"Rakanichu!"
"Raka what huh?"
"EEEEyaaaarrgh!"
"Die you cursed spawn of Hell!"
The sounds of battle raged in the Black Marsh. The party of four was struggling valiantly to stand their ground, but the Fallen demons led by their Lightning-enchanted leader just kept coming. Chuckles had made a barrier of bone to shield his companions, but it was beginning to crumble. They had but a few minutes to rest before the tide of devilish monstrosities of hell would sweep in and kill them all.
As the Fallen sat breaking through the barrier with clubs and chainsaws, the four companions sat waiting for the final blow to land.
"Well, we're in a pretty pickle, aren't we?" said Insufferabilus gloomily.
"I'd say more of a squash," said Wimpelina, who was smashed between the wall because of her Barbarian companions large girth.
"Or a cucumber," said Chuckles. He was drinking a mana potion to recover his spiritual force before the inevitable.
"Well, it was nice knowing you guys. There's just something I'd like to say to you all before we go," said Insufferabilus sadly. "I never did like any of you!"
"Oh, Insufferabilus, we didn't like you either!" cried Wimpelina. She reached over and gave him a hug. She began sobbing.
"Well," started the Necromancer, fighting to hold back tears, "I hated you all since the m-m-moment I met you!" He broke into tears and fell on Wimpelina and Insufferabilus.
"Og hate you all too!" cried Og heartbreakingly and grabbed them all easily with his huge arms in a gigantic group hug.
The bone wall began to snap and crumble.
Suddenly, a flash of light illuminated the whole area. The bone barrier collapsed, and chaos erupted. The cornered heroes fought like demons, and the demons fought like cornered heroes, and the cornered heroes fought like demons, and the caged monkeys fought like British soccer fans, and all around was chaos and bloodshed and all sorts of random violence.
The heroes were astounded to see that a new figure had immerged on the battlefield and was throwing fireballs and ice bolts at the demons. A white, mystic frost shield glowed behind her like a feminine hygiene commercial. She stood staff in both hands, defiantly against the devilish forces.
"Charge!" yelled the Paladin, again resuming his role. An aura of might appeared beneath their feet.
"Death awaits your cursed souls!" yelled Chuckles.
"Go away, you icky - things!"
"Og SMASH!!!"
With the help of the mysterious stranger, they dispatched the monsters quickly. Their bloody corpses littered the ground, defiling the very earth they laid upon. The companions turned to see a town portal already opened, waiting for them.
* * *
"We thank you for your help stranger. I am this party's stereotypical holier-than-thou Paladin leader. This is Og, our brainless Master Smasher, Chuckles our creepy, lead-from-behind, wussy, white-guy Necromancer, and Wimpelina, our ditzy, blonde Amazon tanker. Again we express our gratitude for your help. Who might we have the honor of addressing?
"I am a sorceress from the East. I have heard of your deeds from afar. I have come to join you in your quest to rid the world from the ancient demon spawn that have defiled this great land of Sanctuary. Together, we will rid the world from this pestilence that plagues us so. I am known by the name Sara, and I wish to join your party."
"Sara? What kind of name is Sara?" interrupted Chuckles.
"Sounds French," commented Wimpelina
"Og hungry," said Og randomly.
"Yes," laughed the Paladin. "Sara definitely does NOT sound like a typical hero name. You must be joking with us!"
"Yeah, I mean, Sara? It sounds so. unrealistic!"
"Oh, and I suppose Og and Wimpy are normal names?"
"Well, no. Og's full name is 'Og the Headless Caveman', but we just refer to him as Og."
"Yeah, and I was named after an Amazon hero." Said Wimpelina.
"My name strikes fear into all who hear it muttered in the deep stillness of the black, cold night!" stated Chuckles in a spooky tone of voice.
"Well, what am I going to do then? I like my name."
