Vegeta ½
a Goku and Vegeta buddy fic
by
mkh2
In "Vegeta ½," Vegeta's day starts pretty normally, until he finds himself being talked into going to China with Goku for some sparring time, whereupon he falls into the cursed springs, turning into a girl. Poor 'Geta! What happens to the poor saiyajin no ouji? Will Goku spill the beans? Oh dear!
Disclaimer: In the due course of reading this fic, one must expect that by now the reader would have picked up the fact that I do not own any of the rights to Dragonball Z and that it instead belongs to Akira Toriyama. Should you be somehow have mistaken me for the aforementioned owner and creator, I will be very, very sad and you will be in dire need of glasses.
" " – denotes speech
' ' – denotes thinking.
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Vegeta ½
Chapter 14 – Piccolo's a Pickle! … Wait … Piccolo's in a pickle!
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"Ugh, too much bread," whined Vegeta, rolling onto her side. She did not want to get out of bed. Goku had warned her, much to her annoyance, not to eat too much before heading to bed. Bread was one of those heavy foods that fill you up more than you expect – and the two loaves (one for sandwiches) plus the two pizzas she had consumed filled her to overflowing. (Everyone except Goku and Gohan were gawking at her eating habits – well, neither was Muten Roshi, but he had a lampshade on his head, so that didn't count.) Curses – when did "Kaka-baka" get so smart?
Rolling to her other side, she figured it might have to do with him being accustomed to the little quirks of Earthling customs and food – especially the food.
'I'm too tired to do much,' she decided, 'so I will just stay here until I pick up some energy. This "period" thing sucks up too much energy. It's a wonder how women can do this every month!' Thus decided, she picked up a magazine and proceeded to… vegetate.
…
Ding dongBulma opened the door, mildly surprised that anyone would come visit at this time of the day after having been out late last night. At the sight of the visitor who stood at the door, she blinked rapidly in surprise.
Piccolo stared down at the blue-haired woman with a bored expression on his face as he looked at her confused one. Once she ushered him in, he cleared his mouth, intent on getting this over and done.
"I wish to… spar …with… Bejee," said Piccolo with much distaste evident in his voice as he said her name.
Bulma blinked at him, amusement evident on her face.
"Well, Piccolo, I never thought that you…" Bulma tittered. "Oh, just wait here a moment. I'll get her so you two can… spar." She giggled and winked and him, half-skipping out of the room.
Piccolo blinked at her retreating figure. 'What on Kami's green earth is going on in that little mind of hers?'
…
Bulma opened Vegeta's room with much gusto, humming "Matchmaker" under her voice. "Oh Be-jee, you have a visitor." She peered in to find Bejee lying on her stomach, flipping through "Martial Arts Monthly", hanging off the bed… in the same grungy clothes she had worn to bed.
"Oh, no, you are not leaving this room looking like that," exclaimed Bulma, bouncing over to the closet. "You need something much nicer than that!"
Vegeta peered over the top of her magazine. "You say something?" she yawned, having almost fallen asleep where she lay.
"Oh, not much, just that you have a visitor and you have to look nice," Bulma rummaged through the closet. "I think this little ditty will do just fine!" She pulled out a black dress, a blue ribbon tied around the waist. "I think it would go great with a white ribbon in your hair."
"Hey! No dresses! I don't want it, Kakarrotto said I don't have to so nuh-uh!" Vegeta frowned at Bulma. "I'm not wearing any more dresses, no way, no how."
…
"I can't believe I'm wearing another dress," Vegeta grumbled.
"You look darling!" Bulma squealed, clapping her hands together.
"Why do I even have to wear a dress anyway?" Vegeta tugged at the skirt of it. "This is even shorter than the last one."
"Well, because… Aahhh! I've left him waiting all this time! Come on, let's go!" Bulma grabbed her by the wrist, half-dragging the girl out.
"Wha- Wait! I was supposed to spar with Kakarrotto this afternoon!" Vegeta squawked at Bulma. Bulma frowned. "Um, I mean, I have a doctor's appointment. No? How about a piano lesson? A meeting with my lawyer? Anything? Nothing? Ah… what a bother."
Bulma tugged her into the living room and pushed her in front of her. "Enjoy!"
Vegeta blinked in confusion before she noticed the tall man in the corner. She walked over to him, feeling slightly annoyed that in this form he seemed even taller than usual.
"Ah, Mister Piccolo, sir?" Vegeta tried to get his attention, fidgeting slightly. What in the world would that tall Namekian want with her? Unless…
"What are you doing in that ridiculous dress?" Piccolo slanted an eye at her.
"Wha- wha- Huh?" Vegeta blinked at him, confused. "Bulma said I had a visitor and should wear something nice." 'Stay calm, Vegeta,' she told herself, 'don't let him know that you are you – remember, it's not like you are supposed to have any reason to dislike him.'
"I told her I came to spar with you," Piccolo seemed to glare even more at her.
"Oh… right. Then, I guess, I'll just change into something more… suitable." With a nod, she left the room.
Piccolo frowned. 'If my hunch is right, she should be…'
…
"Kyaa!" Vegeta shrieked as she was smashed into the floor. 'If only Kakarrotto allowed me to fly! This isn't fair!' Still weak from her cycle, with too much heavy bread still in her stomach (her body wasn't working the way she was used to), and the fact that she hadn't warmed up properly, she was getting thoroughly and soundly beaten by Piccolo.
Piccolo watched as she pushed herself tiredly off the floor, a frown on his face. 'It doesn't make sense. Not with that ki signature. She shouldn't be beaten this easily.'
