Oh guys! I love you all! I cant say how bad it's been! But Pete Yorn has
pulled me through again! I think you can thank him personally for
EVERYTHING! I wrote this all last night girlies! Well, personal thanks to
everyone who reviewed for me. I reread all of them, and it really helped
me write this. I wrote it for all of you, everyone! Even those who don't
review! Never forget, I love you alllllll so so so much, and even more when
you REVIEW!! MUAH!!!
PREVIOUSLY*******The first contact was fast and hard, in my stomach, the second was on my lower left cheek. He lifted his left hand to make another blow, as the hand began to make a descent, a different hand that had a strong grip, came forward and caught Jack's wrist. "What da hell do you think your doin?" said an irate Spot. ********
Jack wrenched his arm from Spot's grasp, and with a back ward glare, stalked off away from me. My cheek stung severely, and my lower abdomen was throbbing in pain.
I felt soft hands on my waist, a light pressure on my chest and face as he caressed my body firmly, but gently as well. He led me down to the Manhattan lodging house, which was empty, but for us now. He sat me down on an empty bunk and looked at me, "What was that?" he said as quietly as possible.
I looked up at him, but then threw my gaze down, my eyes were watering, and I didn't want to cry. I hated crying; I think I hated crying as much as Spot hated Sterly.
"I'se don't care if you need ta cry, what he was gonna do aint right, he shouldn't have tried to hit you'se," his forefinger stroked my cheek softly. A bruise hadn't even formed yet on my left cheek. He hadn't seen....the.....fight . . . or the beating.
My brimming eyes gave him a watery look, and I collapsed into his opened arms, grimacing slightly at the contact. "Tried?" I said almost choking on the word as it spilled from my mouth onto his warm shoulder.
He pulled me slightly away, looking into my face, concern marring his angelic features that before I had found unappealing, he was my best friend, I had never looked at him differently. Now, staring into his eyes, like open oceans during a storm, I found him breath-taking. How long had I had the obstructed idea that he was not handsome?
The look of pain that took life in his stormy eyes pained me, why did I imply that Jack had struck me?
"Did he hit you Snaps?" I grimaced at my nickname. It sounded alien on his lips. "No, you know he'd never do that," I lied slowly, looking away from his eyes at the same time. He lifted my chin slowly with his hands, "Jade," oh, he had said it. My name, pouring from his sweet lips, I nearly forgot his commitment to his girlfriend, Secret; a wave of tenderness and wanting swept my body for him.
He pulled me into a gentle and fulfilling hug, and he rubbed my back with his fingers in little circles. "I promise, he will never touch you again. I am so sorry I couldn't protect you from this. It's my fault-" at this I pulled away from him, Spot's fault? Jacks unfaithfulness and violence? I interrupted his tender decrees and apologies.
"Jesse, no matter what happens to me in this world, I will never blame you for any of it." My lip began to tremble, and the world went wet. Salty tears poured from my blue eyes falling down my face in undetermined patterns, slipping off of my chin and onto Jesse's hands that were now holding my chin and stroking my cheek with true concern.
A loud thumping noise came from downstairs and a few long moments later Race and Blink entered the room carrying an irate Jack by his arms into the room. Race had a contorted look of fury on his face. He practically threw Jack onto the floor in disgust.
"Apologize." He said disgustedly to Jack, who was slowly picking himself up off the floor.
I quickly wiped my eyes, and turning away from all four boys, walked out of the room. I swiftly hopped out the window and climbed down the fire escape. Figuring I needed some time alone, I began trekking in no particular path.
Hours later, I found I had ended up in Brooklyn, more distinctly, at the docks in Brooklyn. The sun was setting over the water, a beautiful site to behold.
I lost myself in the thoughts that were quite near to overwhelming me. Jacks' newest revelation in his character development. . . violence, hm, how quaint. Considering that it was his gentleness that led me to love him.
I knew it made you feel dirty,
And I was waiting over here for life to begin,
I was looking for the new thing,
And you were THE sunshine heading my front line,
I was alone, you were just around the corner from me.
