Scene: Babylon 5, Earth Alliance
Time: 2260, 12 years after the Earth-Minbari war, shortly before the declaration of martial law.
SCENE 1
In the darkness, a large sign is illuminated, letter by letter. It reads: Zocalo. Then it disappears. There is a roll of the drums, then the MASTER OF CEREMONIES (MORDEN) enters in a spotlight upstage.
MORDEN: (singing)
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
Diplomant, Entrepreneur, Wanderer
Nie'se schlect sim'wa, je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Naat, reste, Stay
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
Meine Damen und Herren, Minbari and Narn, Ladies and Gentlemen. Guten abend - Sim wa - good evening. Su E' san? - Comment ca va? - Do you feel good?
Ich bin euer confrencier-je suis votre compere- My associates and I will be your hosts!
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
Leave your troubles outside. So, life is disappointing? Forget it! Everything here is beautiful. Life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the Ambassadors are beautiful!
[KOSH runs on, plays once chorus of Wilkommen and leaves]
...see I told you the Ambassadors were beautiful...
And now presenting the station crew! [Enter CREW - whoever you can get in costume really, but milirtay personell only]
Each and every one utterly loyal to earthforce. You don't beleive me? Well don't take my word for it. Go ahead, [indicates IVANOVA] ask her! Outside it is hard vacuum, but in here it is so hot - every night we have the battle to keep the crew from taking off all of their uniforms [CREW looks askance at IVANOVA, who looks sheepish]. So don't go away, who knows, tonight we may lose the battle!
CREW
Wir Sagen
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
[Enter GARIBALDI. He sits at a table and begins to watch the show]
MORDEN: Meine Damen und Herren- Minbari and Narn - Ladies and Gentlemen - And
now the Zocalo is proud to present a wonderful singer from the Centauri Republic. I give
you the toast of the Centaurum - Ambassador Londo Mollari! (LONDO enters. He is dressed, if you can manage, in an absurd hybrid of 30s Veimar Cabaret and traditional Centauri regalia)
LONDO (SINGING)
Refa thinks I'm crawling round some caverns
The Kha'ri's secret caverns
On the underside of Narn.
Refa doesn't even have an inkling
That I've led him to a death trap
In collusion with G'Kar
So please sir, if you run into Lord Refa
Don't reveal my machinations
Give this double cross a chance
Hush up, don't tell Refa
Shush up, don't tell Refa
Don't tell Refa, whatever you do
(To GARIBALDI, as if he's the only person in the audience)
If they tried to frame you
And that's what it came to
I'd have lent a hand to you
I'm breaking every bargain that I've made here
I'm losing count of everyone that I've betrayed here
So please aid my survival
Keep this from my rival
Though he has earned all of this and more
You can tell the Vir Cotto, that's alright
'Cause I don't let him out my sight
But don't tell Refa what you saw.
[LONDO goes over to a reserved table for two, waits a few moments and then picks up the telephone]
LONDO: Table number three
[The phone on Garibaldi's table lights up]
GARIBALDI: Hello?
LONDO: Relaxing, Garibaldi?
GARIBALDI: I wish I were.
LONDO: On duty then?
GARIBALDI: I'm sorry.
LONDO: But you speak to me! You speak to me, and you don't want anything from me! Will you just - keep talking - please? You can't imagine how starved I've been!
GARIBALDI: Okay. Let me think (He recites)
Be Werry Quiiiiiet.
I'm hunting Waaaaabbits.
LONDO: Yes - yes - don't stop, please.
GARIBALDI: That's all I know, look I'm on duty.
LONDO: Such a beautiful language...
GARIBALDI: Londo have you gone crazy?
LONDO: It's like music! (pause) Why did you stop?
GARIBALDI: Because I asked you a question. Have you gone crazy?
LONDO: Oh. I see. Well - I'm not absolutely sure that's possible - at this time it seems that the universe is crazy, a little more here and there seems to make no difference.
