Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Twelve: Token Happy Black Man
--------------
"Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?!" -Wayne Brady (the most whitewashed black man in TV history), the Chappelle show
---------------
Two days later, after swallowing gray blob and taking a hot shower, Tyler decided that he had a sub-mission once he and Hype plugged back in to retrieve (and eliminate) the code. Hype was brooding over apparently nothing. It was now his job to make her happy...or at least, the violently aggressive person that she normally was. Even though he wasn't in the best mood himself. (Psycho Ex was so draining...)
He made his way to the Tenshi. "Hey! Tyler!" Sparks jogged up to him and smacked him on the shoulder in a friendly fashion.
"What?"
"Are you ready?"
"Ready for what?"
"For ten hours or more of running, shooting, jumping, kicking, and cursing!" Sparks grinned widely. "What else?"
"You make it sound so fun..." Tyler grumbled.
"What? It's not?"
Tyler stopped abruptly, causing Sparks to crash into him and drop all of his things. "YOU try it."
Sparks didn't speak to Tyler for the rest of that day.
----
Tyler and Hype jacked in, and looked around the warehouse. She picked up the keys and made her way to the Benz, but at that moment his foot connected with hers and in one fluid motion, he had the keys in his hand. He jangled them in her face. "You wantin' THESE?"
Hype only glared. "I suggest that you rethink your actions, Tyler."
Tyler grinned widely. "Ah ah, Hype. Today we are going to have BIG smiles."
She rolled her eyes in response. "You sound like my kindergarten teacher."
"Who knows?" His voice became very low and creepy sci-fi like. "Maybe I was..."
Five across the eyes, but this time it didn't have as much energy and luster. Slapping Tyler sometimes got old.
As he recovered from the blow, he gripped the keys tightly. "Don't matter how much you hit me, Hype, but I'm driving today."
She sighed and allowed it.
----
Tyler was having almost too much fun as he drove the E Class down the road. "Oh my god! This is such a nice car!"
"Hey, you idiot, you're supposed to make a right up here!"
Tyler swerved, and Hype would have been thrown onto his lap if she hadn't been wearing a seat belt. "It handles so-o-o-o well!" he squealed.
"You're behaving like a teenage girl!" Hype protested. "Get yourself under control, or I'm driving!"
Tyler chose not to hear such sensible words, and pulled a CD out of nowhere.
Hype stared at it. "The hell is that?"
"A CD, silly."
"I know that, fool."
Tyler put it into the CD player and pressed a button. "You and I are going to have to loosen up if we want to do this right."
Hype only sighed and rolled her eyes.
An echoing guitar solo poured out of the speakers. A second guitar joined in. A third, and a crashing cymbal. Tyler smiled. Then, "Girl!"
"What?" Hype was confused.
"I wanna take you to a gay bar!"
"The hell are you doing?"
"I wanna take you to a gay bar! I wanna take you to a gay bar! I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Tyler?!"
Tyler didn't respond, but only sang. "Let's start a war! Start a nuclear war! At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"
"Tyler --"
"Be quiet," Tyler shushed her, "this is my favorite part. Weeeeeeeeow!" He threw his head around to the electric guitar solo.
"You're insane, Tyler." She looked out the window.
Tyler's smile only grew wider. "No Electric Six? Fine, I've got a million of 'em!" He skipped to the next track. Another generic electric guitar opener. "You tell me what I wanna hear! I hear it all with my ears! But that won't do me any...something! So I use the something in my throat!"
"You don't really know the words do you?" Hype had to giggle.
"I got cyco vision! I got cyco vision! I said cyco vision! I got cyco vision!" Tyler bumped his head to overly heavy bass. "It doesn't matter what you say!" He pointed to Hype.
"Bullshit," she muttered along.
"It matters what you know!"
"Bullshit...this song sucks."
"Fine! On to the next one!" He skipped ahead. "The kombucha mushroom people, sitting around all day! Who, can believe you, who, can believe you, let your mother pray..."
"Nope."
Tyler wouldn't give up. "Revolution, the only solution! The armed response of an entire nation!"
"Forget it."
"You follow me down the fuckin' street, you make me feel like a piece of meat, you think I don't know what war means, now I'm the terrorist see how it feels...I'm gonna kill you! I'll cut you up, gouge out your eyes..."
"Give up Tyler."
"What? I thought you'd like that one, it's very feminist."
