Painted Sky
Urgh. @_@ It's 11:59 which basically says that these author notes are not going to be very intelligent. Not to imply that they ever were, of course, but that's a completely different matter (speaking of which, it is now 12:00 in the morning). So, anyhow, not much to say – as usual – except that this chapter takes place on Sunday.
Thanks to the rayemars-san, and to the readers!
Mercedes no Inuarai ~ ^.^ Well, when I write, I usually have to ask myself if I can see the characters doing whatever I'm writing about. If I can't visualize them doing the actions or saying the words, then I go back and rework things. And you're probably right about the grammar error… -_-;; I'm such a scatterbrain.
MarmaladeGirl ~ Eh, don't worry about it. You review a lot more consistently than I do anyway! Which scene in Demon Diary is this? I just remember the part when they're cuddling each other and then Chris ruins the scene! My friend and I were going, 'ARGH! Stupid boy!' XD
Feirdra ~ Well, I like to think that Seto is… kind of becoming a little more open to the idea of having lots and lots of sex with Ryuuji. Of course, who wouldn't?! *ducks* I promise not to drag it out too many chapters though. *wink* And if you write that Seto/Ryuuji fic, I'll be a very happy PM! I will stalk you! Yes I will! *cackles*
Anime Girl Sasami ~ I'm going to have to catch up with you again sometime soon… I don't think I'll ever be able to answer to all your comments in these two reviews. *is somewhat traumatized* Anywho, in reference to the relationship between Yuriko and Seto, I kinda think that they would have been happy together. Well, not happy, par say – but they would have been able to live with it. They would have been satisfied with what they had. Unfortunately, once Ryuuji was discovered, it's impossible for Seto to remain satisfied with a person who he has no emotional spark with. He could, but that little seed of doubt would always be there. Oh, and Honda! Well, for me, characters who aren't of the two main characters, their purpose really is just to move the story forward. Some of them are for entertainment, but most of them are to just get the relationship moving. Kinda like how Jyounouchi and Yami no Yuugi both were pushing (or pulling) Ryou in "Fairydust" and LTOW. ^~ That's always been my view on it, at least. And for the compensate thing… I was actually thinking about it too. I didn't, but I did think about it! XD
Dead Insomniac ~ Don't be so bitter… it's not Seto's fault that he's a bit of an idiot. *gets slapped by Kaiba* O.O;; He's very mad at me right now, you see. And there aren't that many SetoxRyuuji stories out there anyway, although I can recommend one by… argh, what was that fic again? Anonymity by Chevara Lowe, I think. Oh, I'm afraid I might not have spelled that right. The title should be right though. That's the story that really helped inspire me into writing this coupling… and trying to brainwash everyone else into it. ^~
motivateme129 ~ XD Hey, 11 chapters isn't bad. Besides, by not reviewing, you didn't have to deal with my random rantings and ravings in my thank you's, which I am afraid you will have to suffer through this time. And practice makes perfect! I've been at this for nearly four years, so none of this happened overnight. To be a bit cliché, I spend a lot of time thinking about writing. A LOT. I spend random moments during class thinking about how I can write a scene or start it, and how I will do one thing or another, and so on. It's creepy, really!
Lady Shriannan Santrea ~ XD Yes, the sparkly shampoo is from "Fairydust". I thought of it while I was in the shower. -_-;; And thanks about UCLA! I think my parents were happier than I am! ^~
Cairnsy ~ Like, oh my god! I think that Seto x Yami is the coolest too! Just the bondage involved with Yami being a total prostitute and Seto being a total prick. Like, seriously! And Yami looks sooooo good with that dice earring. I wonder why he doesn't get some eyebrow piercings! And like, I mean, you know? XD
dragonlady1220 (AKA Liz16 ~ XD Sorry it took so long… but I have this odd interest in getting this story to 100 pages. I'm only on page 80 right now so it's pretty unlikely (thank god!), but the 100 page mark is looming out there. Glad you're enjoying this!
~ Shazai (Apology) ~
Apologies are the hardest things to make.
It probably has to do with the fact that by apologizing, one is essentially admitting that they were wrong while the person being apologized to was right, and that's never something one wants to acknowledge. This is especially true if your name is Otogi Ryuuji because it also means that you just so happen to be an arrogant prick who always thinks you're right but now has to admit that possibly your every word and action is not absolute truth.
All of this was precisely why the event that was to take place was the basic equivalent to the Academy Awards in that it took place once a year, was often times completely unpredictable, and was a complete pain in the ass for all the poor buggers who lost and now got the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to listen to everyone else gloat, oh joy.
To put it lightly, it wasn't the funnest thing to do, and Ryuuji didn't look forward to it at all.
