Guess I'd better give another disclaimer.
Only the people that I made up are mine. Everyone else is Tolkien's. AND I
MADE UP FRODO! SO HE'S MINE! ALL MINE! *Runs off into the horizon hauling
Frodo along with her*
Oh, BTW, 'bishi' is short for a long word in Japanese that means 'cute
guy', and 'huggle'ing is...well...hugging tightly...0.o;
And the 'stalk them and hope for the best' thing isn't mine, I found the
message on an Internet bumper-sticker.
The Fellowship had chased Bill the Pony until he was at the front door of Moria. Boromir jumped off Bill, and tried to roll away, but met Sam. The details are too gruesome to speak of without having to rate this R, so let's just say that it wasn't pleasant.
A few hours later all of the Fellowship was in a 'Think Tank' trying to figure out the riddle. "So, what was the riddle, again?" Merry asked, the sweater still stuck on his head. "I am not sweet, but sour/I'll save you in this dreadful hour." Aragorn rapped, wearing a ball-cap backward in a manly way. "I'm hungry." Pippin complained. "What do we have to eat?" Everyone glared at Pippin. "What?" He asked. "Well," Frodo sighed, opening his picnic basket again, "we have apples, and oranges, and bananas, and—" Frodo held up a lemon. "What's this thing called again?" Everyone thought about it for a while, but could not think of what it was called. In this moment of quiet, Pippin decided to eat Gandalf's staff again. "Let go," Gandalf bellowed, "Or I'll squash you like a LEMON!" Suddenly the gate door swung open, nearly squishing Legolas. Legolas screamed! "If that'd squished me then I would have gotten dirt in my beautiful innards! Do you have any idea how clean I keep them?! Do you?!" "We must now brave the long passage of Disney Land." Gandalf sighed, hitting the rocks with his staff. When Pippin though that Gandalf wasn't looking, he lunged for the staff, but missed and bit Gandalf in the butt. Gandalf swung around, Pipp still dangling from his hind-quarters. However, one can only hold onto another person's posterior for so long without falling off, and Pippin let go at the wrong time, and was sent flying into the lake. When Legolas saw how dusty the caves were, he nearly passed out again. "I am not going in there!" He said, turning on his heel. "Daddy was right," he muttered, "I should have gone on the soap-tour, but NOOOOO I had to go on the grime trip instead!" Pippin, who was covered with green slime from the bottom of the lake, stumbled out of the water, and began feeling around for Gandalf's staff again. As soon as Legolas saw slime-covered Pippin, he broke the land-speed-record into the cave. "Sam..." Frodo asked worriedly, biting his already nonexistent nails. "What Mr. Frodo?" "Are there...going to be...um...fan-girls in there...?" Frodo burst out, in a terrified sob. "Of course not!" Gimli laughed, "Only Orcs, Goblins, Trolls, and nastier things!" "Oh, good!" Frodo sighed. "Let's go!" Aragorn said in a manly explorer sort of way. Pippin whistled as he walked up next to Gandalf. In a split-second he was chomping away at Gandalf's staff again. "You shall not pass gas!" Gandalf commanded, kicking Pippin off of his staff. Pippin, however, did not let go, and only chomped down harder. Gandalf began twirling his staff like a baton above his head. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS GAS!" He repeated, suddenly stopping the twirling of his staff. Pippin flew forwards, this time, into the cave. "Ugneth thienger tshiels tsi" Boromir muttered groggily. He'd just woken up, and was wondering why he was on a pony instead of his luxurious feather- bed. "We have to leave Bill behind, Sam." Aragorn said, trying to sound compassionate...in a hot sort of way. "Ok...but what about Boromir?" "What about Boromir?" "Well," Sam said sarcasticly, "What if he tries to eat one of the fellowship again?" "Let's just leave the gag on." Aragorn decided (in a VERY manly way, of course). Then in the coolest way he could, he got out an ax and cut the ropes that bound Boromir's hands and feet. "MY AX!" Gimli bellowed, "GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE! IT CAME TO ME! YOU STOLE IT FROM US-I mean...uh...me...I think..." Everyone turned to look at Gimli. "Uh, what's everyone waiting for!" Gimli laughed nervously, "Let's go into the cave!" Aragorn ignored him, and finished cutting Boromir from the horse, and slinging him off the horse like a sack of potatoes. Boromir squeezed