MORDEN: Mes Damen und Herren, Minbari and Narns, Ladies and Gentlemen. It is almost midnight! Ambassadors, in only ten seconds your last, best hope for peace will have failed. Five-four-three-two-Happy New Year.
[The lights go out, in the background we hear the scream of a Shadow vessel waking. Then a match is lit in the darkness, it is IVANOVA lighting a menorah]
GARIBALDI: Susan what the hell are you doing?
IVANOVA: It's new years. (Pause, then deadpan) And I'm Jewish. (Another pause, then yet more deadpan) And Russian.
SCENE 2
[GARIBALDI is in a tiny room in downbelow, sitting at a desk. There is the B5 "somebody at the door" bleeping noise. DELENN enters]
DELENN: Mister Garibaldi, there is a Centauri to see you. A Centauri in a frock coat.
GARIBALDI: Londo? Send him in. [DELENN exits]
[Londo enters wearing a frock coat, his fingernails are painted green]
LONDO: Garibaldi! [Embraces him] My good friend, would you be so good as to get my bag [GARIBALDI exits, somewhat flustered] [LONDO surveys the room approvingly] It's lovely Fraulein Delenn! All these wonderful old pieces! [GARIBALDI returns with his bag] Just put it anywhere. I'll unpack later.
GARIBALDI: Unpack? Londo...
LONDO: I'll just be here temporarily.
GARIBALDI: Londo, what's this all about?
LONDO: Did you guess I was terrified?
GARIBALDI: Were you?
LONDO: No! Of course not. But I have been recalled to Centauri Prime.
GARIBALDI: You mean Cartagia...
LONDO: My dear Mister Garibaldi. And you know whose fault it was? [He points at GARIBALDI] If you hadn't come to the Zocalo - and made me look like I had the ear of earthforce security - [He suddenly sits up] You know what I'd love? A drop of Brevari.
GARIBALDI: I don't have any...
LONDO: [picks up a copy of the Book of G'Quan] Are these your notes? [He opens it] They're in Narn! [He looks at the cover]. The book of G'Quan?
GARIBALDI: I thought I should know something about Narn religion.
LONDO: Why? You're human. You know, apart from you I've never known a chief of security. Will I be allowed to watch you work? I promise to be incredibly quiet...
GARIBALDI: I don't think I can take care of station security with somebody else - on the premises.
LONDO: I'm hardly noticeable. I'll go out when you're investigating matters of station security. I'll take long, invigorating walks.
GARIBALDI: In downbelow? No - no - I've got work to do. I could never explain this arrangement, it's too peculiar.
LONDO: Peculiar? Not in the least!
I think people are people. I really do Garibaldi, don't you?
I don't think they should be made to apologise for anything they do.
For example, if I paint my fingernails green
And it happens I do paint them green - well if someone should ask me why,
GARIBALDI: Now you come to mention it Londo, what is up with that?
LONDO: I think it's pretty.
GARIBALDI: Londo something's been going seriously wrong with you recently. What happened.
LONDO: It's a long story.
GARIBALDI: Try me
LONDO: [music beginning to rise in the background] If anybody should ask "what do you want?" one day
You have two alternatives:
You can either say: "I want to be living in delicious sin with a dozen exptic dancers on homeworld."
Or you can simply tell them the truth and say...
[LONDO Sings]
We had this perfectly marvellous world
And the Narns were a marv'lous slave race
The Republic was great for hundreds of marvellous years
Before we knew it we'd been overthrown, our downfall.
Next moment none of or worlds were own
And still that's not all. It's perfectly easy to see
That my people weren't where they should be
How we'd wound up so faded was truly no less than a crime.
So I made this perfectly reasonable deal
With a perfectly pers'nable man
For the sake of my people and leading them back to their prime.
GARIBALDI: Londo, I'm afraid it didn't work. There's too much destruction.
