My Disclaimer:
I don't own Diablo II, I own a copy of it and play it quite a bit, but
that's okay as Blizzard gives people the right to play these things as long
as they get money for it, but this disclaimer is for the story. I don't own
Diablo, I DO own the character names (except for a few my family came up
with, but they give me permission to use them). Hope you enjoy this; it
should be worth a laugh. I hope.
The Rogue Encampment was a place of gathering adventurers and hopefuls who wished to make their fortune in the recent troubles. So far, all who came were now dead. Many had offered their assistance to the Rogues to defeat the Prime Evils, but they had failed. The rogues had grown weary of the constant throngs of arrogant foreigners who came and died. About a month passed, and the stream of adventurers slowly dwindled as they realized the task to defeat the Prime Evils was no walk in the park. After another month they had stopped completely, and it looked as though Hell itself was going to rise and kill everyone, until one day.
He walked into the encampment shining with glow of the light; the crest on his chest courageously proclaiming him a follower of the Light. He gazed in silent sadness at the misery that had befallen the rogues. He wiped the rain from his forehead and noticed a fire in the center of camp. He headed for it, colliding with a figure hidden in the shadows.
"Watch where you're going!" demanded a whispery voice. The pale man stepped out of the shadows wielding a wand. "Death will follow when you upset a priest of Rathma!"
"Watch your tongue, infidel! Vengeance strikes where one mocks the holy Light!"
They stared coldly at each other and prepared for battle. The paladin drew his sword and the necromancer raised his wand. They were about to start their fight of honor when a burly shape came hurling at them from behind them.
"Og smash! NOW!!" screamed the thing.
A huge man came running in yelling and bellowing in a ferocious manner. He grabbed both the priest of Rathma's head and the priests of the light's head and smashed them together lightly.
"Oof!" they squeaked as the crumpled to the ground in a heap, dazed and seeing stars.
"Haha!!" the Barbarian complimented himself.
"Og, you brainless monkey-headed buffoon of an ax-wielding loser!" yelled an incoming Amazon. She helped the two fallen warriors to their feet. "You must forgive Og, he's taken a few more Gargantuan beast blows to the head if you know what I mean. I'm Wimpelina."
"Wimpelina?" asked the paladin strangely, rubbing his head where a bump was starting to form.
"Yes. It is the name of the great Amazon warrior who was so fast she could outrun an arrow."
"Wait, I heard this story!" said the necromancer. "Isn't that because she was running away from a fight like a scared chicken?"
The Amazon glared with pure hatred, raised her spear, and dropped her head shamefully. "Yes, yes it's all true!" she cried slumping over and bawling at the top of her lungs.
"Oh, Og feel sorry! Og give BIG hug to make Wimpy feel better." Og scooped Wimpelina into his gigantic bear hug. Her life orb slowly started losing its red liquid.
"That's good, Og," said the paladin. he patted him lightly on his enormous shoulder and Og dropped Wimpelina into a crumpled heap onto the ground. She twitched occasionally.
"Well, why you fight anyway?" asked Og as he stared formidably down on the other two.
"He started it," whined the Necromancer.
"Did not," replied the Paladin, sticking out his tongue. "mitten- head"
Wimpelina rose from the ground massaging her ribs. "Well, if you won't agree on it right now, at least introduce yourselves. So far you know me and Og, but what about you two? Speak strangers."
"Greetings then," said the paladin picking himself up and striking a noble pose. "I am Insufferabilus, son of Holierthanthouis, of the bloodline of the mighty knights of Westmarch. I have come to rid the land of the evil taint of the dark Evils that do haunt this world like a foul plague upon the."
He paused and tried to remember the next line of his speech. He reached into his hard leather armor and pulled out his script and began to finish.
".land that was set apart by the Light for the goodness of Man! I."
"That's enough, thank you," Said Wimpelina. The others began to clap.
"I wasn't finished."
"you are now."
Insufferabilus drew himself up haughtily and with dignity he sat down next to Og and grabbed a piece of chicken out of the bowl next to the fire.
"Insufferabilus? What kind of name is that? Does that make it so you are insufferable?" asked the Necromancer.
"It was the name given to me by the fathers of light in the ancient temple of the Zakarum! I wear my name with pride!"
"Wearing your name too often, like clothes, will only bring holes into it," said the Necromancer sagely.
"What? Does that mean, like, the U and the R and S will go and he'll be Inferabilus? Like he infers stuff?"
"Og confused," said Og scratching his bald head with a finger the size of a sausage.
"No, you idiots! It means that sometimes your name is best left unsaid.
"Well we have to call you something! We can't go around saying 'hey you! Necromancer!' It sounds dumb."
"Um, call me.Mighty Skeleton Master!"
