Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Two: Essaywhuman??!!??
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"Cuz I'm the B-b-b-b-b-Black Thought! I'd like to t-t-t-t-t-take a shot!" -Black Thought, The Roots, "Essaywhuman??!!??"
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Tyler woke up in a rather nice E Class Benz on his way to the airport. His hands were bound, his feet bound together, and he found himself in a quite uncomfortable position for such a long drive. Luckily for him and our amusement, his mouth was not gagged in any such way. He chose to talk.
"Er...Cain?" He spoke to the driver. "Is there any way I can call my boss or something? It'll be a pretty bad blemish to not show up to work today without any sort of explanation..."
Cain smacked Tyler upside the head without taking his eyes of the road. "Shut up. You're coming back to the chateau."
Tyler's eyes reached the size of beach balls as he ascertained the situation. "So you guys weren't kidding when you said that I was going to go back to the Merovingian?"
Abel sighed and rolled his eyes. "No. We weren't."
"Oh." Tyler paused as he allowed the information to sink back in. He came to the conclusion that royal jester or not, the Merovingian still probably hated him for (not really) messing around with his wife. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
Abel turned to Tyler from the passenger side of the car and peered at him carefully over his glasses. "What did you just say?" he asked in a mix of wonder and slight amusement.
"Oh, 'essaywhuman??!!??'? It's sort of a mix of phrases."
"Really? Break it down for me."
Cain growled. "I don't need your stupid little conversations today, Abel..."
"I need something to do, brother. Back the fuck off." Abel turned his attention back to Tyler. "Break it down, now."
Tyler obeyed. "Well, first you start off with 'is'."
"Is." Abel repeated, ignoring Cain's growing irritation.
"Then 'say'."
"Say."
"Whut."
"Whut?"
"It's the black way of saying it, play along here."
"Okay...whut."
"Then finally, 'man'."
"Man."
"Put it all together now."
"Itsaywhutman."
"Excellent. Now, take out the 'teh' sound in it."
"Isaywhutman."
"Add an 'eh' sound to that."
"Essaywhutman."
"And take out the 'teh' sound on that whut."
"Essaywhuman?"
"Yeah! Essaywhuman??!??"
Abel grinned widely. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
Tyler swayed as much as he could, which was rather hard considering the bind he was in. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
"Essaywhuman??!!??" Abel's shoulders moved up and down in his pathetic imitation of dancing.
"Essaywhuman??!!??"
Cain whipped out a pistol and pointed it at Tyler's head. "Will you stop that fucking nonsense? It's irritating!" All without taking his eyes off the road.
Tyler backed off from his only form of entertainment. "Sorry...sorry..."
Abel snorted in contempt of his brother's behavior, and turned on the radio. A very "phat" beat emitted from the speakers. He turned his head towards the back seat to see Tyler bumping his head up and down in a strange fashion. "What the hell are you doing?"
Tyler looked at him as if he were from a different planet. "Don't tell me you've never heard this song before."
Abel perked his ears for a moment, then shook his head.
Tyler shook off his ignorance, and went back to the song. "To the windooooooooow, to the walls!"
Abel looked at Tyler with even more curiosity. "To the walls?"
"Till the sweat drop down mah balls!"
"Balls?"
"Now all you bitches crawl!"
"Crawl?"
"Now all skeet skeet muthaFUCKAS!"
Cain raised his hand to knock Tyler out once more, only to be stopped by Abel. "Are you nuts? You'd probably kill him!"
"I doubt it," the taller werewolf snapped back.
They soon, as all siblings do, engaged in a very heated argument about how many times a human could be knocked out within an hour without killing him in the process. Tyler took this opportunity to struggle violently with his binds, and as they made their way into the airport parking lot, his limbs were free. As Cain slowed to a crawl in order to find an open space, Tyler kicked the door open and rolled out, SWAT style. He sprinted for the nearest place he could find: the airport. He turned to see Cain and Abel leaping out of their car, pointing at him and screaming at each other for whoever's incompetence.
Running into the actual airport, Tyler realized, probably wasn't that great of an idea, but he was too panicked and hyperactive to really care. As he knocked over strollers and old ladies in his rush to escape the werewolf brothers, he slammed directly into a leather-coated chest.
Tyler flew back from the force, and looked up to see a short, Asian man standing next to a taller, angrier black woman. As the glare upon the black woman's face grew, Tyler knew (from his experience with angry black women) that he had found himself in some deep ass shit.
The man picked Tyler up by his collar with a shocking amount of strength, and the woman snapped, "You're coming with us." They dragged him away, and no one else bothered to help him.
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Ohhhhh, poooor Tyler. I think he might have pissed Niobe off. That is always a bad thing. Heh, I'm mean. I haven't unplugged the poor man yet. Patience, y'all....
Anyway, I normally don't directly respond to reviews, but in this case....
*Kitsune-Chan 8* You know, I have never told you how much I appreciate your reviews. You are one of the few reasons why I didn't delete "Of Mutilated Cars and Albino Twins". I'm glad that you think I'm funny, and I'm glad you enjoy my Tyler-punishment. All in all, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!
*Aeyvi Allen Poe* Why, thank you! I think I might start blushing...
Anyhow, drop the reviews, and I'll continue soon...Tyler plushies in advance to those who review...
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Two: Essaywhuman??!!??