"Shut up." She looked him dead in the eye. "What is your problem anyway? What are you trying to achieve?"
"What happened with Delta wasn't all that bad, Hype," Tyler started quietly. "Sure, he was a damn coward, but in a way he did save your life."
"You think that's all I've been mulling over?" Hype snapped. "You're dense."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not sad because Delta got cowardice, or because he's dead. I'm sad because I am so damn confused. Like, why did the Agents go after him and not me and Fear? Why did they run after Delta and not Niobe's car?"
Tyler only smiled sadly. "Don't worry about it, Hype."
"Why?" she challenged. "Why shouldn't I worry about it?"
"Maybe..." he mused, "maybe it was just God introducing Himself."
"God?" she said quietly.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" He went back to the stereo. "Your world...not mine! Your world, not ours!"
Hype joined in. "Your world...not mine! Your world, not ours!"
Tyler raised an eyebrow as if to say, "You know this song?" Hype's nod said yes. He sang, "I'll resist with every inch and every breath!"
"I'll resist this psychic death!" Hype laughed out loud for the first time in days. "Ah, you're crazy, Tyler."
Tyler had the stars in his eyes as he replied, "Crazy in love with you, woman."
She didn't slap him, and only said, "I'll resist with every inch and every breath!"
"I'll resist this psychic death!"
----
They got to the Oracle's apartment in a giddy manner, singing Bikini Kill songs at the top of their lungs. One who didn't know any better would think that they were stupid drunk.
Hype knocked on the door, humming something about how she liked fucking but hated danger. The Oracle answered the door and looked at the two carefully. She nodded to Tyler. "What you're expecting will happen soon. But it may not be in the way you expected it."
Tyler looked at the Oracle, surprised, and then smiled to himself as he and Hype walked into the apartment. "Yo, boo."
"I said, I am NOT yo --"
Psycho Ex raised a hand. "Not today, yo. Didn't you hear? I'm with Denzel Washington!"
Tyler's jaw dropped to the ground. "What?!"
The Oracle pulled another batch of cookies from the oven. "It's true. I had to chase him away one night with my broom." She sighed. "If only I had Seraph around..."
He could only shake his head in wonder. "H-how did...? Howzit possible?!"
"Get over it, boo." Psycho Ex examined her six-inch, dangerously sharp nails. "I can get a man other than you."
Tyler was about to respond scathingly, but felt a nudge from the side. He looked to see a grinning Hype, and she quickly winked. He smiled to himself. She slipped her hand into his.
----
Tyler drove them back to Psycho Ex's home in order to retrieve the code. The Merovingian had apparently already been there, but he was unsuccessful in finding it. Psycho Ex really was good at what she did.
He slipped in another CD as Psycho Ex snorted. "Don't tell me you're going to listen to some more of that white boy music?"
"Shut up." He pressed play. "When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come? With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun?"
"When the law break in," Psycho Ex grumbled along, "how you gonna go? Shot down on the pavement or waiting in death row?" She snapped her gum loudly. "I've heard this song too many times, nigga!"
"Shut your mouth." He skipped to the next track anyway. "Jogging with Jesus! Please boy, believe us! I'ma go a-knocking on heaven's door! And I ain't gonna go to school no more!"
Hype grinned. "I know this." She shouted right along with Tyler, "I don't think you like me! But that won't affect me! I'll just call you a damn poser! I'll be punk rock while you run off with her!"
Psycho Ex sighed and sank into her seat. She didn't need to be seen with two crazy black punk rockers.
----
Continuing in my random, jumpy order, Tyler pulled up to Psycho Ex's home. She turned the key in the lock and allowed them in.
"Can I get y'all anything to drink?"
Tyler refused. Hype nodded. "Water, if you don't mind."
"No biggie. Be right back." She went for the kitchen, and Hype immediately yanked Tyler by his coat to the couch.
"A little fast, aren't we?" Tyler couldn't help but comment.
"Shut up." She kissed him on the cheek.
Tyler had to protest. "Well, damn, girl, I sacrificed my manhood and this is how you treat me?"
"I love you, you moron." She kissed him deeply.
A small cough interrupted the two. "Excuse me? I hate to cut in, but..."
Hype sighed. "Yes? What is it?"
"Erm, the Merovingian and four of his henchmen are right outside of my front door, and he's threatening to break it down and kill us all."
"Damn!"
-----------------
Hm. No comment. Sorry folks, this took me forever to write.