A soft hand on my shoulder brought me from my reverie. "Hey, Snaps. . . listen, youse gotta come in soon, its too dark to stay out much longah." I turned my head slightly to see who the hand belonged to, and I wasn't in the least surprised to see Spot with concern sketched deep into his features at the moment.
I knew I should not have made a big deal about it, but whenever Spot called me Snaps, my newsie name, I couldn't help but feel . . . well . . . cut off.
He really was what you could call my last connection to my family. He knew them before they died, and he was a brother to me.
Somewhere deep inside myself, I knew that he was much more, but at the moment I don't think I can take so much self discovery today.
I slowly turned all the way around, and matched his own concerned face.
"Jade . . . you'se gotta come in now, you can sleep in my room tonight, you'se had a rough day already. Don't worry about Secret, she knows we'se just friends. Real good friends."
I sucked in a breath, the moment my name had left his mouth, a slow feeling began building in my lower abdomen.
His hand had long ago left my shoulder, and only then realized that the sun wasn't shinning anymore. It was far beyond dusk, it was twilight.
Though the hand was no where near my body, I could still feel the warm caress shooting lovely swells of comfort down my spine.
Its a strange condition,
A day in prison,
Its a got me out of my head
And I don't know what I came for
I slowly let my eyes take in my Spot, my Jesse, from toes to knees, to torso, to beautiful sparkling blue eyes. His wonderful cerulean orbs. I searched them for a long time, trying to find the emotion I felt within the pit of my own stomach; it ached all throughout my body, and pounded in my chest.
The longer I stared, the more I knew.
I knew I loved him.
A gasp escaped my lips as I realized his words.
Friends.
Right.
Good, good friends.
"No, Spot, I think I'll just sleep with the boys tonight, no reason to inconvenience you tonight. I've put you through enough trauma as it is." My voice was icy, and a little hoarse. It was a chilling tone, and he must have realized I was possibly more fragile then I let others think.
His arms suddenly snaked around my waist. He held me close to his chest. I could feel his heart beating in a staccato rhythm, right next to mine.
The smallest sound clawed its way out of my throat. It was a whimper.
"God Damn you Jade. Damn you. Do you know what you do to me? How you worry me to no end?" He clung me closer to his body, his breathing was ragged.
He was trying not to cry.
This wrenched my heart. God, I was evil.
I was making my Spot cry. Making the one person who could stop my own tears cry.
I buried my head into his warm arms.
I am just for you,
As you are not for me
So even if you stop,
You are sitting here by yourself,
You can never try to answer anymore,
You can never start
And see what you are doing to me.
"Jesse, Jesse sh, babe don't cry. Pl-ease d-don't c-c-cry," I nearly sobbed into his shoulder.
(A/N: yea yea yea. so what, they are crying together.... got a prob with it? See me.. lol {cackles in background} it's an emotional moment *smirks*.)
He stifled his tears and held me, if possible closer to him.
"Jade, listen, I... I got's somethin' I need to tell ya." My head snapped back up, I knew what was coming next, and I couldn't let him do it. No, I wouldn't let him.
"Spot, um, I'm tired, why don't we just go back to the lodging house." He froze, maybe he thought I was rejecting him before he even proposed something to me, for us.
(A/N: I know what your thinking ::twilight zone music plays in background:: well. .. I can guess.. and NO I think your wrong! Muahahaha, oh damn just read lol)
"Alright," he whispered softly to my neck, and it sent a shiver down my body, I clung to him he was my anchor, even if he did belong to another.
He abruptly let go of me, and clasping my hand, we walked in silence back to the Brooklyn lodging house. Along the way there, neither of us talked, both too immersed in our own thoughts to even begin to wonder why the other was silent.
Ignoring my earlier comment to saying I'd sleep with the boys, he led my up to his own private room he had worked to earn since he was eight.
To my surprise and discomfort, he began to step out of the room as soon as I sat on the bed. "Spot!" I cried in desperation.
I needed someone but not just anyone. I needed him.
I needed him even if he didn't want me.
I wasn't allowed to be his.
