Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I guess it could be worse really because it's hard to tell what kind of fic this is. Is it a humour fic with romatic moments or is it a romantic fic with funny bits. Hard to tell really. Perhaps I need to see a shrink and have some issues sorted out.
Hyuuga Hiashi sat down to his morning breakfast with his favourite daughter, Hanabi. She had graduated at the top of her class as was befitting a Hyuuga of her rank. He allowed himself a small smile at the thought of this. He even allowed his daughter see the slight upturning of his lip.
She was most gratified at her father's pleasure and resolved to study even harder under Kurenai-sensei. Hanabi took pleasure in upholding the proud traditions of Clan Hyuuga.
" Father...may I ask you a question?", she asked respectfully.
As the ruling patriarch of Clan Hyuuga, and as a member of the ruling house it was expected that she should maintain proper etiquette and protocol at all times. She was not like her older sister, Hinata, to go gallivanting with any old common street trash to bat an eye at her. She was Hyuuga Hanabi of the Honourable and Esteemed House of Hyuuga. She was better than that.
Nevertheless, she had heard some interesting news from her team-mates and waited for her father's permission to continue. Hiashi finished drinking his tea and waved his assent.
"What's a dick?" She looked curious.
Hyuuga Hiashi nearly snorted his tea all over the table but managed to swallow. Where had that question come from? She was too young to be asking about that kind of thing. He had been dreading this moment for a long time....it was time to administer the Talk.
"Well, my child...when boys and girls grow up and love each other very much..."
Hanabi interrupted, "Father, I know all this already. Mother explained this to me. It's just that Kurenai-sensei called you a "dick". I wanted to know what she meant."
That was only marginally better. At least he didn't have to embarrass himself with explaining the mechanics of ..well, the Talk.
"What exactly did your sensei say, Hanabi?" he queried. Hiashi wasn't quite sure he wanted to know but insults to his august person were insults to the clan, and that could not be tolerated.
"She said that you must be a real dick to not even care that Hinata stars in a porno video. What's a porno?"
This time he did lose his cool.
"What kind of videos?"
Uchiha Sasuke had opened up a lot since Itachi's death. He tried to realx and enjoy life more, or at least more than he had before. He was surprised to learn that there were people that liked him, people who didn't care about his strength or his nearly extinct clan. He frowned over thoughts of his clan. He had to do something about that. Why did Naruto get all the girls? What the hell did that baka do to get the attention of the most interesting or attractive girls in their class? Sakura was so clingy and annoying. She was still a genin for the gods' sake. Ino was out of the question. She was pretty much identical to Sakura except she actually had more skill. He was fairly certain that Shikamaru was carrying a torch for her so he didn't want to consider her except as a last resort. It was really depressing, so he tried to drown himself in his work.
Sasuke was only listening to what Chouji and Shikamaru were talking about. Something about some latest Peeping Dog Studios video. Chouji was excitedly waving his arms in the air, and spewing crumbs all over the place. Shikamaru absently, wiped some food debris off his jounin jacket and smirked at the recounting of this latest video. He wondered if Naruto knew he was being filmed. Probably not he sniggered, Tenten and Hinata would probably throw a fit if they knew. Naruto would probably demolish a fair portion of the city before he calmed down.
Whoever "Peeping Dog" was, they had some real balls to try something like that but they were making tons of money out of it. It seemed that Konoha was just ripe for an expansion in the porn industry. Already competitors had sprung up, but they felt so fake. Either Naruto's girlfriends didn't know they were being filmed, they didn't care or they didn't know.
Hyuuga Neji was feeling exultant. He had been summoned to Hiashi-sama's presence in order to discuss his wayward daughter. At last he would be allowed permission to exact retribution for his humiliation and possibly win over Tenten as well. Having a two foot blade rammed through your hand didn't bode well for the possibility of future romance with her but at least Naruto would be out of the picture. They would have a certain accident soon and the blot of shame on the Hyuuga name would be removed. This Peeping Dog character would have to be exposed and eliminated as well. Hiashi-sama had also graciously allowed him access to the full might of Clan Hyuuga in this endeavour as long as the Hokage didn't hear about it. The mission had to be handled carefully or he himself would be eliminated. Neji didn't care, all he cared about was avenging his pride.
