Thank you to all my reviewers! Glad you like this story :)
As Told by Padfoot
With all the chaos of the first weeks of school, girls had nearly sorta slipped my mind, and James was nice enough to point out that I hadn't had a girlfriend since the middle of summer.
"I bet you can't even get a girl Black," James said with a snicker one evening while we were relaxing in the common room.
"You think so, eh?" I retorted. "I'll take you on with that bet, Potter."
"Alright: you have until Friday to find a girlfriend." Today was Tuesday. "If you can't, you have to do my Potion's homework for a month. And you have to do a good job on it!"
"And if I find someone?"
"I will admit in from of the whole school that you are the sexiest thing to walk the planet Earth since the beginning of time, I wish I was more like you, and you are the Gryffindor God instead of me." He meant this as a joke, but I thought it would be a good reward.
"Deal," I said, extending my hand to him. We shook on it; that is how the Almighty-Find-Padfoot-A-Girl quest got started.
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"You know, I work out five times a week," I said smoothly to a Ravenclaw seventh-year, flexing my biceps. She giggled. Just then, however, a HUGE guy, with more muscles then me, put his arm around her waist.
"Hello Baby," she cooed to him. "Oh, Sirius, this is my boyfriend, Lance. Have you two met before?" I gulped and shook my head; Lance growled at me.
"Err...I have to get going, just remembered I have to...err...do...something! See ya!" With that I nearly ran out of the Great Hall. James, who was watching the whole seen, cackled madly. I didn't stop running till I got to the marble staircase.
"Black!" someone shouted from behind me. I groaned; what'd I do now?!
"Yes?" I said, politely as I could, not even turning around.
"Stand up Black." I did as I was told, not wanting to get in a fight.
The owner of the voice walked down the stairs in front of me, slapping my face as she came to a stop.
"What was that for?!" I shouted, massaging my stinging cheek.
"You know perfectly well what that was for, Black."
"No, I don't! Please enlighten me," I said, scowling at the girl standing in front of me.
"Oh, hmm," she said. "Let's think for a minute. Could it be for, oh, I don't know, going out with three other girls while you were telling me you loved me, then dumping me for a fourth year?"
"Jessie, I can explain..." I said, shivering slightly. I was at least a foot taller then her, but no way in Hell was I going to stand up to her. Jessica has a...slight anger management problem, and I have a sneaking suspicion it's all because of me.
"Save it Black, I don't want to hear it," she said angrily. She turned around and stomped back up the stairs, her long blonde hair and black robes flying out behind her.
"Jessie, wait!" I called after her. She decided to ignore me. If she didn't want to talk to me, I wouldn't follow her. Jessie was in my year and in Gryffindor; when I said I loved her, I meant it. I think...
I don't know why I played her, if I did love her so much. I don't understand how I could be so immature. Gah, look at me; I'm starting to sound...sentimental. But I'll have to ask Moony about it later; seeing Jessie again is starting to make me think, and that could be dangerous.
Sighing in defeat, I moodily walked towards the kitchens. My stomach was growling.
Twenty minutes later, I was so stuffed I could barely move. The house elves were extremely entertaining; one of them fell over because he was bowing so low. But he cried his eyes out, thinking he had committed some terrible crime, and I had to reassure him that I wouldn't tell Dumbledore to give him clothes.
I walked slowly towards the Gryffindor common room, feeling content. That feeling was replaced by immense confusion however, as I stepped through the circular doorway.
"James Potter, I never want to see you for the rest of my life, you insensitive, good-for-nothing, lazy, stupid, ignorant excuse for a human being!" Lily shouted furiously to a guilty looking Prongs.
As soon as Lily left the room, I whistled. "What did you do now, Mate?" I asked him disbelievingly.
"I...have no clue," he stated genuinely. I shook my head and laughed.
"First fight eh?" He nodded, a frown forming on his face.
"I'll never understand girls," he said shortly.
I spotted Jessica, chatting with a friend on the other side of the Common Room. I grimaced and said, "Me either mate."
"Speaking of girls," Moony said smugly. "How's this girl finding business going?"
"Actually..." I said, hesitating slightly, "not to well."
Moony let out a false gasp. "Sirius Black, dateless and not able to do anything about it?! What IS this world coming to?"
"Shove it," I said, sticking my tongue out at him.
"When's the next full moon?" James asked, changing the subject.
Moony scowled. "Tomorrow," he practically growled out.
"Excellent!" James said. Moony glared at him.
"It is not excellent, James Potter."
"Well, I guess it isn't for you," he said, obviously clueless to the glower Moony was shooting at him. "But I can't wait to have a night out."
"Well, I certainly hope you enjoy yourselves while I turn into a beast I have no control over."
