Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. I got the idea for the chapter title from Book 3.

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Chapter Twelve: The Double Act that is James Potter and Sirius Black

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It's November, so Christmas shopping will soon begin in earnest. I know what to get Alice, Hestia and Emmeline, but what do you buy for a boy who fancies you, but also happens to be your friend?

I want to give James something for Christmas. After all, he is my friend. But I don't want to give him something that will give him any false hope of my feelings.

Merlin, life is so confusing.

I just noticed (I must be blind not to have), but I haven't used numbers in a long time. My whole purpose was to write down each time James asked me out, but now that he's stopped, I don't know if I should continue this journal. I've kind of grown accustomed to writing about him in here though… How about this: until I'm certain that James no longer cares for me, I'll write in this journal.

Gryffindor has another Quidditch match this weekend, but this time it's against Hufflepuff. There's not nearly as much excitement because they're a much easier team to beat and they haven't won a match since I can remember.

Sirius has decided to make a giant poster of James to hang above the Gryffindor cheering section. Just what James needs: an ego boost. Actually, James doesn't know about the banner as it's supposed to be a surprise. We'll see how secret it stays. Sirius tells James everything and vice versa.

As was expected, our Gryffindor quidditch team completely flattened the Hufflepuff team. The poor team never stood a chance with James out there scoring like he'd never play Quidditch again.

I can tell that he loves to play. A lot of people expect him to go professional after Hogwarts, but he told me today on the way to Defense Against the Dark Arts that he wants to become an Auror. Apparently the Potter family is famous for fighting the Dark Arts and James wants to stick with tradition.

It sounds like a noble profession, albeit a dangerous one. He's going to cause everyone, including me, a lot of worry when he's off fighting and getting into close spots all the time.

We continued our conversation after class at lunch where he told me why he wants to become an Auror.

James: "Have you ever heard of Voldemort?"

Me: "You mean the one people are calling You-Nnow-Who?"

James: "Don't ever call him You-Know-Who, Lily. If you're scared of a silly name it's only going to increase your fear of him."

Me: "Wow, James. That was pretty insightful."

James: "Well, I can't take credit for it. Dumbledore told me the same thing once."

Me: "You know Dumbledore personally?"

James: "Oh, sure. My parents work with him a lot through their work and up until this year, I've practically lived in his office!"

Isn't that the truth? This year though, he and Sirius have really tapered off the pranks and, much to my delight, they've stopped harassing Slytherins (or any other students for that matter) just for sport. I don't think they've completely given up hexing Snape, it's difficult to care at this point. Snape has officially worn out his welcome with me after the fight in the corridor.

James: "Why I really want to become an Auror is to protect those I care about… Voldemort is a big advocator of being pureblood."

Me: Aren't you a pureblood?"

James: "Yeah, but I don't care. Look at you; you're just as good a witch as any pureblood witch or wizard in this school and you're from a Muggle family."

Me: "I'm not that good of a witch."

James: "Yes, you are! You're the number one candidate for Head Girl next year."

Me: "Says who?"

James: "Says Dumbledore."

Me: "Really?"

James: "Cross my heart and hope to die."

Me: "Do you know who the candidate for Head Boy is?"

James: "Nope."

Me: "If Dumbledore told you the candidate for Head Girl, surely he told you the candidate for Head Boy as well."

James: "Well…I asked specifically about you."

Me: "Oh. Why?"

James: "Curious."

Me! A candidate for Head Girl!

I can't believe it! It's what I've dreamed of ever since I came here. I'll be able to make import decisions and to be able to take points off those idiots in the hallway who think it's funny to hex the younger students who can't defend themselves.

Number 35:

I thought I was through with these numbers, but I guess not.

As I mentioned before, the next Hogsmeade visit is coming up soon and today I received quite a shock.

During detention tonight James and I were paired together and we had to write lines in the Transfiguration classroom while Professor McGonagall graded our essays.

"I will not cause disturbances in the corridors." I thought my hand was going to fall off.

On our way back to Gryffindor Tower, James brought up the subject of Hogsmeade. I should have realized that something was up; he was acting rather nervous.

James: "So…there's a Hogsmeade trip this Saturday."

Me: "I know. I need to do some Christmas shopping. Alice is going with Frank, and Emmeline is going with Angus Vance, so that makes getting presents for them easier."

