Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Four: Five Across The Eyes
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"Well shit, if I knew that I was going to nearly drown in six billion people's shit, eat single-cell gray blobs, and have to wear these ugly-ass clothes, I would have never taken that damn pill."
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Niobe drove down whatever Canadian street on the way to some random warehouse where they could safely unplug Tyler. Unfortunately, this warehouse in question was rather far from the airport if you were not taking the freeway there, and Tyler was growing rather impatient.
He spoke up. "Umm...Niobe? Ma'am? You could get there much faster if you just took the freeway..."
Both Niobe and Ghost immediately turned in their seats to serve him the double-death-glare-attack, and he shrank to a height of two centimeters in his seat. He did not speak up again for another fifteen minutes, but as we all know, this fic would not be funny if Tyler never spoke.
"Hey, it's kinda boring in here, don't you think? Let's turn on the radio or something."
Ghost looked at him through the rearview mirror. "Will it get you to shut up?"
Tyler contemplated, then, "Uh...sure."
Ghost obliged. A few top 40 hits went by, then suddenly one of Tyler's favorite songs was on. He tapped his feet. He bopped his head. He tried to do everything but sing out loud. Unfortunately:
"Face the wall shawty! Put yo hands on it! Make it bounce up and down and make a nigga want it!"
Five across the eyes, Niobe hit hard. It hurt.
****
Tyler sat at the table with a pad and a pen, scribbling furiously while Niobe set down the red pill in front of him. Ghost looked over at him curiously. "What are you doing?"
"I'm writing down all the things I need when I reenter the Matrix after I'm unplugged," Tyler muttered from his paper. He read part of his list to himself. "Let's see...Nuke my ex-girlfriend's house...Shoot the Merovingian...watch more Quentin Tarantino...go to a Pretty Girls Make Graves show...convince my cousin to let me meet Electric Six...ah yes! Teach Abel how to dance."
Both Niobe and Ghost turned abruptly. "What?"
"Have you seen that boy? He has no rhythm! He put The Roots to shame with his dancing...I use that term so loosely."
Niobe sighed. "Take the damn pill, Tyler."
Tyler held up a hand to silence her. (Not really. You can't silence Niobe, you know this.) "Just one moment." He finished the last line with an extravagant flourish, and grabbed the pill. "Hey, y'all got any water?" Niobe's death glare said no.
Tyler took the pill.
****
Within twenty-four hours, Tyler was unplugged and dangerous. He was also still trying to get over the layers of shit that he was covered in.
He decided to take a small tour around Zion in order to get himself oriented. One thing was for sure, the city was a lot shittier than he had hoped. Shouldn't it be all Star Wars/Space Odyssey and stuff?
He tugged slightly at his shirt. Not Fubu, but it would have to do. At least, that's what Niobe said.
He found himself walking up to a random citizen of Zion. "Excuse me?"
The girl looked up at him. "Yes?"
"These clothes are made out of hemp, right?"
The girl nodded, intrigued that someone would ask a question about something so random and unimportant.
"So, uh, where would these hemp plants be grown?" Tyler's eyes shone with excitement and hope.
The girl's eyes narrowed, as if she were being forced to examine a very disgusting bug of some sort. "It's not that kind of hemp."
Tyler refused to be discouraged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say...where are they?" [A/N: Shouts to Kitsune-Chan 8 for this bit. It was too funny...I normally never advocate stealing jokes, but...I'll call this my own little shout-out.]
Zion was in for quite a bit.
---------------------
OKAY, I know that this chapter was oh so sketchy. I promise I'll fix it. Dang. You'll have to excuse me. AP test this Friday. Auuuuuugh! I'll write a song about it. I promise.
*Angel-Of-Lightness* Why thank you! I think I'm blushing by now...you know, I have never enjoyed Trin/Neo fics...it's just me.
*Megami no Inazumi* Thank you too. I'm actually quite glad I started a sequel too. It's a bit more serious, and has a better plot.
*Kitsune-Chan 8* Ahhh, yes, my favorite reviewer. Yes, I did use your idea. It was too funny. Sort of a shout-out within a fic. And wait...Tyler will meet with Squiddies soon.
*Yar Kramer* Thanks much. I can't stand most Mary Sues, for some reason. Personal preference...
Oh, fuck it, he'll meet the Squiddies next chapter. Can't put that off. And I'll be getting back to the original plot too. I'm hating this chapter...I really am.