LONDO: Destruction? Yes! Inevitable! (He sings)
He told me perfectly marvellous tales
Of my thrillingly grand destiny
Then he showed to me all of the things his associates could do
He never told me their plan was to force
Evolution
And through him I have followed my course
Of retribution
And perfectly marvellous too
Are his minders, the ones you can't see
Ones that crowd in beside him, ensure that he's never alone.
Yes he's a terribly dangerous man
And has horribly powerful friends
Though you may think it risible
Really how could I have known?
[we fade to darkness]
Scene 3
[the lights rise on MORDEN, there is the fingernail-on blackboard screech that we all know and loathe, and for a second, in the darkness, we see the shapes of two SHADOWS - SHADOW 1 and SHADOW 2]
MORDEN: Everybody on Babylon Five has their agents, their watchers, their... associates. Some people, have two people
SHADOW 1: [Singing, if it can be called that, in the half-scream half-wail we have come to associate with Morden's "associates"] Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeeee [the tail of the last "dee" rising into a high pitched shriek]
SHADOW 2: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: [Singing, deadpan] Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They've got a master plan, Ja!
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: I like it.
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They like it
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: We'll watch worlds burn.
I've pulled strings of power
I brought back the eye
It serves the agenda, so what if people die
We've got one aim in common, these two and me
The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee
MORDEN: The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee
MORDEN: The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-deedle-deedle-dee
MORDEN: They switch targets daily
They strike where they please
First Narn then Brakiri
Then on to the Vree.
Both ends 'gainst the middle
"Alliance of Light"
Won't do you no good 'gainst the coming long night.
[in the stage version there is, I believe, now an interlude as the emcee and the "ladies" romp under the sheets to unconvincing "aaah" noises. This sequence should now be repeated with the shadow-scream taking their place]
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They've got a master plan, Ja!
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: I like it.
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They like it
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: We'll watch worlds burn.
[Lights down]
Time: 2260, 12 years after the Earth-Minbari war, shortly before the declaration of martial law.
SCENE 1
In the darkness, a large sign is illuminated, letter by letter. It reads: Zocalo. Then it disappears. There is a roll of the drums, then the MASTER OF CEREMONIES (MORDEN) enters in a spotlight upstage.
MORDEN: (singing)
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
Diplomant, Entrepreneur, Wanderer
Nie'se schlect sim'wa, je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Naat, reste, Stay
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
Meine Damen und Herren, Minbari and Narn, Ladies and Gentlemen. Guten abend - Sim wa - good evening. Su E' san? - Comment ca va? - Do you feel good?
Ich bin euer confrencier-je suis votre compere- My associates and I will be your hosts!
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
Leave your troubles outside. So, life is disappointing? Forget it! Everything here is beautiful. Life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the Ambassadors are beautiful!
[KOSH runs on, plays once chorus of Wilkommen and leaves]
...see I told you the Ambassadors were beautiful...
And now presenting the station crew! [Enter CREW - whoever you can get in costume really, but milirtay personell only]
Each and every one utterly loyal to earthforce. You don't beleive me? Well don't take my word for it. Go ahead, [indicates IVANOVA] ask her! Outside it is hard vacuum, but in here it is so hot - every night we have the battle to keep the crew from taking off all of their uniforms [CREW looks askance at IVANOVA, who looks sheepish]. So don't go away, who knows, tonight we may lose the battle!
CREW
Wir Sagen
Wilkommen, Durah'sim, Welcome
To Bab 5, the Zocalo, and Cabaret.
[Enter GARIBALDI. He sits at a table and begins to watch the show]
MORDEN: Meine Damen und Herren- Minbari and Narn - Ladies and Gentlemen - And
now the Zocalo is proud to present a wonderful singer from the Centauri Republic. I give
you the toast of the Centaurum - Ambassador Londo Mollari! (LONDO enters. He is dressed, if you can manage, in an absurd hybrid of 30s Veimar Cabaret and traditional Centauri regalia)
LONDO (SINGING)
Refa thinks I'm crawling round some caverns
The Kha'ri's secret caverns
On the underside of Narn.
