Return
Sorry, I forgot a 'disclaimer', I'll put it here.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to ER. It all belongs to the nice people at NBC. I'm just borrowing.
~*~
Abby lay awake that night. She couldn't sleep. She was dreading going to work the next day. She'd have to see Carter for the first time in nearly five years. She couldn't do that.
She stared at her ceiling, trying to will herself into slumber, but failing miserably and succeeding only in making herself more nervous. She twitched as she heard a figure descend the staircase and she knew Sara couldn't sleep either. So, mustering up some strength, she pulled a robe around her tired body and followed her daughter to the kitchen.
"Sorry, Mom. Did I wake you up?" Sara whispered from a seat at the table.
Abby smiled encouragingly at her.
"No. I couldn't sleep either. No need to whisper."
Sara grinned back.
"I guess I'm just really nervous. I don't want it to be tomorrow."
Abby glanced at the clock behind Sara's head. They should be sleeping. Oh, to hell with it, Abby decided. She walked over to the fridge and took out the milk, preparing to make two steaming cups of hot chocolate.
"Marshmallows?"
"Please."
Abby nodded and set to work quietly, immersed in thought.
"You know," she said finally, "When you were little, you used to wake up all the time in the middle of the night. For no reason. Just because you couldn't sleep."
"I remember," Sara replied with a nostalgic smile.
"It used to annoy me so much. I'd have to get up and come down to make you something to eat or to read you a book or sing you a lullaby."
"Sorry."
"No, not the point of the story. Let me finish," Abby smiled, "It was your father who usually came down for you in the end. He was smitten by you. You could do anything and get away with it. I warned him that if he kept coming down and fulfilling your every desire, you'd never want to sleep the whole night. I warned him, but of course he didn't listen. He was stubborn like that. So, for almost a year, every night, regardless of whether he had work the next day, or if he had just finished a tiring double shift at the hospital, he would pad downstairs and make you hot chocolate -- almost always leaving the milk out to spoil, I might add – and you would call it the 'Daddy drink'."
After a thoughtful pause, Abby smiled again, dropping the marshmallows into the mugs and bringing them to the table.
"I remember," Sara said finally with a sigh. Abby nodded.
"Of course, you went through a stage of refusing milk, too. You thought it was water mixed with chalk, so 'Daddy drinks' ended up being very useful. It was your calcium intake of the day."
Sara chuckled and Abby smiled warmly at her. They both took a few sips of their steaming drinks, before Abby reached a hand out across the table, taking Sara's hand in hers.
"Don't worry," she said in her soft maternal voice and Sara nodded.
"I'll try," she promised.
~*~
Next morning, Abby awoke hardly refreshed, but feeling a little better knowing that Sara was somewhat reassured.
She showered quickly and came out slightly more awake. She heard the muffled noises of Sara waking up in her own room across the hall and she got dressed hurriedly and went downstairs to make breakfast.
"Mom, have you seen my blazer?" Sara called from upstairs.
"It's in the front closet," Abby called back. She was sitting in the kitchen reading the paper and Sara was still rummaging about in her room.
She heard a pair of shoe-clad feet scamper down the staircase.
"Thanks," Sara said as she entered the kitchen, tying her tie and pulling on the collar of her blazer.
"Why the blazer?"
"Trip to the theatre. We have to wear our formal uniforms."
"I hate that blazer."
"Me too," Sara replied and gave Abby a small kiss on the cheek taking a seat at the table and picking up a piece of toast. "What time are you off work today?"
"Around seven. There's spaghetti in the fridge you can heat up. Eat without me, or invite a friend, I won't be home until almost eight."
Sara nodded.
"I need shoe polish."
"More?" Abby asked, exasperated.
"They're really strict this year. They take off points at uniform check for scuffed shoes."
"We'll go Sunday, you can get a new pair. Those ones are old anyway."
"Thanks, Mom."
~*~
Abby walked into the hospital, her eyes searching the halls and rooms to make sure he was nowhere in the vicinity. Her throat constricted. She wasn't ready to see him yet.
After a sigh of relief, she continued on her way to the lounge. Susan stopped her halfway.
"Hey, Abby."
Abby smiled meekly.
"I know you're nervous. Don't worry; he won't be here for another two hours."
Abby nodded. She didn't want him to be there ever.
Every time she thought of him, she was reminded of the life they were supposed to have. They had been so happy. Deciding on a date for their wedding, bringing up their daughter…
She sighed and tried to hold back tears. She hadn't faced any of this in so long. She wiped away a tear that had escaped and slammed her locker shut, taking a steadying breath and exiting the lounge. She felt that everyone was staring at her, even though she knew it was stupid to think so. She tried to treat the patients well, but her mind was not on her work. She couldn't stop thinking about him.
She was at admit. when he came in. She hadn't realized that it had been two hours. She felt her hands shake and her breath become unsteady. People were gathering around him, wishing him welcome, asking him questions. She couldn't move. She could hardly breathe. She felt her heart pounding heavily in her chest – she was surprised that no one else could hear it.
He caught her eye for a second and she immediately looked down at the charts that lay before her. She saw him, out of the corner of her peripheral vision, as he began to approach her. She grabbed a chart hastily and hurried off.
She wasn't ready to see him yet.
She took a detour to the women's washroom and locked herself into a stall.
Leaning against the partition wall, she felt herself begin to breathe again. She was crying. When had she started to cry? She hadn't noticed. She pushed away a tear with an unsteady hand and tried to steady her breath.
How could come back? She felt anger and pain and regret and plethora of other emotions pulse through her body.
She tried to stop her hysteria, but she couldn't.
The washroom door opened and she knew it was Susan, but she didn't move.
"Abby, I know you're in here. I saw you come in."
Abby didn't respond.
"Abby, come out, please. I just want to talk to you."
Abby relented after a few seconds, opening the door hesitantly. Susan was standing by the sink, watching worriedly. She opened her arms as Abby opened the door and Abby let Susan embrace her in a comforting hug.
"Abby, Abby, Abby…" Susan muttered and Abby pulled away, looking at Susan seriously.
"How could he come back?" Abby asked, disgust and fear apparent in her voice.
"He was in town, at the mansion again, he wanted a job."
Abby felt her tears beginning again and she desperately willed them back down her aching throat.
"I just thought you should know," Susan began, "He has a girlfriend. She's out there with him."
Abby looked at Susan incredulously.
"What?" She nearly screamed.
"He…"
"How could he?" Abby whispered, "Oh my God, what am I going to tell Sara?"
Susan bit her bottom lip.
"Don't worry, it will be okay," she said unconvincingly.
"Susan, everything is going wrong."
~
Abby walked out of the washroom after a few moments of collecting herself. She walked resolutely to the exam room that the chart she had picked up told her.
She treated patients in a haze, not really paying attention to anything, aside from trying desperately to stay away from John Carter.
She took a break an hour later, heading to the lounge for coffee.
She entered the room, sighing deeply.
Carter was on the couch with his 'girlfriend' on the couch. He had her in a deep embrace, their faces locked together in a passionate kiss.
Abby stood paralyzed. She couldn't even think straight to get out. The door slammed behind her and Carter looked up in surprise. At seeing his face, Abby recollected her senses and marched straight out of the room. The last thing she heard was 'Abby?!"