Unfortunately, Ryuuji had always found it difficult to apologize even though it was clearly the right thing to do. Despite that, any show of a real or imagined weakness was enough to drive him up the wall, and apologies seemed to be a prime example of such revelations. And it certainly didn't help that half the time, the only reason why he had gotten upset enough to go into hysterics was because he had lost control of the situation in the first place.
That was, more or less, what had led him to this situation. It had mostly been Seto's fault (technically, Ryuuji knew that he shouldn't be blaming other people but still could not resist doing otherwise), and Honda had really just reinforced those awkward feelings of self-hatred. But since Seto was a force to be reckoned with while Honda was… well, Honda, Ryuuji had found it quite appealing at the time to take out all his anger on his roommate. Which, now that he looked back at it, was probably not as good an idea as it had seemed because if he had just kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened. And if none of this had happened, he wouldn't have to be here wondering exactly what he was going to say when the door opened that wouldn't sound completely pathetic.
Since he was having trouble figuring out anything, he stood there for quite a while pondering his predicament. He was lucky that the pigeons hadn't mistaken him for a statue yet considering how much time he was taking, but this wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world to do. For him, it was the most difficult, as mentioned before [1].
There was always, of course, the option of ignoring all of this and returning to the hotel room in order to wait for Honda to crawl over to him and beg for forgiveness. The problem with this lovely possibility was that first of all, Honda wasn't about to check every hotel in Domino City to find a runaway roommate, due to the fact that he probably wouldn't be apologizing in the first place. Then there was always the fact that Ryuuji didn't exactly want to stay in a rented room for the rest of eternity, and besides… he wanted to change clothes.
So there was really nothing else to do but try and think of something nice to say, except he was having a lot of trouble doing just that.
He was still thinking when the door suddenly opened, although that had nothing to do with any psychic powers on Honda's behalf. In fact, the only reason why the brunette had opened the door was because he had promised to meet Ryou and his boyfriend, as well as the fact that he needed to get some groceries. Thus, he was completely unprepared for the raven-haired man standing there, and nearly ended up walking right into him.
For a moment, the two just stared at each other. Honda was waiting for something to be said, and Ryuuji was still trying to figure out how to say it. This essentially meant that the two were in a deadlock, and they would be until somebody said something.
Ryuuji knew that Honda fully expected him to be that somebody, so he wracked his brains for something to say. And as soon as his mind got one, it clung on and refused to let go until he said it out loud.
"Hi."
~ * ~
"Hi."
Yuriko had been surprised to see him standing on her doorstep, and he himself was wondering how he had ended up there in the first place. But he shrugged off all his doubts and responded simply, "I just came to see how you were liking the place."
"Oh… it's really nice. Thanks," Yuriko looked sheepish. She had been meaning to call him, but had just been so busy with moving in and taking care of work that she just hadn't had time. Also, she couldn't help but feel like she had been putting it off, as if there was something about the brunette that she wasn't sure she wanted to get involved with. But now that he was here, she could only wonder if she had just been silly. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to call you… I've just been so busy."
"It's fine."
It's fine. Of course it's fine. It was always fine with Kaiba Seto as long as you didn't deliberately do anything to piss him off, and even then it wasn't always certain he would be affected by it. It sometimes seemed like you could either piss him off or never be acknowledged, and she had always wondered if it was even possible to discover a compromise point.
She fidgeted slightly, wondering why she was feeling so nervous when he had been the first person she had seeked help from when she had moved here, "So… do you want to come in?"
He looked at her for a moment, as if he was trying to place her but couldn't quite figure out how. "No."
She couldn't help but wince slightly, although she doubted that he would notice. He always had been blunt, and while observant about certain aspects like manipulation and cunning, he never did seem to pick up on those small things that made people… human.
So for the longest time, the two just blinked at each other, waiting for something to be said. Waiting for anything to be said, although it was preferable that the something and anything would substantial. Necessary. No need mincing words or dancing in circles – just get to the point and get it over with.
"I have tickets to the play. Do you want to come?"
She blinked. That had been unexpected.
"Oh… err… you mean right now?" she felt flustered – it was so sudden, even though she might have admitted to herself that she had been expecting it. Somehow.
"Yes."
How could he be so calm all the time?
"Oh… okay. I'll go get my stuff. Are you sure you don't want to come in while you wait?"
"It's fine."
It was always fine. Always. It never changed, as if everything that happened just happened and there was no reason to be concerned. It drove her positively mad sometimes, but eventually she'd decided that it was just one of those odd quirks of his and that she had to get used to it someday.
Had to being the word to look out for. Part of her wondered about that 'had to', as if it wasn't really something apparent to the rest of the world but merely a restriction she had placed on herself out of plain stupidity.