"We shall have to bestow upon thee a new name. Luckily for me, I have the Church of Zakarum's name changing ceremony right here!" Insufferabilus pulled out a scroll and began to read:
"Yea, in the time now appointed, we bestow upon thee, (please type old name), the new name of (please type new name). By this new name ye shalt be known as to all who meet thee in thy road of life. Your name, (please confirm new name), will be used from hereafter. OK/Cancel. Are you sure you want to continue? Your old name will be permanently deleted? Yes/No. New name hast been confirmed."
"Strange," said Sara, "The ceremony seems - familiar."
"Yes, I feel as if I have heard it somewhere as well," commented Chuckles.
"Well, I don't know what you're talking about. It sounds perfectly legible and non-plagiaristic to me," said Insufferabilus.
"Well, who knows what Sara's new name should be?"
"I nominate Wimpelina II!" yelled Wimpelina.
"Wimpelina II?"
"I think it's cute. . ." she muttered off incoherently.
"Okay, maybe someone else?" asked the Paladin again.
"How about, Mighty Skeleton Master!" said Chuckles.
"What is it with you and that name?"
"I think I would like to be called. . . Adrian!"
"What kind of name is Adrian?"
"Og know! Call her Mitten!"
"Mitten?"
"Mitten is good."
"Mitten it is!" started Insufferabilus. "Yea, in the time now appointed, we bestow upon thee, Sara, the new name of Mitten. By this new name ye shalt be known as to all who meet thee in thy road of life. Your name, Mitten, will be used from hereafter.
" uh, OK," said Sara/Mitten
"Are you sure you want to continue? Your old name will be permanently deleted?"
"Uh, sure"
"New name hast been confirmed," said Insufferabilus.
A bright light didst shine from heaven upon the five companions, and Sara's annoying stupid name changed into the realistic name of Mitten.
"So, Mitten, what should we do now that you have a new name?" asked Chuckles.
"I'm hungry," replied Mitten hungrily. She was kind of hungry.
"Og smell chicken," said Og.
The tempting aroma of roasting chicken wafted toward their nostrils from a red and white striped stand with a big sign that said "Kashya's Fried Chicken: Gourmet Food for the Wandering Demon Hunter"
"Yumm . . ." Drooled Og.
"Yumm. . ." drooled Insufferabilus.
"Yumm. . . ." drooled Wimpelina.
"Yumm. . ." drooled Chuckles.
"What's a chicken waffle?" asked Mitten.
"We'll take an order of fried chicken, a double order of roasted chicken, a plate of chicken waffles and a chicken coleslaw," said Wimpelina.
"Would like fries with that?" asked Kashya in a bored tone of voice.
"Yes, please!" yelled Chuckles over Wimpelina's shoulder.
"Your total comes to 1,290 coins," said Kashya in a similar bored voice.
"Wha wahsh thaht?" asked Insufferabilus with his mouth full of chicken waffle.
"Look, are you going to pay me, or am I going to have to get my rouges to shoot you full of arrows until you're a party of five pincushions so we can loot your corpses and get our money that way?"
"Ha? Look lady, we're five of them most heroic, strong and skillful heroes in the world. We've killed more demons than are hairs on your legs. I'd like to see you try," said Insufferabilus with his insufferable holier- than-thou arrogant speech.
"AARgh!" yelled Og. He fell face-first into a pile of chicken. His life orb began to go down.
"What's wrong with Og?"
"There's an arrow in your butt!" yelled Mitten.
"I'm going to ask one more time. . ." started Kashya. Rogues had now surrounded the table, their grim uniform faces staring coldly at the chicken munching heroes.
"Well, uh, we'd love to pay, but, uh, we're kind of, uh, out of money. . ." mumbled the party leader, who began to think that being a leader was not as fun as he thought it was going to be.
"Well, looks like we'll just have to kill you and sell your possessions. . ." began Kashya.
"Noooo!" they all shrieked.
"You have three days to pay us for your chicken, or we will hunt you down and turn you all into pincushions."
"Well," began Mitten. "Where can we ever possibly in this act find an absurdly large amount of gold?"
* * *
The chapter ends here. Goodness, what a cliff-hanger, huh? I'm sure everyone's just dying to know where they could find all that gold, but you'll just have to wait until I write the next chapter! Hee hee hee! Behold, my god-like power as author!