his eyes shut as he fell, and managed to sound very much like a sack of potatoes as he 'thumped' the ground. Aragorn, done with the ax, put it back in his belt. Gimli made a mental note to kill Aragorn and take back his ax. Aragorn hit Bill on the rump to get him to head off. But a thing happened then that Aragorn did not intend. (Woah! Galadriele-ness!) Bill's eyes bugged out, and he kicked Aragorn in the gut before muttering: 'Pervert' and trotting off. Suddenly a high-pitched, girlie scream came from the depths of the mine, and out of the deep and complete darkness there came... "PIPPIN?!" Everyone asked as once as the paranoid Hobbit came running out, still screaming his head off like the idiot that he was. "What ARE you yelling about?!" Gandalf bellowed, not fond of utter chaos. Pippin stopped and stared at everyone. His face was completely blank. Allow me to describe it for you. Have you ever seen a piece of white paper? Of course you have! But imagine that it just came off of the giant paper- machine somewhere, and not one foreign smudge or ink had touched it, then it had been bleached...yah...that's about how blank his face was. "I was yelling?" Pippin asked cluelessly. The fellowship flipped over Japanese Anime-Style. (Except for Aragorn, he was still keeled over on the ground...but he was still looking kingly!) "Oh, yah!" Pippin laughed, "I was!" "Why exactly were you screaming like the idiot you are?" Sam asked, shaking his head. "Because I like to run out of dark places screaming like the idiot that I am!" Pippin replied, looking as proud as an idiot Took can. "Well, whatever." Aragorn scowled, getting up, "But we need to get into the tunnel so I can look manly in the dark!" Suddenly there was more high-pitched screaming as another thing came screeching out of the cave. "PIPPIN!" Everyone yelled angrily at the Hobbit. "But if I'm here," Pippin mused, "how can I be screaming like a sissy and running out of the cave?" Everyone stopped to listen. "It's Legolas." They groaned in unison. "Let's hurry up and get in there." Aragorn sighed, looking aggravated, yet very manly. A snickering laughter came from a dark corner. "Who is it?" Frodo asked nervously, hiding behind Sam. "Whoever it is," Sam promised, "If they get close I'll hit 'em over the head." Sam brandished his frying pan, and Boromir winced for the poor soul who might be caught with it in their head. Legolas came screaming out of the tunnel, shouting in some foreign jargon. "What's he saying?" Pippin asked Aragorn, who knew a little Elfish. "Well," Aragorn replied, concentrating in a hot way, "he's either saying that he got a root-canal done by an ambidextrous horse, or he saw flame and shadow meshed into one hideous soul." "Let's go with the root-canal." Sam said, shrugging. There was a general murmur of agreement, then more moronic laughter came from the dark corner. "Who are you?" Aragorn challenged the darkness, brandishing his sword in the most kingly manner he could. "Shut up, Mousie!" Someone whispered harshly in the depths of the shadow. A stifled giggle of yet another person followed the hesitant: "Ok..." "And now it's time for America's Funniest Home Videos!" Gandalf bellowed. "What's going on?" Merry asked, still struggling with the sweater, and bumped into Legolas who jumped away, screaming. Gimli snickered, then suddenly stopped short. "HEY! WERE'S MY AX?!" He shouted. Suddenly one of the people in the shadows started laughing again, and this time nothing the person's companion could say could curb the gales of laughter. "I'll get 'em!" Sam shouted, racing towards the people in the darkness. "SAM!" One of the people in shadows screamed, charging forwards, arms flung wide. Sam stopped for a moment, staring at this strange being, then screamed himself, and ran back to the group, and hid behind Aragorn who managed to look manly while just standing still. The person who was chasing Sam was a girl with dark-brown hair and slightly tinted glasses. She was wearing black overalls with awesome purple shapes stitched in it, and a purple shirt. "SAM!" she continued to scream, and ran around behind Aragorn, to try and get Sam. Sam screamed ,and ran off, still being chased by the strange girl. "There she goes." The next person sighed, coming forth from the shadows. She had dark brown hair that reached just below her shoulders, and she was wearing skin-tight stretchy-jeans and a forest-green tank-top. The last girl