Sometimes, she wondered what would have happened if she had said no. The question came up so many times, and the opportunities for her to say that single word came up too. It was odd that she should be wondering about these things when every single time she had said yes, but you just have to stop and think about those types of things.
It seemed to her that for the majority of the time, their relationship had never changed from that first 'date'. There hadn't really been much intimacy, much need to reveal souls and "wear your heart out on your sleeve", or whatever that phrase was supposed to be. She'd never really understood it because if you were really stupid enough to do such a thing, wouldn't that just inevitably end up with you getting hurt?
It wasn't that she was cynical, of course. Just… practical. Practical enough to know that she really shouldn't say no when Kaiba Seto asked her out, practical enough to see something but not comment on it when the look on his face obviously said he didn't want to talk about it, practical enough that she said yes when he asked her to marry him. Except he hadn't really asked, so it was always possible that she could have been saying yes to anything, including volunteering to be the next human sacrifice at the Kaiba Corporation luncheon. Only there were no luncheons. Seto had never found them productive and only a waste of time.
She wasn't unhappy, or anything of the sort. But at the same time, she wasn't quite sure if she could confess that she was happy, and that was the problem. Yuriko knew, of course, that there wasn't a handbook out there that said you had to be happy in life, especially considering how a lot of people spent a vast majority of their lives being downright miserable.
Marriage… it didn't really seem to be any big deal. The only difference she could possibly see from their current relationship was that she would be living with him, have to change her last name, and hopefully get more tax breaks. She didn't see children although she supposed that such things were inevitable, and she didn't really see romantic dinners next to the fireplace. With Seto, she didn't really see any of those things that she might have imagined once upon a time, and in a way, it frightened her.
Which was strange since the CEO was the epitome of steady balance, and she really shouldn't be worried. But something had been changing with him over the past couple of weeks, and she had a feeling that it had something to do with the night that he didn't want to talk to her, as well as the night when….
Her thoughts drifted off there in order to make lazy flip-flops in the air, and she watched them blearily as she tried to sort the pieces out together. There was something different about him, although she couldn't quite place her finger on what that change was. He was just no longer as calm and collected as he would like her to believe, and from that she knew that things really couldn't be the same again.
Blinking once, she reached over the piles of books and paper in order to pick up the small ring box, pausing only to look at a framed picture of Seto and herself on a date. It was one of the few pictures she had, and it was essentially the only picture where he was smiling.
She still didn't even know what had caused him to do that.
Opening the velvet box, she stared at the ring within. It turned out she had been mistaken – it was white gold, not silver, although she could never figure out the bloody difference when it came to looks. The only difference she could figure out, in fact, was placement on the periodic table and price tag.
Or something like that.
It was like their relationship, honestly. She couldn't figure out how it was much different from being 'single' besides the newspaper articles, and that in itself was pretty disturbing.
She wasn't really regretting her decision – there wasn't really anything to regret about it. But at the same time, it didn't really seem to be the right one, and she was having trouble figuring out why that was exactly. Was it something about her, or did it have to do with that change Seto had undergone? She really couldn't be sure anymore.
Sighing, she decided to set aside all her doubts for now. Seto had sounded pretty urgent in the e-mail, although she wasn't quire sure how urgent an e-mail could ever sound. Kinda like Seto, how he could be emotional but you couldn't really tell just by looking at him.
Snapping the box shut before placing it in her bag, she stood up and got ready to leave.
~ * ~
Hi?
Honda couldn't help but blink at Ryuuji's apparent loss for words, so he leaned back against the doorframe and crossed his arms. He decided that it would be best to stare at the other man, if only because he was still having problems believing that Ryuuji was really there and capable of being… humble. Well, Honda was going to assume that the game inventor was going to be humble at least – he couldn't be sure, but usually when Ryuuji came along with such a subdued tone, it meant he was going to apologize. And Ryuuji sure as hell wasn't the apologizing sort, which always made it somewhat entertaining.
At least, it would have been entertaining if Honda was in a sadistic mood. Which he wasn't, luckily for Ryuuji.
"Hi to you too. What are you doing here?"
For a moment, Ryuuji looked completely taken back by Honda's bluntness, and he might have winced from the fact that Honda was probably still a little pissed at him (a little?!) if he wasn't too busy glaring at the brunette. "I live here too, you know."
"I know that. I was just wondering why you didn't come in on your own. I happen to know for a fact that you haven't lost your keys or you wouldn't have been able to get into the building, and your wrists still look like they're in one piece. And it's not like I changed the locks or anything, although I have to admit that the idea was rather tempting at the time."
"I… err…" Ryuuji stuttered blankly – which was pretty worthy of attention on its own – before he hastily and wisely decided to change the topic. "Were you going someplace?"
"I was going to meet Bakura and Yasuo [2] before getting some more groceries. We're running out of food."