"Raka what huh?"
"EEEEyaaaarrgh!"
"Die you cursed spawn of Hell!"
The sounds of battle raged in the Black Marsh. The party of four was struggling valiantly to stand their ground, but the Fallen demons led by their Lightning-enchanted leader just kept coming. Chuckles had made a barrier of bone to shield his companions, but it was beginning to crumble. They had but a few minutes to rest before the tide of devilish monstrosities of hell would sweep in and kill them all.
As the Fallen sat breaking through the barrier with clubs and chainsaws, the four companions sat waiting for the final blow to land.
"Well, we're in a pretty pickle, aren't we?" said Insufferabilus gloomily.
"I'd say more of a squash," said Wimpelina, who was smashed between the wall because of her Barbarian companions large girth.
"Or a cucumber," said Chuckles. He was drinking a mana potion to recover his spiritual force before the inevitable.
"Well, it was nice knowing you guys. There's just something I'd like to say to you all before we go," said Insufferabilus sadly. "I never did like any of you!"
"Oh, Insufferabilus, we didn't like you either!" cried Wimpelina. She reached over and gave him a hug. She began sobbing.
"Well," started the Necromancer, fighting to hold back tears, "I hated you all since the m-m-moment I met you!" He broke into tears and fell on Wimpelina and Insufferabilus.
"Og hate you all too!" cried Og heartbreakingly and grabbed them all easily with his huge arms in a gigantic group hug.
The bone wall began to snap and crumble.
Suddenly, a flash of light illuminated the whole area. The bone barrier collapsed, and chaos erupted. The cornered heroes fought like demons, and the demons fought like cornered heroes, and the cornered heroes fought like demons, and the caged monkeys fought like British soccer fans, and all around was chaos and bloodshed and all sorts of random violence.
The heroes were astounded to see that a new figure had immerged on the battlefield and was throwing fireballs and ice bolts at the demons. A white, mystic frost shield glowed behind her like a feminine hygiene commercial. She stood staff in both hands, defiantly against the devilish forces.
"Charge!" yelled the Paladin, again resuming his role. An aura of might appeared beneath their feet.
"Death awaits your cursed souls!" yelled Chuckles.
"Go away, you icky - things!"
"Og SMASH!!!"
With the help of the mysterious stranger, they dispatched the monsters quickly. Their bloody corpses littered the ground, defiling the very earth they laid upon. The companions turned to see a town portal already opened, waiting for them.
* * *
"We thank you for your help stranger. I am this party's stereotypical holier-than-thou Paladin leader. This is Og, our brainless Master Smasher, Chuckles our creepy, lead-from-behind, wussy, white-guy Necromancer, and Wimpelina, our ditzy, blonde Amazon tanker. Again we express our gratitude for your help. Who might we have the honor of addressing?
"I am a sorceress from the East. I have heard of your deeds from afar. I have come to join you in your quest to rid the world from the ancient demon spawn that have defiled this great land of Sanctuary. Together, we will rid the world from this pestilence that plagues us so. I am known by the name Sara, and I wish to join your party."
"Sara? What kind of name is Sara?" interrupted Chuckles.
"Sounds French," commented Wimpelina
"Og hungry," said Og randomly.
"Yes," laughed the Paladin. "Sara definitely does NOT sound like a typical hero name. You must be joking with us!"
"Yeah, I mean, Sara? It sounds so. unrealistic!"
"Oh, and I suppose Og and Wimpy are normal names?"
"Well, no. Og's full name is 'Og the Headless Caveman', but we just refer to him as Og."
"Yeah, and I was named after an Amazon hero." Said Wimpelina.
"My name strikes fear into all who hear it muttered in the deep stillness of the black, cold night!" stated Chuckles in a spooky tone of voice.
"Well, what am I going to do then? I like my name."
"We shall have to bestow upon thee a new name. Luckily for me, I have the Church of Zakarum's name changing ceremony right here!" Insufferabilus pulled out a scroll and began to read:
"Yea, in the time now appointed, we bestow upon thee, (please type old name), the new name of (please type new name). By this new name ye shalt be known as to all who meet thee in thy road of life. Your name, (please confirm new name), will be used from hereafter. OK/Cancel. Are you sure you want to continue? Your old name will be permanently deleted? Yes/No. New name hast been confirmed."
