Episode Five: Shearing Party

One day, in the overly random land of Tortall, Alanna the Lioness announced, "I have a new pair of garden shears and I don't know what to do with them!"

"Alanna, what's someone like you doing with a pair of shears?" George wanted to know.

"Today is Give Alanna Free Shears Day!" Alanna explained.

"Here you go, Alanna!" said a random Tortallan, handing Alanna a pair of shears. Alanna handed the shears to George. "Here, George, you can have a pair too!"

"Yay!" said George. "But what do we do with them!"

"Hmm..." thought Alanna. She looked around, and her eyes fell on Duke Gareth's prized shrubbery. "We can give those shrubs a trim!" She took her shears and started to hack at the shrubbery.

"Great idea!" and George joined her.

Duke Gareth happened to be taking a stroll outside. "Alanna, what are you doing?"

Alanna quickly hid the shears behind her back. "Nothing."

"IS THAT MY PRIZED SHRUBBERY!" Duke Gareth screamed hysterically.

"George, please take care of this man," Alanna ordered.

"Sure!" said George. Grinning evilly, he took Duke Gareth by the arm and dragged him away. Two minutes later, Jon appeared. "Alanna, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Alanna asked rather sarcastically.

Jon jumped up and down. "Ooh, I know! I know!"

"Congratulations."

"You're hacking apart Duke Gareth's prized shrubbery! I want to do it too!"

"Find your own shrubbery!" snapped Alanna.

"But I don't want to! I'm king, and I can order executions to anyone who upsets me!"

"Alright, fine,"

"YIPPEE!" screamed Jon delightedly. He grabbed an extra pair of shears that someone had given Alanna, and started to trim the shrubbery very haphazardly.

Four minutes later, Thayet walked by. "Jonathan, what are you doing?"

Jonathan quickly hid the shears behind his back. "Nothing."

"Come over here this instant!" Thayet ordered.

"Why? I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are!" she accused angrily, pointing a finger at him. "You're spending time with Alanna, but you never spend any time with me!"

"Well, today is Give Alanna Free Shears Day!" Jon explained. "I have to help her celebrate!"

"Fine!" said Thayet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must go consult my hair stylist..." She shot a frustrated look at Jon and walked away.

Alanna and Jon continued their destruction of Duke Gareth's prized shrubbery. After nearly ten minutes of shearing away happily, Numair popped out from behind a moss-covered rock.

"Fried raccoons are good for your heart arteries!" he laughed to himself.

"Crazy mage..." Alanna muttered.

Numair, hearing the sound of her voice, looked over and saw Alanna and Jon. "Are those shears!" Alanna nodded. Numair ran over to them excitedly and grabbed a pair of shears. "I haven't held a pair of shears since my psychiatrist took all of mine away from me!" He happily clipped at Duke Gareth's shrubbery.

"Hey, I think I'll have a shearing party!" Alanna decided.
Hearing these words, a crowd of various Tortallans came rushing over, each with their own pair of shears. "Yippee! Shearing party! Wait a moment, Jon's here!"

"Jon, you have to leave," Alanna ordered.

"I never get any fun!" whined Jon. He threw his shears on the ground and ran away in tears. He was soon replaced by George, who had just arrived.

"Sorry I'm late," said George, helping himself to a pair of shears.

"Where's Duke Gareth?" Alanna asked.

"I chopped off his ears, tied him up, and shoved him in a closet!" George replied with a grin.

"Perfect!" Alanna replied.

"Oh boy, shears!" cried Joren. He swallowed a pair of shears, choked on them, and died. "Oh well!" said Alanna cheerfully. She kicked Joren's body out of the way and resumed shearing.

Everyone was joyfully clipping the shrubbery beyond recognition, until Duke Gareth suddenly came upon them. "NOOOOO! THOSE ARE MY BEAUTIFUL SHRUBS! GET AWAY FROM THEM!"

"Hey, how'd you get here?" Alanna demanded.

"I rescued him!" announced Gary.

"You jerk," said Alanna.

"I would continue yelling at you all if it wasn't for the huge amount of blood I've lost from getting my ears cut off," Duke Gareth said. He then dropped dead.

"Woohoo! I get a promotion!" screamed Gary.

"And our party doesn't have to end!" cried Alanna.

"And I'm still the stupidest person alive!" Jon announced. Suddenly, a random Tortallan accidentally mistook Jon's neck for some shrubbery and clipped his head off. "Okay, well... now I'm the stupidest person not alive!"

Review, or you shall lose your ears to the Rogue!
George: Heeheehee... (sharpens his knife)