Unplugged and Dangerous
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Thirteen: I'm Not Down
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"I've been beat up, I've been thrown out, but I'm not down. I'm not down. I've been shown up, but I've grown up, and I'm not down. I'm not down." -The Clash, "I'm Not Down" (very inspiring words there...download this song, buy the album "London Calling", do anything to hear it)
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Tyler and Hype loaded their guns and readied themselves. Psycho Ex looked on with a mix of interest and pure fear. "Boo, I cannot believe you actually pack heat like that."
"You stupid or something?" Tyler snapped as he examined his Desert Eagles (which never stopped sucking). "How can I possibly go against the Merovingian without any guns?"
"Are you packing silver?"
"Don't be silly," Hype chided. "We carry nothing else now thanks to that flaming Frenchman."
"Oh." She ran back into the kitchen and emerged with an armful of wood. "Chances are he has some of dem bloodsuckers around."
Tyler pulled out a stake and examined it. "It'll do."
Hype smacked him over the head, and grabbed a stake for herself. "It'll MORE than do. Thanks...erm...you know, I've never caught your name."
Psycho Ex opened her mouth to reply, only to have it covered by Tyler. "Her name isn't relevant. We've got life eaters to mow down."
All three crouched behind the couch and watched the door carefully. "Prepare yourself," Hype whispered.
The door crashed open. Tyler rolled over to the loveseat, and aimed carefully for Tiger's head.
"Hello, Tyler." Said rebel jumped three feet into the air. "We are quite happy to see you."
Tyler rolled over the loveseat and pointed his guns at One. "Bullshit! You're here to kill us and take the code!"
"Perceptive," Two mused, and he pulled out a switchblade.
"Awk," Tyler sqeaked. "Ohshitohshitohshitohshit--"
"Tyler!" Hype shouted as she kicked Tiger in the head. "Don't be so damn stupid!"
"Are you cur-azy, woman?" Tyler shouted right back. "These guys just phase through everything I give them!"
"You are -- oof!" Hype doubled back from a blow delivered by Tiger.
Tyler squealed like a little girl. "We can't get rid of these guys!"
"Zat is quite right, you filthy humans." The Merovingian walked irritatingly calmly into the home and examined the damage. Already the sofas were riddled with bullet holes, and somehow the XBox had been reduced to black and green game goodness rubble. He snapped his fingers and all three programs returned to his side. "Now, vhere is ze code?"
Psycho Ex ran back into her den and saw the damage. "Mah XBox!"
Everyone in the room rolled their eyes. "You're rich now," Tyler said. "You could just buy another."
She glared daggers at Tyler. "Hell nah! We've had so many good times together...you can't just replace a homie like that!"
Tyler and Hype sighed deeply, and the Merovingian turned red. "Vhere is the code, human?!"
"Daaaaayum, Figga," Psycho Ex shrieked, "WHAT is yo motherfucking problem? I just lost mah XBOX thanks to you, you think I'ma gonna just give you the damn code now?"
"Very vell zhen." The Merovingian snapped his fingers, and even more programs swarmed the mansion. "You shall die." He stepped back and allowed the programs to advance.
"Well fine, if you gotta trip like that." Psycho Ex whipped a laptop out of nowhere. "You want the code? Come get it." She threw it directly at Tyler's head.
His first instinct was to fill it with bullets in order to protect his nice sunglasses. The computer fell to the floor in pieces.
"Vhat? You idiot! Retrieve ze hard drive, now!"
The Twins, smirking in their standard creepy way, phased through the floor and made their way to the destroyed laptop.
"Hell nah!" Hype shouted. "You are NOT getting this code!" She shot at the pieces herself, and crushed each one with her foot.
"That's not going to do it," Psycho Ex muttered, and she held out a palm. Tyler and Hype's eyes widened as a "ball" of green code formed in her hand.
"H-how?" Hype stuttered.
"Are you not human?" Tyler choked out.
Psycho Ex snorted loudly. "Hell nah. The Oracle taught me this trick." She lowered the ball to the computer pieces as Hype and Tyler fired wildly at the still-phased Twins. The Twins became solid, irritated with such an annoyance, and whipped out their razors once again.
Hype turned to check on Psycho Ex's status, and smiled widely. She nudged Tyler. He looked also, and a cocky grin formed on his face. They looked at each other and laughed.
"Vhat is so funny?" the Merovingian demanded.
Hype nodded to Psycho Ex's direction. "Look."
The laptop, the hard drive, the code, everything...was gone.
The Merovingian could have fainted. "The code...it's been deleted...how did you--?"
Psycho Ex only grinned, showing her chipmunk teeth. "Ask me no questions, Figga."
Tyler and Hype laughed even harder and took a seat on the nearly destroyed couch. "I guess your job here is done, Merovingian."
The Frenchman only shook his head in wonder. "I zink I might have to zit down..." He pulled up a wooden chair.
Psycho Ex returned to the kitchen, with the intent of bringing out lemonade for everyone. Hype hummed something by the Violent Femmes ("Why can't I get just one fuck? Why can't I get just one fuck?"), Tyler ran his hand through her hair, and the programs waited for the Merovingian to get over his loss.
"Say, Abel," Tyler said, "have you ever listened to Bikini Kill?"
