Chapter 5: Forgiveness
He sat on the railing of the rooftop with his legs fell loosely at the edge and his head looked up to the clear blue sky. It has been two days after the unexplained episode with Shan Chai's sudden explode. He has been thinking and reanalyzes the whole situation again and again, but no matter how many times, he still failed to come up with the likely reason. He sighed, finally giving up.
For the past couple of days, Shan Chai has stop coming up to the rooftop on her free time between classes and also avoiding him whenever she saw him around. This situation really disturbed him and he felt an emptiness starting to form within him. Still looking up to the sky, groups of cumulus clouds floating calmly above him, forming funny forms and some with pencils of rays coming through it still couldn't pacify his troubled heart and mind. Closing his eyes, he recalled back the incident.
It started when Shan Chai shout out Ah Si's name, he knows for sure that Ah Si will get a scold from her, especially with the look on her furious face and the bouquet of roses clutched at her hand, but he has no idea of the event that comes up after that. When she hit Ah Si with the flowers and screamed to his face, he was shocked. He has never seen her that mad and full of anger before. He was even more shocked and startled the moment she glared at him when she finished her last warning words; "ALL.OF.YOU!".
The glare felt as if she has indicated that she was specifically directed it to him. But why? What has he done to deserve the shut off like that? In such a slight time frame, just exactly after their branch? When he dropped her off at the college, she doesn't seem to be upset at all! So what happened during the intermission between that particular time, to the conflict, that had changed her mood suddenly?
Just then, he realized something. Qing He. He might be able to shown some light through this darkness. Without wasting more time, he quickly jumped of from the railing and walked out of the rooftop.
Using the F4 influence for the first time in his life, he was able to locate Qing He in 10 minutes time. "I need to talk to you," he whispered once he stood beside Qing He at the second floor stairs. The shocked Qing He, nodded vigorously, not a single sound was able to come out from his throat. "Follow me."
Standing in front of the lake, he faced Qing He who stood behind him with his mouth opened, still shocked by the sudden approached from one of the F4. It was funny to see him like that but he has something more important to settle.
"Did you saw Shan Chai two days ago at about noon?" he asked directly.
"Ye...yes. I wanted to know whether the rumors of her going out with.with you were true. But she just looked blurred and stunned by the question, like she has no idea who you were or even what F4 was. So I showed to her who the famous F4 were. Instead of explaining to me about the rumors, she looked really shocked and ran. Well, to think about it, she looked more upset than shock. After that, I heard rumors that she scolded the F4. I asked about it but she just dismissed me and warned me not to mentioned F4 in front of her again. Were the rumors true Mr. Hua Zhe Lei? Not that I want to intrude or anything, or invade your privacy but she's my best friend and furthermore, I really admire and adore F4. All of you are really famous and cool. May I join in? Maybe I could get to hang out with all of you? Mr. Hua Zhe Lei? Excuse me, Mr. Hua Zhe Lei. Hello?"
He stopped listening to Qing He's blabbers when he finally acknowledged the reasons behind the incident. 'She didn't know I was a part of F4. So that is the reason she made the remarks towards Ah Si and me back then. She must have thought I was planning to toy her around like Ah Si. Oh! Shan Chai. How you have wronged. I need to see her and explained. Now, how do I make her to see me without giving her the chance to runaway?' After awhile he smiled. He had the answer. Looking back at the puzzled Qing He, he smiled.
"Thank you for your help. And, don't call me Mr.," he said as he walks away.
"Wait! Mr. . Hua Zhe Lei, how about it? Can I?"
He just smiled and walked on. He has to hurry. His heart fluttered happily. He now has a way to clear the muddy situation he has been for the past two days.
~~
"So, Ah Si, what are your plans now? Until now, not one of your plans worked, instead it backfired. Time is ticking away you know," asked Xi Men while drinking coffee by the poolside at Ah Si's mansion.
Ah Si sat opposite of Xi Men glumly, staring straight at his cup. Sighing, he looked up to Xi Men. "I have no idea wooing a girl would be this difficult."
"That is no particular girl, Ah Si. She is very weird and different! All my life as a playboy, I have never seen any other girl like her. She is one tough cookie." Xi Men shook his head.
"Eh! Where is Mei Zhuo?" asked Ah Si. "He's fetching Jing from the studio. Never knew he could be this caring."
"Jing's staying here for good? She finished her degree, right?" Xi Men nodded. "Yup! But, most probably she's going back to further her studies again. When that time comes, I would have to hang out with you then, since Mei Zhuo would probably be too busy making trips to France frequently."