She glared up at the Namekian, floating over her. "Get down from there!" she yelled hoarsely, which, considering how tired she was, wasn't very loud at all. "Kakarrotto doesn't fly when sparring against me! How am I supposed to spar if I can't get near you?" Now that she was so beaten and exhausted, it wasn't hard at all to keep her ki down. In fact…
"Why is the room spinning?" Vegeta mumbled, blinking up at Piccolo. "And… two of you know? That's not fair. What are you doing?" She fell flat on her face.
…
"Stop shrieking, woman!" Piccolo bellowed, more confidently than he was feeling, that was certain.
Bulma had been screeching at Piccolo for the past half hour, ever since he had carried the unconscious Vegeta into the house. When she wasn't checking up on the girl and running her tests on her to make sure she was okay, she was swatting at Piccolo with a newspaper since she had already finished throwing her pencil cup, stapler, hole puncher and scientific dictionary (which Piccolo had to admit, really hurt on impact) at the Namekian.
"Woman? Woman? How dare you! I have a name! You've known it for how long now? Gah! Men! All the same! Impossible! I'm calling Goku!" Bulma raged, finally snapping and grabbing at the phone. She started to dial when she heard a crashing sound.
"Hey Bulma!" Goku chirped.
"Hello, Goku?" Bulma said into the phone. "I need to talk to–"
"Wow, Piccolo, what are you doing here?" Goku asked.
Bulma blinked and turned around. Goku was perched awkwardly on her lab table, Bejee's blood sample splattered all over the floor, as well as some spare test tubes and an IV bag, still usable, though.
"Goku!" she stared.
"Bulma!" he grinned back at her. "Hi! I'm here for my sparring session with Bejee."
"Um, that's what I wanted to call you about," Bulma pointed at her phone agitatedly.
"But, Bulma, I'm here, so shouldn't you hang up now?" Goku smiled slightly, trying not to make her snap at him; she seemed rather wound up, after all.
"Oh. Right," Bulma blinked and put the phone on the hook. "Ahhhhh….."
"Bulma!" squawked Goku, seeing the unconscious girl on the examining table. "What happened to Bejee?"
"Piccolo knocked her out!" Bulma blurted, pointing at him. "I thought he was here wanting to talk to her but he fought her really hard instead and she passed out!"
"Wha– what? But, that's impossible; Piccolo wouldn't fight some girl that hard for no reason…" Goku trailed off and looked at Piccolo for a moment. Piccolo stared back, slightly unnerved by the calculating expression on his old rival's face.
"'Ey, why don't you and I have a little chat, hm?" Goku suddenly smiled brightly, putting a hand on Piccolo's shoulder. A heavy hand. Goku squeezed Piccolo's shoulder - hard.
"Right, we'll have a chat," Piccolo muttered.
"Here, Bulma," Goku turned to his blue-haired friend, "a senzu bean – give it to her and she should come around in a second. I wanna talk to Piccolo for a moment before I come and see how she's feeling, okay?" He tossed it to Bulma who caught it, barely.
Putting his fingers to his forehead, Goku IT'd out of the lab with Piccolo, leaving Bulma blinking blankly at the spot they were standing.
…
"So… Piccolo… Whatareyoudoinghere?" Goku hissed at Piccolo, his words jumbled together in his nervousness.
"I was curious about this 'Bejee' character. She's too powerful for an average human – even more powerful than Kuririn, but he's too infatuated with her to notice. Also, her ki is very familiar. Is she someone we know or is she a new enemy? Because, you know, there is no way someone that strong could live on the earth for as long as she supposedly has without escaping Kami's detection," Piccolo deadpanned.
Goku stared for a few minutes at him. And stared and stared and stared.
"Ah, P-Piccolo," Goku stammered, unsure of whether this was the best course of action. "Piccolo, ole buddy, ole pal… We need to talk."
Piccolo winced. He sure was in a pickle, that's for sure.
= Owari =
Okay, about the bread party – I was eating a sandwich when I had written it – actually, I couldn't quite remember the plans I had for that chapter when I recalled the "Bread Party: Bread From Around the World" bash we had back in fifth grade. Yes, that was a very long time ago, a very long time. We had at least twelve different types of bread, ranging from French bread (one of my faves) to pumpernickel to matzo… Frankly, I liked that party much more than the "Green Eggs and Ham" party, where we ate green eggs and green ham and they both tasted vile (3rd grade) or the "Lightening Cake" library party, which included tomatoes in the mix… and unfortunately the person who had made the cake didn't cut the tomato correctly so it was slightly mushy. Ew.
Now, I know I have heard some things about Vegeta being out of character – that was the idea. If she didn't get out of character enough the last chapters couldn't possibly happen, it wouldn't be funny, and frankly, when you've been a male your whole life and get pumped full to overflowing with female hormones like estrogen, can you really expect yourself to remain exactly, exactly the same as you had been personality-wise (minus the body thing?) I think not.
Yes, Vegeta has been getting scared of Bulma for years – that much is evident from one particular episode in DBZ where she ran over the guys in her rush to meet Mirai Trunks at Capsule Corp and make sure he was safe. The funniest face there was Vegeta's: he was the most scared. Watching the guys fly through the air like bowling pins out of a cloud of dust Bulma had kicked up, Vegeta still looked extremely panicked. Vegeta gravitating to Bulma in the series is natural: as Bulma is the only one, besides perhaps Chichi, who can keep all those guys in line (since it seems that everyone is trying to keep Launch's blonde alter-ego under control, she doesn't really count) then obviously she's more than capable and more than strong enough to keep him under control. At any rate, I do not think he would be able to put up with a weak-willed wife, and the added bonus of living like a prince and getting all that valuable training technology more than seals the deal.
Note: Wow, I had this on the back burner for a while; hope I don't disappoint you too much with this chapter. It's been a long time coming but I'm in a hurry to go see a movie so I can't do much in the ways of editing and adding on, so here it is! See you next chapter. - Mikki