He was meant for another, at the docks, I had almost let him break up with Secret. Spot would have never gotten over cheating on his girlfriend. I couldn't let him forget the consequences he had built for himself. He would never stop beating himself up if he willingly cheated on his girl.
His eyes turned full of worry towards me, he didn't even need to ask what I wanted. To my dismay however, he shook his head and left. Shutting the door quietly behind himself, he left me.
Alone, in the dark, with my own fears and anxieties.
I slowly crawled beneath his covers and engrossed myself with his smell. If he wasn't here, I could pretend he was.
However, soon enough the pretending wasn't enough. Soon enough I knew that I needed just him.
I was weak, he was now a part of me. When Jack broke it off with me o' so subtlety, I realized that it was a relief, it was just cloaked with shock. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had always thought I'd be the one to sever the destructive relationship between us.
At the docks, it dawned on me that, really, my relief was replaced by a new anxiety, that Spot didn't feel the same way. Now, I just wanted what I considered in my mind to be already mine.
I cried bitter tears for the fate that had handed me such a sour deck of cards for so early on in life.
I heard the door squeak open and a body entered the room. The familiar scent filled the room, and my heart nearly leapt out of my heaving chest. Spot.
He softly shut the door and moseyed on over to the bunk ever so slowly. He deftly sat on the bed near my stomach and put a hand on my back.
"I have ta tell you'se somethin', and I know you'se don' wanna heah it but I need you to tell me what ta do about it," he softly whispered in my ear.
On top of a jealous home,
She feels she could connect it,
He was an opinionated fool,
He could not just pretend that
She was there in the next room.
"Alright Spot, I'm listening to you." I replied softly, I could feel the words coming, it would change my life forever.
"Well, you'se Jade know me bettah den any one. so you should know dat I'se really serious about Secret." I nodded my ascent to the knowledge commonly known.
He cleared his throat for the words next to come. "I think I'se in love wid hah, Secret I mean, Snaps."
Wont leave her alone,
Twice in every way,
They lead a life you could forget now,
It wouldn't be the last time,
It better be the first time.
So she wont sleep better alone,
And he wont sleep better alone,
No they wont feel better alone.
Pete Yorn lyrics for the new song clips, 'Black, Sleep better, Life on a Chain, Strange Condition." Thank you all my lovelies, and don't worry, this isn't the end.
READ AND REVIEW LOVES!!
PREVIOUSLY*******The first contact was fast and hard, in my stomach, the second was on my lower left cheek. He lifted his left hand to make another blow, as the hand began to make a descent, a different hand that had a strong grip, came forward and caught Jack's wrist. "What da hell do you think your doin?" said an irate Spot. ********
Jack wrenched his arm from Spot's grasp, and with a back ward glare, stalked off away from me. My cheek stung severely, and my lower abdomen was throbbing in pain.
I felt soft hands on my waist, a light pressure on my chest and face as he caressed my body firmly, but gently as well. He led me down to the Manhattan lodging house, which was empty, but for us now. He sat me down on an empty bunk and looked at me, "What was that?" he said as quietly as possible.
I looked up at him, but then threw my gaze down, my eyes were watering, and I didn't want to cry. I hated crying; I think I hated crying as much as Spot hated Sterly.
"I'se don't care if you need ta cry, what he was gonna do aint right, he shouldn't have tried to hit you'se," his forefinger stroked my cheek softly. A bruise hadn't even formed yet on my left cheek. He hadn't seen....the.....fight . . . or the beating.
My brimming eyes gave him a watery look, and I collapsed into his opened arms, grimacing slightly at the contact. "Tried?" I said almost choking on the word as it spilled from my mouth onto his warm shoulder.
He pulled me slightly away, looking into my face, concern marring his angelic features that before I had found unappealing, he was my best friend, I had never looked at him differently. Now, staring into his eyes, like open oceans during a storm, I found him breath-taking. How long had I had the obstructed idea that he was not handsome?
The look of pain that took life in his stormy eyes pained me, why did I imply that Jack had struck me?