"I'm happy for them. I just hope Mei Zhuo would truly change this time and be serious of this relationship. It would break my heart to punch him on the face if he didn't," said Ah Si, smiling, followed by Xi Men.
"Punch whose face? I want to join too," said Mei Zhuo upon entering the room with Jing by his side. "Yours!" blurt out Xi Men and Ah Si at the same time. "What? Why me? What did I do?" Mei Zhuo frowned.
"They are just teasing you, dear," smiled Jing. Mei Zhuo looked at Jing's face and smiled. Taking her hand, he ushered her to the seat between Xi Men and his. "Okay now, I just had this idea on how to make amend with that freaky girl, Ah Si," announced Mei Zhuo after he sat down.
"Well? What is it?" asked Ah Si anxiously. "Why don't we let Jing befriends with her so that she could clear things up?"
"Actually, from what I have heard from Mei Zhuo, I really would like to know her myself, not because I want to help you win the bet Ah Si, which I think is really childish. I can't believe Mei Zhuo is involved in this too," cut in Jing. Mei Zhuo smirked to her remarks. Even Xi Men sneered. Ah Si sat up and smiled. "Whatever is your reason, I don't mind Jing. Just find out for me what the real problem is and help me cool her down. I can't win if I can't even have a decent conversation with her." Jing nodded in agreement.
"So, where is Lei?" asked Jing. "He's at home. He said he has some important business to attend to. I have no idea what. He has been really secretive nowadays," explained Xi Men. "He has always been like that all this time but now, he is getting harder to cope with. Always missing," agreed Mei Zhuo. Jing nodded, agreeing with the statement. There was silence for a second. "Getting to know her would be on my own turf. None of you are allowed to interfere, okay. Just wait for the result. Now, tell me what you know about her," planned Jing.
~~
After the last class, she quickly headed to the cake house where she works, not stopping by the house first. She was supposed to fill in for Xiao You that evening and surely, she was waiting for her arrival now. Looking at her watch, she stepped forward even faster. She was already 10 minutes late.
"Xiao You, sorry. I left as soon as the class was dismissed but I'm still late. Very-very sorry," apologized Shan Chai when she reached the cake house. Xiao You smiled and shook her head. "It's okay. I still have some time left. The club meeting starts at two. I still have half an hour more to go. Well, I have to go now. Bye Shan Chai!" She was relieved she didn't cause any trouble for Xiao You. Putting on her uniform, a tapped felt on her shoulder. Swirling around, she saw Xiao You was still there.
"I'm off now Shan Chai. Thanks for filling me in even though you're not supposed to work today. I'll pay you back next time. Oh! By the way, see that customer at the corner there? He has been coming in here for the past five days at alternate time; order the same green tea cake and a cup of coffee. He'll stay for about an hour and leave, without touching the cake. The only thing he did was looking out the window and play with the box in front of him. He's been the hot topic now since he's cute and mysterious. We would really like to know what he is waiting for. Some of the girls think that he's waiting for his girlfriend to propose to her. Since, I'm not working today, can you watch him and if anything happens, tell me okay. We're dying to know what his motive is. Well, have to go now. Take care, Shan Chai. Any different action, call me okay. Bye!"
Shan Chai just smiled and waved at her friend. 'She is so childish. Emm. he can do what ever he wants. I am not going to look at him all shift long. However, his figure looks very familiar. If only I can see his face. I have been away for a week and this is the only big thing she tells me?' She chuckled at the thought and continued with her work.
"Excuse me? Can I have another cup of coffee?"
'Ha! That voice.' She quickly turned to face the customer. In front of her at the other side of the counter, a familiar face was smiling at her. "You!"
"Yes, me, Hua Zhe Lei. Glad you still remember."
"What do you want? I told you not to disturb me ever again," she hissed. "I need a place to drink coffee."
"It's you isn't it? The person that came here for the last five days. Don't tell me you need to drink coffee everyday here. Don't your servants know how to make one?" She tried her best to keep her voice as low as possible.
"Okay, the truth is I came here everyday just to have the chance to catch you here. To explain."
"No need! I don't want to hear. Drink this coffee and go. Don't ever come here again." She cut in and shoved the coffee to him.
"Shan Chai, I'll go if you only would accept this. I will keep coming until you do. Please?" She stared straight into his eyes.
