No Tomorrow
Chapter 4- The Breaking Point
Hermione stared at the IV sticking out of her arm, feeding her nutrients and vitamins that the hospital food lacks. Last night she had the best soup in the world, and her stomach craved more of it. But looking at the squashed peas and boiled potatoes made her want to hack. She hated her doctors and nurses, and she knew if she asked for "real" food they'd either fuss over the fact that she had talked or the fact that she was eating. Either way, the only person she felt who would really understand her would be Draco.
She heard the door open and walked in her parents and her doctor, who had a sour look on his face.
"Ms. Granger, your parents and I have something we need to discuss with you. After much consideration, we think its time that we transferred you to St. Martin's Psychiatric in France. It's obvious that there's just nothing else we can do for you here. You've refused all sorts of treatment, your doctors and therapists have just about given up on the hope that you'll ever recover, you don't eat, you never speak up to us, and it's quite obvious to the staff here that you're simply much too-"
"You know what Doctor? How about you tell me something good about myself instead of CONSTANTLY telling me what the fuck is wrong with me? Perhaps the REASON I don't eat is because you feed me shit for food. I don't talk to you because you'll either make a huge big deal about me talking for the first time in however many months or how it'll be the last time I talk to you ever! Perhaps if you started treating me like an individual instead of a lump of existence then MAYBE I would be more cooperative. I hate being here; I don't even know why I've been lying in this damn hospital bed for 8 months. Oh wait, I know! Because my loving parents thought it'd be a really good idea to send me to the hospital just because I was grieving for the loss of my best friend. Jesus, Mom and Dad, did you think I was going to get over Harry's death in a matter of minutes? The healing process takes time and I was handling his death just fine.
"Honey you weren't eating...your father and I were just concerned-"
"Bullshit my ass you just wanted a fucking excuse to get rid of me. You were just tired of me being sad all the time so you sent me away to this god forsaken shit hole. Instead of being so concerned about your fucking image in the neighborhood, why don't you just take a minute and ask me what the hell I wanted?"
"What do you want then Ms. Granger?" the doctor asked condescendingly.
"I want to get the fuck out of here. I want Harry to come back. I want to finish Hogwarts, I want to get a job, get out into the real world. I'm fucking sick of this hospital and I want out now!"
"Unfortunately we cannot allow that, Ms. Granger. You're parents signed to have you stay here for another 4 months, completing your one year term at this hospital. And because you haven't been responding to your treatment, legally we can keep you longer."
"Oh fuck that! I'm goddamned 18 years old and that's old enough to decide what the hell I want."
"She's right. Despite the fact that her parents signed her in, as soon as she turned 18 she was allowed to leave," appeared Draco in Hermione's room.
"Mr. Malfoy, not only are you in a restricted area, this is none of your business. It's a family matter concerning the Grangers and you have absolutely no jurisdiction over this argument. Now, I suggest you leave before I call security and then your advisor's to have you fired from the ER."
As the doctor yelled at Draco, Hermione pulled out her IV, took off her oxygen tube around her nose, detached the heart monitor cords on her chest and got out of bed.
"Hermione?! What in the world are you doing?" cried out her mother.
"I'm getting the hell out of here. No more doctors, no more shitty hospital food and no more doctor's telling me what the fuck is wrong with me. Get me out of here, Draco."
"Mr. Malfoy, if you dare help Ms. Granger in any way I will have you fired from this facility so fast it'll make your head spin."
"I'll make it easier for you Doc, I quit!" With that, he and Hermione stormed out of the room. She walked down to the registered nurse's station.
"Give me my goddamned release forms," demanded Hermione.
"But Ms. Granger...you're not expected to leave-"
"Don't make me repeat myself, give me the papers."
The nurse handed her the small stack of worksheets. Hermione quickly signed them all just as her parents and the doctor came storming up.
"Hermione if you leave this hospital you can be guaranteed you will not be welcomed at home," her mother yelled as Hermione finished signing the papers.
She turned to her mother. "You know what Mum? I don't want to be there anyways. I don't want to be in a place where I'm not welcomed and where I'll be treated like breaking glass."
"You won't survive," her father stated coldly. "You'll starve from lack of money if you aren't beaten to death on the streets."
"I'll take my chances then. As long as I'm as far away from this godforsaken hospital, and far, FAR away from you two." Hermione stormed off, Draco in suit and they walked down the stairs together and to Draco's broomstick.
Without words, they flew back to his flat and he helped Hermione up to his floor. Through out the short trip they did not exchange words, but as soon as Hermione got to his couch she collapsed.
"Hermione, are you okay?" Draco asked, pulled her greasy, matted hair back from her face.
