Chapter 7: Confession

The next morning I stared at the bags I hadn't dumped after putting away my new outfits.  Once Emma got started she'd moved like a bulldozer through stores picking out clothes for me to try.  I honestly wondered if we would have made it home for dinner if she hadn't been weakened still. 

I picked the dark green shorts and crop top for the day.  The dark colors set off my pale skin and Emma had seemed to appreciate this outfit yesterday, so I ignored the part of me that knew the others in the house would be surprised to see so much of me.

I couldn't help smiling when I saw her sitting at the table waiting for breakfast a bit early.  The lingering glance at the clothes I wore made me feel like I'd started my day out making the right decision.  "Hey."  I moved to sit in the free chair across from her.  "When were the delivery guys supposed to come?"

"They told me between ten and noon." 

"Want some help clearing out your old stuff?"  I know it was showing off, but I took that moment to levitate a cup of water to me.  A small trick compared to what I could really do.  My telekinetic powers made me a very valuable mover and Emma wouldn't be afraid of me using those powers.  "I could help you do it in no time."

"If you want to spend your morning lugging things to storage…"  Emma shook her head and gave me a small smile. 

"Oh it won't take all morning."  I smirked, knowing I could do it all in one trip.  I was looking forward to seeing her face when I had her furniture marching out the door and down the hall all in a row.  Maybe I'd make them dance like the things in the Beauty and the Beast cartoon.  I let myself imagine it and projected it into her mind.  Her soft chuckle showed she shared some of my sense of humor. 

Her answering imagined scene of the staff trying to avoid the furniture and being forced to dance around it made me smile.

"Care to share the joke?"  A voice surprised me as Hank stood beside Emma's chair. 

"Oh, it was nothing."  I exchanged a glance with Emma to share a look.  We'd keep our silliness to ourselves.

He reached out towards the teapot to pour himself some.  "May I join you ladies?"

"Be our guest."  Emma answered with a straight face and I had to put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile.  Apparently she'd seen that movie.  He took the seat next to her.

After breakfast I followed her to her office.  I was walking next her talking when I sensed him.  The professor can around the corner, took one look at the line of furniture I was controlling and then back at me.  I hate that look in his eyes.  We aren't supposed to avoid our powers, and these powers were mine, regardless of how I got them.  "Jean."  He spoke with his hidden accusation. 

"I'm helping Emma move a few things."  I glanced at her and could see in her eyes that she knew he was judging me.

"Jean makes a handy pack mule."  She gave him a fake smile, a cold one.  "We need to get going.  I want all of this taken care of before the new furniture arrives." 

~thank you.~  I sent to her as we walked away.  We still had a while before the delivery happened, but it got us dismissed by the Professor to get back to work.

~I had no idea that it had gotten this bad for you.~  She sent back as we started up the stairs to the storage part of the attic.  Ororo didn't lay claim to the entire upper floor.

"Well, these powers come with a history."  I spoke once we were out of range from prying ears.  "One everyone is afraid I'll repeat."

"I'm disappointed."  She spoke and I had to glance at her.  I didn't follow that.  "This furniture hasn't danced once."  She pointed to the row of it we were following, and with that one small comment she restored my good mood.  I made her chair and couch do a little waltz to the wall before setting them down.  "Show off."  She said, but this time it didn't hold the jealousy I normally sensed in it.

"I try."  I smiled at her and just stood there, wishing it was appropriate to lean forward and give her a small kiss to show my appreciation.    

We went our separate ways until the truck pulled up.  This time I let the men do the lifting, even though it would have been easier for me.  I watched as Emma directed them to where everything went.  It was coming together nicely.  When the dresser she bought for me came in the door she had them put it in the corner.  I'd move that later.  We didn't want strangers wandering all over the mansion.  When they left I sat down on Emma's new couch, which was surprisingly comfortable for this style.

"This looks good."  I glanced around the room.  It was still too white, but she'd already made it clear she liked it that way.  It was even more white than before.  Earlier we'd been busy moving things out, then moving things in.  This was the first time we'd just been in here without work to distract us.  I felt my tension grow as I thought about how it was less than a week ago that I'd marched in here angry with her, and even less time since I'd found her lips under the old couch.