'He looked really sad and full of hope. I missed him but I still can't forgive him for what he did. He is a real actor. Don't fall for his sympathetic act, Shan Chai.' She looked at the blue, small box he put on the counter, and then looked back at him. "What's this? You better not give me anything funny."
"It's not what you think. Take it and you'll understand. Opened it when you reached home. Please take it," pleaded Lei.
"Fine! Now, go away." She took it and put it in her jeans hip pocket. "Thank you. Here's the payment for my bill. I'll leave. Hope you'll make the right decision Shan Chai," he smiled sadly, as he gives the money. She took it without looking at him.
He walked out of the store without looking back, while she stole a glance of him. 'Hua Zhe Lei, I miss you. If only you knew how hard it has been. You've broken my heart. You played with my feelings but no matter how hard I've tried to forget you and keep on being mad, I can't. I. I. I can't lie to my own feelings. Oh! Lei. why?"
She looked down as she pulled out the box from her pocket. It was rectangle, quite thin and was wrapped nicely with a blue wrapper and a small ribbon at the right top corner. Putting it back inside her pocket, she sighed and took back the coffee Lei left behind.
~~
Lying on his back, he looked straight to the ceiling. Tomorrow would be the day.the day he gets to know her decision. He became restless. His heart was not at ease. Never had he felt so useless before. Closing his eyes, he saw her face. She has soft, supple skin. Her small, clear eyes, glitters every time she smiled, like a small kid. The thin, pink curvy lips that he longed to kiss, her cute button nose and her long, straight black hair that she always loved to braid, was so clear as if she was standing there right in front of him, throwing him her warm sweet smile.
'Would she forgive me? Would she come tomorrow? What if she didn't? What would I do? Would I be able to live with that? Crushed for the second time. would I be able to handle it?' He sighed, turning his body to the right. After a few more restless position changes, he finally fell asleep, drowning in a deep slumber dream.
He found himself walking by the seashore alone at night when he saw a small, human-like shadow ahead of him. Curious, he walks closer to the figure and under the moonlight; he finally saw it was Shan Chai.
She was wearing a shiny, silver color gown that glitters under the moonlight with her hair hang loose on her shoulder. She was standing straight facing him. Seeing it was Shan Chai, he runs straight towards her and hugged her tightly.
"I knew you'd come Shan Chai. I missed you so much. Please don't cut me out of your life again. I can't bear to loose you," he whispered to her ear. Pushing him away slowly, she looked straight to his eyes. Studying her face closely, he felt something was amiss. She looked solemn and he could swear he saw tears formed in her eyes. "What's wrong Shan Chai? Aren't you glad to see me? You have forgiven me, right? Answer me Shan Chai," he panicked. He didn't like this whole situation.
Shan Chai looked down and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Lei. I can't. We're from two different worlds. You didn't tell me before and I fell for you. But now I knew, and I'm sorry to break away. I have to go, Lei. Just know that my heart has already filled by love for you. You're the first, Lei. Sorry, it has to end like this."
Looking back into his eyes with her watery, tearful glaze, she caresses his face with both her hands and kissed him on the lips, briefly, before putting her hand to his heart. "Remember me," she whispered before evaporated into thin air.
"NO! Shan Chai, don't leave me. I didn't mean to lie to you. Shan Chai, come back! I need you!" Falling down to his knees, he cried. Crying for the love he has missed because of his own mistake. "Shan Chai."
He sat up on his bed awaken by the dream. Touching his right cheek, he felt it was wet. 'The dream was so real. Please don't let it be like that. She means too much to me.' He stayed awake the night away until morning.
~~
Upon reaching home that night, she was discontented. She holds out the box Lei had given to her that evening and put it on her bed. 'Should I open it? What could it be? Surely, it's nothing expensive since he said it was not. But again, why should I believe him?' she thought. Sitting next to it, she took it up again and looked at it. She hesitated, unable to make up her mind whether to open it or let it be. 'I better go and shower first. Maybe I could make a decision then.'
"It's okay mom. I don't want dinner tonight. I would just like to go straight to bed now. Goodnight mom," she told her mother after she had had her shower. Her mother must've awakened by the sound of water due to the shower. She kissed her mother goodnight and went straight to her room. Drying her hair, she took the box again and decided to open it. Inside, she saw a piece of paper and a cassette. Flipping the paper opened, she read the writings on it.
"Shan Chai, I'm not good at expressing my feelings, even with words, but, 'sorry' came directly from my heart. Listen to the cassette and hopefully you'll understand the message I'm trying to tell you. Seek your heart and if you find a piece of forgiveness for me, I'll wait for you at our usual place tomorrow. I'll wait till you come. Lei."