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Twelve: Token Happy Black Man
--------------
"Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?!" -Wayne Brady (the most whitewashed black man in TV history), the Chappelle show
---------------
Two days later, after swallowing gray blob and taking a hot shower, Tyler decided that he had a sub-mission once he and Hype plugged back in to retrieve (and eliminate) the code. Hype was brooding over apparently nothing. It was now his job to make her happy...or at least, the violently aggressive person that she normally was. Even though he wasn't in the best mood himself. (Psycho Ex was so draining...)
He made his way to the Tenshi. "Hey! Tyler!" Sparks jogged up to him and smacked him on the shoulder in a friendly fashion.
"What?"
"Are you ready?"
"Ready for what?"
"For ten hours or more of running, shooting, jumping, kicking, and cursing!" Sparks grinned widely. "What else?"
"You make it sound so fun..." Tyler grumbled.
"What? It's not?"
Tyler stopped abruptly, causing Sparks to crash into him and drop all of his things. "YOU try it."
Sparks didn't speak to Tyler for the rest of that day.
----
Tyler and Hype jacked in, and looked around the warehouse. She picked up the keys and made her way to the Benz, but at that moment his foot connected with hers and in one fluid motion, he had the keys in his hand. He jangled them in her face. "You wantin' THESE?"
Hype only glared. "I suggest that you rethink your actions, Tyler."
Tyler grinned widely. "Ah ah, Hype. Today we are going to have BIG smiles."
She rolled her eyes in response. "You sound like my kindergarten teacher."
"Who knows?" His voice became very low and creepy sci-fi like. "Maybe I was..."
Five across the eyes, but this time it didn't have as much energy and luster. Slapping Tyler sometimes got old.
As he recovered from the blow, he gripped the keys tightly. "Don't matter how much you hit me, Hype, but I'm driving today."
She sighed and allowed it.
----
Tyler was having almost too much fun as he drove the E Class down the road. "Oh my god! This is such a nice car!"
"Hey, you idiot, you're supposed to make a right up here!"
Tyler swerved, and Hype would have been thrown onto his lap if she hadn't been wearing a seat belt. "It handles so-o-o-o well!" he squealed.
"You're behaving like a teenage girl!" Hype protested. "Get yourself under control, or I'm driving!"
Tyler chose not to hear such sensible words, and pulled a CD out of nowhere.
Hype stared at it. "The hell is that?"
"A CD, silly."
"I know that, fool."
Tyler put it into the CD player and pressed a button. "You and I are going to have to loosen up if we want to do this right."
Hype only sighed and rolled her eyes.
An echoing guitar solo poured out of the speakers. A second guitar joined in. A third, and a crashing cymbal. Tyler smiled. Then, "Girl!"
"What?" Hype was confused.
"I wanna take you to a gay bar!"
"The hell are you doing?"
"I wanna take you to a gay bar! I wanna take you to a gay bar! I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Tyler?!"
Tyler didn't respond, but only sang. "Let's start a war! Start a nuclear war! At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!"
"Tyler --"
"Be quiet," Tyler shushed her, "this is my favorite part. Weeeeeeeeow!" He threw his head around to the electric guitar solo.
"You're insane, Tyler." She looked out the window.
Tyler's smile only grew wider. "No Electric Six? Fine, I've got a million of 'em!" He skipped to the next track. Another generic electric guitar opener. "You tell me what I wanna hear! I hear it all with my ears! But that won't do me any...something! So I use the something in my throat!"
"You don't really know the words do you?" Hype had to giggle.
"I got cyco vision! I got cyco vision! I said cyco vision! I got cyco vision!" Tyler bumped his head to overly heavy bass. "It doesn't matter what you say!" He pointed to Hype.
"Bullshit," she muttered along.
"It matters what you know!"
"Bullshit...this song sucks."
"Fine! On to the next one!" He skipped ahead. "The kombucha mushroom people, sitting around all day! Who, can believe you, who, can believe you, let your mother pray..."
"Nope."
Tyler wouldn't give up. "Revolution, the only solution! The armed response of an entire nation!"
"Forget it."
"You follow me down the fuckin' street, you make me feel like a piece of meat, you think I don't know what war means, now I'm the terrorist see how it feels...I'm gonna kill you! I'll cut you up, gouge out your eyes..."
"Give up Tyler."
"What? I thought you'd like that one, it's very feminist."
"Shut up." She looked him dead in the eye. "What is your problem anyway? What are you trying to achieve?"