The raven-haired man blinked, trying to absorb and process this new piece of information. It was a bit more difficult than it looked since he was running on little sleep – a combination of still-persistent jet lag [3] and stress, no doubt – and other things he couldn't name at the moment but fully intended on blaming once he could figure out exactly what the hell they were.
It took him a while to figure out exactly who Yasuo was, but he attributed that to the fact that whenever the small group thought of Ryou's boyfriend, they tended to call him… well, Ryou's boyfriend. It was almost as if they were all perpetually amazed that somebody could have ended up with Ryou despite the fact that Yami no Bakura was happily occupied with carting the pharaoh around and embarrassing the snot out of him, making it easier for Ryou to have some semblance of a social life. Yasuo, anyway, took it all with such grace that Ryuuji had often wanted to pry open his head and try to figure out what alien was living in his body. That man was weird, but then again, one had to be weird in order to fit in with them. In fact, of everyone, Honda was probably the most normal person. He wasn't dead and he hadn't died before. He'd never had a psychotic father who had either tried to use him for revenge, committed suicide, or been killed by a psychotic embodiment of his hate and anger. He wasn't in love with a spirit and he wasn't possessed. He was just… sometimes, it didn't really seem like he fit in, like he was of a completely different world and had simply stumbled in by accident. Strange thoughts to have when you've been living with the guy since college, but they had always been there.
But at the same time, Honda had always kept him from going off the deep end. Perhaps it was because he was stable, and that allowed him to bring about a sense of normality to everyone else. It proved, perhaps, that you didn't have to be completely psychotic to be involved with psychotic people, and that he could somehow change them all for the better.
It was a big task for one person, so maybe that was why he had chosen to do one at a time. Which was good because Ryuuji needed all the attention he could get.
"I… see."
An uncomfortable silence as the two stared at each other, Ryuuji resisting the urge to fidget. He didn't know why Honda's stares could make him feel so childish, unless it had something to do with the babysitter comments. A little voice in his head mumbled rebelliously that he wasn't a baby and that he didn't need somebody to take care of him.
Or something like that.
"Do you?" Honda asked a tad callously, the words punctuated by a raised eyebrow. Ryuuji couldn't help but grimace at that, and his mouth was moving before his brain could start thinking.
"What do you think?"
"Playing games isn't going to get you anywhere this time, Otogi. I doubt that it worked with Kaiba, and I've lived with you too long to let it work with me either."
Well. Honda certainly was being straight-forward today. Although he had been pretty damn straight-forward yesterday too. Not that it really made a difference anyway… did it? He wasn't sure anymore, wasn't sure of much at all.
He wasn't even sure what he was talking about.
So finally, he decided that the best course of action would be to do what he came here to do. It would let him change the topic, at least, although he had a sneaking suspicion that Honda would see through his little charade and steer them right back to where they'd started from.
"I'm sorry."
Honda stared at him for a moment [4], and Ryuuji really had to resist the urge to make a comment about what a great father Honda would make with an expression like that. He always had wondered why Honda hadn't married Shizuka yet, considering how long they've been together. He was sure the brunette had a reason, but he sure wasn't about to ask him what that reason was. Despite what some people thought, Ryuuji did have a pretty good notion of when to stop, especially when death was involved.
"I'm not trying to hurt you, you know. I'm just trying to make you figure out what you're doing," Honda said slowly. Ryuuji opened his mouth to interject, but Honda interrupted him. "And before you jump down my throat saying that you don't need that type of help, it doesn't change the fact that you're going into hysterics over what's been happening. I can't tell if you do know what's going on or not; sometimes it seems to me like you know but you don't care, and then you seem to be completely clueless. I don't know if this just means that you don't know what you want either, but either way, you should figure it out soon before you let it take over your life."
"I don't need you to shove me, Honda."
"I never said that I wanted to shove you. But you need it because if you don't do something soon, you're going to keep obsessing over it. You've already run off to America, you've already walked out on our friends, you've already walked out on me. If you keep at it, there's going to be no one left for you to walk out on, and then you're really going to be in trouble."
Ryuuji couldn't help but stare at him blankly, "Since when did you become so insightful?"
"I've had a little while to think about it."
"Is that all?" the raven-haired man replied finally. It was really hard to tell whether or not he was being sarcastic or not, and even Ryuuji felt like he couldn't be sure about his own intentions anymore.
"I have an extreme urge to kick you out right about now."
"I pay half the rent, remember?"
"Yes, I think we've already established that," Honda responded before giving Ryuuji the look that always made him want to break down. "Otogi, just make this easy on yourself and answer this question so you can at least try to get on with your life. What do you want?"