---------------------
"Cuz I'm the B-b-b-b-b-Black Thought! I'd like to t-t-t-t-t-take a shot!" -Black Thought, The Roots, "Essaywhuman??!!??"
---------------------
Tyler woke up in a rather nice E Class Benz on his way to the airport. His hands were bound, his feet bound together, and he found himself in a quite uncomfortable position for such a long drive. Luckily for him and our amusement, his mouth was not gagged in any such way. He chose to talk.
"Er...Cain?" He spoke to the driver. "Is there any way I can call my boss or something? It'll be a pretty bad blemish to not show up to work today without any sort of explanation..."
Cain smacked Tyler upside the head without taking his eyes of the road. "Shut up. You're coming back to the chateau."
Tyler's eyes reached the size of beach balls as he ascertained the situation. "So you guys weren't kidding when you said that I was going to go back to the Merovingian?"
Abel sighed and rolled his eyes. "No. We weren't."
"Oh." Tyler paused as he allowed the information to sink back in. He came to the conclusion that royal jester or not, the Merovingian still probably hated him for (not really) messing around with his wife. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
Abel turned to Tyler from the passenger side of the car and peered at him carefully over his glasses. "What did you just say?" he asked in a mix of wonder and slight amusement.
"Oh, 'essaywhuman??!!??'? It's sort of a mix of phrases."
"Really? Break it down for me."
Cain growled. "I don't need your stupid little conversations today, Abel..."
"I need something to do, brother. Back the fuck off." Abel turned his attention back to Tyler. "Break it down, now."
Tyler obeyed. "Well, first you start off with 'is'."
"Is." Abel repeated, ignoring Cain's growing irritation.
"Then 'say'."
"Say."
"Whut."
"Whut?"
"It's the black way of saying it, play along here."
"Okay...whut."
"Then finally, 'man'."
"Man."
"Put it all together now."
"Itsaywhutman."
"Excellent. Now, take out the 'teh' sound in it."
"Isaywhutman."
"Add an 'eh' sound to that."
"Essaywhutman."
"And take out the 'teh' sound on that whut."
"Essaywhuman?"
"Yeah! Essaywhuman??!??"
Abel grinned widely. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
Tyler swayed as much as he could, which was rather hard considering the bind he was in. "Essaywhuman??!!??"
"Essaywhuman??!!??" Abel's shoulders moved up and down in his pathetic imitation of dancing.
"Essaywhuman??!!??"
Cain whipped out a pistol and pointed it at Tyler's head. "Will you stop that fucking nonsense? It's irritating!" All without taking his eyes off the road.
Tyler backed off from his only form of entertainment. "Sorry...sorry..."
Abel snorted in contempt of his brother's behavior, and turned on the radio. A very "phat" beat emitted from the speakers. He turned his head towards the back seat to see Tyler bumping his head up and down in a strange fashion. "What the hell are you doing?"
Tyler looked at him as if he were from a different planet. "Don't tell me you've never heard this song before."
Abel perked his ears for a moment, then shook his head.
Tyler shook off his ignorance, and went back to the song. "To the windooooooooow, to the walls!"
Abel looked at Tyler with even more curiosity. "To the walls?"
"Till the sweat drop down mah balls!"
"Balls?"
"Now all you bitches crawl!"
"Crawl?"
"Now all skeet skeet muthaFUCKAS!"
Cain raised his hand to knock Tyler out once more, only to be stopped by Abel. "Are you nuts? You'd probably kill him!"
"I doubt it," the taller werewolf snapped back.
They soon, as all siblings do, engaged in a very heated argument about how many times a human could be knocked out within an hour without killing him in the process. Tyler took this opportunity to struggle violently with his binds, and as they made their way into the airport parking lot, his limbs were free. As Cain slowed to a crawl in order to find an open space, Tyler kicked the door open and rolled out, SWAT style. He sprinted for the nearest place he could find: the airport. He turned to see Cain and Abel leaping out of their car, pointing at him and screaming at each other for whoever's incompetence.
Running into the actual airport, Tyler realized, probably wasn't that great of an idea, but he was too panicked and hyperactive to really care. As he knocked over strollers and old ladies in his rush to escape the werewolf brothers, he slammed directly into a leather-coated chest.
Tyler flew back from the force, and looked up to see a short, Asian man standing next to a taller, angrier black woman. As the glare upon the black woman's face grew, Tyler knew (from his experience with angry black women) that he had found himself in some deep ass shit.
The man picked Tyler up by his collar with a shocking amount of strength, and the woman snapped, "You're coming with us." They dragged him away, and no one else bothered to help him.
--------------------------
Ohhhhh, poooor Tyler. I think he might have pissed Niobe off. That is always a bad thing. Heh, I'm mean. I haven't unplugged the poor man yet. Patience, y'all....
Anyway, I normally don't directly respond to reviews, but in this case....
*Kitsune-Chan 8* You know, I have never told you how much I appreciate your reviews. You are one of the few reasons why I didn't delete "Of Mutilated Cars and Albino Twins". I'm glad that you think I'm funny, and I'm glad you enjoy my Tyler-punishment. All in all, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!
*Aeyvi Allen Poe* Why, thank you! I think I might start blushing...
Anyhow, drop the reviews, and I'll continue soon...Tyler plushies in advance to those who review...