Popping the cassette inside her walkman, she listened to it. Without her knowing it, tears came running down her cheek. 'This song was so sad. I could feel his emotion when he wrote and played this piece with his violin. He was feeling really down, lonely, confused and sad. His asking for my forgiveness. Should I forgive him? Should I confront him? Or should I just ignore it? What should I do?' she asked herself.
"Ahhh.this is so hard! I'm going to sleep it over. What ever I feel tomorrow, will be the answer," she said out loud, giving up and falls her body backward on the bed.
~~
He waited on the rooftop as early as 7 a.m. Never has he gone to college that early in the morning. He was anxious. The dream he had yesterday night really bothered him. What if she came to say goodbye like in the dream? He was afraid. Afraid of the incoming event. He sat down, leaning on the railing, waiting for her.
He told himself that he is going to wait here until she comes, no matter how long it would take. Nothing would move him from this rooftop, not even F4. He left his mobile phone purposely at home, not wanting to receive any disturbance from them.
~~
Changing into her uniform, she glanced to the seat Lei had sat the day before. 'It's already 2. Would he still wait for me?' She did go up to the rooftop that morning and peeked through the doorframe. He was there, his head looking up to the sky, waiting for her. But, she couldn't make herself to open the door and so, she left. 'He did write down that he'll wait. But I don't think he is that stupid to wait for me the whole day, would he?'
"You're starting to wander as well, right? So, you're sure nothing happened yesterday?" asked Xiao You. She snapped back to reality and nodded. "Nothing happened. He just left soon after that, just like you said," she lied. She's not in the mood for questions from Xiao You if she told her the truth.
Working has put aside her thought of Lei for a while until she finished her shift and was on the way back home. 'It's 10 at night now, I don't think he would wait this long. Oh well! He probably thought I am not worth waiting for and left anyway. Why would he care about a poor kid like me? He could have all the beautiful girls in the world, so, there is no reason for him to wait for my forgiveness. Maybe it was only a joke for him, to see whether I would come to his command,' she told herself, trying to assure that her decision was correct. Deep down she knew it was all a lie. She knew she had forgiven him but her ego was too hard to smash.
Suddenly, she felt her cheek wet. She looked up and felt other water drops starting to pour down. Running towards the nearest bus stand, she sheltered herself from the rain. Looking towards the direction of Ying De, she felt a sting of guilt. She had a feeling that he was still waiting for her in the rain. Without thinking, she followed her heart content and ran in the rain that has turned from shower to cats and dogs.
Soaking wet, she reached Ying De just to find that the main gate were still open wide without any guard in sight. She looked around. Feeling safe, she dashed through the gate and went straight towards the rooftop. Climbing the stairs, she began to have doubts.
'What if he was not there? I would have made a fool of myself. Maybe this is a big mistake. But, what if he was? He'll get pneumonia for staying under the rain. Okay then, I'll just peek and if his there, I'll enter, if not, I'm going back. At least my conscience would be at ease.'
Peeking through the doorframe, she saw Lei's figure still sitting at the same position as before. 'Oh my god! He still waits for me? It has already been more than 12 hours. He is so stupid.' Even as she thought that, she was touched by his determination and persistency. All of her anger just disappeared as if it has been washed away by the rain.
She opened the door and walked slowly towards Lei. The rain was heavy, she couldn't see him that clear. When she was near to him, she saw him propping one leg up, and rested his head on his forearm that was set across his knee. She kneeled down in front of him and placed her hand on his forearm. "Lei."
His head arose and he looked straight at her. She has never seen him that empty before. A tear dropped from her eye. His condition was so pitiful. They stared into each other's eyes in the rain, when he suddenly lunged forward and hugged her.
"Please say that you won't go away. I'm sorry for everything. Stay with me. I. I. I missed you, Shan Chai. Forgive me." Hearing those words, she cried even harder.
Nodding, she whispered back, "I forgive you and I miss you too, Lei."
After staying that way for quite some time, Lei finally let go. Wiping her tears and the raindrops from her face, he smiled. "We better get out from this weather or we'll catch a cold." Smiling, she helped him up. "Sorry, my leg fell asleep," he apologized. "You haven't moved did you?" she asked. Walking slowly towards the door, he said, "What if you come when I wasn't around? So, I stayed. I'm not taking any chances." She looked at his face, awed. 'I'm glad you stayed too.'
