Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Six: Niobe Part Deux
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"Will you just shut the fuck up and jack in already?"
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Matter begets matter. Violence begets violence. Love begets love. Tyler begets irritated Zion.
However, he did show the Zionites that he was slightly intelligent (hello? He DOES have an MBA you know...), and so they decided that if we was kept busy and away from Squiddies, he would be approximately half as annoying. Which delegated the rest of the duties back to Sparks, who was quite happy to have his job back again.
Three more months into Tyler's assimilation into Zion, there had been absolutely nothing happening in the Matrix. The Merovingian wasn't capturing any more coppertops, and Agents just left the rebels alone. (Actually, Hype whipped Agent Johnson after she thought that he was dissing her by not chasing after her. She doesn't like being dissed.)
And so Tyler decided that he would like to jack back into the Matrix. Sparks then concluded that he, along with everyone else in Zion, was insane.
"Are you suicidal? The Merovingian'll probably kill you!"
"So you think I can't defend myself?" Tyler snapped, hunched over his bag and preparing to leave with the Tenshi.
"No, I'm saying that you'll probably need Hype to protect your ass."
Hype walked in at that moment. "You say that like being protected by a woman was a bad thing."
Sparks didn't really bother to watch his words. "Well, it's not if you don't care about being pussywhipped."
He soon became very well acquainted with Hype's fist.
----
Tyler had spent two months in training for his first Matrix expedition. In actuality, it probably could have taken less time, but Niobe found it imperative to make sure that Tyler wouldn't be able to eat solid foods for a week before declaring him ready.
He was getting very antsy before being jacked in, and Hype had to scream at him for a few times to stay still. Of course, the final result would be a bitch-slap across his cheek to get him to calm down. She truly was Niobe Part Deux.
He jacked in no problem, Hype following close behind. Tyler chose a pair of Desert Eagles, much at Sparks' protest ("Don't you know how much they suck?"), Hype a Beretta semiautomatic and a katana (Tyler laughed his ass off when he saw the sword, but stopped once she gave him her own death-glare).
They zipped out into the city in Hype's E Class Benz (surprisingly, the same one that Cain and Abel drove, only this one came in black). Tyler reached for the radio, only to have his hand smacked sharply away by Hype.
"What the fuck, wo --" he reconsidered his words, "--Hype?"
"You probably listen to shitty music."
Tyler resented that comment. "Excuse me? You don't know me."
"You were shouting Lil Jon at my sisters."
"What?" He honestly had no idea what she was talking about.
"Oh please. 'Bend over to the front, touch your toes!' and 'Coolo! Hey, hey, hey, shake that puss-ay!' They're only seventeen."
Tyler blushed at his returned memory of the rather attractive twins. "Oh. Uh...they look much older."
"Keep talking."
He fell silent for the rest of the ride.
----
Tyler and Hype stood outside of an old, decaying building. He looked upon it with disgust. "What are we doing, exactly?"
"We're meeting up with an Exiled program."
"For what?"
She turned and glared at him through her sunglasses. "Are you questioning me?"
"No...uh, ma'am."
"Good, 'cause I'll cut off your balls and hand them to you. Don't fuck with me, Tyler. It's the principle of the thing, the principality even."
Hype was one of those girls who made a load of threats, but was still scary as fuck because you knew she was more than capable of sticking with them. Tyler threw up his hands in concession and followed her into the building.
His ears never forgave him again, for they were both met with a blast of angry punk rock. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Why the HELL are we going to an Outlaw Liberty show?"
She looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean? I thought you liked this kind of music?"
Tyler was taken aback that Hype would even know his interests, and that she even cared. He shook it off in light of the situation. "They're NEO-NAZI punks. We're not welcome here."
Hype allowed the information to sink in. "Oh. Shit." She deftly stepped aside and allowed a neo-Nazi punk to trip over her foot, falling face-first to the floor.
"Erm, Hype? I probably should have warned you not to do that..."
At that moment, a crowd of angry neo-Nazi punks, pumped up by the music and motivated by Hype's attack, circled around the two, literally growling and foaming at the mouth.
----
The Exile program known as Nova watched Hype and Tyler mow down the punks as if they were nothing more than irritating weeds on their otherwise perfect lawn. "Impressive," she muttered to herself, absently adjusting her white overcoat. She noticed a black smudge on her blindingly white boots, and she quickly wiped it away. She smoothed out her short, platinum-blonde hair as the two rebels made their way to another room, assuming that it was the exit.
She could hear the two bickering much like a married couple. The male was currently bitching the female out.
"What were you THINKING?"
The female refused to be shot down. "Excuse me? It was not my fault that we were summoned here!"
"Oh, but I guess it was cool to walk right through a Nazi show and trip some Nazi punks up?"
"Well, maybe if you never listened to that crap --"
"I do NOT listen to Nazi punk!"