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Four: Five Across The Eyes
------------------
"Well shit, if I knew that I was going to nearly drown in six billion people's shit, eat single-cell gray blobs, and have to wear these ugly-ass clothes, I would have never taken that damn pill."
------------------
Niobe drove down whatever Canadian street on the way to some random warehouse where they could safely unplug Tyler. Unfortunately, this warehouse in question was rather far from the airport if you were not taking the freeway there, and Tyler was growing rather impatient.
He spoke up. "Umm...Niobe? Ma'am? You could get there much faster if you just took the freeway..."
Both Niobe and Ghost immediately turned in their seats to serve him the double-death-glare-attack, and he shrank to a height of two centimeters in his seat. He did not speak up again for another fifteen minutes, but as we all know, this fic would not be funny if Tyler never spoke.
"Hey, it's kinda boring in here, don't you think? Let's turn on the radio or something."
Ghost looked at him through the rearview mirror. "Will it get you to shut up?"
Tyler contemplated, then, "Uh...sure."
Ghost obliged. A few top 40 hits went by, then suddenly one of Tyler's favorite songs was on. He tapped his feet. He bopped his head. He tried to do everything but sing out loud. Unfortunately:
"Face the wall shawty! Put yo hands on it! Make it bounce up and down and make a nigga want it!"
Five across the eyes, Niobe hit hard. It hurt.
****
Tyler sat at the table with a pad and a pen, scribbling furiously while Niobe set down the red pill in front of him. Ghost looked over at him curiously. "What are you doing?"
"I'm writing down all the things I need when I reenter the Matrix after I'm unplugged," Tyler muttered from his paper. He read part of his list to himself. "Let's see...Nuke my ex-girlfriend's house...Shoot the Merovingian...watch more Quentin Tarantino...go to a Pretty Girls Make Graves show...convince my cousin to let me meet Electric Six...ah yes! Teach Abel how to dance."
Both Niobe and Ghost turned abruptly. "What?"
"Have you seen that boy? He has no rhythm! He put The Roots to shame with his dancing...I use that term so loosely."
Niobe sighed. "Take the damn pill, Tyler."
Tyler held up a hand to silence her. (Not really. You can't silence Niobe, you know this.) "Just one moment." He finished the last line with an extravagant flourish, and grabbed the pill. "Hey, y'all got any water?" Niobe's death glare said no.
Tyler took the pill.
****
Within twenty-four hours, Tyler was unplugged and dangerous. He was also still trying to get over the layers of shit that he was covered in.
He decided to take a small tour around Zion in order to get himself oriented. One thing was for sure, the city was a lot shittier than he had hoped. Shouldn't it be all Star Wars/Space Odyssey and stuff?
He tugged slightly at his shirt. Not Fubu, but it would have to do. At least, that's what Niobe said.
He found himself walking up to a random citizen of Zion. "Excuse me?"
The girl looked up at him. "Yes?"
"These clothes are made out of hemp, right?"
The girl nodded, intrigued that someone would ask a question about something so random and unimportant.
"So, uh, where would these hemp plants be grown?" Tyler's eyes shone with excitement and hope.
The girl's eyes narrowed, as if she were being forced to examine a very disgusting bug of some sort. "It's not that kind of hemp."
Tyler refused to be discouraged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say...where are they?" [A/N: Shouts to Kitsune-Chan 8 for this bit. It was too funny...I normally never advocate stealing jokes, but...I'll call this my own little shout-out.]
Zion was in for quite a bit.
---------------------
OKAY, I know that this chapter was oh so sketchy. I promise I'll fix it. Dang. You'll have to excuse me. AP test this Friday. Auuuuuugh! I'll write a song about it. I promise.
*Angel-Of-Lightness* Why thank you! I think I'm blushing by now...you know, I have never enjoyed Trin/Neo fics...it's just me.
*Megami no Inazumi* Thank you too. I'm actually quite glad I started a sequel too. It's a bit more serious, and has a better plot.
*Kitsune-Chan 8* Ahhh, yes, my favorite reviewer. Yes, I did use your idea. It was too funny. Sort of a shout-out within a fic. And wait...Tyler will meet with Squiddies soon.
*Yar Kramer* Thanks much. I can't stand most Mary Sues, for some reason. Personal preference...
Oh, fuck it, he'll meet the Squiddies next chapter. Can't put that off. And I'll be getting back to the original plot too. I'm hating this chapter...I really am.