James: "You're going all by yourself? A pretty girl like you?"

Me: "I'll be fine."

James: "You could go with me…"

I paused, and then asked, "Are you asking me to Hogsmeade?"

James: "Yes."

Me: "As a friend? Or something more?"

James: "I was hoping as something more – but if…"

Me: "I'm sorry, James. I just don't feel that way about you. Can you please just accept that and move on?"

James: "Sorry, Lily, but I can't do that."

Me: "Why not?"

James: "I gave my heart away a long time ago."

Me: "I'm sorry, James. I really am."

James: " It's not your fault. You can't help the way you feel. But I can still hope can't I? Maybe someday…you'll realize that I'm a bloke worth liking and you'll say yes."

Me: "I suppose you can hope…but I really don't know what good it will do."

James: "Lily?"

Me: "Hm?"

James: "If I were to ask you out every now and then would you mind terribly?"

Me: "James…"

James: "Just to make sure that you don't care about me and to keep me hoping that on some slight off chance you might? I promise it won't be like last year. No more pranks on you. Marauder's Promise."

Me: "Could I stop you from asking me out?"

James: "No."

Me: "Then I think you have your answer."

James: "You're a great sport, Lily. You know that don't you?"

I feel bad turning him down, he looked quite sad, but I can't help how I feel. I don't want to go with him and give him false hope and false happiness. It's better this way.

Today, Stephan Perks, a boy from Ravenclaw, asked me to go with him to Hogsmeade in Herbology. I was paired with him to repot a Wizarding form of Venus Flytraps. James was paired with Hestia right next to us. When Stephan asked me out, James dropped his pot, which shattered. The plant escaped and started to slither away. He tried to catch it, but it bit him before he could get it back into another pot.

Poor James. Professor Sprout sent him to the hospital wing and he never got to hear me to tell Stephan that I'd promised to spend the day with Hestia and therefore couldn't go to Hogsmeade with him.

I didn't actually promise anything to Hestia, but I had to think of something to tell him. I kind of wanted to say yes; he's a nice enough lad, but I didn't think that it would very nice to do that to James. I don't need to rub the fact that I don't return his feelings in his face. Friends don't do that to each other.

He probably thinks I agreed to go with Stephan and he's probably up there in the hospital wing wallowing in self-pity. Maybe I should go and see him…I think I will.

I just got back from the hospital wing. I feel so sorry for James; his hand is all swollen and he has to spend the night in the hospital wing so it can mend.

Even though James tried to pretend like he didn't care, it was obvious that he was glad I turned down Stephan.

Well, James is back and ready to take on that wizarding Venus flytrap again. I told him that probably wasn't such a good idea. He asked would I be sorry if the plant ate him. Of course I would be. I'd loose a valuable friend that I cared for (in a friendship sort of way of course). That seemed to make him quite happy and he walked with a slight spring in his step on the way to Herbology.

Something very strange happened just now. Tonight, I forgot my History of Magic book in the common room and I was on my way to get it when I heard voices in the common room. It was James and Sirius. I was about to go and tell them to be quiet, but what I heard made my heart and body stand still.

James: "Padfoot, do you have any idea of what could have happened? Do you?"

Sirius: "Look, Prongs…I'm sorry all right?"

James: "Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it. You could have killed Snape!"

Sirius: "But, he…"

James: "I know what he did, and it wasn't right. But what you did wasn't right either. Did you even think about what the outcome could have been?"

No answer.

James: "Do you realize what you've done to Remus? Now Snape knows. If Dumbledore hadn't made him swear he wouldn't tell anyone, he'd be blabbing it to the Slytherins and the whole bloody school right now! I thought you were his friend…I thought you were my friend."

Sirius: "I am! James, I messed up and I know it! I know what I caused and don't you think I feel bad for it? I don't care about Snape, but Remus is my friend..."

James: "You sure didn't act like it tonight."

Sirius: "Prongs…what can I do to make up for it?"

James: "Leave me alone."

Sirius: "But..."

James: "Go up to the dormitory. I'll spend the rest of the night here."

Sirius: "Are you…"

James: "GO!"

I have never, ever heard James speak like that to one of his friends before. Whatever Sirius did, it must have been bad because he and James are close friends. They're more like brothers.