"Yeah, well, we thought it'd be nice to humor you!"
"HUMOR me? What'd that supposed to mean?"
Nova decided it would be best to interrupt their debate, and she stepped out of the shadows.
Both Tyler and Nova whipped out their guns at the sound of someone's footsteps. "Who the hell are you?" Hype demanded.
Nova held her hands up to show that she wasn't armed. "My name is Nova. I am the Exile that asked you to come here."
Both rebels refused to put away their weapons. "So you're going to tell us something about the Merovingian?"
"Yes. There is a coppertop who went hacking one day, and found the code of the Mainframe. Thinking it was some sort of game, she created a code to eliminate all programs in the Matrix."
Hype's eyes transformed to tiny slits. "What does that have to do with us?"
"The Merovingian is threatening the massacre of every single human plugged into the Matrix if the code or the creator is not destroyed."
Tyler rolled his eyes. "He's French. He won't do it."
"He's threatening to just to anger the rebels. He thinks that if the rebels are angry enough, they'll take it out on the Machines for not having deleted the Merovingian a long time ago."
"So his plan to restart the war is still in play?"
"Very much so."
Hype wasn't buying it. "What do you want with US?"
"You two have to find the hacker and convince her to get rid of the cheat code without trying to tell her the Truth. Either that, or you kill her."
"I still don't believe it."
Nova held up a picture. "Then believe this."
Tyler examined the photo carefully, and then cracked up. Nova grew irritated as he clutched his sides with laughter. "What is so funny?"
He strained to talk. "You...must...be...bull..shitting...'cause...that...woman...is...my...ex-girlfriend..."
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Whooooooa, cliffhanger! (Not really.) But, what is this? Could Tyler's ex-big booty ho be a hacker genius? Will Tyler be willing to talk to her, or even stand within a twenty-five kilometer radius of her? Hmm...let's find out in the next chapter! hahahahaha.
Kitsune-Chan I know! I'm glad that this fic has a real Matrix-related plot. As opposed to its predecessor, where I just threw in some Matrix jokes. I'm pretty happy with this one, although the first one's funnier. And yes, Hype is like the Niobe we never knew.
You know what folks? I'm actually considering a sort-of romance between Hype and Tyler. Tell me that I'm insane, so I'll get off of that idea. Me? Write ROMANCE? Hahahahahaha!!! (coughcoughI'mwritingaYuGiOhromanceaswespeakcoughcough).
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Six: Niobe Part Deux
-----------------
"Will you just shut the fuck up and jack in already?"
-----------------
Matter begets matter. Violence begets violence. Love begets love. Tyler begets irritated Zion.
However, he did show the Zionites that he was slightly intelligent (hello? He DOES have an MBA you know...), and so they decided that if we was kept busy and away from Squiddies, he would be approximately half as annoying. Which delegated the rest of the duties back to Sparks, who was quite happy to have his job back again.
Three more months into Tyler's assimilation into Zion, there had been absolutely nothing happening in the Matrix. The Merovingian wasn't capturing any more coppertops, and Agents just left the rebels alone. (Actually, Hype whipped Agent Johnson after she thought that he was dissing her by not chasing after her. She doesn't like being dissed.)
And so Tyler decided that he would like to jack back into the Matrix. Sparks then concluded that he, along with everyone else in Zion, was insane.
"Are you suicidal? The Merovingian'll probably kill you!"
"So you think I can't defend myself?" Tyler snapped, hunched over his bag and preparing to leave with the Tenshi.
"No, I'm saying that you'll probably need Hype to protect your ass."
Hype walked in at that moment. "You say that like being protected by a woman was a bad thing."
Sparks didn't really bother to watch his words. "Well, it's not if you don't care about being pussywhipped."
He soon became very well acquainted with Hype's fist.
----
Tyler had spent two months in training for his first Matrix expedition. In actuality, it probably could have taken less time, but Niobe found it imperative to make sure that Tyler wouldn't be able to eat solid foods for a week before declaring him ready.
He was getting very antsy before being jacked in, and Hype had to scream at him for a few times to stay still. Of course, the final result would be a bitch-slap across his cheek to get him to calm down. She truly was Niobe Part Deux.
He jacked in no problem, Hype following close behind. Tyler chose a pair of Desert Eagles, much at Sparks' protest ("Don't you know how much they suck?"), Hype a Beretta semiautomatic and a katana (Tyler laughed his ass off when he saw the sword, but stopped once she gave him her own death-glare).
They zipped out into the city in Hype's E Class Benz (surprisingly, the same one that Cain and Abel drove, only this one came in black). Tyler reached for the radio, only to have his hand smacked sharply away by Hype.
"What the fuck, wo --" he reconsidered his words, "--Hype?"
"You probably listen to shitty music."
Tyler resented that comment. "Excuse me? You don't know me."
"You were shouting Lil Jon at my sisters."