He sat on the railing of the rooftop with his legs fell loosely at the edge and his head looked up to the clear blue sky. It has been two days after the unexplained episode with Shan Chai's sudden explode. He has been thinking and reanalyzes the whole situation again and again, but no matter how many times, he still failed to come up with the likely reason. He sighed, finally giving up.
For the past couple of days, Shan Chai has stop coming up to the rooftop on her free time between classes and also avoiding him whenever she saw him around. This situation really disturbed him and he felt an emptiness starting to form within him. Still looking up to the sky, groups of cumulus clouds floating calmly above him, forming funny forms and some with pencils of rays coming through it still couldn't pacify his troubled heart and mind. Closing his eyes, he recalled back the incident.
It started when Shan Chai shout out Ah Si's name, he knows for sure that Ah Si will get a scold from her, especially with the look on her furious face and the bouquet of roses clutched at her hand, but he has no idea of the event that comes up after that. When she hit Ah Si with the flowers and screamed to his face, he was shocked. He has never seen her that mad and full of anger before. He was even more shocked and startled the moment she glared at him when she finished her last warning words; "ALL.OF.YOU!".
The glare felt as if she has indicated that she was specifically directed it to him. But why? What has he done to deserve the shut off like that? In such a slight time frame, just exactly after their branch? When he dropped her off at the college, she doesn't seem to be upset at all! So what happened during the intermission between that particular time, to the conflict, that had changed her mood suddenly?
Just then, he realized something. Qing He. He might be able to shown some light through this darkness. Without wasting more time, he quickly jumped of from the railing and walked out of the rooftop.
Using the F4 influence for the first time in his life, he was able to locate Qing He in 10 minutes time. "I need to talk to you," he whispered once he stood beside Qing He at the second floor stairs. The shocked Qing He, nodded vigorously, not a single sound was able to come out from his throat. "Follow me."
Standing in front of the lake, he faced Qing He who stood behind him with his mouth opened, still shocked by the sudden approached from one of the F4. It was funny to see him like that but he has something more important to settle.
"Did you saw Shan Chai two days ago at about noon?" he asked directly.
"Ye...yes. I wanted to know whether the rumors of her going out with.with you were true. But she just looked blurred and stunned by the question, like she has no idea who you were or even what F4 was. So I showed to her who the famous F4 were. Instead of explaining to me about the rumors, she looked really shocked and ran. Well, to think about it, she looked more upset than shock. After that, I heard rumors that she scolded the F4. I asked about it but she just dismissed me and warned me not to mentioned F4 in front of her again. Were the rumors true Mr. Hua Zhe Lei? Not that I want to intrude or anything, or invade your privacy but she's my best friend and furthermore, I really admire and adore F4. All of you are really famous and cool. May I join in? Maybe I could get to hang out with all of you? Mr. Hua Zhe Lei? Excuse me, Mr. Hua Zhe Lei. Hello?"
He stopped listening to Qing He's blabbers when he finally acknowledged the reasons behind the incident. 'She didn't know I was a part of F4. So that is the reason she made the remarks towards Ah Si and me back then. She must have thought I was planning to toy her around like Ah Si. Oh! Shan Chai. How you have wronged. I need to see her and explained. Now, how do I make her to see me without giving her the chance to runaway?' After awhile he smiled. He had the answer. Looking back at the puzzled Qing He, he smiled.
"Thank you for your help. And, don't call me Mr.," he said as he walks away.
"Wait! Mr. . Hua Zhe Lei, how about it? Can I?"
He just smiled and walked on. He has to hurry. His heart fluttered happily. He now has a way to clear the muddy situation he has been for the past two days.
~~
"So, Ah Si, what are your plans now? Until now, not one of your plans worked, instead it backfired. Time is ticking away you know," asked Xi Men while drinking coffee by the poolside at Ah Si's mansion.
Ah Si sat opposite of Xi Men glumly, staring straight at his cup. Sighing, he looked up to Xi Men. "I have no idea wooing a girl would be this difficult."
"That is no particular girl, Ah Si. She is very weird and different! All my life as a playboy, I have never seen any other girl like her. She is one tough cookie." Xi Men shook his head.
"Eh! Where is Mei Zhuo?" asked Ah Si. "He's fetching Jing from the studio. Never knew he could be this caring."
"Jing's staying here for good? She finished her degree, right?" Xi Men nodded. "Yup! But, most probably she's going back to further her studies again. When that time comes, I would have to hang out with you then, since Mei Zhuo would probably be too busy making trips to France frequently."