exited the darkness, nearly doubled over with laughing. She was wearing a baggy, sky-blue sweat-shirt, and faded jeans. Her hair was light brown and reached half-way down her back, and the rim of her glasses matched her outfit. "We'd better go get Geon before PJ finds us...again...and throws us off set...again..." The girl with the shoulder-length dark brown hair sighed. The girl that was doubled over laughing immediately stopped and stared at the girl that had just spoken. "Frogy...?" She queried questioningly. "Just joking!" Frogy laughed, "Cummon, Mousie, let's go join Geon!" "OK!" Mousie laughed, jumping up and down. "Last one to their bishi is a Denethor groupie!" Frogy taunted just before running off. Sam, still being chased by Geon, ran into the cave, and with no hesitation, Geon followed. Sam ran in circles around a huge stone pillar, and Geon followed like a magnet. Frogy started chasing Legolas, who easily out-ran her, and led her on a wild goose-chaise around most of the area. "FRODO!" Mousie squealed as she gave chase. Frodo ran as fast as he could, but was soon being 'huggled' by Mousie. "We'd better get into the tunnel, and not let them in, or we'll never get to Mt. Doom." Aragorn said glumly. "Licking wall-plaster can make you thirsty." Gandalf agreed. Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf, realizing that Frodo was probably the person most in need at the moment, went over to where Mousie was happily hugging the hero. Pippin and Boromir watched as Frodo was pried away from Mousie, while Merry had resorted to trying to eat the wool sweater that somehow managed to stick on his head. Within two minutes, Mousie found herself tied hand and foot, and her bishi being carted away. "FRODO!" She sobbed. Frodo sighed a sigh of relief, and trotted happily into the cave were Sam was still being chased by Geon. Soon Sam was free of the chasing stalker, and Geon was tied up too, and thrown outside. "Our bishis!" The two girls cried in unison. Then Legolas, realizing that he was being left behind, danced over to the door, and gracefully closed them before Frogy bowled into them, head-first. Before the girls knew it, they were being buried in a land-slide because of Frogy's head-door-of-Moria impact. "Well," Mousie sighed, poking her head out of the rubble, "You can't make a person love you-" "But you can stalk them and hope for the best." Frogy and Geon completed the maxim as they unburied themselves and planned their next attack.
The Fellowship had chased Bill the Pony until he was at the front door of Moria. Boromir jumped off Bill, and tried to roll away, but met Sam. The details are too gruesome to speak of without having to rate this R, so let's just say that it wasn't pleasant.
A few hours later all of the Fellowship was in a 'Think Tank' trying to figure out the riddle. "So, what was the riddle, again?" Merry asked, the sweater still stuck on his head. "I am not sweet, but sour/I'll save you in this dreadful hour." Aragorn rapped, wearing a ball-cap backward in a manly way. "I'm hungry." Pippin complained. "What do we have to eat?" Everyone glared at Pippin. "What?" He asked. "Well," Frodo sighed, opening his picnic basket again, "we have apples, and oranges, and bananas, and—" Frodo held up a lemon. "What's this thing called again?" Everyone thought about it for a while, but could not think of what it was called. In this moment of quiet, Pippin decided to eat Gandalf's staff again. "Let go," Gandalf bellowed, "Or I'll squash you like a LEMON!" Suddenly the gate door swung open, nearly squishing Legolas. Legolas screamed! "If that'd squished me then I would have gotten dirt in my beautiful innards! Do you have any idea how clean I keep them?! Do you?!" "We must now brave the long passage of Disney Land." Gandalf sighed, hitting the rocks with his staff. When Pippin though that Gandalf wasn't looking, he lunged for the staff, but missed and bit Gandalf in the butt. Gandalf swung around, Pipp still dangling from his hind-quarters. However, one can only hold onto another person's posterior for so long without falling off, and Pippin let go at the wrong time, and was sent flying into the lake. When Legolas saw how dusty the caves were, he nearly passed out again. "I am not going in there!" He said, turning on his heel. "Daddy was right," he muttered, "I should have gone on the soap-tour, but NOOOOO I had to go on the grime trip instead!" Pippin, who was covered with