Episode Six: Neal's Banana

One day, in the magically delicious land known as Tortall, Nealan of Queenscove had a few small problems. "I'm hungry," he complained.

"I'm jolly!" cried Owen.

"I'm bored," Neal complained.

"I'm jolly!" cried Owen.

"I'm tired," Neal complained.

"I'm JOLLY!" Owen cried.

"Would you stop saying that!" snapped Neal.

Owen looked slightly abashed. "Sorry." He suddenly spotted something on the ground and picked it up. "Hey, a pickle!"

"Put me down, you jolly freak!" yelled Fred the pickle. "I have a life, you know!"

"Hey, a pickle!" cried Neal. He grabbed Fred out of Owen's hand. Fred managed to wriggle out of Neal's grasp and quickly bounced away.

"How did that happen?" Owen wondered.

"I don't know. But now I don't have a pickle!" Neal began to cry distressedly.

Suddenly, Cleon appeared wearing a frilly pink tutu. "Did I hear a cry of distress!"

Neal looked at Cleon in shock. "Why are you wearing that tutu?"

Cleon blushed a deep red. "Oh, that? I've given up knighthood and have decided to become a ballerina instead!" Neal looked very disturbed instead. "Tra-la-la!" Cleon sang. And he danced away.

"I'm still hungry," Neal complained. "I'm starting to get a headache."

Numair, who had been standing right behind Neal the whole entire time, poked his head over Neal's shoulder and yelled, "HI!"

Neal stared at him in surprise and shock. "Um... hi?"

"Look! Look at me, I can do magic!" Numair announced. Neal shrugged. "So!" Suddenly, there was a loud POOF! sound coming from Numair's direction, and a banana appeared out of nowhere.

"Gasp! A banana!" Neal picked it up and was about to give it a fond hug, until he realized something. "OH MY GOSH! HORROR BEYOND ALL HORRORS! IT'S FUZZY!"

"Oopsies," said Numair guiltily. "Whenever I eat orange cheese, it kind of messes up my magic."

Neal further analyzed his banana. "And the fuzz is purple! That means it's probably grape flavored, which is nasty because grape tastes like allergy medicine!"

"Well... it's your problem, not mine," said Numair with a shrug of his shoulders. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some orange cheese."

Neal fell to his knees and made a dramatic gesture. "Isn't there anyone out there who can help me!"

"ME!" screamed a voice. "ME ME ME!" The owner of the voice soon came into view, and Neal was both surprised and horrified to see Jon. "I shall help you with your crisis, because I'm conceited and think I know everything!"

Neal held out his fuzzy fruit. "Can you fix this banana?"

Jon stared blankly at him.

"Fix the banana!" Neal ordered.

Jon stared blankly at him. Neal slapped him hard in the face. Jon blinked several times. "Thanks, I needed that. Now, what's the crisis?"

"Fix my banana!"

"Why the heck would I do something like that!" Jon grabbed the banana and took a big bite out of it. "AAAHH! FOOD POISONING!" He dropped the banana and fell to the ground dead.

"No! It's poisoned!" Neal cried. "Now I can never eat it! This just keeps going from bad to worse!"

"Nealan, you idiot!" yelled Duke Baird's voice. "You're a healing mage for crying out loud!"

"You're right, I am!" Neal picked up the banana and healed it of its poison. "All better!" He took a bite out of the banana, and another, and another, and another, until it was gone.

"Hey Neal?" Kel asked. "Didn't Jonathan take a bite out that banana?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neal cried.

"What?"

"Since I ate the same banana that Jon took a bite out of, then that means I've caught... The Stupid!"

"The what!" Kel asked.

"The Stupid! It's a horrible disease!" Neal explained. "And it's extremely contagious! Now go from my sight right now, Bel!"

"My name's Kel!"

"That's what I said! DO AS I SAY!"

"Oh my gosh!" Kel gasped. "He really does have The Stupid!" she then ran away in fear, and kept on running and screaming until she bumped right into Alanna.

"What's the problem?" Alanna asked.

"It's Neal! He has The Stupid!"

"No! Anything but that!"

"Can you fix him?" Kel asked hopefully.

"Um... I'll try. Now where is he?" Kel brought Alanna over to Neal. Alanna studied him for a few moments, and then whacked him over the head.

"OW!" cried Neal. He collapsed and went into a coma.

"Well... uh, that's the best I could do," said Alanna rather sheepishly.

"Oh well," shrugged Kel.

"Let's go write insulting speeches for Jon's funeral!" Alanna suggested.

"Okay!" And the two of them ran off.

Fred the Pickle: Please review! Come on, I know you want to. I mean, how many chances do you get to actually have a pickle talking to you!
Jonathan: Fred! There you are! Now I must eat you!
Fred: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (rolls away) REVIIIIIIEEEEEW, OR JON WILL EAT MEEEEE!