Thanks, sadeyes907 for the tip!!! :)
Disclaimer I do NOT own or am associated with ANYTHING to do with That '70s Show AT ALL, nor do I claim to. I merely am a die-hard fan.
A/N = this is kinda like a pointless sequel to 'Falling', only with a few... okay a LOT... of exceptions. It's Kelso's POV instead of Jackie's. And it's actually set in Season 5, retelling the events that lead up to Kelso finding out about Jackie and Hyde. This also may seem a bit, well... deep for Kelso, but in order for this story to be even half-worth reading, he needed to have a heart. And a brain. And perhaps a higher IQ. So Kelso is TOTALLY out of character. I know that. If he were his stupid, brainless self in this, this story would be even more pointless.
So, in other words, this has nothing to do with 'Falling' at all, the only link would be sadeyes907's tip =)
Damn it, Jackie.
I just don't get you.
We haven't spoken ever much ever since I arrived back to Point Place. But you've gotta hear me out.
I get you're pissed at me because I proposed to you and then ran away to California with Donna. I get that would have been a big shock to you. You probably thought it was the end of the world.
But in fact it was your reality check.
Look, I'm not ready for marriage! I mean, I loved you, I still love you, but damn it, Jackie – we're 18!! Actually, you're 17, which proves my point even more – we're too young to marry!
I suppose I'm afraid of commitment as well, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I mean, the whole idea of being with ONE person the WHOLE of your life, I guess that doesn't appeal to me for obvious reasons.
I'm still not sure exactly why I ran out on you. Because I DO want to marry you some day, Jackie Burkhardt. But just not now, okay? We're young; we have our whole lives to make that kind of commitment.
I know I hurt you when I ran. I know that would have hurt, I do.
But you see, I've hurt you before. We've done this dance so many times it's become a routine even I can remember, 'cause I'm just so damn used to it!
It's our routine, Jackie. You get pissed, break up with me, become all sad and depressed and then forgive me and take me back.
Well, you got pissed and broke up with me, which is understandable, but you're not sad. You're the opposite.
Why are you always smiling whenever you're at Eric's? You should be moping around, complaining about how much you hate me, yet love me at the same time.
But you're not.
Instead, you look at me with this hard, cold stare. Like you don't care. Before, when we broke up because of the whole Laurie thing, you'd make snide remarks at me and give me these 'hatred' looks. But they were just a disguise, you knew that and I knew that. You were hiding what you really wanted – to get back together with me.
But now it doesn't feel like a disguise. It feels genuine. Like you DON'T want me anymore.
And that hurts.
Because I want you, dammit! You're about the only good thing that has ever happened to me! And I know I fucked up; I fucked up big time, but what happened to our dance?
I was expecting to come back to you yelling at me, or bitching about me, but it's like I don't exist to you anymore. You don't even talk to me.
And what's with you hanging around the basement? I mean, you're not Eric's most favourite person in the whole world. What's the point in being there? Before, you'd hang out there to at least insult me, but as I said, you don't even communicate with me anymore. It's like I'm invisible.
So what's the point? Why are you always there, 24/7? Why are you always smiling whenever you're at the Formans' house? You're supposed to be devastated that I did you wrong yet again.
Why aren't you going on about how hot I am, or how you want us to get back together? Why aren't you going on about how much of a doofus and a screwball I am? Why don't you talk to me? Why don't you LOOK at me?
Why don't you want us to get back together?
I cannot believe it.
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!
Well, Jackie, thanks for clearing that up for me. It was so nice of you to come clean with me.
NOT!!!!
Hyde is a dead man, that's all I can say. He KNEW you were mine! He KNEW you and I were fighting, but we would get back together again!
He KNEW all this. So what does he do? He goes around, frenching the most important thing that has ever happened to me!
YOU'RE the most important thing that has happened to me, Jackie, YOU ARE. And I thought I was pretty important to you too.
Do you have any idea how much it hurts? To see the person you love, the person who you THOUGHT loved YOU, make out with someone else?
Err... okay, you better not answer that.
But this was just EMBARASSING. I mean, Eric, Donna, even FEZ knew before I did. And Fez doesn't know anything! And Eric gave me this sympathetic look when I saw you making out with HIM. Eric felt sorry for me! ERIC pitied me! I don't need people like Eric pitying me!
But whatever.