"Strange," said Sara, "The ceremony seems - familiar."
"Yes, I feel as if I have heard it somewhere as well," commented Chuckles.
"Well, I don't know what you're talking about. It sounds perfectly legible and non-plagiaristic to me," said Insufferabilus.
"Well, who knows what Sara's new name should be?"
"I nominate Wimpelina II!" yelled Wimpelina.
"Wimpelina II?"
"I think it's cute. . ." she muttered off incoherently.
"Okay, maybe someone else?" asked the Paladin again.
"How about, Mighty Skeleton Master!" said Chuckles.
"What is it with you and that name?"
"I think I would like to be called. . . Adrian!"
"What kind of name is Adrian?"
"Og know! Call her Mitten!"
"Mitten?"
"Mitten is good."
"Mitten it is!" started Insufferabilus. "Yea, in the time now appointed, we bestow upon thee, Sara, the new name of Mitten. By this new name ye shalt be known as to all who meet thee in thy road of life. Your name, Mitten, will be used from hereafter.
" uh, OK," said Sara/Mitten
"Are you sure you want to continue? Your old name will be permanently deleted?"
"Uh, sure"
"New name hast been confirmed," said Insufferabilus.
A bright light didst shine from heaven upon the five companions, and Sara's annoying stupid name changed into the realistic name of Mitten.
"So, Mitten, what should we do now that you have a new name?" asked Chuckles.
"I'm hungry," replied Mitten hungrily. She was kind of hungry.
"Og smell chicken," said Og.
The tempting aroma of roasting chicken wafted toward their nostrils from a red and white striped stand with a big sign that said "Kashya's Fried Chicken: Gourmet Food for the Wandering Demon Hunter"
"Yumm . . ." Drooled Og.
"Yumm. . ." drooled Insufferabilus.
"Yumm. . . ." drooled Wimpelina.
"Yumm. . ." drooled Chuckles.
"What's a chicken waffle?" asked Mitten.
"We'll take an order of fried chicken, a double order of roasted chicken, a plate of chicken waffles and a chicken coleslaw," said Wimpelina.
"Would like fries with that?" asked Kashya in a bored tone of voice.
"Yes, please!" yelled Chuckles over Wimpelina's shoulder.
"Your total comes to 1,290 coins," said Kashya in a similar bored voice.
"Wha wahsh thaht?" asked Insufferabilus with his mouth full of chicken waffle.
"Look, are you going to pay me, or am I going to have to get my rouges to shoot you full of arrows until you're a party of five pincushions so we can loot your corpses and get our money that way?"
"Ha? Look lady, we're five of them most heroic, strong and skillful heroes in the world. We've killed more demons than are hairs on your legs. I'd like to see you try," said Insufferabilus with his insufferable holier- than-thou arrogant speech.
"AARgh!" yelled Og. He fell face-first into a pile of chicken. His life orb began to go down.
"What's wrong with Og?"
"There's an arrow in your butt!" yelled Mitten.
"I'm going to ask one more time. . ." started Kashya. Rogues had now surrounded the table, their grim uniform faces staring coldly at the chicken munching heroes.
"Well, uh, we'd love to pay, but, uh, we're kind of, uh, out of money. . ." mumbled the party leader, who began to think that being a leader was not as fun as he thought it was going to be.
"Well, looks like we'll just have to kill you and sell your possessions. . ." began Kashya.
"Noooo!" they all shrieked.
"You have three days to pay us for your chicken, or we will hunt you down and turn you all into pincushions."
"Well," began Mitten. "Where can we ever possibly in this act find an absurdly large amount of gold?"
* * *
The chapter ends here. Goodness, what a cliff-hanger, huh? I'm sure everyone's just dying to know where they could find all that gold, but you'll just have to wait until I write the next chapter! Hee hee hee! Behold, my god-like power as author!