green slime from the bottom of the lake, stumbled out of the water, and began feeling around for Gandalf's staff again. As soon as Legolas saw slime-covered Pippin, he broke the land-speed-record into the cave. "Sam..." Frodo asked worriedly, biting his already nonexistent nails. "What Mr. Frodo?" "Are there...going to be...um...fan-girls in there...?" Frodo burst out, in a terrified sob. "Of course not!" Gimli laughed, "Only Orcs, Goblins, Trolls, and nastier things!" "Oh, good!" Frodo sighed. "Let's go!" Aragorn said in a manly explorer sort of way. Pippin whistled as he walked up next to Gandalf. In a split-second he was chomping away at Gandalf's staff again. "You shall not pass gas!" Gandalf commanded, kicking Pippin off of his staff. Pippin, however, did not let go, and only chomped down harder. Gandalf began twirling his staff like a baton above his head. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS GAS!" He repeated, suddenly stopping the twirling of his staff. Pippin flew forwards, this time, into the cave. "Ugneth thienger tshiels tsi" Boromir muttered groggily. He'd just woken up, and was wondering why he was on a pony instead of his luxurious feather- bed. "We have to leave Bill behind, Sam." Aragorn said, trying to sound compassionate...in a hot sort of way. "Ok...but what about Boromir?" "What about Boromir?" "Well," Sam said sarcasticly, "What if he tries to eat one of the fellowship again?" "Let's just leave the gag on." Aragorn decided (in a VERY manly way, of course). Then in the coolest way he could, he got out an ax and cut the ropes that bound Boromir's hands and feet. "MY AX!" Gimli bellowed, "GIVE IT TO ME! IT'S MINE! IT CAME TO ME! YOU STOLE IT FROM US-I mean...uh...me...I think..." Everyone turned to look at Gimli. "Uh, what's everyone waiting for!" Gimli laughed nervously, "Let's go into the cave!" Aragorn ignored him, and finished cutting Boromir from the horse, and slinging him off the horse like a sack of potatoes. Boromir squeezed his eyes shut as he fell, and managed to sound very much like a sack of potatoes as he 'thumped' the ground. Aragorn, done with the ax, put it back in his belt. Gimli made a mental note to kill Aragorn and take back his ax. Aragorn hit Bill on the rump to get him to head off. But a thing happened then that Aragorn did not intend. (Woah! Galadriele-ness!) Bill's eyes bugged out, and he kicked Aragorn in the gut before muttering: 'Pervert' and trotting off. Suddenly a high-pitched, girlie scream came from the depths of the mine, and out of the deep and complete darkness there came... "PIPPIN?!" Everyone asked as once as the paranoid Hobbit came running out, still screaming his head off like the idiot that he was. "What ARE you yelling about?!" Gandalf bellowed, not fond of utter chaos. Pippin stopped and stared at everyone. His face was completely blank. Allow me to describe it for you. Have you ever seen a piece of white paper? Of course you have! But imagine that it just came off of the giant paper- machine somewhere, and not one foreign smudge or ink had touched it, then it had been bleached...yah...that's about how blank his face was. "I was yelling?" Pippin asked cluelessly. The fellowship flipped over Japanese Anime-Style. (Except for Aragorn, he was still keeled over on the ground...but he was still looking kingly!) "Oh, yah!" Pippin laughed, "I was!" "Why exactly were you screaming like the idiot you are?" Sam asked, shaking his head. "Because I like to run out of dark places screaming like the idiot that I am!" Pippin replied, looking as proud as an idiot Took can. "Well, whatever." Aragorn scowled, getting up, "But we need to get into the tunnel so I can look manly in the dark!" Suddenly there was more high-pitched screaming as another thing came screeching out of the cave. "PIPPIN!" Everyone yelled angrily at the Hobbit. "But if I'm here," Pippin mused, "how can I be screaming like a sissy and running out of the cave?" Everyone stopped to listen. "It's Legolas." They groaned in unison. "Let's hurry up and get in there." Aragorn sighed, looking aggravated, yet very manly. A snickering laughter came from a dark corner. "Who is it?" Frodo asked nervously, hiding behind Sam. "Whoever it is," Sam promised, "If they get close I'll hit 'em over the head." Sam brandished his frying pan, and Boromir winced for the poor soul who might be caught with it in their head. Legolas came screaming out of the tunnel, shouting