"On second though, hey you, Necromancer sounds better," said Insufferabilus
Wimpelina opened her mouth to add another comment but was silenced by a yell from Kashya, the Rogue leader.
"Akara needs to talk to you four."
The Rogue Encampment was a place of gathering adventurers and hopefuls who wished to make their fortune in the recent troubles. So far, all who came were now dead. Many had offered their assistance to the Rogues to defeat the Prime Evils, but they had failed. The rogues had grown weary of the constant throngs of arrogant foreigners who came and died. About a month passed, and the stream of adventurers slowly dwindled as they realized the task to defeat the Prime Evils was no walk in the park. After another month they had stopped completely, and it looked as though Hell itself was going to rise and kill everyone, until one day.
He walked into the encampment shining with glow of the light; the crest on his chest courageously proclaiming him a follower of the Light. He gazed in silent sadness at the misery that had befallen the rogues. He wiped the rain from his forehead and noticed a fire in the center of camp. He headed for it, colliding with a figure hidden in the shadows.
"Watch where you're going!" demanded a whispery voice. The pale man stepped out of the shadows wielding a wand. "Death will follow when you upset a priest of Rathma!"
"Watch your tongue, infidel! Vengeance strikes where one mocks the holy Light!"
They stared coldly at each other and prepared for battle. The paladin drew his sword and the necromancer raised his wand. They were about to start their fight of honor when a burly shape came hurling at them from behind them.
"Og smash! NOW!!" screamed the thing.
A huge man came running in yelling and bellowing in a ferocious manner. He grabbed both the priest of Rathma's head and the priests of the light's head and smashed them together lightly.
"Oof!" they squeaked as the crumpled to the ground in a heap, dazed and seeing stars.
"Haha!!" the Barbarian complimented himself.
"Og, you brainless monkey-headed buffoon of an ax-wielding loser!" yelled an incoming Amazon. She helped the two fallen warriors to their feet. "You must forgive Og, he's taken a few more Gargantuan beast blows to the head if you know what I mean. I'm Wimpelina."
"Wimpelina?" asked the paladin strangely, rubbing his head where a bump was starting to form.
"Yes. It is the name of the great Amazon warrior who was so fast she could outrun an arrow."
"Wait, I heard this story!" said the necromancer. "Isn't that because she was running away from a fight like a scared chicken?"
The Amazon glared with pure hatred, raised her spear, and dropped her head shamefully. "Yes, yes it's all true!" she cried slumping over and bawling at the top of her lungs.
"Oh, Og feel sorry! Og give BIG hug to make Wimpy feel better." Og scooped Wimpelina into his gigantic bear hug. Her life orb slowly started losing its red liquid.
"That's good, Og," said the paladin. he patted him lightly on his enormous shoulder and Og dropped Wimpelina into a crumpled heap onto the ground. She twitched occasionally.
"Well, why you fight anyway?" asked Og as he stared formidably down on the other two.
"He started it," whined the Necromancer.
"Did not," replied the Paladin, sticking out his tongue. "mitten- head"
Wimpelina rose from the ground massaging her ribs. "Well, if you won't agree on it right now, at least introduce yourselves. So far you know me and Og, but what about you two? Speak strangers."
"Greetings then," said the paladin picking himself up and striking a noble pose. "I am Insufferabilus, son of Holierthanthouis, of the bloodline of the mighty knights of Westmarch. I have come to rid the land of the evil taint of the dark Evils that do haunt this world like a foul plague upon the."
He paused and tried to remember the next line of his speech. He reached into his hard leather armor and pulled out his script and began to finish.
".land that was set apart by the Light for the goodness of Man! I."
"That's enough, thank you," Said Wimpelina. The others began to clap.
"I wasn't finished."
"you are now."
Insufferabilus drew himself up haughtily and with dignity he sat down next to Og and grabbed a piece of chicken out of the bowl next to the fire.
"Insufferabilus? What kind of name is that? Does that make it so you are insufferable?" asked the Necromancer.
"It was the name given to me by the fathers of light in the ancient temple of the Zakarum! I wear my name with pride!"
"Wearing your name too often, like clothes, will only bring holes into it," said the Necromancer sagely.
"What? Does that mean, like, the U and the R and S will go and he'll be Inferabilus? Like he infers stuff?"
"Og confused," said Og scratching his bald head with a finger the size of a sausage.
"No, you idiots! It means that sometimes your name is best left unsaid.
"Well we have to call you something! We can't go around saying 'hey you! Necromancer!' It sounds dumb."
"Um, call me.Mighty Skeleton Master!"
"On second though, hey you, Necromancer sounds better," said Insufferabilus
Wimpelina opened her mouth to add another comment but was silenced by a yell from Kashya, the Rogue leader.
"Akara needs to talk to you four."