Vegeta ½

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a Goku and Vegeta buddy fic

by

mkh2

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Disclaimer: Still don't own Dragonball Z and the Z gang, they still belong to Akira Toriyama, but hey, tomorrow it's Christmas, so you never know – Santa may be nice and give me a nicely wrapped Veggie and Go-kun as a gift this year for being so good. ^.~ Until tomorrow, then… ::rubs hands together diabolically:: Mwahahahahaha…

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In "Vegeta ½," Vegeta's day starts pretty normally, until he finds himself being talked into going to China with Goku for some sparring time, whereupon he falls into the cursed springs, turning into a girl. Poor 'Geta! What happens to the poor saiyajin no ouji? Will Goku spill the beans? Oh dear!

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 " " – denotes speech

' ' – denotes thinking.

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Vegeta ½

Chapter 9 – Red Alert!

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Vegeta sunk happily into the hot water… it felt so good to be a man again, even if it was only an hour at most… okay, twenty minutes, but, hey!, in such circumstances it's okay to push the envelope.

Traditionally, you shower off first before getting into the tub, then soak for around twenty minutes – tops, and when you're done soaking, if you feel like it, you might shower off again. However, being stuck in a female body all the time, as it were, Vegeta liked to sit in the frothy bubbles in the hot water and simply just be he, a man. After all, as soon as he was done with the soak, he was pretty much required to get another cold shower and – brr! – he'd be woman again, albeit a rather pretty one. He pouted slightly at the thought then froze.

Luxuriating in long hot baths? Men don't do that.

Men don't pout, either… well, except for Kakarrotto, but he doesn't count.

Vegeta scowled, quickly removing the pout from his face. Must be all those darn female hormones getting to him.

*Splash!*

A huge wave of water went over Vegeta, catching him off guard and barreling him over backward, his back thumping lightly into the side of the tub.

"Eh, uh, er, where?" Vegeta pushed his bangs away from his eyes to see the orange-clad back of Goku in front of him.

"Morning Kakarrotto," muttered Vegeta dryly. "What are you doing here?"

Goku turned around in surprise.

"Ah! Oh… Sorry Veg, didn't mean to intrude on your bath… Ick, my clothes are all soggy now." Goku tugged at his now extra heavy orange gi around the middle.

"You mean soaked?" Vegeta cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, that too."

"So what? My fingers are all wrinkled," stated Vegeta, and he raised his hands to further inspect them.

"Eh? But, Geta, don't you always take an only two-minute soak? You never liked getting wrinkled before." Goku leaned over to blink curiously at the very wrinkled fingers.

"Yes, well, before I was always a man, wasn't I? I'm only a man now with hot water, and I was just… what do you call it? …savoring the moment before I turned myself back into a woman to present myself to Onna," Vegeta blinked and looked up. "What are you still doing in the tub?"

"Oh, sorry about that Veg." Goku noisily splashed out of the tub and onto the tile, Vegeta close behind him.

"Hey, Kakarrotto," Vegeta called to Goku before he reached the door.

"Aa, Geta?" Goku paused.

"Since when did you stop calling me 'Bejee,' eh?" Vegeta picked up the showerhead and turned the water onto cold.

"Ah, since you were a man again?" Goku grinned and turned around just as Vegeta pointed the water at himself.

Fwoosh.

"Eh… AAAAUUUGGHHHHH!!!!!!"

"Yah-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH – KAKARROTTO, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!!!"

~

Goku sat on the couch, nursing the rather brutal lumps on his head with an ice bag, now wearing some dry clothes Bunni had provided for him (where she got it, in his size even, he wasn't sure and he hadn't been about to ask), Bulma sitting on the opposite couch and looking at him with an amused expression.

"Hee… heh hee… *snicker* eh-heh-heh…" Bulma was trying very hard – really, she was – trying very, very hard not to laugh…but she couldn't help it! As it were, these little giggles kept escaping her.