"I'm happy for them. I just hope Mei Zhuo would truly change this time and be serious of this relationship. It would break my heart to punch him on the face if he didn't," said Ah Si, smiling, followed by Xi Men.
"Punch whose face? I want to join too," said Mei Zhuo upon entering the room with Jing by his side. "Yours!" blurt out Xi Men and Ah Si at the same time. "What? Why me? What did I do?" Mei Zhuo frowned.
"They are just teasing you, dear," smiled Jing. Mei Zhuo looked at Jing's face and smiled. Taking her hand, he ushered her to the seat between Xi Men and his. "Okay now, I just had this idea on how to make amend with that freaky girl, Ah Si," announced Mei Zhuo after he sat down.
"Well? What is it?" asked Ah Si anxiously. "Why don't we let Jing befriends with her so that she could clear things up?"
"Actually, from what I have heard from Mei Zhuo, I really would like to know her myself, not because I want to help you win the bet Ah Si, which I think is really childish. I can't believe Mei Zhuo is involved in this too," cut in Jing. Mei Zhuo smirked to her remarks. Even Xi Men sneered. Ah Si sat up and smiled. "Whatever is your reason, I don't mind Jing. Just find out for me what the real problem is and help me cool her down. I can't win if I can't even have a decent conversation with her." Jing nodded in agreement.
"So, where is Lei?" asked Jing. "He's at home. He said he has some important business to attend to. I have no idea what. He has been really secretive nowadays," explained Xi Men. "He has always been like that all this time but now, he is getting harder to cope with. Always missing," agreed Mei Zhuo. Jing nodded, agreeing with the statement. There was silence for a second. "Getting to know her would be on my own turf. None of you are allowed to interfere, okay. Just wait for the result. Now, tell me what you know about her," planned Jing.
~~
After the last class, she quickly headed to the cake house where she works, not stopping by the house first. She was supposed to fill in for Xiao You that evening and surely, she was waiting for her arrival now. Looking at her watch, she stepped forward even faster. She was already 10 minutes late.
"Xiao You, sorry. I left as soon as the class was dismissed but I'm still late. Very-very sorry," apologized Shan Chai when she reached the cake house. Xiao You smiled and shook her head. "It's okay. I still have some time left. The club meeting starts at two. I still have half an hour more to go. Well, I have to go now. Bye Shan Chai!" She was relieved she didn't cause any trouble for Xiao You. Putting on her uniform, a tapped felt on her shoulder. Swirling around, she saw Xiao You was still there.
"I'm off now Shan Chai. Thanks for filling me in even though you're not supposed to work today. I'll pay you back next time. Oh! By the way, see that customer at the corner there? He has been coming in here for the past five days at alternate time; order the same green tea cake and a cup of coffee. He'll stay for about an hour and leave, without touching the cake. The only thing he did was looking out the window and play with the box in front of him. He's been the hot topic now since he's cute and mysterious. We would really like to know what he is waiting for. Some of the girls think that he's waiting for his girlfriend to propose to her. Since, I'm not working today, can you watch him and if anything happens, tell me okay. We're dying to know what his motive is. Well, have to go now. Take care, Shan Chai. Any different action, call me okay. Bye!"
Shan Chai just smiled and waved at her friend. 'She is so childish. Emm. he can do what ever he wants. I am not going to look at him all shift long. However, his figure looks very familiar. If only I can see his face. I have been away for a week and this is the only big thing she tells me?' She chuckled at the thought and continued with her work.
"Excuse me? Can I have another cup of coffee?"
'Ha! That voice.' She quickly turned to face the customer. In front of her at the other side of the counter, a familiar face was smiling at her. "You!"
"Yes, me, Hua Zhe Lei. Glad you still remember."
"What do you want? I told you not to disturb me ever again," she hissed. "I need a place to drink coffee."
"It's you isn't it? The person that came here for the last five days. Don't tell me you need to drink coffee everyday here. Don't your servants know how to make one?" She tried her best to keep her voice as low as possible.
"Okay, the truth is I came here everyday just to have the chance to catch you here. To explain."
"No need! I don't want to hear. Drink this coffee and go. Don't ever come here again." She cut in and shoved the coffee to him.
"Shan Chai, I'll go if you only would accept this. I will keep coming until you do. Please?" She stared straight into his eyes.