"What happened with Delta wasn't all that bad, Hype," Tyler started quietly. "Sure, he was a damn coward, but in a way he did save your life."
"You think that's all I've been mulling over?" Hype snapped. "You're dense."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not sad because Delta got cowardice, or because he's dead. I'm sad because I am so damn confused. Like, why did the Agents go after him and not me and Fear? Why did they run after Delta and not Niobe's car?"
Tyler only smiled sadly. "Don't worry about it, Hype."
"Why?" she challenged. "Why shouldn't I worry about it?"
"Maybe..." he mused, "maybe it was just God introducing Himself."
"God?" she said quietly.
"Yeah, sure. Why not?" He went back to the stereo. "Your world...not mine! Your world, not ours!"
Hype joined in. "Your world...not mine! Your world, not ours!"
Tyler raised an eyebrow as if to say, "You know this song?" Hype's nod said yes. He sang, "I'll resist with every inch and every breath!"
"I'll resist this psychic death!" Hype laughed out loud for the first time in days. "Ah, you're crazy, Tyler."
Tyler had the stars in his eyes as he replied, "Crazy in love with you, woman."
She didn't slap him, and only said, "I'll resist with every inch and every breath!"
"I'll resist this psychic death!"
----
They got to the Oracle's apartment in a giddy manner, singing Bikini Kill songs at the top of their lungs. One who didn't know any better would think that they were stupid drunk.
Hype knocked on the door, humming something about how she liked fucking but hated danger. The Oracle answered the door and looked at the two carefully. She nodded to Tyler. "What you're expecting will happen soon. But it may not be in the way you expected it."
Tyler looked at the Oracle, surprised, and then smiled to himself as he and Hype walked into the apartment. "Yo, boo."
"I said, I am NOT yo --"
Psycho Ex raised a hand. "Not today, yo. Didn't you hear? I'm with Denzel Washington!"
Tyler's jaw dropped to the ground. "What?!"
The Oracle pulled another batch of cookies from the oven. "It's true. I had to chase him away one night with my broom." She sighed. "If only I had Seraph around..."
He could only shake his head in wonder. "H-how did...? Howzit possible?!"
"Get over it, boo." Psycho Ex examined her six-inch, dangerously sharp nails. "I can get a man other than you."
Tyler was about to respond scathingly, but felt a nudge from the side. He looked to see a grinning Hype, and she quickly winked. He smiled to himself. She slipped her hand into his.
----
Tyler drove them back to Psycho Ex's home in order to retrieve the code. The Merovingian had apparently already been there, but he was unsuccessful in finding it. Psycho Ex really was good at what she did.
He slipped in another CD as Psycho Ex snorted. "Don't tell me you're going to listen to some more of that white boy music?"
"Shut up." He pressed play. "When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come? With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun?"
"When the law break in," Psycho Ex grumbled along, "how you gonna go? Shot down on the pavement or waiting in death row?" She snapped her gum loudly. "I've heard this song too many times, nigga!"
"Shut your mouth." He skipped to the next track anyway. "Jogging with Jesus! Please boy, believe us! I'ma go a-knocking on heaven's door! And I ain't gonna go to school no more!"
Hype grinned. "I know this." She shouted right along with Tyler, "I don't think you like me! But that won't affect me! I'll just call you a damn poser! I'll be punk rock while you run off with her!"
Psycho Ex sighed and sank into her seat. She didn't need to be seen with two crazy black punk rockers.
----
Continuing in my random, jumpy order, Tyler pulled up to Psycho Ex's home. She turned the key in the lock and allowed them in.
"Can I get y'all anything to drink?"
Tyler refused. Hype nodded. "Water, if you don't mind."
"No biggie. Be right back." She went for the kitchen, and Hype immediately yanked Tyler by his coat to the couch.
"A little fast, aren't we?" Tyler couldn't help but comment.
"Shut up." She kissed him on the cheek.
Tyler had to protest. "Well, damn, girl, I sacrificed my manhood and this is how you treat me?"
"I love you, you moron." She kissed him deeply.
A small cough interrupted the two. "Excuse me? I hate to cut in, but..."
Hype sighed. "Yes? What is it?"
"Erm, the Merovingian and four of his henchmen are right outside of my front door, and he's threatening to break it down and kill us all."
"Damn!"
-----------------
Hm. No comment. Sorry folks, this took me forever to write.