I always knew that they were good friends, but in being their friend, I've seen just how close they actually are. James himself told me that he trusts Sirius beyond all his other friends. It doesn't mean that he doesn't trust Peter and Remus, it's just some sort of bond he has with Sirius.

I finally ventured down the stairs and sat down beside James on the couch.

James: "Lily! What are you doing here?"

Me: "I forgot my history book and I was coming down to get it when…"

James whipped around and grabbed my shoulders and practically shook me.

James: "What did you hear?"

Me: "Not much."

James: "Lily, don't lie! This isn't the time or place."

Me: "All of it."

James was silent for a moment before making me promise to never repeat what I'd heard to another living soul as long as I lived. I promised. But, I can't help wondering what Remus's secret is. And just what did Sirius do?

Remus is a fairly mysterious guy. He keeps to himself a lot, but that doesn't make him unfriendly. Having a weak immune system must run in his family because he's sick at least once a month or if he isn't someone else in his family is and he has to visit them.

Wait a minute…I think I just figured something out. I think I know what's wrong with Remus, but I need to check a few facts first.

Today after classes I was headed to the library when James came up behind me and gave me a hug. He scared the living daylights out of me!

Me: "What did I ever do to you?"

James: "You broke my heart. Just kidding, Lily. I just felt like giving my friend a hug. Where are you off to?"

Me: "The library, there's something I need to look up."

James: "For what class? I don't remember getting an assignment… When's it due?"

Me: "It's not for class, it's for my own curiosity."

James: "Oh, what are you looking up?"

Me: "Werewolves."

James: "Why?"

Me: "Like I said, I'm curious."

James started acting very odd then and did everything he could to keep me from looking up anything, but eventually he had to go to Quidditch practice. Not that he was willing to leave me, his teammates actually had to remove him from my presence by force. Before they left, he yelled out for me to not tell anyone about what I would find and to come and see him after practice.

What I found in my research confirmed what I suspected: Remus is a werewolf.

Poor Remus, he really doesn't deserve that fate. He's one the nicest and most compassionate people I've ever known.

Like I promised, I went and found James coming in from Quidditch practice. I told him that I knew Remus's secret.

James: "What are you going to do about it?"

Me: "Do?"

James: "Tell Hestia, Emmeline, and Alice?"

Me: "Do you really think I would tell someone else's secret? Especially one like this? Do you think that little of me?"

James: "No! Lily….I'm sorry if I sounded accusing. It's just that I've spent nearly my entire Hogwarts career trying to keep people from learning Remus's secret. People like Remus are looked down on and not accepted in the wizarding world. He's my friend; I'm just trying to protect him."

Me: "I'm his friend too, and believe me, James, I won't tell anyone. Remus's secret is safe with me."

James: "Thanks, Lily."

Lily: "What you're upset with Sirius about…. it has to do with Remus and his condition doesn't it? Sirius said something to Snape that made him figure it out."

James: "More or less. We're all pretty miffed at Sirius right now."

I honestly thought that Sirius was above that. What he did was horribly wrong. James was right; Snape could have been killed and then Remus would have faced guilt over it for the rest of his life. Did Sirius even think before he acted? It would seem not.

Me: "Will you forgive him?"

James: "Not right now. I need time. Remus needs time. It's really his call."

Me: "But shouldn't you be there for both of them?"

James: "What do you mean?'

Me: "While Remus needs you to vent to and to be able to trust right now, Sirius needs you to help him through his guilt. Sirius isn't a bad person, just a little reckless. Everybody deserves a second chance."

I went to the common room and found Sirius sitting in a corner looking rather dejected. I sat by him for a while. Just sat there. I didn't say anything and neither did he, but somehow that was all right. He gave me a smile and a thanks and I felt good inside, knowing that I was there for my friend.

They're back to their antics.

Today after classes, Sirius apologized to James and James forgave him like I knew he would. He told me about his talk with the headmaster and apparently Dumbledore told James practically the same thing I did.

Remus has yet to forgive Sirius, but if I know Remus, he'll forgive him. Remus believes in second chances.

While James and Sirius were fighting, it was very dull in the common room and in classes. I never realized just how much they brightened up my day until they were gone.

I don't know what James or Sirius would do without the other. If something happened to the other, for one of them, the world would end. I've only been their friend for a fairly short amount of time, and already I can tell this. James Potter and Sirius Black truly are a double act.

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