Emma moved to sit on the new chair across from me and sighed.  "Jean, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This friendly act."  I didn't like how she glanced at the spot I'd tossed her to the floor when I came after her. 

"It's not an act."  But as I thought about it I could see how she'd be confused.  Why she picked now wasn't a shock.  This was a place with history for us.  "I told you that the Phoenix burns through lies Emma."  My voice was soft as I whispered that out.  I could hear her leaning forward.

"Yes, and you proved what an utterly contemptible person I really am."  I glanced up surprised at her words.  I brief touch before I could stop myself proved that she believed that.  I'd managed to rend her from her pride in that moment.

"No, that's not what I saw at all."  If she felt my touch she didn't say anything as I took a glance at what I'd done to her from her eyes, and it made me sick.  She believed she was shallow, which she wasn't.  She was manipulative, but I understood why she'd had to become that way now.  I'd judged her unfairly, and it had stuck.  "I am so sorry.  What you think you saw isn't the truth… it was what I wanted the truth to be."  I took deep breath, wishing we could have just moved on with our lives and never talked about this again, but it was a huge elephant in the room and if I ever wanted to get past it this needed to be done.  "I wanted to hate you Emma.  I wanted it so badly."  I looked up into her blue eyes.  "But I can't.  What I saw, what I felt,"  I wasn't sure how to phrase this.  "You are a remarkable woman, and I couldn't help but respect you."  She looked surprised so I went on.  "I like you Emma, and I hate that I've wasted so much time being so suspicious.  I want to start over."

"So you plan to play the good ex-wife and make friends with the new lady in Scott's life?"  Her words were a bit harsh and they hurt. 

"I was hoping for something else."  I stared her in the eye.  I had a feeling Scott wouldn't be gone much longer, and if I had to live the scenario she'd just painted it would hurt too much to stay.  "You still want him, after what he's done?"

"Well you did say he was a free agent now."  Emma didn't quite answer me.  I wondered if she knew the answer herself.

"I also said I was too."  The words were out of my mouth before I could think about it, but I managed to keep my own surprise off my face.  "Emma…"  I looked into her face, her searching eyes.  I wanted to just tell her yes, she was hearing me right, but it wasn't enough.  "Emma, when I was in your mind, I finally met the real you, and she's smart, caring, sensitive, and lonely.  I'd like to help with the lonely."  Scott and I had been together for so long, and before that I was the one that was pursued.  I felt awkward as I announced my interest and I had to just wait for her to speak. 

"That's what the rose was about?"  Emma showed no expression as she studied me.  I was a bit surprised that she was bringing that flower up now, when I was beginning to wonder if she even got it.

"Just consider it."  I spoke softly.  She wasn't ready for this talk.  I could see it now.  "I'm not the type of person that runs when things get hard.  Scott is a good man, but…"  I sighed.  Putting him down to win her wasn't very honorable.  I decided to stop going down that path now.  "He isn't your only choice."

"So is this a trick to prove to him that I'm not capable of being faithful, or do you just want to get one up on him by bedding his mistress?"  The voice was cold and controlled, and so very wrong.

"No."  I took a deep breath and tried to focus so that the Phoenix force wasn't brought into this.  "I went into your mind and felt… a connection I haven't felt in a long time.  You make me feel things Emma, you make me more human.  I was loosing that, you were right."  I could feel the tear travel down my cheek as I spoke quickly.  "When you were killed, I felt pain, hurt… I realized what I'd found and it was gone."  I stood up unable to fight the need to move around, part of me would love to move right out the door.  "You want to believe this is a plot don't you?  That this is all about him, but it isn't.  For me, Scott has little to do with us, except for the fact that he could come back, make some lame apology for leaving you and ruin any chance we might have had."  I wrapped my arms around me and took a shuddering breath.  "You have choices Emma.  That's all I can say isn't it."

I hoped that I hadn't just ruined any chance I had.