Sasuke was trying not to breathe.
Tenten had him backed up against the wall and was firmly pressing a kunai to his throat. He'd slit his own throat with one sneeze. Sasuke didn't dare make a move to grab the blade because the other kunai was pressed firmly against his crotch.
Sasuke realised that he didn't have all the things he wanted out of life.
He didn't have a girlfriend.
He hadn't surpassed Naruto.
But that was alright. All he wanted right now was the sharp blade removed from the vicinity of his family jewels.
Chouji was unconscious on the floor and Shikamaru wasn't having much luck either. Hinata had him on the ground and was twisting his arms around his back. She had already broken one of his legs to get his attention. Now she was about to pop his arms out of their sockets.
"Where did you get the videos, you pervert?" Hinata grated. She sounded like she was ready to kill someone and wasn't too picky. "Tell me!"
Shikamaru managed an answer before he passed out from the pain.
Hinata released him, then kicked him in the stomach for good measure before turning to Tenten and gesturing for her to let him down.
Sasuke immediately checked his throat and groin to see if everything was where it should be. He sighed in relief, watching the two kunoichi leave the bar. He cringed as if a thought had just occurred to him. He rushed out onto the street and ran as fast he could back home and locked himself in the cellar. There would be terrible bloodshed tonight. He was sure of it.
Hinata crept silently through Konoha's back alleys and streets while Tenten leapt from rooftop to rooftop. They had a destination in mind and geared themselves up for battle. Heaven help the poor sod who had been filming their nightly exploits.
Arriving about a block away from their destination, Hinata took out her lockpicks and crept silently around to the back door while Tenten looked around for an upstairs entrance.
Kiba was busy putting the clips from the last few nights together. It was going to be a final special edition. He knew the money wouldn't last. He had to get out of the business before the Hokage stepped in and put an end to it. It was a pity the Third wasn't still around. He would have been one of my best customers. He sighed then swiftly looked around. The door just creaked.
It was nothing. He relaxed.
Tenten burst through the glass skylight in a shower of glass, hurling kunai and shuriken at the figure at the console. Flying metal thudded into the figure, pinning its arms to the table before it even as Hinata kicked the back door in and rushed into the room.
Quickly assessing the situation, Hinata reached the figure and turned to look at it.
It was a dummy. Pinned to it was a note.
Too bad. You just missed me. The Peeping Dog.
Kiba laughed and laughed and laughed.
He didn't like hurting Hinata like this but the feel of all that lovely money did assuage him a little bit. What she didn't know won't hurt her. He finished the tape and put it into an envelope, ready to send off.
Perhaps it wasn't so bad. If nobody knew, then nobody got hurt. Well, he didn't get hurt. That was the important thing.
Naruto at that very moment was training the Konohamaru Corps. He was running them through an obstacle course of his very own design. The fact that it consisted of a mine field interspersed with other traps that tried to ensnare the unwary of fling them around only added to the danger. It was very similar to something he and Konohamaru had gone through so many years before. Without the hordes of killer androids, of course. What made this one so special was that, he had doubled the weight of their training suits. Luckily, they doubled up as body armour and he had a team of medic-nin on hand.
He knew he was being especially vicious but he didn't care. Konohamaru still tried to bull his way through obstacles and quickly learned that this wasn't the best way to do things. Moegi at least attempted to think her way around a problem but wasn't having much luck at defusing the mine or disabling the traps. Udon, surprisingly enough, took the subtle ninja approach. He let everyone else do the work and followed behind.
Naruto grimaced. He was going to have to do something about that.
With a sigh, he realised that the team-building exercise was pointless and signalled the end of the day. After telling everyone else to go home, he sat down and thought about the next training session.
Neji leapt from the treetops, hand outstretched. If he could reach him with the jyuken before he reacted, he'd be dead. The chakra pathways in his brain would be scrambled beyond recognition.