I finally understand what I put you through, with all the Pam Macy and Laurie incidents. I found out the hard way, but I understand. I understand how much it kills, how much it tears your heart in two.
I know what I put you through. And I know how stupid I have been.
I said running away to California was your reality check. But I guess this whole Hyde thing is mine.
It's opened my eyes. It's put things into perspective for me. Because when it comes down to it, YOU'RE the one I truly need in my life. YOU'RE the one I need in my life to love and care for and spoil.
I've finally realized what you've wanted me to realize! I love you. I NEED YOU. I'll marry you on the spot if I have to. I just have to get you back.
I realize this now. So please, Jackie, PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!
I know I'm not the smartest guy. I know I've made some pretty stupid mistakes. But if there is one thing I'm sure about, it's that we are soul mates. We need to be together. We're SUPPOSED to be together.
I see this now. Why can't you? Why is it that when I finally realize how much I love you, you're makin' out my best friend?
Besides, HYDE?! Why him? I mean, pfft, you could do so much better, Jackie. Is he your rebound guy or something? Don't you hate him? Because believe me, he SO hates you! I don't say that to be mean, or to sound jealous, but it's the truth. He's only going to wind up hurting you.
Why didn't you tell me about him? Why didn't you talk to me, and explain how you were feeling? Because I'm confused, dammit! I have no clue in the world what's going on inside your pretty little head!
I've tried talking to Donna about you. She says that I should move on, and that you're happy now. But I refuse to believe that you could be happy with HIM and not ME.
This is like a nightmare. One giant, big, ugly nightmare! Because this is NOT the way it's supposed to go. If I knew you weren't going to take me back when I ran off, I wouldn't have gone. I only did it because I thought that when I returned, you'd be waiting for me, and we'd be as strong as ever.
I thought you'd have a miserable summer without me. But it seemed making out with Hyde pushed all thoughts of me out of your head.
And now you don't want me. That hurts, man, that hurts.
But I'm not going to give up. I'm going to win you back. Because I'm not going to lose the one thing that matters.
It still hasn't sunken in, you and Hyde.
Every time you say "Steven!" in that shrill voice of yours, my heart wrenches. Because it used to be ME that you would be yelling at, screaming "MICHAEL!!!!" at the top of your lungs. But now it's just a "Oh, hey Kelso." Like you're not even interested.
Are you still interested?
I know the answer to that question. I know it, I just don't like it. And why should I like it? The only girl I've ever truly loved doesn't love me anymore. All because I screwed up.
Now, more than ever, I wish I could turn back time. I've always wanted to turn back the clock. Many times, in fact. I wanted to go back to change the me-and-Pam-Macy thing. I wanted to go back and change the me-and-Laurie thing. I wanted to go back and change a hell of a lot of stuff.
But none of that seems as important as now.
Because if I COULD change the past, I never would have run off like that. I wouldn't have been scared when I proposed to you, because I would be in love with you. And you would be in love with me. I would have been the happiest man in the world, because I would have been with Jackie Burkhardt.
The love of my life.
I am a genius.
No, I really am.
Seriously.
If I know you, Jackie, and I do, nothing gets you more flared up than jealousy. So there's my idea. I'm gonna make you jealous; and I know just how.
Okay, when I was in California I was bored. I needed something to pass the time. So there was this blonde named Annette. And I DID NOT sleep with her, honest to God. But she had a thing for me, it was obvious.
So, I'm gonna bring her back to Point Place as my new "girlfriend". Of course, she's only an accessory; kinda like what Chip was when you wanted to get Hyde a few years back.
So when you see another girl in my arms, you're gonna realize how much you need ME, and not that hairy, beardy stoner.
And then you'll come back to me. Hyde will be all alone, upset and rejected, which will be even better. Then he'll probably screw Annette. Which is fine by me. As long as, at the end of the day, I have the one thing that only matters to me.
You.
BINGO!!!!!!!!!!
I am so smart... I am so smart...
My plan worked, just like I knew it would.
ONLY IT'S TURNED OUT SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck, it turned out perfect. Okay, I now KNOW you still have feelings for me! Can you find any other explanation for saying, "Get off my boyfriend?"
Cause I can't. Cause there is no other explanation.
You still want me. I was right! Seeing me with Annette brought back memories of you and me. And you got jealous!
