Author's Note: This chapter stunted me till forever. Had to post and get this over with to move on with the next parts. Not as funny as I hoped, but I hope it would get better on next chapters. Work seems to suck the humor out of me. Thank you for all your encouragement it really kept me going.
Moon in the City
Youkai Side of Things
There was something about running that allowed me to keep in touch with the spiritual aspects of my life. Perhaps it would be the feeling of the wind on my skin that I think I am going against the world.
As my pack said so, I am a stubborn wolf. I'd like to think that I am making my own rules and living my own life.
But of course, I am just deluding myself with this individuality crap. At some point in time, one would get to realize that being 'Me, Myself and I' can get pretty lonely.
And frightful as it is, I really do want to get settled down.
"Kouugahhh!"
Inukkuro's murderous bellow brought me crashing back to reality.
He's still rabid as ever and just as stupid. Somebody ought to tell him that waving his Big Compensation like crazy would not propel him any faster.
"Hey Muttface!" I yelled." You could get a chance catching me if you lose your sword.'
Predictably as ever, not only did he reject my advice, he screamed some cheesy line that I remembered to have heard a few centuries ago.
I could do waaay better than that.
"Or better yet Inukkuro, how about unbuckling your Chastity Belt!!"
I'm so mean and I love myself that way.
"BAKURYAAAHH."
Oh crap.
The power of the iron fang literally threw me in the air and with arms flailing; I could hear dog boy's maniacal laughter.
Tsch, and they call me unstable.
Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a busy street with cars zooming at a killing pace. It took a good measure of demonic reflex to clamber behind a truck before I turned into a flat out roadkill.
Inukkuro's still after my head though, leaping from one car to another. The scene was just barbaric, with that feudal clothing that he wears and that samurai sword of his. I mean what was he thinking?! He's sticking out of the normal population like a sore thumb, making me wonder how the hell he survived all these years with having such minimal intelligence for adaptation. But good for him when he finally took my advice and kept the Tetsusaiga in its sheath.
Then I saw something that made my day a lot better.
Why if it isn't the Great Sesshoumaru himself, driving along the freeway with a Brand New Car! Ohhh, so little time so many people to annoy…wait I'm sounding like someone I knew before.
(Kukukukuku)
Geez that was scary.
But then this moment was too exquisite to let it pass.
"Hey! Yo! Sesshoumaru, ol' buddy ol' pal!!" I waved my arm to get the dog prince's attention. In an instant, Sesshy's eyes flashed in recognition. Then albeit recalling his past experience on what would happen when automobiles and I were put together in the same sentence, he quickly manoeuvred his brand new Porsche away from me.
At that unfortunate moment, dog boy happened to jump on his brother's convertible.
And Inukkuro's foot ripped through the roof,stepping on his dear old bro's head.
The result was nothing short of a catastrophe.
Sesshoumaru's scream literally shattered the glass window of the car. Then with the Porsche screeching into a halt, dog-boy toppled down the ground and got run over in the process.
Then at that moment Sesshoumaru became upset.
So upset that he…er..poofed.
For the passing seconds, people thought it was some kind of fancy-shmancy large and furry emergency balloon that filled the whole car.
But I knew better…
It was the worst place for a demonic transformation to happen.
And I bet after this incident, folks, the Great Dog of the Western Lands could now empathize with the lowly sardines crammed in a tin can.
Oh, yeah about Inukkuro.
Leaving the truck behind and approaching the scene of the incident, I only saw his foot sticking out of the car.
Apparently he's unconscious, or better yet, let's hope that he's dead.
Ok, how about comatose…There. Happy?
" Is it really necessary that you have to create an unlucky omen of astronomical proportions just to announce your putrefying presence before me?"
It was the voice of my impending doom. Slowly I looked up to see a very angry ( superlatives fail me at this moment) Sesshoumaru.
He was a mess to put it mildly and his eyes were now ticking from the stress. Probably he's counting one to a million like his anger therapist told him to do.
Noticing that dog prince was not in his most stable state, other drivers backed away from him, as if reconsidering to voice any complains of their wrecked car.
"It wasn't me, man." I innocently cowered; trying hard not to be distracted at his Majesty's flaring nostrils." It was his fault." I pointed at Inukkuro who was lying under Sesshoumaru's car---mercifully unconscious.
"Oh, how charitable…" Sesshoumaru punctuated as he fleetingly glanced at his half brother's bare feet sticking out of his Porsche." Blaming it on a dead and barefooted bloke."
It took 6 seconds for the Great Demon Sesshoumaru to realize, that the one he had run over was none other than his half-brother.
He stood still and I thought for a second he was experiencing beatification.
"Do you know how marvelous this moment is?" Sesshoumaru spoke in whisper.
If he meant the dog turd's toes, I'm afraid my answer would have to be a resounding no; I'd sooner slap him and send him to a pedicure if he was my relative.
Well come to think of it if you're an evil half-brother who had been trying your darnedest to exterminate your younger brother for the past hundred years, only to find out that you have run over him by pure accident, wouldn't you be happy? Yeah, so Sesshoumaru was one happy youkai. But did he have to show it by dancing?
Yeah, folks, the Great Lord of the Western Lands did a little victory jig in a span of five seconds. I will officially declare it as the creepiest five seconds of my life.
"If you're still interested in breathing, I suggest you pretend to not see that."
"Oh, man,I can't… You don't know how deeply traumatized I am with your 'moves'." I took the liberty of putting quotation marks on my comment.
And with that Sesshoumaru swiped his arm, sending me crashing against two automobiles.