Sighing, Goku shook his head then winced as the motion made his head throb painfully. "Ah, go ahead, yuk it up," he sighed.

"Gladly…" squeaked Bulma. "BWAHAHAHAhahhahHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEEHOOHOOhooohhoooohhoo…" Tears streamed down her flushed cherry red face. "Suh-suh-seriously… what were you thinking, teleporting into the shower with her?"

"I wasn't thinking at all!"

"AWWWOOOOHOOHOOHOO! ~gasp~ WAHHAHAHA!" Bulma flopped over onto her side, now lying on the couch long ways. "Ahh…ahh…ahhh…"

"No, I meant… Ah… Normally I just teleport to the most powerful ki in the house, and usually that's Vegeta – it hadn't occurred to me that it'd be Bejee. Besides, I hadn't thought she'd be in the shower!"

"Ehh…hehhehheh… Okay, I'm calm no—bwahahahaha—no seriously, I'm calm now," Bulma sighed breathily and, sitting up straight, straightened out her clothes and hair. "Hoo-boy, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Thanks, Son-chan, I need that." Smiling slightly, she winked at him, "So, I'm betting that she probably isn't interested in flirting with you anymore, eh?" She gestured to the top of his head.

"Bul-ma, she wasn't flir—" Goku whined wearily.

"I wasn't flirting, Buruma," a voice cut in. Goku and Bulma turned in their seats to the door.

"Hi Bejee!" chirped Goku then winced as the pitch hurt his head.

"Mmh," nodded Bejee, who then strolled over to the couch he was sitting on and plopped down next to him. "So," Vegeta half-growled, "what's this about my flirting with you?"

"Nothing Bejee," Goku smiled.

"Liar," Vegeta scowled and poked rather hard at his head.

"AHWOO!" Goku jumped up and away. "Bejee, that hurt."

"So?" she snapped. Vegeta couldn't help it; she had been progressively getting in a worse and worse mood since the shower incident… which she couldn't even figure out why they started screaming at each other in the first place… and then… this… this… this… this flirting thing again? Hadn't they already covered that? It was beginning to grate on his last nerves.

"Fine then," Goku's eyes narrowed. "I'll just head home then, won't I? Chichi wouldn't be so mean… See ya 'round, Bejee." And raising two fingers to his head, Goku teleported back home, leaving the ice bag where he had been sitting.

"Fuh-fine!" Vegeta yelled at the spot where he had sat. "I didn't want to see your stupid face anyway!" She stormed back to her room, too exhausted, for some reason, to do anything but lie down.

"Hm," Bulma blinked thoughtfully at her stormy exit.

"My, my, aren't things getting exciting around here?" a perky voice chirped from behind Bulma.

"Mother!" squawked Bulma, blinking her eyes rapidly in surprise. "Where did you come from?"

"Oh Bulma dear, do we have to have that talk again," Bunni shook her head gently at her gaping daughter.

~

"Uhh… nnhh… my stomach hurts…" moaned Vegeta, fisting the blanket in her hand as her other hand massaged her abdomen between her and the bed. "I feel sick… and fat… and my clothes, my new clothes, they don't fit right…" Rolling over, she blinked her eyes blearily at the ceiling. "My back and legs are sore, too, all the way down to my toes. My stomach feels like it's gotten a cramp… I feel like I'm gonna puke." She pushed herself off the bed and headed to the bathroom. "I mean, the pains aren't all that serious but why do I feel like this in the first place?" She turned on the faucet and splashed her face with cold water. "Bleh. I even look a bit pale, too." Wrinkling up her nose, she dried off her face. "And I keep feel like I need to pee." Shrugging her shoulders, she headed to the toilet. "Oh well, when nature calls…"

She sat there for a while, feeling completely drained, when she smelled something she usually didn't smell when she used the bathroom.

"Eh? What is that? Blood? Impossible." Cleaning herself, she reached for the handle to flush when, out of morbid curiosity, she peeked into the bowl.