Refa doesn't even have an inkling
That I've led him to a death trap
In collusion with G'Kar
So please sir, if you run into Lord Refa
Don't reveal my machinations
Give this double cross a chance
Hush up, don't tell Refa
Shush up, don't tell Refa
Don't tell Refa, whatever you do
(To GARIBALDI, as if he's the only person in the audience)
If they tried to frame you
And that's what it came to
I'd have lent a hand to you
I'm breaking every bargain that I've made here
I'm losing count of everyone that I've betrayed here
So please aid my survival
Keep this from my rival
Though he has earned all of this and more
You can tell the Vir Cotto, that's alright
'Cause I don't let him out my sight
But don't tell Refa what you saw.
[LONDO goes over to a reserved table for two, waits a few moments and then picks up the telephone]
LONDO: Table number three
[The phone on Garibaldi's table lights up]
GARIBALDI: Hello?
LONDO: Relaxing, Garibaldi?
GARIBALDI: I wish I were.
LONDO: On duty then?
GARIBALDI: I'm sorry.
LONDO: But you speak to me! You speak to me, and you don't want anything from me! Will you just - keep talking - please? You can't imagine how starved I've been!
GARIBALDI: Okay. Let me think (He recites)
Be Werry Quiiiiiet.
I'm hunting Waaaaabbits.
LONDO: Yes - yes - don't stop, please.
GARIBALDI: That's all I know, look I'm on duty.
LONDO: Such a beautiful language...
GARIBALDI: Londo have you gone crazy?
LONDO: It's like music! (pause) Why did you stop?
GARIBALDI: Because I asked you a question. Have you gone crazy?
LONDO: Oh. I see. Well - I'm not absolutely sure that's possible - at this time it seems that the universe is crazy, a little more here and there seems to make no difference.
MORDEN: Mes Damen und Herren, Minbari and Narns, Ladies and Gentlemen. It is almost midnight! Ambassadors, in only ten seconds your last, best hope for peace will have failed. Five-four-three-two-Happy New Year.
[The lights go out, in the background we hear the scream of a Shadow vessel waking. Then a match is lit in the darkness, it is IVANOVA lighting a menorah]
GARIBALDI: Susan what the hell are you doing?
IVANOVA: It's new years. (Pause, then deadpan) And I'm Jewish. (Another pause, then yet more deadpan) And Russian.
SCENE 2
[GARIBALDI is in a tiny room in downbelow, sitting at a desk. There is the B5 "somebody at the door" bleeping noise. DELENN enters]
DELENN: Mister Garibaldi, there is a Centauri to see you. A Centauri in a frock coat.
GARIBALDI: Londo? Send him in. [DELENN exits]
[Londo enters wearing a frock coat, his fingernails are painted green]
LONDO: Garibaldi! [Embraces him] My good friend, would you be so good as to get my bag [GARIBALDI exits, somewhat flustered] [LONDO surveys the room approvingly] It's lovely Fraulein Delenn! All these wonderful old pieces! [GARIBALDI returns with his bag] Just put it anywhere. I'll unpack later.
GARIBALDI: Unpack? Londo...
LONDO: I'll just be here temporarily.
GARIBALDI: Londo, what's this all about?
LONDO: Did you guess I was terrified?
GARIBALDI: Were you?
LONDO: No! Of course not. But I have been recalled to Centauri Prime.
GARIBALDI: You mean Cartagia...
LONDO: My dear Mister Garibaldi. And you know whose fault it was? [He points at GARIBALDI] If you hadn't come to the Zocalo - and made me look like I had the ear of earthforce security - [He suddenly sits up] You know what I'd love? A drop of Brevari.
GARIBALDI: I don't have any...