"That was just the most movement I've done in a really long time. It kind of exhausted me."
"I know exactly what you need. I'll be right back. Just keep your feet up and relax." Draco walked over to the kitchen area and pulled out a small crock pot of soup. He grabbed a ladle and poured some of the soup into a bowl, then performed an incantation to make it piping hot. Grabbing a spoon from his drawer, he then walked over to where Hermione was and laid the soup in front of her.
"You seemed to like it last night; I'm hoping that tonight it'll be no different."
Hermione grabbed the spoon and carefully began eating her soup. Draco observed her frail fingers wrapped tightly around the silverware, taking small but needed bites of chicken and noodles. His heart ached for her, surprisingly. She had been through a lot in the past year, and it wasn't going to get any better.
"What are you thinking right now?" Hermione asked Draco.
"I'm thinking that what you did at the hospital was the smartest and dumbest thing you've ever done."
His answer surprised Hermione. "What do you mean?"
"You stood up to the doctors, to your parents, and you finally told them what you wanted, and you got out of there. At the same time, I have to wonder if you were really ready to leave the hospital."
"I was never meant to go. My parents had me committed shortly after Harry's death. They were concerned because I "was having trouble coping with my loss". I wasn't have trouble; I was just grieving. There's no time limit. All I wanted was to be left alone so that I could heal. I didn't ask to be sent to the hospital, I didn't ask to be hooked up to monitors and stabbed with needles 8 million times a day, or have doctors check my vitals every time I blink. I was sick of it. I can function fine on my own."
Hermione put down her soup and looked at Draco. "I haven't had a real shower in a very long time. May I borrow yours?"
"Help yourself. The towels are in the closet next to the bathroom door."
Hermione stood up and walked to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, the first time in months, appalled by what she was seeing. She was merely skin and bones; her hair was matted and greasy, her skin oily, her eyes red with monstrous bags under them, and her complexion sallow. Tears flooded her eyes, seeing how horrid she had grown to become.
"How did I let myself get this way..." Moisture slipped down her cheeks before bawling out completely. Draco, hearing her cries, ran into the bathroom, and found her crumpled on the floor.
"Shhh...shhh...it's okay. Everything's going to be okay." He held her in his arms as she cried, rocking her back and forth.
"What did I do...I'm not Hermione...this isn't me. I'm better than this!"
"I know you are."
Chapter 4- The Breaking Point
Hermione stared at the IV sticking out of her arm, feeding her nutrients and vitamins that the hospital food lacks. Last night she had the best soup in the world, and her stomach craved more of it. But looking at the squashed peas and boiled potatoes made her want to hack. She hated her doctors and nurses, and she knew if she asked for "real" food they'd either fuss over the fact that she had talked or the fact that she was eating. Either way, the only person she felt who would really understand her would be Draco.
She heard the door open and walked in her parents and her doctor, who had a sour look on his face.
"Ms. Granger, your parents and I have something we need to discuss with you. After much consideration, we think its time that we transferred you to St. Martin's Psychiatric in France. It's obvious that there's just nothing else we can do for you here. You've refused all sorts of treatment, your doctors and therapists have just about given up on the hope that you'll ever recover, you don't eat, you never speak up to us, and it's quite obvious to the staff here that you're simply much too-"
"You know what Doctor? How about you tell me something good about myself instead of CONSTANTLY telling me what the fuck is wrong with me? Perhaps the REASON I don't eat is because you feed me shit for food. I don't talk to you because you'll either make a huge big deal about me talking for the first time in however many months or how it'll be the last time I talk to you ever! Perhaps if you started treating me like an individual instead of a lump of existence then MAYBE I would be more cooperative. I hate being here; I don't even know why I've been lying in this damn hospital bed for 8 months. Oh wait, I know! Because my loving parents thought it'd be a really good idea to send me to the hospital just because I was grieving for the loss of my best friend. Jesus, Mom and Dad, did you think I was going to get over Harry's death in a matter of minutes? The healing process takes time and I was handling his death just fine.
"Honey you weren't eating...your father and I were just concerned-"
"Bullshit my ass you just wanted a fucking excuse to get rid of me. You were just tired of me being sad all the time so you sent me away to this god forsaken shit hole. Instead of being so concerned about your fucking image in the neighborhood, why don't you just take a minute and ask me what the hell I wanted?"
"What do you want then Ms. Granger?" the doctor asked condescendingly.
"I want to get the fuck out of here. I want Harry to come back. I want to finish Hogwarts, I want to get a job, get out into the real world. I'm fucking sick of this hospital and I want out now!"