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ONE MORE CHAPTER! ONE MORE CHAPTER! OHMIGOD! I can't wait, and neither can you. I need to end this story quickly.
a (terrible) fan fic, and a shameless sequel, by Heavens to Bikini Kill
Chapter Thirteen: I'm Not Down
------------
"I've been beat up, I've been thrown out, but I'm not down. I'm not down. I've been shown up, but I've grown up, and I'm not down. I'm not down." -The Clash, "I'm Not Down" (very inspiring words there...download this song, buy the album "London Calling", do anything to hear it)
------------
Tyler and Hype loaded their guns and readied themselves. Psycho Ex looked on with a mix of interest and pure fear. "Boo, I cannot believe you actually pack heat like that."
"You stupid or something?" Tyler snapped as he examined his Desert Eagles (which never stopped sucking). "How can I possibly go against the Merovingian without any guns?"
"Are you packing silver?"
"Don't be silly," Hype chided. "We carry nothing else now thanks to that flaming Frenchman."
"Oh." She ran back into the kitchen and emerged with an armful of wood. "Chances are he has some of dem bloodsuckers around."
Tyler pulled out a stake and examined it. "It'll do."
Hype smacked him over the head, and grabbed a stake for herself. "It'll MORE than do. Thanks...erm...you know, I've never caught your name."
Psycho Ex opened her mouth to reply, only to have it covered by Tyler. "Her name isn't relevant. We've got life eaters to mow down."
All three crouched behind the couch and watched the door carefully. "Prepare yourself," Hype whispered.
The door crashed open. Tyler rolled over to the loveseat, and aimed carefully for Tiger's head.
"Hello, Tyler." Said rebel jumped three feet into the air. "We are quite happy to see you."
Tyler rolled over the loveseat and pointed his guns at One. "Bullshit! You're here to kill us and take the code!"
"Perceptive," Two mused, and he pulled out a switchblade.
"Awk," Tyler sqeaked. "Ohshitohshitohshitohshit--"
"Tyler!" Hype shouted as she kicked Tiger in the head. "Don't be so damn stupid!"
"Are you cur-azy, woman?" Tyler shouted right back. "These guys just phase through everything I give them!"
"You are -- oof!" Hype doubled back from a blow delivered by Tiger.
Tyler squealed like a little girl. "We can't get rid of these guys!"
"Zat is quite right, you filthy humans." The Merovingian walked irritatingly calmly into the home and examined the damage. Already the sofas were riddled with bullet holes, and somehow the XBox had been reduced to black and green game goodness rubble. He snapped his fingers and all three programs returned to his side. "Now, vhere is ze code?"
Psycho Ex ran back into her den and saw the damage. "Mah XBox!"
Everyone in the room rolled their eyes. "You're rich now," Tyler said. "You could just buy another."
She glared daggers at Tyler. "Hell nah! We've had so many good times together...you can't just replace a homie like that!"
Tyler and Hype sighed deeply, and the Merovingian turned red. "Vhere is the code, human?!"
"Daaaaayum, Figga," Psycho Ex shrieked, "WHAT is yo motherfucking problem? I just lost mah XBOX thanks to you, you think I'ma gonna just give you the damn code now?"
"Very vell zhen." The Merovingian snapped his fingers, and even more programs swarmed the mansion. "You shall die." He stepped back and allowed the programs to advance.
"Well fine, if you gotta trip like that." Psycho Ex whipped a laptop out of nowhere. "You want the code? Come get it." She threw it directly at Tyler's head.
His first instinct was to fill it with bullets in order to protect his nice sunglasses. The computer fell to the floor in pieces.
"Vhat? You idiot! Retrieve ze hard drive, now!"
The Twins, smirking in their standard creepy way, phased through the floor and made their way to the destroyed laptop.
"Hell nah!" Hype shouted. "You are NOT getting this code!" She shot at the pieces herself, and crushed each one with her foot.
"That's not going to do it," Psycho Ex muttered, and she held out a palm. Tyler and Hype's eyes widened as a "ball" of green code formed in her hand.
"H-how?" Hype stuttered.
"Are you not human?" Tyler choked out.
Psycho Ex snorted loudly. "Hell nah. The Oracle taught me this trick." She lowered the ball to the computer pieces as Hype and Tyler fired wildly at the still-phased Twins. The Twins became solid, irritated with such an annoyance, and whipped out their razors once again.
Hype turned to check on Psycho Ex's status, and smiled widely. She nudged Tyler. He looked also, and a cocky grin formed on his face. They looked at each other and laughed.
"Vhat is so funny?" the Merovingian demanded.
Hype nodded to Psycho Ex's direction. "Look."
The laptop, the hard drive, the code, everything...was gone.
The Merovingian could have fainted. "The code...it's been deleted...how did you--?"
Psycho Ex only grinned, showing her chipmunk teeth. "Ask me no questions, Figga."
Tyler and Hype laughed even harder and took a seat on the nearly destroyed couch. "I guess your job here is done, Merovingian."
The Frenchman only shook his head in wonder. "I zink I might have to zit down..." He pulled up a wooden chair.
Psycho Ex returned to the kitchen, with the intent of bringing out lemonade for everyone. Hype hummed something by the Violent Femmes ("Why can't I get just one fuck? Why can't I get just one fuck?"), Tyler ran his hand through her hair, and the programs waited for the Merovingian to get over his loss.
"Say, Abel," Tyler said, "have you ever listened to Bikini Kill?"
-------------------
ONE MORE CHAPTER! ONE MORE CHAPTER! OHMIGOD! I can't wait, and neither can you. I need to end this story quickly.