LONDO: [picks up a copy of the Book of G'Quan] Are these your notes? [He opens it] They're in Narn! [He looks at the cover]. The book of G'Quan?
GARIBALDI: I thought I should know something about Narn religion.
LONDO: Why? You're human. You know, apart from you I've never known a chief of security. Will I be allowed to watch you work? I promise to be incredibly quiet...
GARIBALDI: I don't think I can take care of station security with somebody else - on the premises.
LONDO: I'm hardly noticeable. I'll go out when you're investigating matters of station security. I'll take long, invigorating walks.
GARIBALDI: In downbelow? No - no - I've got work to do. I could never explain this arrangement, it's too peculiar.
LONDO: Peculiar? Not in the least!
I think people are people. I really do Garibaldi, don't you?
I don't think they should be made to apologise for anything they do.
For example, if I paint my fingernails green
And it happens I do paint them green - well if someone should ask me why,
GARIBALDI: Now you come to mention it Londo, what is up with that?
LONDO: I think it's pretty.
GARIBALDI: Londo something's been going seriously wrong with you recently. What happened.
LONDO: It's a long story.
GARIBALDI: Try me
LONDO: [music beginning to rise in the background] If anybody should ask "what do you want?" one day
You have two alternatives:
You can either say: "I want to be living in delicious sin with a dozen exptic dancers on homeworld."
Or you can simply tell them the truth and say...
[LONDO Sings]
We had this perfectly marvellous world
And the Narns were a marv'lous slave race
The Republic was great for hundreds of marvellous years
Before we knew it we'd been overthrown, our downfall.
Next moment none of or worlds were own
And still that's not all. It's perfectly easy to see
That my people weren't where they should be
How we'd wound up so faded was truly no less than a crime.
So I made this perfectly reasonable deal
With a perfectly pers'nable man
For the sake of my people and leading them back to their prime.
GARIBALDI: Londo, I'm afraid it didn't work. There's too much destruction.
LONDO: Destruction? Yes! Inevitable! (He sings)
He told me perfectly marvellous tales
Of my thrillingly grand destiny
Then he showed to me all of the things his associates could do
He never told me their plan was to force
Evolution
And through him I have followed my course
Of retribution
And perfectly marvellous too
Are his minders, the ones you can't see
Ones that crowd in beside him, ensure that he's never alone.
Yes he's a terribly dangerous man
And has horribly powerful friends
Though you may think it risible
Really how could I have known?
[we fade to darkness]
Scene 3
[the lights rise on MORDEN, there is the fingernail-on blackboard screech that we all know and loathe, and for a second, in the darkness, we see the shapes of two SHADOWS - SHADOW 1 and SHADOW 2]
MORDEN: Everybody on Babylon Five has their agents, their watchers, their... associates. Some people, have two people
SHADOW 1: [Singing, if it can be called that, in the half-scream half-wail we have come to associate with Morden's "associates"] Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeeee [the tail of the last "dee" rising into a high pitched shriek]
SHADOW 2: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: [Singing, deadpan] Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They've got a master plan, Ja!
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: I like it.
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They like it
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: We'll watch worlds burn.
I've pulled strings of power
I brought back the eye
It serves the agenda, so what if people die
We've got one aim in common, these two and me
The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee
MORDEN: The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee
MORDEN: The key
SHADOWS: Beedle-deedle-deedle-dee
MORDEN: They switch targets daily
They strike where they please
First Narn then Brakiri
Then on to the Vree.
Both ends 'gainst the middle
"Alliance of Light"
Won't do you no good 'gainst the coming long night.
[in the stage version there is, I believe, now an interlude as the emcee and the "ladies" romp under the sheets to unconvincing "aaah" noises. This sequence should now be repeated with the shadow-scream taking their place]
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: Associates...
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They've got a master plan, Ja!
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: I like it.
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: They like it
SHADOWS: Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deeeeeeeeee
MORDEN: We'll watch worlds burn.
[Lights down]