He opened his mouth to say that it didn't matter what he wanted because he wasn't going to be able to affect Seto's whims anyway, but something inside of him made him stop before he could even start to form the words. How could he, of all people, be acting like this? It was so odd, especially when he thought about those things his mother would tell him day after day while she was still alive. Don't worry about what you cannot do – if you don't try, then of course you never can. If you think you'll fail before you try, then the only thing you will do is fail, if only to prove that you were correct. Of course, thinking positively didn't automatically mean that you would succeed, but it was better than nothing. It was better than not doing anything and expecting everything to be handed to you on a silver platter, and it was much better than waiting for Seto to come to him because that was probably never going to happen anyway.
But what did he want? Did he really want something with Seto, or was that just a fantasy that would eventually go away? It had been an accident, yet all of this was happening suddenly. Why did he care so much about this person when they did nothing except try and annoy each other? Yet somehow, beyond all those cracks and insults, he had discovered somebody that he honestly thought he could care for, and somebody who could do the same for him if either would just let himself do so.
He didn't understand why, but he didn't really need to. It was just instinctive, which in general made him think that he was really, really losing it.
Actually, you lost it quite a while ago.
He wanted to laugh, right then and there, and he was lucky that he didn't suddenly start crying helplessly as his thoughts happily shut down and left him with nothing to hide himself with. And somehow… somehow… he managed to get out those words that just needed to be said so badly.
"I think I love him."
Honda's jaw dropped, and Ryuuji's probably would have also if it wasn't for the fact that his mouth was too busy talking to take the time out to drop. "That would explain a lot, right? Although I don't really know what I want to do now that I know that, and I don't know how that's going to change anything. Even if I admit it, it doesn't mean he feels the same way, right?"
The smile on his face had become somewhat bitter, and it seemed to the brunette that Ryuuji was talking to himself more than anything. "Of course, I shouldn't love him. I know that better than anybody. If somebody was to ask me anything about him, I probably wouldn't be able to answer. I barely know him, and I certainly don't know why I love him. I'm still hoping that all of this is coming from a nasty bump on the head, but I don't remember being hit recently. Which is a shame… I'd love to have something to blame this on. But I guess we can't always have what we want, right? And I probably won't since he's engaged and I'm just that… what did he say again, somebody who is more trouble than he is worth? Well, something like that. Whether or not he believes it doesn't really matter. I still love him. I just don't know what to do about it now."
Honda eyed him, noting how Ryuuji didn't even look at him but instead remained fixated on the scenery, as if that held all the answers to his problems. There was so much going on, and it seemed doubtful that everything would get answered to anyone's satisfaction. But you took what you could get and tried to be happy with it, even though it was inevitable that you probably wouldn't be. It was those lucky people who did manage to find that happiness who were satisfied with life… and they weren't as rare as they would seem.
Knowing who you were, knowing what you wanted… it was one of the first steps to accepting life and all its pitfalls. Accepting it too, of course, but first you had to know. You couldn't accept anything if you didn't know what to accept, and so all these days, Honda had been trying to get Ryuuji to see that. He was surprised that Ryuuji hadn't seen it earlier, on his own, but love could make one do pretty odd things.
He should know, after all.
Running a hand through his hair, he sighed as he thought of what to say next. Ryuuji had satisfied his questions – to a certain extent anyway – and he supposed he should try to make it a little easier on the raven-haired man. It was, after all, something Ryuuji really needed, especially at a time like this.
"I forgive you."
Ryuuji blinked slowly, obviously startled by the sudden statement but simply too confounded to be able to react strongly. "What?"
"I said I forgive you."
There was an awkward silence as the two stared at each other, but Ryuuji quickly shattered it when he sullenly said, "No you don't."
Honda finally grinned – a gesture that seemed relaxed and just so reassuring – as he leaned over to pat his friend on the back, "I know I don't. But I also know that you want me to, so I'm willing to pretend that I do."
For your sake.
~ * ~
Takashi Yuriko hadn't really known what to expect when she arrived at the designated meeting spot, but what she definitely hadn't expected was for Kaiba Seto to – without even taking the time for pleasantries or even a damn 'hi' – walk right up to her and say, "It's over."
It might have just been her and the rest of the world, but that really just wasn't the best way to start a conversation.
And when she later thought about it, slapping him in the face probably wasn't the best way of responding either, although it was the first thing her mind latched onto. Actually, she had really wanted to punch him, except the only thing that would have happened was that she would probably hurt her hand and she figured she'd be getting enough grief without causing herself physical harm too. So she settled for slapping him, which proved to be insanely gratifying even if it might not have been politically correct. Which was weird, because a part of her had almost expected this. There had to be a reason why he changed, and she had noticed it. Of course, she had ignored it because who wouldn't ignore something like that when they were being proposed to? Her mind had preferred to pretend that the 'change' had only been temporary, rather than something that could ever come back to affect her.