'He looked really sad and full of hope. I missed him but I still can't forgive him for what he did. He is a real actor. Don't fall for his sympathetic act, Shan Chai.' She looked at the blue, small box he put on the counter, and then looked back at him. "What's this? You better not give me anything funny."
"It's not what you think. Take it and you'll understand. Opened it when you reached home. Please take it," pleaded Lei.
"Fine! Now, go away." She took it and put it in her jeans hip pocket. "Thank you. Here's the payment for my bill. I'll leave. Hope you'll make the right decision Shan Chai," he smiled sadly, as he gives the money. She took it without looking at him.
He walked out of the store without looking back, while she stole a glance of him. 'Hua Zhe Lei, I miss you. If only you knew how hard it has been. You've broken my heart. You played with my feelings but no matter how hard I've tried to forget you and keep on being mad, I can't. I. I. I can't lie to my own feelings. Oh! Lei. why?"
She looked down as she pulled out the box from her pocket. It was rectangle, quite thin and was wrapped nicely with a blue wrapper and a small ribbon at the right top corner. Putting it back inside her pocket, she sighed and took back the coffee Lei left behind.
~~
Lying on his back, he looked straight to the ceiling. Tomorrow would be the day.the day he gets to know her decision. He became restless. His heart was not at ease. Never had he felt so useless before. Closing his eyes, he saw her face. She has soft, supple skin. Her small, clear eyes, glitters every time she smiled, like a small kid. The thin, pink curvy lips that he longed to kiss, her cute button nose and her long, straight black hair that she always loved to braid, was so clear as if she was standing there right in front of him, throwing him her warm sweet smile.
'Would she forgive me? Would she come tomorrow? What if she didn't? What would I do? Would I be able to live with that? Crushed for the second time. would I be able to handle it?' He sighed, turning his body to the right. After a few more restless position changes, he finally fell asleep, drowning in a deep slumber dream.
He found himself walking by the seashore alone at night when he saw a small, human-like shadow ahead of him. Curious, he walks closer to the figure and under the moonlight; he finally saw it was Shan Chai.
She was wearing a shiny, silver color gown that glitters under the moonlight with her hair hang loose on her shoulder. She was standing straight facing him. Seeing it was Shan Chai, he runs straight towards her and hugged her tightly.
"I knew you'd come Shan Chai. I missed you so much. Please don't cut me out of your life again. I can't bear to loose you," he whispered to her ear. Pushing him away slowly, she looked straight to his eyes. Studying her face closely, he felt something was amiss. She looked solemn and he could swear he saw tears formed in her eyes. "What's wrong Shan Chai? Aren't you glad to see me? You have forgiven me, right? Answer me Shan Chai," he panicked. He didn't like this whole situation.
Shan Chai looked down and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Lei. I can't. We're from two different worlds. You didn't tell me before and I fell for you. But now I knew, and I'm sorry to break away. I have to go, Lei. Just know that my heart has already filled by love for you. You're the first, Lei. Sorry, it has to end like this."
Looking back into his eyes with her watery, tearful glaze, she caresses his face with both her hands and kissed him on the lips, briefly, before putting her hand to his heart. "Remember me," she whispered before evaporated into thin air.
"NO! Shan Chai, don't leave me. I didn't mean to lie to you. Shan Chai, come back! I need you!" Falling down to his knees, he cried. Crying for the love he has missed because of his own mistake. "Shan Chai."
He sat up on his bed awaken by the dream. Touching his right cheek, he felt it was wet. 'The dream was so real. Please don't let it be like that. She means too much to me.' He stayed awake the night away until morning.
~~
Upon reaching home that night, she was discontented. She holds out the box Lei had given to her that evening and put it on her bed. 'Should I open it? What could it be? Surely, it's nothing expensive since he said it was not. But again, why should I believe him?' she thought. Sitting next to it, she took it up again and looked at it. She hesitated, unable to make up her mind whether to open it or let it be. 'I better go and shower first. Maybe I could make a decision then.'
"It's okay mom. I don't want dinner tonight. I would just like to go straight to bed now. Goodnight mom," she told her mother after she had had her shower. Her mother must've awakened by the sound of water due to the shower. She kissed her mother goodnight and went straight to her room. Drying her hair, she took the box again and decided to open it. Inside, she saw a piece of paper and a cassette. Flipping the paper opened, she read the writings on it.
"Shan Chai, I'm not good at expressing my feelings, even with words, but, 'sorry' came directly from my heart. Listen to the cassette and hopefully you'll understand the message I'm trying to tell you. Seek your heart and if you find a piece of forgiveness for me, I'll wait for you at our usual place tomorrow. I'll wait till you come. Lei."
