Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Ten: Big Booty Hos
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"I like big butts and I cannot lie. You otha brothas can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a rump that's in yo face, ya get SPRUNG." -Sir Mix A Lot, "Baby Got Back"
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The Merovingian rolled his eyes. Hype rolled her eyes. Tyler rolled his eyes. If the weapons and other assorted torture tools had eyes, they would be rolling them. In fact, every thing that was composed of any sort of matter either was or would be rolling their eyes, with the obvious exception of Psycho Ex.
"Now see," Tyler started, "What I don't get is if you don't want the programs of the Matrix to be deleted, why do you want us to not get the code?"
"Don't you see?" the Merovingian said. "Vith that code in my control, the System von't have anything over me! Deleting Agents at my vill, I vill have complete control over every program in the Matrix!"
"This plot doesn't make a lot of sense," Hype complained.
Oh shut up, Hype.
"What? You know it's true! At first the Merovingian wants to kill Tyler because of his jealous rage, and then he wants to kill him so he can restart the war, and all of a sudden Tyler's ex becomes a super-computer genius who somehow creates a code that will somehow delete every program in the Matrix, and so the Merovingian wants the code eliminated or he'll start killing coppertops, and NOW all of a sudden he wants the code for himself so he can control the programs of the Matrix? Where is this going?"
I said shut UP, Hype. I am God in this fic. I gave you life. I can take it away.
"Oooooh, that's REAL scary. What are you going to do? Have Cujo torture me? I'm an OC, fool, no one cares that much. Now, if I were Niobe, people would care. So what's your problem? How come you didn't make me Niobe?"
Because 1) Niobe would have kicked everyone's ass already, 2) she would have never stood for Roll Call, and 3) if Tyler tried to make a move on her, he would have been annihilated by her and Morpheus, consecutively. (A/N: Arrrrgh! That is SO passive voice!)
"Hold up! Wait a minute! Are you saying that you were serious about this whole romance thing between me and Tyler? We're not gonna end up together, are we?"
Maybe, maybe not...
"Hey...hey! Don't you mess with me like that! Hey, I'm talking to you!" Hype kicked and screamed furiously in the air.
Tyler, Psycho Ex, and the Merovingian all stared. "Umm...Hype?"
"What, Tyler?!" she raged.
"Who are you talking to?"
Everyone stared some more at her strange behavior. Anger seemed to be the only way to get them off of her back. "What the fuck does it matter to you?!"
"Vhatever," the Merovingian shook that off. "Anyvay, it's either I get the code or she dies."
"And I SAID, French nigga," Psycho Ex cut in, "that ain't NOBODY gonna bust a cap on me! I suggest, boo --"
"Boo?!" Tyler interrupted, "I KNOW you ain't talkin' to me, ho!"
"--that you make this Eurotrash back the fuck off, or I'ma cut yo ass!"
Everyone rolled their eyes again. "Bitch PLEASE," Tyler snapped.
The Merovingian sighed and put his gun away. "Zis isn't going anywhere."
Not you too, Merovingian.
"Vhat? It isn't. You're just throwing togezer some tired old jokes and ghetto slang in hopes to derive a laugh."
Shut UP, Merovingian...
"Don't get angry vith ME just because you can't write a proper humor story..."
Watch it...I am --
"Oui, oui, I know...you're 'God' in zis story..." The Merovingian begrudgingly turned back to the rebels. "Zo, vhat vill it be?...Hm?" Both Tyler and Hype were out of their bonds and somehow disappeared.
He turned around to see that Psycho Ex was gone too.
----
Tyler, Hype, and Psycho Ex crawled through the ventilation system of the chateau. "Oh isn't this great. Here I am, a great rebel, running away from some French guy. How rebellious!" Tyler grumbled.
Hype turned her head and glared. "Shut UP, Tyler."
"I be with her on this one, boo. Shut yo trap," Psycho Ex concurred.
Tyler ignored her, and spoke up to Hype. "Hey, what is your problem anyway? Why are you such a hard ass?"