Smiling in exultation, Neji's hand closed around the back of Naruto's skull and chakra-slashed through his brain. To his surprise, "Naruto" exploded in a cloud of smoke. Damn! A kage-bunshin.
His divination field barely alerted him to the incoming fist that was coming infrom behind and dodged out of the way.
"What the fuck are you trying to do Neji?", Naruto yelled at him, " Kill me?"
Neji smirked but didn't waste time talking to him. Naruto had a distressing habit of figuring a way out of danger if given time to think. He surged towards him again and launched a flurry of blows, aiming for his tenketsus.
Naruto tried his best to block the strikes but felt his chakra gradually leave his arms. He leapt back and forced his tenketsus open and quickly went through the seals for the Mental Strength technique. He knew that this battle was coming and expected more Hyuuga to be appearing from the trees.
He wasn't disappointed. Good old Neji. Always doing the smart thing and getting back up. Pity that it wouldn't help.
Great. Twelve ninja. Thirteen fully trained Hyuuga, fully armoured and armed to the teeth.
"TAIJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"
That was better. Twenty to one odds should do it. The multitude of Narutos rushed in en masse. They didn't make a sound as they engaged the Hyuuga ninja in perfect synchronicity. The Hyuuga were silent as they readied themselves for the onslaught. Fist met with fist, punches and kicks were countered and riposted in a blur of bodies moving faster than the normal eye could see. This was a battle of shinobi, assassins at their prime. They moved with a lethal style and grace that befitted the very elite.
Naruto and Neji stood amidst the chaos in a relative sea of calm. By keeping the battle hemmed in at close quarters, it was too dangerous for the Hyuuga to use the Heavenly Spin for fear of striking his own allies. They had to resort to close-combat techniques. Luckily, this was a house specialty.
It was Naruto's specialty as well. His style was unformed and awkward. But he went all-out. With tooth, nail and claw, he tore into his foes, not really caring about the toll he was taking on his body. He didn't even feel it. Kyuubi's training was kicking in. Over two hundred Narutos gathered chakra in their hands. Over two hundred Rasengans formed within their hands.
Neji struck out with a sweep to the back of Naruto's knees and followed up by stepping up close and rapidly stabbed into Naruto's organs. Smashing an elbow into the momentarily stunned blonde ninja's face, he slashed at Naruto's throat opening up a ragged hole then with the other hand, slapped an explosive note onto the front of his jacket.
Yelling at the others to immediately disengage, he activated the note as soon as everyone cleared. The shock from the explosion released the shadow clones and threw Naruto into a large oak tree, leaving a flattened crater at the forceful impact.
Over two hundred shadow clones vanished into clouds of smoke.
Over two hundred Rasengans didn't.
They just kept going in the directions in which they had been aimed.
Oops.
The effect was similar to over two hundred horizontal cyclones inundating the area in which the battle was being waged. It was too close to avoid. There wasn't enough time to jump away. Trees and rocks alike were flattened and torn or blasted into oblivion as the spiralling bullets of chakra continued. The lucky few who managed to initiate the Kaiten, did so but were still overwhelmed by the thunderous attack. Those not so lucky were shredded and torn like paper dolls and thrown around by Naruto's unfocused fury. Barely alive, they hit the ground at oddly bent angles. For Neji and a few others, things were considerably better, but even they were unable to fight any longer.
Kaiten relied upon the user to whirl around in a circle, deflecting incoming attacks with a shield of moving chakra. The Rasengan was a highly concentrated charge of spinning chakra which corkscrewed into the hapless opponent. They managed to deflect a great deal of impact but the sheer volume of energy still sent them flying. They wouldn't be getting up for a while.
Naruto simply stood there, wobbling on his last legs. He was sucking in air through a new hole with great ragged breaths. His organs felt as if they were about to burst from internal pressure. The upper part of his torso had been torn away from the explosive note, revealing shattered ribs and bleeding organs and his arms hung uselessly at his side.
He was very pissed off and was quickly running out of chakra.
He could feel something going on and glanced down at the odd sensation around his stomach. What he saw, chilled him to the very bone before passing out.
The Kyuubi's seal was unravelling.
Ha! Suck on that! NOW things are getting interesting.......