"How can the girls resist you Moony!" I teased.
"Go to Hell Padfoot."
"I'm just teasing you Moony, no need to get moody." I grinned at him; he replied by throwing a sofa pillow at my head, knocking me over.
"Graceful, Black," Jessie called from the other side of the room.
"You know you love me!" I shouted back at her. She rolled her eyes, and continued chatting with her friend.
"You and Jessie are on speaking terms again?" James asked.
"Oh, don't worry; we're not on a first name basis yet." The three remaining Marauders snickered.
"Don't make me hex you," I warned dramatically, brandishing a quill at them.
"Oh no, it's the, the, Quill of Death!" Moony said in mock horror. James and Peter cowered.
"That's right, be afraid! Be very afraid!" I shouted at them, standing on the sofa I was previously sitting on.
"That's it Sirius! Detention!" said James with a grin, brandishing another quill at me.
"You can't put me in detention!" I cried in protest.
He pointed to his Head Boy badge, grinning manically. "Watch me!"
"You'll have to catch me first!" I said, drastically leaping off the couch. I hid behind Moony. "Can't find me!" I taunted.
"I wonder where Padfoot could be hiding," James jokingly said, stroking an invisible goatee.
Moony rolled his eyes. "You two are so childish!" he said, moving to the side so I was in plain view of James. Drat! Foiled yet again! I shall get you Moony!
"Rats," I muttered.
"Ah-hah!" James yelled triumphantly, pointing his quill at my throat.
"You wouldn't!" I gasped.
"Without batting an eye," he replied.
"Nice to know how much you care," I said, pretending to sob into my hands.
"DEATH TO SIRIUS!" James shouted for all the common room to see. He made dragged the feather part of the quill across my throat; I emitted a very convincing death/choking noise, and fell over, clutching my neck.
Everyone in the room burst out laughing. I grinned slyly as I stood up and bowed.
"Thank you, thank you, we will be performing every night at ten!" I joked.
"Will you two ever grow up?" Peter asked us.
"Grow...up?" I said. "I know not the meaning!"
Remus threw another pillow at me. Hmf!
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Professor McGonagall sighed in exasperation. "Mr. Black! Kindly do not use your wand in that manner again of I shall deduct 50 points from Gryffindor!" James and I were having a 'sword' fight with out wands. We knew the threat was empty, but decided not to continue the fight.
"I shall get you next time, Potter!" I whispered.
"Pfft, never!" he whispered back.
"Today we will be studying the delicate art of the Animagus," she said, starting the lesson. We Marauders didn't pay much attention, seeing as how we were sorta experts; well, none of us but Moony, the amateur!
"Does that mean I'm an artist?" I asked James, pretending to look self-conscious.
"It means you're a git, Padfoot."
"Oh, that's ok then."
Everyone clapped as the professor turned into a tabby cat.
"Would love to see her face if you three transformed," Moony whispered to us with a grin.
"Don't Padfoot," James warned, glaring at Moony for suggesting it to my easily influenced mind.
"Aww, you're no fun," I said, trying to look sad, but failing miserably.
"And you're pathetic," James said.
"And the four of you will be in detention if you do not pay attention," McGonagall said, staring at us with a scowl on her face.
"I would be most delighted if any of you became Animagi in your future careers; however, I will warn you that it is a very dangerous art, with severe consequences if it does not go correctly." Professor M. talked about Animagi for the rest of the class, and told us we each needed to write a foot long essay, telling which animal we would become and why. This was easy for us four.
"I think Moony would be a bunny rabbit," I mused out loud. Moony proceeded to smack the back of my head.
"And why's that?"
"Because you're so cute and cuddly," James replied with a snort, dancing out of Moony's reach.
"You're just lucky your Head Boy Potter, or I would-"
"You'd what?" James asked with a smirk.
"Wouldn't you like to know!" Moony said darkly. He moved his hand swiftly across his throat. "Get my drift?"
"You're too nice for that, Rabbit," I teased. I took off running, Moony on my heels, yelling profanities at my back the whole time.
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And so the almighty find Siri a girl quest begins!
Hope ya like this chapter :) PLEASE click that review button! THE NEXT CHAPTER IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE UNTIL I GET 35 REVIEWS! MWUAHAHA!
crickets chirp Ah hem...okay, maybe not, but still! Please review pouts
Sirius: Please review!!! cries Please? (bats eyelashes and blows kisses to everyone to make them review)
James: urgh, Sirius, you're freaking out any guys who are reading this!
Sirius: (pouts)
Okay...how's this :) Describe yourself in your review and i'll put you in a cameo appearance as one of Sirius's attempts to get a girl! Mwuahahaha