Hehehe... and Hyde's reaction was PRICELESS!!!! He was really hurt by you. Which surprised me, because I never thought Hyde was that serious about you. But apparently he was.
But that doesn't matter now, does it? Because YOU STILL LOVE ME!!!
Huh.
What the fuck is going on with you, Jacks?
First you call me your boyfriend. Then Hyde breaks up with you. Then you tell him you love him. Then he takes you back?
May I point out that that is SOOOOOOOO wrong for SOOOOOOOOO many reasons?
Let's start from the top. You called me your boyfriend, which meant somewhere deep inside you, you WISHED I was your boyfriend. I knew you still weren't over me. And I was right.
So by calling me your boyfriend, it meant you still loved me. ME, not Hyde. ME. So Hyde had every reason to break up with you. I mean, you should have seen his face at the funeral. He was hurt, man, it was hilarious.
But you wanted to stay with him. You wouldn't let him break up with you. And that's where I start to get confused.
I mean, you called me your boyfriend, DAMMIT! You want ME, not HIM!
So you should have had no objections to Hyde breakin' up with you. But you did. You had a problem with it, which is just WEIRD! 'Cause hi, hello, YOU WANT ME!
So why wouldn't you let it end between you two? Unless saying, "get off my boyfriend" really WAS a slip of the tongue. But I don't believe that. I don't WANT to believe that.
And then Hyde forgives you.
Whatthehell???
Didn't you see Hyde's face at the funeral? You seriously burned him. He was hurt. And pissed. But you say the word, and all is forgotten.
He really has turned into a whipped pig. 'Cause you told him that you LOVED HIM, and BANG!!!! He forgives you and acts like nothing ever happened. Like you never called me your boyfriend.
And that's SOOOO unlike him.
Because, like, no offence, but since when does Steven Hyde do whatever Jackie Burkhardt wants him to do?
And then that brings me to the 'L' word.
You told him you loved him.
YOU love HYDE. Bullshit. There's no friggin' way I'm believing that. I can barely get my head around the fact you two started dating. But to believe that you LOVE him. You can't. You just can't.
What happened to me????
Are you seriously forgetting all the good times we had? Like when you dressed me like Bowie? Admittedly, I felt a bit like a fruitcake at the time, but looking back on it now, I was havin' the time of my life.
Are you seriously just throwing away all of those memories?
In a way I wish I could throw them away. 'Cause thinking of them only makes me pine for you more. Words cannot express how much I'm still in love with you. How much I want things to go back to the way they were before.
So I guess it would be easier for the both of us if we could just forget about us. But I can't. You might be able to, but I can't.
I can't throw those memories away. I can't throw YOU away.
My reality check has been cashed in.
I am now slowly, but surely, getting used to you and Hyde as a couple. Every time I see you kiss him, it hurts just a tiny bit less.
Don't get me wrong – it still hurts. But the fact that each day the pain gets taken away just a tiny bit, that's really big for me.
'Cause I thought I'd never get used to it. I thought I would just continue my fight for you until I won.
But now it's sunken in. You're happy with Hyde. REALLY happy. More happy than you'd ever been with me. And although I still love you, and would drop anything to be with you, nothing's more important to me than you being happy.
And that sounds really unlike me. But you brought out a side of me that no one else could. You brought out a side that made me less like Kelso and more like Michael.
It's kinda like you bring out a whole other side of Hyde. Before you guys were together, he was the cool Zen master who didn't have a care in the world and never showed it. But you made him less like Hyde and more like Steven – a real human underneath those shades.
So every time I see you sitting on his lap, yes, I will wince. Because deep down, I want to be that guy you're in love with. And it's gonna take some time to fully accept you two. But I'm actually trying.
As I said before, nothing's more important to me than you. I want you to be happy. And you are. Sure, you're happy with another person – a person that's not me – but for once I'm gonna swallow my pride and let myself be happy for you.
I love you. No matter how many times I say that, I can't stress it enough. But I'm tired of livin' in a dream. A dream that you'll take me back. I've woken up, and doing so I've also grown up. I know that can't happen. Sure, it'll always be the dream, but when it comes down to it, it's just that. A dream.
My reality check has cashed in.
A/N = Sorry it ended really randomly and rushedly, but I could have kept on going on and on and on and on... Again, I know that Kelso is SOOO out of character I should be sued. And I see the flames, seriously, I do, but if you do flame this – don't do it because of that.