"Unfortunately we cannot allow that, Ms. Granger. You're parents signed to have you stay here for another 4 months, completing your one year term at this hospital. And because you haven't been responding to your treatment, legally we can keep you longer."
"Oh fuck that! I'm goddamned 18 years old and that's old enough to decide what the hell I want."
"She's right. Despite the fact that her parents signed her in, as soon as she turned 18 she was allowed to leave," appeared Draco in Hermione's room.
"Mr. Malfoy, not only are you in a restricted area, this is none of your business. It's a family matter concerning the Grangers and you have absolutely no jurisdiction over this argument. Now, I suggest you leave before I call security and then your advisor's to have you fired from the ER."
As the doctor yelled at Draco, Hermione pulled out her IV, took off her oxygen tube around her nose, detached the heart monitor cords on her chest and got out of bed.
"Hermione?! What in the world are you doing?" cried out her mother.
"I'm getting the hell out of here. No more doctors, no more shitty hospital food and no more doctor's telling me what the fuck is wrong with me. Get me out of here, Draco."
"Mr. Malfoy, if you dare help Ms. Granger in any way I will have you fired from this facility so fast it'll make your head spin."
"I'll make it easier for you Doc, I quit!" With that, he and Hermione stormed out of the room. She walked down to the registered nurse's station.
"Give me my goddamned release forms," demanded Hermione.
"But Ms. Granger...you're not expected to leave-"
"Don't make me repeat myself, give me the papers."
The nurse handed her the small stack of worksheets. Hermione quickly signed them all just as her parents and the doctor came storming up.
"Hermione if you leave this hospital you can be guaranteed you will not be welcomed at home," her mother yelled as Hermione finished signing the papers.
She turned to her mother. "You know what Mum? I don't want to be there anyways. I don't want to be in a place where I'm not welcomed and where I'll be treated like breaking glass."
"You won't survive," her father stated coldly. "You'll starve from lack of money if you aren't beaten to death on the streets."
"I'll take my chances then. As long as I'm as far away from this godforsaken hospital, and far, FAR away from you two." Hermione stormed off, Draco in suit and they walked down the stairs together and to Draco's broomstick.
Without words, they flew back to his flat and he helped Hermione up to his floor. Through out the short trip they did not exchange words, but as soon as Hermione got to his couch she collapsed.
"Hermione, are you okay?" Draco asked, pulled her greasy, matted hair back from her face.
"That was just the most movement I've done in a really long time. It kind of exhausted me."
"I know exactly what you need. I'll be right back. Just keep your feet up and relax." Draco walked over to the kitchen area and pulled out a small crock pot of soup. He grabbed a ladle and poured some of the soup into a bowl, then performed an incantation to make it piping hot. Grabbing a spoon from his drawer, he then walked over to where Hermione was and laid the soup in front of her.
"You seemed to like it last night; I'm hoping that tonight it'll be no different."
Hermione grabbed the spoon and carefully began eating her soup. Draco observed her frail fingers wrapped tightly around the silverware, taking small but needed bites of chicken and noodles. His heart ached for her, surprisingly. She had been through a lot in the past year, and it wasn't going to get any better.
"What are you thinking right now?" Hermione asked Draco.
"I'm thinking that what you did at the hospital was the smartest and dumbest thing you've ever done."
His answer surprised Hermione. "What do you mean?"
"You stood up to the doctors, to your parents, and you finally told them what you wanted, and you got out of there. At the same time, I have to wonder if you were really ready to leave the hospital."
"I was never meant to go. My parents had me committed shortly after Harry's death. They were concerned because I "was having trouble coping with my loss". I wasn't have trouble; I was just grieving. There's no time limit. All I wanted was to be left alone so that I could heal. I didn't ask to be sent to the hospital, I didn't ask to be hooked up to monitors and stabbed with needles 8 million times a day, or have doctors check my vitals every time I blink. I was sick of it. I can function fine on my own."
Hermione put down her soup and looked at Draco. "I haven't had a real shower in a very long time. May I borrow yours?"
"Help yourself. The towels are in the closet next to the bathroom door."
Hermione stood up and walked to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, the first time in months, appalled by what she was seeing. She was merely skin and bones; her hair was matted and greasy, her skin oily, her eyes red with monstrous bags under them, and her complexion sallow. Tears flooded her eyes, seeing how horrid she had grown to become.
"How did I let myself get this way..." Moisture slipped down her cheeks before bawling out completely. Draco, hearing her cries, ran into the bathroom, and found her crumpled on the floor.
"Shhh...shhh...it's okay. Everything's going to be okay." He held her in his arms as she cried, rocking her back and forth.
"What did I do...I'm not Hermione...this isn't me. I'm better than this!"
"I know you are."