Hype rolled her eyes. "Oooh! What is this gonna be? A cheesy recap?"
Will you shut up and stick to the story? Look at the title of this chapter. "Big Booty Hos", not "Insolent Characters Bash Their Author And Their God".
Hype shrugged and finally went back to our plot. "Why do you care, Tyler?"
Tyler shrugged as best as he could given the small amount of space in the vent. "Because I'd like to know. Is that so bad?"
"You can forget it."
"It was Delta, wasn't it?"
Hype stopped in her tracks, forcing the other two to slam into her. "What do you know about him?"
"I know he's your ex-boyfriend, and that he's six feet under."
"Who told you this?"
"That's not the issue." Tyler paused. "He betrayed you, didn't he." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact.
"That's not your business."
"It probably isn't. But what he did that night wasn't your fault --"
Hype slapped him. "Shut up. What happened that night has nothing to do with you." She saw Psycho Ex gawking at her. "What the fuck are YOU looking at? Let's move!" She resumed her crawling. Mid step, she mused, "That's the first time you've ever been serious, Tyler."
"Probably will be the last." He grinned.
A long pause, then: "Hey, yo. This shit's messed up. How come I'm out of this?"
"Shut yo trap, girl!"
"Shut MAH trap? Nigga, you gonna shut it fo me?"
Tyler and Psycho Ex argued for the rest of the trip through the vents.
-----------------------
Hm. A bit of background for Hype, yeeees...actual stuff pertaining to the plot, nooooo. Eh. This one was a little serious. I don't do serious very well.
-Kitsune-Chan- hahahahaha...roll call IS fun. Hype is much like Selena from 28 Days Later, I didn't realize that until now. I'll insert little background bits throughout the rest.
Oh mah gad! Ten chapters already?! I just might reach my estimate of fifteen chapters! This is the longest fic I have ever written. I've already past the 10,000 word mark...WOW. oO
Reviews make me feel good and encourage me to continue. You want to boost my self-esteem. So review.
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Ten: Big Booty Hos
-----------------
"I like big butts and I cannot lie. You otha brothas can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a rump that's in yo face, ya get SPRUNG." -Sir Mix A Lot, "Baby Got Back"
-----------------
The Merovingian rolled his eyes. Hype rolled her eyes. Tyler rolled his eyes. If the weapons and other assorted torture tools had eyes, they would be rolling them. In fact, every thing that was composed of any sort of matter either was or would be rolling their eyes, with the obvious exception of Psycho Ex.
"Now see," Tyler started, "What I don't get is if you don't want the programs of the Matrix to be deleted, why do you want us to not get the code?"
"Don't you see?" the Merovingian said. "Vith that code in my control, the System von't have anything over me! Deleting Agents at my vill, I vill have complete control over every program in the Matrix!"
"This plot doesn't make a lot of sense," Hype complained.
Oh shut up, Hype.
"What? You know it's true! At first the Merovingian wants to kill Tyler because of his jealous rage, and then he wants to kill him so he can restart the war, and all of a sudden Tyler's ex becomes a super-computer genius who somehow creates a code that will somehow delete every program in the Matrix, and so the Merovingian wants the code eliminated or he'll start killing coppertops, and NOW all of a sudden he wants the code for himself so he can control the programs of the Matrix? Where is this going?"
I said shut UP, Hype. I am God in this fic. I gave you life. I can take it away.
"Oooooh, that's REAL scary. What are you going to do? Have Cujo torture me? I'm an OC, fool, no one cares that much. Now, if I were Niobe, people would care. So what's your problem? How come you didn't make me Niobe?"
Because 1) Niobe would have kicked everyone's ass already, 2) she would have never stood for Roll Call, and 3) if Tyler tried to make a move on her, he would have been annihilated by her and Morpheus, consecutively. (A/N: Arrrrgh! That is SO passive voice!)
"Hold up! Wait a minute! Are you saying that you were serious about this whole romance thing between me and Tyler? We're not gonna end up together, are we?"