Popping the cassette inside her walkman, she listened to it. Without her knowing it, tears came running down her cheek. 'This song was so sad. I could feel his emotion when he wrote and played this piece with his violin. He was feeling really down, lonely, confused and sad. His asking for my forgiveness. Should I forgive him? Should I confront him? Or should I just ignore it? What should I do?' she asked herself.
"Ahhh.this is so hard! I'm going to sleep it over. What ever I feel tomorrow, will be the answer," she said out loud, giving up and falls her body backward on the bed.
~~
He waited on the rooftop as early as 7 a.m. Never has he gone to college that early in the morning. He was anxious. The dream he had yesterday night really bothered him. What if she came to say goodbye like in the dream? He was afraid. Afraid of the incoming event. He sat down, leaning on the railing, waiting for her.
He told himself that he is going to wait here until she comes, no matter how long it would take. Nothing would move him from this rooftop, not even F4. He left his mobile phone purposely at home, not wanting to receive any disturbance from them.
~~
Changing into her uniform, she glanced to the seat Lei had sat the day before. 'It's already 2. Would he still wait for me?' She did go up to the rooftop that morning and peeked through the doorframe. He was there, his head looking up to the sky, waiting for her. But, she couldn't make herself to open the door and so, she left. 'He did write down that he'll wait. But I don't think he is that stupid to wait for me the whole day, would he?'
"You're starting to wander as well, right? So, you're sure nothing happened yesterday?" asked Xiao You. She snapped back to reality and nodded. "Nothing happened. He just left soon after that, just like you said," she lied. She's not in the mood for questions from Xiao You if she told her the truth.
Working has put aside her thought of Lei for a while until she finished her shift and was on the way back home. 'It's 10 at night now, I don't think he would wait this long. Oh well! He probably thought I am not worth waiting for and left anyway. Why would he care about a poor kid like me? He could have all the beautiful girls in the world, so, there is no reason for him to wait for my forgiveness. Maybe it was only a joke for him, to see whether I would come to his command,' she told herself, trying to assure that her decision was correct. Deep down she knew it was all a lie. She knew she had forgiven him but her ego was too hard to smash.
Suddenly, she felt her cheek wet. She looked up and felt other water drops starting to pour down. Running towards the nearest bus stand, she sheltered herself from the rain. Looking towards the direction of Ying De, she felt a sting of guilt. She had a feeling that he was still waiting for her in the rain. Without thinking, she followed her heart content and ran in the rain that has turned from shower to cats and dogs.
Soaking wet, she reached Ying De just to find that the main gate were still open wide without any guard in sight. She looked around. Feeling safe, she dashed through the gate and went straight towards the rooftop. Climbing the stairs, she began to have doubts.
'What if he was not there? I would have made a fool of myself. Maybe this is a big mistake. But, what if he was? He'll get pneumonia for staying under the rain. Okay then, I'll just peek and if his there, I'll enter, if not, I'm going back. At least my conscience would be at ease.'
Peeking through the doorframe, she saw Lei's figure still sitting at the same position as before. 'Oh my god! He still waits for me? It has already been more than 12 hours. He is so stupid.' Even as she thought that, she was touched by his determination and persistency. All of her anger just disappeared as if it has been washed away by the rain.
She opened the door and walked slowly towards Lei. The rain was heavy, she couldn't see him that clear. When she was near to him, she saw him propping one leg up, and rested his head on his forearm that was set across his knee. She kneeled down in front of him and placed her hand on his forearm. "Lei."
His head arose and he looked straight at her. She has never seen him that empty before. A tear dropped from her eye. His condition was so pitiful. They stared into each other's eyes in the rain, when he suddenly lunged forward and hugged her.
"Please say that you won't go away. I'm sorry for everything. Stay with me. I. I. I missed you, Shan Chai. Forgive me." Hearing those words, she cried even harder.
Nodding, she whispered back, "I forgive you and I miss you too, Lei."
After staying that way for quite some time, Lei finally let go. Wiping her tears and the raindrops from her face, he smiled. "We better get out from this weather or we'll catch a cold." Smiling, she helped him up. "Sorry, my leg fell asleep," he apologized. "You haven't moved did you?" she asked. Walking slowly towards the door, he said, "What if you come when I wasn't around? So, I stayed. I'm not taking any chances." She looked at his face, awed. 'I'm glad you stayed too.'