in some foreign jargon. "What's he saying?" Pippin asked Aragorn, who knew a little Elfish. "Well," Aragorn replied, concentrating in a hot way, "he's either saying that he got a root-canal done by an ambidextrous horse, or he saw flame and shadow meshed into one hideous soul." "Let's go with the root-canal." Sam said, shrugging. There was a general murmur of agreement, then more moronic laughter came from the dark corner. "Who are you?" Aragorn challenged the darkness, brandishing his sword in the most kingly manner he could. "Shut up, Mousie!" Someone whispered harshly in the depths of the shadow. A stifled giggle of yet another person followed the hesitant: "Ok..." "And now it's time for America's Funniest Home Videos!" Gandalf bellowed. "What's going on?" Merry asked, still struggling with the sweater, and bumped into Legolas who jumped away, screaming. Gimli snickered, then suddenly stopped short. "HEY! WERE'S MY AX?!" He shouted. Suddenly one of the people in the shadows started laughing again, and this time nothing the person's companion could say could curb the gales of laughter. "I'll get 'em!" Sam shouted, racing towards the people in the darkness. "SAM!" One of the people in shadows screamed, charging forwards, arms flung wide. Sam stopped for a moment, staring at this strange being, then screamed himself, and ran back to the group, and hid behind Aragorn who managed to look manly while just standing still. The person who was chasing Sam was a girl with dark-brown hair and slightly tinted glasses. She was wearing black overalls with awesome purple shapes stitched in it, and a purple shirt. "SAM!" she continued to scream, and ran around behind Aragorn, to try and get Sam. Sam screamed ,and ran off, still being chased by the strange girl. "There she goes." The next person sighed, coming forth from the shadows. She had dark brown hair that reached just below her shoulders, and she was wearing skin-tight stretchy-jeans and a forest-green tank-top. The last girl exited the darkness, nearly doubled over with laughing. She was wearing a baggy, sky-blue sweat-shirt, and faded jeans. Her hair was light brown and reached half-way down her back, and the rim of her glasses matched her outfit. "We'd better go get Geon before PJ finds us...again...and throws us off set...again..." The girl with the shoulder-length dark brown hair sighed. The girl that was doubled over laughing immediately stopped and stared at the girl that had just spoken. "Frogy...?" She queried questioningly. "Just joking!" Frogy laughed, "Cummon, Mousie, let's go join Geon!" "OK!" Mousie laughed, jumping up and down. "Last one to their bishi is a Denethor groupie!" Frogy taunted just before running off. Sam, still being chased by Geon, ran into the cave, and with no hesitation, Geon followed. Sam ran in circles around a huge stone pillar, and Geon followed like a magnet. Frogy started chasing Legolas, who easily out-ran her, and led her on a wild goose-chaise around most of the area. "FRODO!" Mousie squealed as she gave chase. Frodo ran as fast as he could, but was soon being 'huggled' by Mousie. "We'd better get into the tunnel, and not let them in, or we'll never get to Mt. Doom." Aragorn said glumly. "Licking wall-plaster can make you thirsty." Gandalf agreed. Aragorn, Gimli, and Gandalf, realizing that Frodo was probably the person most in need at the moment, went over to where Mousie was happily hugging the hero. Pippin and Boromir watched as Frodo was pried away from Mousie, while Merry had resorted to trying to eat the wool sweater that somehow managed to stick on his head. Within two minutes, Mousie found herself tied hand and foot, and her bishi being carted away. "FRODO!" She sobbed. Frodo sighed a sigh of relief, and trotted happily into the cave were Sam was still being chased by Geon. Soon Sam was free of the chasing stalker, and Geon was tied up too, and thrown outside. "Our bishis!" The two girls cried in unison. Then Legolas, realizing that he was being left behind, danced over to the door, and gracefully closed them before Frogy bowled into them, head-first. Before the girls knew it, they were being buried in a land-slide because of Frogy's head-door-of-Moria impact. "Well," Mousie sighed, poking her head out of the rubble, "You can't make a person love you-" "But you can stalk them and hope for the best." Frogy and Geon completed the maxim as they unburied themselves and planned their next attack.