Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I apologise in advance for the shittiness of this chapter. I'm laying down pipe for the next few chapters. Don't get bored and run away now. It's finally getting interesting. As a side note: No I am not on crack. I have never taken any stimulant in my life, unless you count a bottle of Coke a stimulant. I am naturally this twisted but that doe not mean "I suck as a person". Are we clear?

Five men snorted in disgust.

"AAAAWWWWWWW"

Five men packed up and left, complaining about the lost opportunity. That blonde moron always seemed to wangle his way in and out of things. Jiraiya suggested that they go peek in the women's bath. Four men agreed.

One man didn't leave. One man didn't complain about lost opportunity. One man didn't go away and peek in at the women's bath. He sat there in in a room drenched in darkness, illuminated only by the host of television sets which even now were broadcasting images of Naruto's house from hidden cameras.

One man sat in his chair, watching the live feed from Naruto's bedroom.

In his arms, he held a small white dog which he lovingly stroked.

"Everything is going according to plan, Mr. Bigglesworth."

'Mr Bigglesworth' barked.

"Sorry Akamaru."

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....."

Kiba was going to make a killing, selling these tapes to interested buyers. He was getting a hard-on just thinking about it.

Naruto was thinking as well. He had a hard-on as well.

He was thinking that making up after an argument was very pleasant. Very pleasing. Very pleasurable.

He had gathered both girls beneath him and enjoying the sensation of their sleek writhing bodies beneath him. Cupping one of Hinata's perky breasts in one hand, licking and nibbling the nub of her nipple and exploring Tenten's deliciously wet folds with the other. Tenten was taking his hand in hers and gently guiding his fingers up her vagina. With one leg pressed up against the inside of his, Hinata was stroking his penis, running her sharp nails, up the underside of his throbbing manhood. Naruto's eyes fluttered in agony then blacked out.

The first thing he noticed was that it was freezing. No longer was he making love to two gorgeous members of the opposite sex but was standing starkers on a mountain peak. Kyuubi was hovering there in a meditative position, eyes closed but mercifully wearing a loincloth.

Send me back! Send me back, damn it!

The Kyuubi simply ignored his ranting and started to chant a mantra. It's melodic voice sounded like a choir of angels being bent over and sodomised by toilet brushes.

[Omm...mani...padme....Omm....mani...padme...Omm...]

It was beginning to snow.

Kuso! Send me back right now you sick, twisted, pathetic excuse for a shit-eating ferret!

Naruto was getting red in the face and looked ready to burst an important blood vessel.

[Not liking it are ya gaki? Now do you know how it feels to be interrupted when you're in the middle of doing something private, eh kid? Not a nice feeling is it? It's really embarrassing isn't it?]

Yes, yes...it's really bad. Now can I go back and continue what I was doing?

Naruto was on his knees now, clasping his hands together and begging piteously.

[Is it agonising? Is it torture? Is the pain excruciating? Is it like a thousand needles in your heart?]

Oui.

[Carre mia!]

Mon chere.

[What?]

What?

[ah...Right. Sorry about that, got carried away. Psychic overload and all that. Carried you along with it. Got to keep on track. Got to keep focus. That's what we're going to talk about today. The third and final step of the basic training, we're going to finish that today before we get to the hard stuff. Ignoring physical damage and telling your body to keep doing what it has to when you want it to is very, very difficult. Convincing your organs to keep going or to convince your brain that everything is still fine requires an enormous amount of both willpower and belief.

Belief is powerful kid. Sheer belief can change the face of reality. And she really hates it when that happens. She will come over to you and belt you one if she catches you at it. Think about it, haven't you ever heard the saying "if you believe in yourself you can do it". Well trust me, it's a fact. Now watch me...these are the seals to get Reality to look away. Watch carefully, there's a lot of them...]

The days and nights sped by there on that lonely mountaintop. Naruto practiced the seals and trained his chakra but still it wasn't enough. The Great Demon Fox, Kyuubi, insisted that learn to draw upon the power without assistance. Apparently, Reality was a snot-nosed little bitch and tended to crack down really hard on even first-time offenders. She was, according to Kyuubi, to be like Ebisu except she didn't like perverts. That was supposed to be the reason why perverts seldom if ever, had girlfriends. The demon seemed particularly irate about that.

[Now I think you've got it...Shit it's been three years! Your muscles have most likely gone to sleep by now. Get outta here! And remember! Don't tell anyone about it. You won't like the consequences!]

Naruto jerked.

Naruto woke up to find Tenten and Hinata looking down at him. He glanced around him. He was in hospital.

Damn!

Tenten looked worried. Hinata was holding his hand and crying softly.

"You've been in a coma for a week, Naruto-kun. We've been so worried about you." Tenten looked like she was about ready to break down as well.

He looked around blearily, eyes getting used to the light.

"What happened?"

"That's what I'd like to know as well, Naruto", Tsunade said as she came into the room.

"Kyuubi..." was all he could force out before he collapsed again in contented sleep.

