SFX:
Megaphone-
Thank you for all those reviews!!!^_^.I know I should have been more fast on this. Actually I wanted to go to later chapters, which would be funnier!! Oh yeah just a warning also to people..I will have some shounen ai on this but I won't tell the pairings. Oh and yeah, Kouga's gonna be more unapologetically wicked on later chapters also.
Moon in the City Jii-Chan's ChallengeI don't know if she was about to cry or rage or whatever…I just stood still and waited for apocalypse to come.
" Kouga," her voice was strangely calm," I have to tell you something…"
I climbed over to her, ready to give her that I-still-care-for-you kind of boyfriend approach.
" It's about ----"
She was about to say something when a voice called over us.
" Good afternoon, Kagome, who is this young man you've brought with you?"
Is it just the stars or was I born to be bullied by the fates to be forever condemned by CLIFFHANGERS?!!!
I arched my brow and stared annoyingly at the old man who was on top of the shrine steps.
" Oh," the old man took my cue and looked at us." Am I interrupting something?"
"Not really jii-chan, were just---"
" Yes! She was just about to say that she loves me." I retorted and for a second, the stupid neuron that was supposed to be delivering important messages to my brain had just announced that the old man was her grandpa.
'Jii-chan'Wow! That info would have been better if it was just said a moment ago.
Now how do I redeem myself after I had again put my foot into my mouth?
Ladies and Gentlemen, It's time to kiss some ass.
" Good afternoon, sir." I respectfully kowtowed at the old man while Kagome and her grandfather were giving me such strange looks.
"And what again is your relation to my granddaughter?" The old man approached me and he was giving me the evil eye---I don't know what gave me the impression but his stare was definitely, well…EVIL.
"She is my woman."
" Really, you have staked claim over my granddaughter without giving me permission?"
"Well…" I shifted my eyes for a moment.
"Well?"
" Yess!!!" I threw up my hand and laughed," That is why we are here gramps! I would like to inform you of my intentions to have your granddaughter's hand in marriage."
If the old man's looks could kill, I could very well be six feet under." Do you know how old my granddaughter is,young man?"
I conspirationally nodded my head," Yes of course. But age does not matter as long as it does not show."
"And what would you feed her with?Do you have a stable job?"
I was about to retort:'Well, I am a prince of a wolf clan…do you count that as a job?', but the old man could very label me as psychologically unstable.Hmm…so what else do I do? I steal luxury cars, rob banks and other expensive museum shit for the black market and on my spare time I engage on stock exchange and help run a multinational company.
"I'm into automobiles." I simply said.
"That's nice." He smiled in such a way that implied the actual opposite.
" Ah,granddaughter, I think your mother told me to help her with the groceries. You run along now while I take care of your friend here.."
Kagome looked at me with deep concern and told her old man.
" Jii-chan, don't be so hard on him,okay?"
Before she turned and walked away, she gave me a pensive smile. I confidently waved back at her, knowing that I could probably dish out whatever the old man was about to give me.
---
I stared at the great expanse of hissing carpet of fiery coals in front of me.
" So what actually does this prove when I pass this test?!" I asked for the nth time as I hollered to the old man who was observing me from a distance.
" We would see the purity of your intentions towards my granddaughter." He was speaking through the megaphone and thus his actual voice was magnified in Dolby Digital Senssurround System as it echoed through the four big stereos surrounding the place. So it ended up like:
WE WOULD SEE THE PURITY OF YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARDS MY GRANDDAUGHTER!!
My sensitive eardrums were assaulted by the fucking cacophonous voice of god and I reflexively covered my ears, constantly reminding myself that he is my woman's relative.
DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS?
" As a matter of fact I do!!!"
AND THAT IS?
" Where is Kagome's father?"
HE'S DEAD, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
" No, Thank you! I think I've made my point!!"
The old man put a CD on a stereo and the music blasted on all four stereos.
OKAY THEN…YOU MUST BEGIN TO DANCE ON THE SANCTIMONIOUS GROUND OF PURIFYING FIRE
"Hey I thought it was called the Flaming Sanctifying Ground of Purification!"
JUST DANCE ON THE BLOODY COALS!!
Wincing at the increased volume of the stereos, I moved to the beat of the song. The gods must be lagging behind the times since the music was retro. Regaining my actual memory of the steps, I was losing myself in the beat when—
YOU ARE NOT GETTING NEARER TO THE FLAME
"Ever hear of warm-up, bub!!" I shrieked losing all respectable composure. I stared long and hard at the flaming coals and thought that it's gonna be now or never…
I could smell the burning of the flesh as my bare feet came in contact with the hot coals. Biting down the urge to scream or curse at high heavens, I moved on to the next spot. I jumped from one place to the other and soon enough, I ended up doing ballet.
What the fuck was the old man expecting out of this?
Making a fucking eunuch out of me?!
Fine if that happens, I am definitely gonna sock him if he ever whines of having no great-grandchildren.
I must have landed too hard because the coals under my feet broke, freeing their red burning core.
A painful howl erupted from within me, drowning the sound system. I was a darn good thing that my back was turned from the old man or else he would see me in my demonic form. My eyes were red and fangs were jutting out of my mouth.
Strange I could feel neither heat nor pain.
I looked down on the spot where I had stepped on. The coal was crushed and beneath the black dust was the cool ground.
Eureka! Something clicked into my brain and things started going like clockwork. All I have to do is crush the coals then I'm off to step and jiggle my ass on a lower ground temperature.
Like hell! That was waaaaay easier said than done.
Deeply taking air into my lungs, I said to myself that it'gonna be now or never.
In the end the coal dusts were blown away by the wind and as I squatted on the floor, I fished out a pack of Marlboro from my jacket and slipped a cigarette into my mouth. God, if Ginta should know about this, he would be very angry for breaking my 3 decades of abstinence from smoking. But dammit! With a day like this, not only do I deserve it, I also need it like sex.
I picked out a lone burning coal that I have somehow missed and used it as a lighter. Smoking was difficult if ones teeth were that of a saber-toothed tiger, but somehow I managed to do it.
Slowly, I turned around to face Kagome's grandfather who quickly backed away in shock as he saw my demonic features, malevolently smirking and exhaling cigarette smoke.
Moving towards him with a dangerous gate that could send any men up a tree, I stopped a small distance from the old man.
Casually tossing out the cigarette butt, I said, " I passed the test. So does this mean I can have Kagome now?"
In response, the old man's eyes went upwards, closed and fainted.
" Shit!" I touched for his pulse and breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that he's still alive. Shaking my head in amusement, I lifted him and talked to him as if he was still conscious.
" I can tell we're gonna have a lovely time together gramps."
Still smiling, I carried him on my back and proceeded to go back home.
Next Episode:
Inuyasha finds Kouga in the last place he would expect….hehehe.