It was a little too late to be rethinking that though, wasn't it?
Seto didn't flinch, didn't say anything. He also chose to ignore the throngs of people who were standing around them staring and muttering about what had just happened because only one person mattered right now and that person was standing in front of her. He looked at her, almost as if he was discovering her for the first time, and took in every single detail like a person who was meeting her for the first time. The light brown hair was carefully pulled back into a ponytail so that it wouldn't fall into her dark blue eyes – which depending on the angle could almost become black. Such a contrast from that certain other person who he was doing this for, although common sense said that he shouldn't be.
But what was common sense anyway? It was pretty useless at times anyway, and he wasn't going to live his life being dictated by common sense. Besides, some people said it didn't exist anyway, and was mostly an illusion of society's directions and forced upon every drone living within its clutches. He'd dealt with that long enough, and dealt with it enough to already hurt her. And she was hurt, and he shouldn't have expected otherwise, because he had risen her expectations only to crush them now with those two words.
He shouldn't have been so blunt, but it was a part of his personality and he didn't really know how to change it. He'd never learned to soften his words unless he really concentrated, and when he saw her approaching he just blurted out the first two words that came to his head. The ones that he should have said a long time ago but didn't, and now were saying when it might already be too late.
Now… what was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to comfort her? That seemed a better option than just standing there watching her shake, but he didn't know if she would appreciate any 'comfort' he might have to offer. Besides, what would he say? Sorry, but it's just not working? Sorry, I know I shouldn't have asked you in the first place but I was trying to get rid of someone? Sorry, I just don't love you in that way and I don't think I ever did?
None of it seemed to be very… right.
He could have walked away of course, and he might have at a different time. But right now, watching her, he just stood there rooted to the spot. There had been too much walking away, too much escaping of the situation, too much of all of that which had inevitably led him here. It had been the only way he knew how to deal with things, but now he was being forced to confront everything that he'd tried to avoid. Those carefully laid pieces that he knew how to weave about had all been knocked out of place by a single person, and now he just found himself smacking into them as he tried to stumble through what had once been so easy to maneuver through.
He'd meant all of that metaphorically, but that slap sure as hell had felt real.
Well, at least she hadn't tried to knock him out. Not that she would be able to, but at least she hadn't tried. He might have, if he was in her position. Quite luckily for himself, he wasn't.
"I can't believe this." Her voice was becoming remarkably shrill as she looked down at the ground, he noted with some surprise. He'd have thought that Ryuuji had some type of patent on that little ability, but apparently he was being proven wrong at the moment. "I can't believe that you would do something like this after two days. Two days. Okay, so maybe I suspected something was up but nothing that came along the lines of 'will you marry me' followed by 'it's over' in less than a week?! Granted, you didn't even say those words so I should have known just by that but I decided to be stupid and pretend that it would be all right at the end. Except it's not, is it?!"
He wondered if he was supposed to be responding to that, and settled finally for trying to reach out to her and give some pathetic form of sympathy, "Yuriko…"
Quickly though, he pulled back. She obviously did not want to have any contact with him right now, although she did like him at an arm's length so she could screech without being worried about getting sued.
"I'm sorry."
She couldn't help but laugh at that, "Well, that's really reassuring. You know, I think I'll write that one down in my diary. Dear myself… fiancée broke up with me after two days and he says that he's sorry. All in all, a perfectly good day because he managed to say sorry. Which I guess is one hell of an accomplishment, especially for you, but I'm not going to go into that right now."
"What do you want me to say?" he replied flatly, completely unprepared for the reaction that was going to come next.
"Gods, Seto! God! You have absolutely no clue when it comes to people, do you? You're not supposed to ask me what to say, you're supposed to know it and even if you don't, you should at least try and say something on your own. We're not here to spoon feed you words, and we're not here to be your little pawns that you can move around whenever you want." Before she could even begin to control herself – not that she was sure that she wanted to – she had grabbed him by the shirt and was now gesticulating wildly with her other hand, as if to do so would help convey her meaning better than simple words ever could. "You could at least try and explain why the hell you did any of this. I knew something was up! I knew it! And I ignored it, but now that you've managed to really jerk me around, I want to at least know why and what you're doing!"
Seto couldn't help but stare at her; she had never acted like this before. Granted, he had never dumped anything like this on her before, and the rest of the time she tended to keep to herself. He hadn't really known what to expect this time, as he had been pretty sure that this wasn't something that she would just keep to herself. But there was always that chance, which might have been why he had chosen to tell her face to face rather than through an e-mail or a phone call. It was as if he was trying to give her a chance to say something back, although he knew that his mind was made up.