Both girls stared at Naruto in blank incomprehension then turned to the Fifth Hokage for answers. Tsunade didn't have any answers. All she had was a worried frown on her face as she considered the sleeping form of Naruto.

The girls were looking at him as well, the one who held their hearts in his hands lay sleeping.

Be strong Naruto-kun. Only you can vanquish whatever troubles you, Hinata thought.

Be brave my love. Only you can face your own demons, thought Tenten.

It had been two weeks since he had been released from hospital. He still felt a little stiff, but feeling absolutely charged up and raring to go. The chakra boost he received from training with the Kyuubi really hit the spot. Here he was in the forest with his team of genin. They had settled into an uneasy truce. They didn't mess around with his personal life and in return he didn't try to kill them.

Konohamaru had been complaining again about the lack of excitement in their missions lately and Naruto was inclined to agree. It had been one long string of D-rank missions. He swore that if the daimyo's wife's cat ever had to be rescued again he would personally hunt it down, roast it and feed it to Chouji. The Konohamaru Corps were inclined to agree. That was until the C-rank they received a few days ago. The mission was to flush out a den of bandits and Naruto nearly had to intervene before the Corps managed to kill the brigands. The thought of twelve-year olds killing made him sad but they were ninja. They were tools. Better that they learn that now rather than later.

That last battle had left them shaken and afraid. The leader had proved to be a tough one and they had barely escaped with their lives if it weren't for Naruto stepping in. Konohamaru wasn't complaining anymore. His students were now throwing themselves into their training with renewed vigour so that they'd never be in that position again.

Already skilled at ninjutsu and diversion techniques (Hell, they fooled him with his own Sexy-no-jutsu), Naruto had them working on their chakra stamina and taijutsu. That would pay dividends when missions went wrong.

He brooded for a while but then brightened up. Tenten was returning to the village tonight. She had been away all week, on a rescue mission with her team. Their objective apparently was to retrieve one of the Hokage's moles who had just been uncovered. Naruto wasn't supposed to know that, but he still took the effort to find out everything that could possibly put his loved ones in danger. He couldn't stop them from endangering themselves. They were ninja and there was no getting around it. He still worried though.

Naruto was snapped out of his reverie by a tugging on his trench-coat. Moegi had crawled up to him and was begging for a break-period. He looked over to where Udon and Konohamaru were lying on the ground, absolutely exhausted. It was the same as Kakashi's training of their chakra all those years ago in that forest over in Wave country, but Naruto added his own vicious twist. He made them all wear weighted body suits all the time and occasionally he would throw a kunai at them, just to keep them motivated. Perhaps he was being a harsh taskmaster but their strength had improved tenfold over what they had before the genin exam. They could be proud of that.

Signaling for a break, he let them refresh themselves with water and with a quick glance at the noonday sun, let them have breakfast as well. He was still a big softie at heart.

Yamanaka Ino had just returned from a harrowing experience in Stone Country, acting as a spy in the secretarial offices of the Tsuchikage. It was a minor role but one she played to perfection until the turnover of a new Kage meant that there was a review conducted on all the employees' files. Tenten's team had barely managed to infiltrate the village and extract her without causing an international incident. She was looking forward to going home, taking a well-deserved hot bath and finding out the news and events of the village since she left. It had been a long two years and had generously received a hefty bonus and two months vacation time, barring emergencies.

She started to walk to the Yamanaka flower shop before thinking, it's been so long since I've seen any of my friends...I'll pop by Shikamaru's and see if we can't dig up Chouji as well. She smiled. Maybe with a little wheedling, she'd find out about some of the juicy gossip she had missed out on for two years.

The door to the Nara residence was open and there was some shouting within. It sounded like a party was going on. This sounded interesting, there were a lot of men's voices, a lot of whooping and cheering. Maybe she'd better sneak in and have a look. What she saw, made her go white. Jiraiya, Kakashi, Rock Lee, Shikamaru and his father Shikato, Chouji and Chomaru, her own father and even Sasuke were clustered around a television set watching a movie. They were clutching beers in their hands and whooping in an orgy of male testosterone. Whatever it was they were really excited.

They were too caught up in their own celebration to notice Ino sneaking in for a closer look at exactly what they were watching. It was a porno. And Tenten was on the screen!

What the hell was going on?

Tenten was moaning loudly on screen as she rode whoever it was she was riding, hard, his arms reaching from off the screen to cradle her buttocks. Then another girl came up from behind her and began to massage her breasts, kissing at the base of her neck and working her way around. When the second woman turned her head around, she saw that it was Hinata!

Hyuuga Hinata!?

Hinata and Tenten were porn actresses? And even her beloved Sasuke was a pervert as well? Jiraiya and Kakashi she could understand, but Sasuke? What in the name of sweet mother of fuck was going on?

Things had changed a lot in the two years that she hadn't been here.

She silently crept out of the house and went looking for Tenten. There were a few questions that needed asking.