Maybe, maybe not...
"Hey...hey! Don't you mess with me like that! Hey, I'm talking to you!" Hype kicked and screamed furiously in the air.
Tyler, Psycho Ex, and the Merovingian all stared. "Umm...Hype?"
"What, Tyler?!" she raged.
"Who are you talking to?"
Everyone stared some more at her strange behavior. Anger seemed to be the only way to get them off of her back. "What the fuck does it matter to you?!"
"Vhatever," the Merovingian shook that off. "Anyvay, it's either I get the code or she dies."
"And I SAID, French nigga," Psycho Ex cut in, "that ain't NOBODY gonna bust a cap on me! I suggest, boo --"
"Boo?!" Tyler interrupted, "I KNOW you ain't talkin' to me, ho!"
"--that you make this Eurotrash back the fuck off, or I'ma cut yo ass!"
Everyone rolled their eyes again. "Bitch PLEASE," Tyler snapped.
The Merovingian sighed and put his gun away. "Zis isn't going anywhere."
Not you too, Merovingian.
"Vhat? It isn't. You're just throwing togezer some tired old jokes and ghetto slang in hopes to derive a laugh."
Shut UP, Merovingian...
"Don't get angry vith ME just because you can't write a proper humor story..."
Watch it...I am --
"Oui, oui, I know...you're 'God' in zis story..." The Merovingian begrudgingly turned back to the rebels. "Zo, vhat vill it be?...Hm?" Both Tyler and Hype were out of their bonds and somehow disappeared.
He turned around to see that Psycho Ex was gone too.
----
Tyler, Hype, and Psycho Ex crawled through the ventilation system of the chateau. "Oh isn't this great. Here I am, a great rebel, running away from some French guy. How rebellious!" Tyler grumbled.
Hype turned her head and glared. "Shut UP, Tyler."
"I be with her on this one, boo. Shut yo trap," Psycho Ex concurred.
Tyler ignored her, and spoke up to Hype. "Hey, what is your problem anyway? Why are you such a hard ass?"
Hype rolled her eyes. "Oooh! What is this gonna be? A cheesy recap?"
Will you shut up and stick to the story? Look at the title of this chapter. "Big Booty Hos", not "Insolent Characters Bash Their Author And Their God".
Hype shrugged and finally went back to our plot. "Why do you care, Tyler?"
Tyler shrugged as best as he could given the small amount of space in the vent. "Because I'd like to know. Is that so bad?"
"You can forget it."
"It was Delta, wasn't it?"
Hype stopped in her tracks, forcing the other two to slam into her. "What do you know about him?"
"I know he's your ex-boyfriend, and that he's six feet under."
"Who told you this?"
"That's not the issue." Tyler paused. "He betrayed you, didn't he." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact.
"That's not your business."
"It probably isn't. But what he did that night wasn't your fault --"
Hype slapped him. "Shut up. What happened that night has nothing to do with you." She saw Psycho Ex gawking at her. "What the fuck are YOU looking at? Let's move!" She resumed her crawling. Mid step, she mused, "That's the first time you've ever been serious, Tyler."
"Probably will be the last." He grinned.
A long pause, then: "Hey, yo. This shit's messed up. How come I'm out of this?"
"Shut yo trap, girl!"
"Shut MAH trap? Nigga, you gonna shut it fo me?"
Tyler and Psycho Ex argued for the rest of the trip through the vents.
-----------------------
Hm. A bit of background for Hype, yeeees...actual stuff pertaining to the plot, nooooo. Eh. This one was a little serious. I don't do serious very well.
-Kitsune-Chan- hahahahaha...roll call IS fun. Hype is much like Selena from 28 Days Later, I didn't realize that until now. I'll insert little background bits throughout the rest.
Oh mah gad! Ten chapters already?! I just might reach my estimate of fifteen chapters! This is the longest fic I have ever written. I've already past the 10,000 word mark...WOW. oO
Reviews make me feel good and encourage me to continue. You want to boost my self-esteem. So review.