, and the other are from Jing; wanting to have a conversation with him. He has a pretty good idea what the conversation is all about. Jing must've noticed the changes in his behavior. After all, she's the one with perceptive eyes, especially when it comes to him.
He doesn't think that he's ready for it yet. Deleting all the messages, he called for his driver. "I need a really good, long, undisturbed sleep after what has happened today," he muttered.
~~
"He sat there, unmoved for 7 hours? What's wrong with him? He must've a lot in his mind. Well, it is the best place to think and run away from the entire world. But still, this would mean that I'd have to share it with him..if he comes back," she speaks out her thought, softly.
She sighed, a little disappointed. For her, the rooftop has always been her sanctuary, ever since her first day at Ying De. It was her place to be free from the burden and the responsibility that had been put upon her.
'Well, he did look troubled. I hope he had gone on home. He looked familiar, but he's not in any of my classes. Maybe he's a senior,' she says to herself.
"Shan Chai, what are you doing? The customer is still waiting for her order." She blinked, practically aware of her surroundings now.
"I'm sorry. What is it that you want? The banana mousse cake? How many? Two? Okay. Please pay at the counter." After handing the order to the customer, she sat back on the chair.
"Shan Chai, what's wrong? Are you sick? Do you want to go home? I could cover for you." Shan Chai turned to face the owner of the voice.
"No, I'm not sick, Xiao You. Sorry for making you worried. I'm just thinking of something," she said. "Is it hard for you at Ying De? You should've come and study at my college. Then it would be easier for the two of us. I'm having difficulty in adjusting as well. Not knowing anybody, trying to be friends with others, trying to get along.it is rather difficult," Xiao You sighed.
"Emm.it is hard. Luckily I have Qing He to help me blend in. You know I don't want to study there. I don't fit in with those snobby rich kids. But, as a daughter, I just can't say no to my parents. They have pulled so many strings just to ensure me studying there. Such a waste of money!" Both of them sighed.
"Oh! I met a strange guy today," said Shan Chai. Xiao You straightened up, smiling.
"A guy? Shan Chai, have interest, on a guy?" Shan Chai gave Xiao You a deadly stare. "I'm just kidding. So, what is so strange about the guy? Is he a wacko? Did he try to hurt you or something?" questioned Xiao You.
"He's not a wacko, and no, he didn't hurt me. Even if he tried, I could defend myself. He is just, weird. Sitting on the railing at the rooftop for hours, unmoved. Really quite, cold expression and totally unfriendly. But, his eyes.." Shan Chai's voice trails off.
She could see the sadness and frustration in his eyes. Feeling sorry, she added, "His eye is full of sorrow. I even felt a stab of pain in my heart just by seeing it." There was silence for awhile.
"Emm. so, is he good looking? Cute? Handsome? Or just plain okay?" Xiao You chirpily asked. Shan Chai looked over in disbelief at her friend. "I'm sorry. Lighten up, Shan Chai. Well, for someone you don't know, you do care quite a lot for this guy," said Xiao You, heading towards the kitchen.
Xiao You's last sentence hung over her mind. 'That's true. Why did I care for him? Why do I feel the need to comfort him? Why should I even bother myself with these questions?' she asked herself, disbelieved by her own thoughts.
Then, it struck her. She likes him! No! That cannot be. She shook her head, denying the idea. "I just felt sorry for him. Yeah! That must be it," she said to herself out loud.