Perhaps it was because he did want to explain all of this, even though he knew it wouldn't make much of a difference. He'd used her in a desperate ploy to tell himself that he wasn't in love with Ryuuji, and now that it hadn't worked, he was dumping her and forcing himself to deal with his true feelings. Which was all fine and dandy when it came to him… but her….
'I'm sorry' probably was the best thing he could say right now. He had never been one for empathy and his words tended to be as blunt and cold as his personality. A part of him wanted to be able to say something more, but it didn't really know what to say or how much it could really do.
Slowly… gently… he reached out and took her wrist, forcing her to let go of him. She glared at her, waiting. Expectant. She needed to hear the words from him, and he needed to say them to somebody other than himself.
"I love somebody else."
She could only stare.
Seto blinked, almost as if he was just as shocked that he was capable of saying the words as she was of listening to them. Hesitantly, almost as if he was testing a hypothesis over and over again, he repeated, "I… love somebody else."
It explained a lot. Really, it did. Yuriko wasn't sure how she hadn't managed to pick up on it before, or perhaps she just had not wanted to. Who would, after all, want to believe that her boyfriend was in love with somebody else? Who?
It didn't, however, explain how he could have done this. If he was in love with somebody else, and if he had been in love for a while, why had he done any of this?
She couldn't believe this, even if she had expected something… big to happen. Something big. That was the only way she could explain it right now, but she was sure that in a couple of days she'll be able to come up with some other fine adjectives that would convey all her feelings. Right now though, that was all she could manage.
She felt very tired suddenly, and quite stupid. She wasn't sure why she felt that way, or whether or not she should. But she also decided that she didn't really care either way, so she settled for asking, "Why?"
He blinked at her. Why? Why?! How should he know why he was in love with Ryuuji? That was the question he would personally love to have answered, since he was having so many problems trying to figure it out on his own.
"I don't…."
"No. I don't want to know why you would love somebody else. It's none of my business. I want to know why you had to get me involved this way when you didn't have to."
That was the question he had been hoping to avoid. She could see that from the way he stiffened. Some people might also have looked away in shame, but he just kept his eyes on her. So steady, so emotionless.
At least, it should have been emotionless. It usually seemed that it was, so she wouldn't even bother looking for that little bit of humanity that he always seemed to be lacking. But for some reason, she had looked this time and she could see it there looking back at her. Finally.
"It's him, isn't it? That guy at the restaurant?" When he didn't respond, she continued. "The one with the black hair and green–."
"Yes."
She let out a breath, "Gods. I should have known."
"I'm sorry." It was the only thing he knew to say, so he just kept saying it. And he wasn't even the type of person who said those two words. Still, it wasn't exactly the time to gloat about small victories, especially since she didn't really feel like she had won anything.
"Don't keep saying that if you don't mean it, Seto."
He looked at her, "What makes you think I don't mean it?"
"I don't know. I'm just telling you anyway. It's hard to tell what you mean and what you don't, so I'm not even going to try and distinguish between the two. It's just easier not to."
"You're angry." Wow, he was really being observant today. He could just see Ryuuji banging his head against the wall or rolling his eyes… both actions he wouldn't himself mind participating in. It seemed like his thoughts were becoming more and more obsessive and pointless as the days went on, which really made him wonder if he was doing the right thing or not.
But he'd already been through all of that, hadn't he?
"I have a right to be," was the reply as Yuriko sat down on the concrete lining of a flower bed. She never took her eyes off of him though, and he kept watching her as well, waiting patiently for whatever she had to say next. "You still haven't explained why you did this though. I can live with you loving someone else, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wondering why you got me into this whole mess when it would have been so much kinder to just leave me out and not get my hopes up. I do suppose you have a reason, right?"
"I doubt you'll want to hear it."
"I don't doubt it. But I have to know."
They were frowning at each other now, both waiting for the other person to back down and both knowing that it would never happen. It was up to one of them to say something, and since Seto had the most reason to, it would probably be him. But he didn't really know how to say it without making the situation even worse than it already was (hard as that was to believe), so he began to contemplate just apologizing again before going along his merry way.
For some reason, he had a feeling that she wouldn't quite appreciate that.
"I didn't want to love him."
The words seemed to come out on their own accord, and he let them hang there for a moment as if he was as entranced by them as Yuriko was.
I didn't want to love him.
It was such a simple concept, really, just like the fact that he was in love with somebody and it just wasn't her. It explained so much about what had been happening over the past couple of weeks, and why any of this was happening.
"You're really lost, aren't you?"
Seto cocked his head slightly to look at her, "I take it you're starting to get the picture."
"No, I didn't mention anything like that. I suppose you have a reason, and I'm starting to understand why you got me involved. But knowing that doesn't really make it any better," Yuriko said simply before she dug into her purse and pulled out the ring box. "Here."