"Did he hit you Snaps?" I grimaced at my nickname. It sounded alien on his lips. "No, you know he'd never do that," I lied slowly, looking away from his eyes at the same time. He lifted my chin slowly with his hands, "Jade," oh, he had said it. My name, pouring from his sweet lips, I nearly forgot his commitment to his girlfriend, Secret; a wave of tenderness and wanting swept my body for him.
He pulled me into a gentle and fulfilling hug, and he rubbed my back with his fingers in little circles. "I promise, he will never touch you again. I am so sorry I couldn't protect you from this. It's my fault-" at this I pulled away from him, Spot's fault? Jacks unfaithfulness and violence? I interrupted his tender decrees and apologies.
"Jesse, no matter what happens to me in this world, I will never blame you for any of it." My lip began to tremble, and the world went wet. Salty tears poured from my blue eyes falling down my face in undetermined patterns, slipping off of my chin and onto Jesse's hands that were now holding my chin and stroking my cheek with true concern.
A loud thumping noise came from downstairs and a few long moments later Race and Blink entered the room carrying an irate Jack by his arms into the room. Race had a contorted look of fury on his face. He practically threw Jack onto the floor in disgust.
"Apologize." He said disgustedly to Jack, who was slowly picking himself up off the floor.
I quickly wiped my eyes, and turning away from all four boys, walked out of the room. I swiftly hopped out the window and climbed down the fire escape. Figuring I needed some time alone, I began trekking in no particular path.
Hours later, I found I had ended up in Brooklyn, more distinctly, at the docks in Brooklyn. The sun was setting over the water, a beautiful site to behold.
I lost myself in the thoughts that were quite near to overwhelming me. Jacks' newest revelation in his character development. . . violence, hm, how quaint. Considering that it was his gentleness that led me to love him.
I knew it made you feel dirty,
And I was waiting over here for life to begin,
I was looking for the new thing,
And you were THE sunshine heading my front line,
I was alone, you were just around the corner from me.
A soft hand on my shoulder brought me from my reverie. "Hey, Snaps. . . listen, youse gotta come in soon, its too dark to stay out much longah." I turned my head slightly to see who the hand belonged to, and I wasn't in the least surprised to see Spot with concern sketched deep into his features at the moment.
I knew I should not have made a big deal about it, but whenever Spot called me Snaps, my newsie name, I couldn't help but feel . . . well . . . cut off.
He really was what you could call my last connection to my family. He knew them before they died, and he was a brother to me.
Somewhere deep inside myself, I knew that he was much more, but at the moment I don't think I can take so much self discovery today.
I slowly turned all the way around, and matched his own concerned face.
"Jade . . . you'se gotta come in now, you can sleep in my room tonight, you'se had a rough day already. Don't worry about Secret, she knows we'se just friends. Real good friends."
I sucked in a breath, the moment my name had left his mouth, a slow feeling began building in my lower abdomen.
His hand had long ago left my shoulder, and only then realized that the sun wasn't shinning anymore. It was far beyond dusk, it was twilight.
Though the hand was no where near my body, I could still feel the warm caress shooting lovely swells of comfort down my spine.
Its a strange condition,
A day in prison,
Its a got me out of my head
And I don't know what I came for
I slowly let my eyes take in my Spot, my Jesse, from toes to knees, to torso, to beautiful sparkling blue eyes. His wonderful cerulean orbs. I searched them for a long time, trying to find the emotion I felt within the pit of my own stomach; it ached all throughout my body, and pounded in my chest.
The longer I stared, the more I knew.
I knew I loved him.
A gasp escaped my lips as I realized his words.
Friends.
Right.
Good, good friends.
"No, Spot, I think I'll just sleep with the boys tonight, no reason to inconvenience you tonight. I've put you through enough trauma as it is." My voice was icy, and a little hoarse. It was a chilling tone, and he must have realized I was possibly more fragile then I let others think.
His arms suddenly snaked around my waist. He held me close to his chest. I could feel his heart beating in a staccato rhythm, right next to mine.
The smallest sound clawed its way out of my throat. It was a whimper.
"God Damn you Jade. Damn you. Do you know what you do to me? How you worry me to no end?" He clung me closer to his body, his breathing was ragged.
He was trying not to cry.
This wrenched my heart. God, I was evil.