Loud gasps of surprise from people brought him to his senses. I could still see the humans now gawking at him like he was the Virgin Mary or something.
Ooohh, lookit that Sesshy… I smiled evilly as I pretended to be unconscious. I reckon that I should moan and say like:" My ribs…you broke my ribs. You're too strong to be human" then pretend to faint but I think that would be a mouthful and tiresome for a dying human being. So I think I should shut up and play dead. It's so Zen that way.
Going back to Sesshoumaru, poor him, he must've been sweating to the crack of his ass right now.
I am eager to see how he would get out of this.
He just stood there like some old western movie, where the protagonist would be about to draw out his weapon in a shootout.
Then with a calm face, he made the lamest excuse I ever heard in my entire life.
"This is a paid reality show to demonstrate how the lack of multivitamins could affect a person's health."
"Such as him." He ended his speech, pointing in my direction as if to emphasize his stupid point.
Before I could sit up, the sound of sirens alarmed Lord Fluff and me. Not relishing another encounter with the police, he went inside his wrecked Porsche and practically demolished any automobile that obstructed his escape route.
I tried to get away but something hit me on my leg. Gradually I felt the whole place spinning with me as the center of the universe then everything went black.
-------------------------------------------
When I woke up I realized that I am locked inside a jail cell together with the sleeping mutt.
This was not a good thing. I need to see my woh-man as soon as possible. Knowing that the cops would allow me a telephone call, I decided that the one that I should talk to was none other than my woh-man. Perhaps Inukkuro would know of Kagome's number.
" Hey,dog turd, do you know Kagome's telephone number?" I asked in a loud voice. Nothing. Stupid mutt didn't even stir in his sleep. Hate it when I am ignored. I crouched near him, intending to shout at his sleeping face until he answers my question.
" Oi, dog turd , do you know my Kagome's number?" I yelled, coupled with spittle flying.
"Oi, DOG TURD, WHAT IS MY WOH-MAN'S NU---- "
My jaws got hit by so hard that I heard some clattering noises on the floor.
"YOU BIIITCH!!"
I must have been screaming so much that my face turned red. Then with bleeding shnaz and all, I went down on all fours to look around for my teeth that had fallen off.
He could at least sympathize. But nooo!
Little fucker just observed and said:" Bet you were really ugly as a toddler."
Just come near me, dogturd, and I'll make you wish you hadn't said that.
Foolish as he was he decided to attack me.
"GRAAHHHH!" He exclaimed in both surprise and horror as I let go of his arm to spit out his rancid taste." You just bit me!"
"Serves you right muttbrain!!You think you could catch me unprepared." I laughed and basked in the glory of victory and immediately pursed my lips when it occurred to me that my two front fangs were still missing. Shit,were the fuck are they?
I continued to search for my fangs. I could not imagine life without my winning smile..or teeth, fuck whatever, it just goes with my vanity.
His eyes then went wide as saucers when he uncovered his sleeve and saw that I broke through his skin" You fucking retard. Watch me die of rabies now!"
"Who're you 'ccusin of rabies, mutthead!" I retorted, picking up my fangs and putting them back where they belong." I ain't the one who got a pet parasite."
It took him quite a few seconds to retort. "Myouga's my retainer, mangy shit for brains!"
Shit man that was slow even for you.
"Myouga.Eees.A.Goddamn.Fleeaaa." I sneered, purposefully enunciating each word.
Then without warning, he just keeled in pain.
"You think I buy that act, you ham. You're as delicate as a rhino to be fainting this often."
Could it be that he got…infected?
"I said quit it muttface, I don't have rabies!" Still I couldn't help to check my breath just in case. He just made some odd noises in response. That's it, he's going too far. No one insults my hygiene.
It's one of my sore points really; people mostly get this notion that we wolves, animals or youkais weren't very conscious about cleanliness. Puh-leez, we had waterfalls as welcome mats in our ancient den. Also don't be fooled by our outfits, they may be brown but trust me their clean.
And another thing, a myth about us wolf youkais would be that our issue with our oversized dodo neighbors would be over the dominion of the mountain range. Not entirely true. We don't mind sharing a few rocks, the problem however lies with the interaction, more specifically, waste management.
Think how pissed would you be when a bird pooped in your head.
Now imagine it coming from a giant demon bird man.
Still feeling diplomatic?
" Fer Chrissake's, I'm clean okay,I've even gargled Listerine this mornin'"
Then without knowing it, I was painfully introduced to the wall, and then slammed against the jail bars. Now that one really hurt. I think my rib just cracked.
Everything became fuzzy but I could see that the hanyou was now a demon.
If it had been a few centuries back, I would have been a bit scared, okay I admit—terrified. All demons have this innate nature, but of course most of us are able to control it. But for someone of Inukkuro's constitution, it could prove fatal to himself and especially to some unwitting bystander.
But as I said, that was in the past. Youkais get wiser and more powerful through the years. And ugly as he was, I can't let him just push me around.
He crouched in front of me, preparing another strike. I just sat and leaned against the ruined wall, staring at his blood red eyes. There were shouts and cajoles from other cells, as if they could smell a fight and clamor for it.
For all their claims of being inherent saints, humans would be quite the same as demons themselves.
The pandemonium of the outside awakened this feeling inside of me. It was a familiar and addicting kind of high, somehow akin to a rock concert. But this was more potent and far more dangerous. I really felt like tearing him apart.
It was coming. I could hear it rushing like a tidal wave inside my brain.
Two can play that game, Inukkuro.
Next episode:
Inuyasha vs. Kouga vs. the telephone or how do two transformed youkais try to explain to Kagome on how they ended up in jail without killing each other in the process…