He couldn't help but blink at it before looking back up at her, "You didn't wear it."
"I thought you would have noticed that before."
"Why didn't you?"
She sighed, almost impatiently, "Do you really have to ask, Seto?" She looked ready to stop after that but picked up again as she took his hand and placed the small velvet box in it, "Well, perhaps you do. Seto, you're not as impenetrable as you think you are, and I'm not quite that stupid. I guess I always knew that something was up – I just didn't want to believe it. So perhaps this was my fault as well as yours. But before you even think about it, it's still mostly your fault. Yes, I shouldn't have said yes, but you shouldn't have asked in the first place. So no, before you can ask although I doubt you ever will, I don't forgive you. I suppose I will, someday, but right now I don't. So do me a favor and please don't call me until you hear me getting engaged. And if I don't invite you to the wedding, please don't be offended. But it's just that… I'm going to need some time where the only time I hear about you is when you're on the news. Okay?"
"So it's over."
"Just like you wanted it, right?"
Seto didn't reply to that, especially since he wasn't quite sure anymore.
"Gods. I really just can't believe you sometimes," Yuriko sighed as she shook her head, finally looking away from him before letting out a small laugh as she ran her hand through her hair. "Well. This is just fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. A two-day engagement. I'm probably going to be branded for life now, you know. Cursed. Not that it makes a difference, right?"
"I could write everyone a letter explaining the circumstances if you like."
There was a silence as Yuriko stared at him, almost as if she couldn't believe she had actually been dating this man for the past months, "You don't honestly think that would work, do you?"
Seto blinked, never taking his eyes off of her before he started to walk away.
"Well… I used to."
~ * ~
Honda was on the subway when his cell phone started to ring. It took him a moment or two to figure out that it was his since people rarely called him – and in the few cases that they were, he was usually trying to avoid them – and besides, everyone seemed to have cell phones these days so what was the chance that it was his anyway?
Pretty good, apparently, he sighed to himself as he fumbled for the idiotic piece of technology in his pocket, finally making contact and pulling it out. Without bothering to check who it was because if he did the person would probably end up talking to his answering machine, he pressed the little phone button and brought it up to his ear, "Moshi moshi?"
"It's Kaiba."
Honda managed not to yell his disbelief, if only because he was in a very crowded train and he didn't think people would appreciate him sounding like he had just spotted a chainsaw serial killer in the passing train.
Speaking of chainsaw serial killers….
"Kaiba?" he managed to get out on a somewhat decent level. "Why are you–."
"I need a favor."
Commentary:
[1] Here, I'm making a note about the apartments because I confused rayemars-san about it since I was writing about how he was outdoors but standing outside his apartment (or something to that effect). I never mentioned that when I imagined his apartment, it would be one where the hallways and such *were* outdoors. I modeled it after Jyounouchi's and Ryou's apartment, where everything is more or less covered but the hallways are still somewhat outdoors – no walls beyond barricades, I guess. The living apartments are all indoors, of course, but to get to the individual apartments, it's more like walking outside. -.-;; I'm not making much sense, am I? Err, well… never mind. *slinks off*
[2] Yasuo – Peaceful One. -_-;; I know it seems late and out of place, but when I originally wrote this I didn't really intend on ever giving Ryou's boyfriend a name. But Ninetails-chan kept prodding me so I decided to do this to shut her up. *leers at her*
[3] When I wrote this, I originally thought it was kind of weird to be bringing up the jet lag again when it was already several days later. But then I remembered my own bout when I came home from Japan – I basically spent the entire week thinking that it was a day later than it really was. Later, when I went to Italy, I spent most of the weekend before school sleeping it off… not a fun experience. -_-;; PM + Travel = Bad Combination
[4] For some reason, I just see him with glasses right now. For some reason, I think Honda would look really cute in glasses. And no, I do not know how that came up, but when I was writing that scene, I just kept seeing him with glasses peering at Ryuuji over the top of them. Teehee.
*pause* Oh kami. Now I feel really bad… I mean, a two day engagement? That's just… eep. *hides under a pillow*
Of course, rayemars-san had a more perky view about it, going somewhere along the lines of, "A two day engagement is always better than asking, and then thirty minutes later, while the soup and salad is being cleared away, going: "I changed my mind. Can I have my ring back?""
^~ Yes. So no killing the innocent PM. *gets chibi eyes*
Anyhow, in reference to the next chapter, it's possible that it won't be coming out on time. I'm doing pretty well with it, but we might have to take in my computer to get fixed so I might not be able to work on the chapter as much as I want. Plus the upcoming week is my quarter finals, and I have about a gazillion tests or so (not really, but it sure feels that way). So if you don't see a chapter in two weeks, that's why. Sorry!
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