"What?" He honestly had no idea what she was talking about.
"Oh please. 'Bend over to the front, touch your toes!' and 'Coolo! Hey, hey, hey, shake that puss-ay!' They're only seventeen."
Tyler blushed at his returned memory of the rather attractive twins. "Oh. Uh...they look much older."
"Keep talking."
He fell silent for the rest of the ride.
----
Tyler and Hype stood outside of an old, decaying building. He looked upon it with disgust. "What are we doing, exactly?"
"We're meeting up with an Exiled program."
"For what?"
She turned and glared at him through her sunglasses. "Are you questioning me?"
"No...uh, ma'am."
"Good, 'cause I'll cut off your balls and hand them to you. Don't fuck with me, Tyler. It's the principle of the thing, the principality even."
Hype was one of those girls who made a load of threats, but was still scary as fuck because you knew she was more than capable of sticking with them. Tyler threw up his hands in concession and followed her into the building.
His ears never forgave him again, for they were both met with a blast of angry punk rock. He tapped her on the shoulder. "Why the HELL are we going to an Outlaw Liberty show?"
She looked at him with confusion. "What do you mean? I thought you liked this kind of music?"
Tyler was taken aback that Hype would even know his interests, and that she even cared. He shook it off in light of the situation. "They're NEO-NAZI punks. We're not welcome here."
Hype allowed the information to sink in. "Oh. Shit." She deftly stepped aside and allowed a neo-Nazi punk to trip over her foot, falling face-first to the floor.
"Erm, Hype? I probably should have warned you not to do that..."
At that moment, a crowd of angry neo-Nazi punks, pumped up by the music and motivated by Hype's attack, circled around the two, literally growling and foaming at the mouth.
----
The Exile program known as Nova watched Hype and Tyler mow down the punks as if they were nothing more than irritating weeds on their otherwise perfect lawn. "Impressive," she muttered to herself, absently adjusting her white overcoat. She noticed a black smudge on her blindingly white boots, and she quickly wiped it away. She smoothed out her short, platinum-blonde hair as the two rebels made their way to another room, assuming that it was the exit.
She could hear the two bickering much like a married couple. The male was currently bitching the female out.
"What were you THINKING?"
The female refused to be shot down. "Excuse me? It was not my fault that we were summoned here!"
"Oh, but I guess it was cool to walk right through a Nazi show and trip some Nazi punks up?"
"Well, maybe if you never listened to that crap --"
"I do NOT listen to Nazi punk!"
"Yeah, well, we thought it'd be nice to humor you!"
"HUMOR me? What'd that supposed to mean?"
Nova decided it would be best to interrupt their debate, and she stepped out of the shadows.
Both Tyler and Nova whipped out their guns at the sound of someone's footsteps. "Who the hell are you?" Hype demanded.
Nova held her hands up to show that she wasn't armed. "My name is Nova. I am the Exile that asked you to come here."
Both rebels refused to put away their weapons. "So you're going to tell us something about the Merovingian?"
"Yes. There is a coppertop who went hacking one day, and found the code of the Mainframe. Thinking it was some sort of game, she created a code to eliminate all programs in the Matrix."
Hype's eyes transformed to tiny slits. "What does that have to do with us?"
"The Merovingian is threatening the massacre of every single human plugged into the Matrix if the code or the creator is not destroyed."
Tyler rolled his eyes. "He's French. He won't do it."
"He's threatening to just to anger the rebels. He thinks that if the rebels are angry enough, they'll take it out on the Machines for not having deleted the Merovingian a long time ago."
"So his plan to restart the war is still in play?"
"Very much so."
Hype wasn't buying it. "What do you want with US?"
"You two have to find the hacker and convince her to get rid of the cheat code without trying to tell her the Truth. Either that, or you kill her."
"I still don't believe it."
Nova held up a picture. "Then believe this."
Tyler examined the photo carefully, and then cracked up. Nova grew irritated as he clutched his sides with laughter. "What is so funny?"
He strained to talk. "You...must...be...bull..shitting...'cause...that...woman...is...my...ex-girlfriend..."
------------------
Whooooooa, cliffhanger! (Not really.) But, what is this? Could Tyler's ex-big booty ho be a hacker genius? Will Tyler be willing to talk to her, or even stand within a twenty-five kilometer radius of her? Hmm...let's find out in the next chapter! hahahahaha.
Kitsune-Chan I know! I'm glad that this fic has a real Matrix-related plot. As opposed to its predecessor, where I just threw in some Matrix jokes. I'm pretty happy with this one, although the first one's funnier. And yes, Hype is like the Niobe we never knew.
You know what folks? I'm actually considering a sort-of romance between Hype and Tyler. Tell me that I'm insane, so I'll get off of that idea. Me? Write ROMANCE? Hahahahahaha!!! (coughcoughI'mwritingaYuGiOhromanceaswespeakcoughcough).