Blood.

"Oh my gah-oh my geh-olma mah pahhahhahhahahwaaaahh!" she choked and sunk to the floor, her body wracked in dry sobs. "I'm bleeding! I'm dying! Waah, Kakarrotto!"

~

Miserably, about fifteen minutes and six unsuccessful attempts to stop the blood later, she picked up the phone and called Kakarrotto.

"Hello," came the familiar voice.

"Ka-Kakarrotto?" whispered Vegeta.

"Bejee?" there was a pause. "What do you want?" he asked dully.

Vegeta winced – obviously he was still mad. "I… ah… I'm bleeding." She paused, waiting to hear what he said.

No reply.

"Kaka… Kakarrotto? Are you still there?"

"Bleeding from where?"

"Ah… I'm…" Vegeta felt her face go red. This was embarrassing. "From, um, from between my legs…"

"Oh." The voice sounded relieved. "I'll just grab some stuff and be right over. Go over to your bathroom if you're not already there."

The line went dead.

"Kakarrotto?" squeaked Vegeta. She stared at the phone for a moment before dragging herself to her feet and into the bathroom. A minute later Goku appeared, a small bundle under his arm and a sheepish grin on his face.

"I should have known that's why you were acting crankier than usual, but I hadn't thought that we'd have to deal with this, especially this soon." He set the box onto the bathroom counter. "There's some things I guess I have to explain to you…"

~

"Ew."

"Yeah, that's what I thought when Launch first explained it to me. If it wasn't for her and… you know… I probably wouldn't have found out until I was married. That would have been embarrassing."

"Yeah, I'd think so… then that screechy harpy of yours would really have something to screech about."

"So… anything else need to be explained?"

Goku and Vegeta were sitting in the bathroom, Goku on a stool and Vegeta on the toilet.

"Mm, not really."

Goku nodded thoughtfully before pulling a bottle out of the bundle in his lap and giving it a shake. "You said you had cramps and muscle aches, right? Take two of these now with eight ounces of water or some other liquid and another one or two pills every four to six hours as needed, not to exceed eight of these pills in twenty-four hours, got that?" The pills rattled noisily before

"Um, yeah," Vegeta took it.

"I'll head back to my place now… it'll look suspicious if I suddenly turn up in your room or something." He carefully laid everything out on the floor and picked up the bag. "I let you do… what you need to do now. If you want me to come over again today, rush in a huff as conspicuously as you can to the phone in the kitchen, call me up, and demand that I come over to spar because you're bored…and say that you'll feed me or something, like a bribe – you know my appetite. That way nobody will be suspicious."

Vegeta nodded. 'When did Kakarrotto become so smart?'

Goku transported back home, waving slightly.

Vegeta stood to get a glass of water, ignoring the way her stomach had flipped – obviously it had to be her period…

…Right?

~Owari~

::Blinks eyes sheepishly:: Um sorry? I didn't mean to take so long… I never said I was the sort of person capable of updating everyday. Though, I must admit, I do admire those people.

You know, I originally had a different title in mind for this chapter, except every time I typed "Hot tubs" I always ended up adding "and back rubs." Don't know why, exactly, so I changed it.

Eee… I lost track of time writing this. First, I didn't know what time for sure I started writing because the clock on the computer is off by ten or eleven minutes… I swear Tippy's doing it because she does the same thing with her clock and I had just reset it to the proper time when all of a sudden, in less than a week it was screwed up again. Then… I was sidetracked by a sandwich, some cookies… okay, lots of cookies, two Pepsis, a whole lot of Cheetos, some sunflower seeds, a fortune cookie, Fruity Pebbles, a bunch of Chinese food… get the picture? Heh… I was only a little hungry, honest. Then, I started to read a bunch of fiction… cleared out most of my emails… played some online games… read some sob stories in the newspaper… Still, I'm pretty sure the whole chapter I wrote took around an hour, maybe and hour and a half – tops, to write.