I was making my Spot cry. Making the one person who could stop my own tears cry.
I buried my head into his warm arms.
I am just for you,
As you are not for me
So even if you stop,
You are sitting here by yourself,
You can never try to answer anymore,
You can never start
And see what you are doing to me.
"Jesse, Jesse sh, babe don't cry. Pl-ease d-don't c-c-cry," I nearly sobbed into his shoulder.
(A/N: yea yea yea. so what, they are crying together.... got a prob with it? See me.. lol {cackles in background} it's an emotional moment *smirks*.)
He stifled his tears and held me, if possible closer to him.
"Jade, listen, I... I got's somethin' I need to tell ya." My head snapped back up, I knew what was coming next, and I couldn't let him do it. No, I wouldn't let him.
"Spot, um, I'm tired, why don't we just go back to the lodging house." He froze, maybe he thought I was rejecting him before he even proposed something to me, for us.
(A/N: I know what your thinking ::twilight zone music plays in background:: well. .. I can guess.. and NO I think your wrong! Muahahaha, oh damn just read lol)
"Alright," he whispered softly to my neck, and it sent a shiver down my body, I clung to him he was my anchor, even if he did belong to another.
He abruptly let go of me, and clasping my hand, we walked in silence back to the Brooklyn lodging house. Along the way there, neither of us talked, both too immersed in our own thoughts to even begin to wonder why the other was silent.
Ignoring my earlier comment to saying I'd sleep with the boys, he led my up to his own private room he had worked to earn since he was eight.
To my surprise and discomfort, he began to step out of the room as soon as I sat on the bed. "Spot!" I cried in desperation.
I needed someone but not just anyone. I needed him.
I needed him even if he didn't want me.
I wasn't allowed to be his.
He was meant for another, at the docks, I had almost let him break up with Secret. Spot would have never gotten over cheating on his girlfriend. I couldn't let him forget the consequences he had built for himself. He would never stop beating himself up if he willingly cheated on his girl.
His eyes turned full of worry towards me, he didn't even need to ask what I wanted. To my dismay however, he shook his head and left. Shutting the door quietly behind himself, he left me.
Alone, in the dark, with my own fears and anxieties.
I slowly crawled beneath his covers and engrossed myself with his smell. If he wasn't here, I could pretend he was.
However, soon enough the pretending wasn't enough. Soon enough I knew that I needed just him.
I was weak, he was now a part of me. When Jack broke it off with me o' so subtlety, I realized that it was a relief, it was just cloaked with shock. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had always thought I'd be the one to sever the destructive relationship between us.
At the docks, it dawned on me that, really, my relief was replaced by a new anxiety, that Spot didn't feel the same way. Now, I just wanted what I considered in my mind to be already mine.
I cried bitter tears for the fate that had handed me such a sour deck of cards for so early on in life.
I heard the door squeak open and a body entered the room. The familiar scent filled the room, and my heart nearly leapt out of my heaving chest. Spot.
He softly shut the door and moseyed on over to the bunk ever so slowly. He deftly sat on the bed near my stomach and put a hand on my back.
"I have ta tell you'se somethin', and I know you'se don' wanna heah it but I need you to tell me what ta do about it," he softly whispered in my ear.
On top of a jealous home,
She feels she could connect it,
He was an opinionated fool,
He could not just pretend that
She was there in the next room.
"Alright Spot, I'm listening to you." I replied softly, I could feel the words coming, it would change my life forever.
"Well, you'se Jade know me bettah den any one. so you should know dat I'se really serious about Secret." I nodded my ascent to the knowledge commonly known.
He cleared his throat for the words next to come. "I think I'se in love wid hah, Secret I mean, Snaps."
Wont leave her alone,
Twice in every way,
They lead a life you could forget now,
It wouldn't be the last time,
It better be the first time.
So she wont sleep better alone,
And he wont sleep better alone,
No they wont feel better alone.
Pete Yorn lyrics for the new song clips, 'Black, Sleep better, Life on a Chain, Strange Condition." Thank you all my lovelies, and don't worry, this isn't the end.
READ AND REVIEW LOVES!!