Episode Nine: Fan Clubs

One day, in the rather odd land that was Tortall, Jonathan had an important announcement to make. "Guess what, everyone! I've got a fan club!"

Various Tortallans began to laugh behind their hands. The idea of their king having an actual fan club was one of the most ridiculous they had ever heard.

"Well then who's in your fan club?" Alanna asked mockingly.

Jonathan looked embarrassed. "Well... nobody!"

Alanna sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"

A few Tortallans started to laugh out loud. "Ha! We knew it!"

"What an idiot," Alanna muttered.

"What did you just call me?" Jon demanded.

"Nothing! Nothing at all. It was only in your imagination."

"Okay. Wow, my imagination insults me," Jon said with awe. Alanna stifled a laugh.

Suddenly, Cleon came dancing along wearing his frilly pink tutu. "Jon, you're a moron. And I like apple fritters!"

Jon was confused. "Huh?"

"Does this tutu make me look fat?" Cleon asked self-consciously.

Kel laughed. "You look fat no matter what you wear!" Cleon started to cry. Once he was finished, he took a Slimfast bar out of his pocket and nibbled on it.

"Hey people!" Jon announced. "I've just started a new trend! Fan clubs!"

Cleon finished eating his Slimfast bar, threw away the wrapper, and then drank down a low-carb Slimfast shake. "Ooh, I want a fan club!"

A group of various ballerinas danced by. "We will join your fan club!"

"Yippee!" Cleon fluffed out his tutu and danced around with the ballerinas.

"I think Cleon might be gay," Neal observed.

As he danced, Cleon plucked flowers and tossed them into the air. "Teeheehee!" Neal shook his head in amazement. "I guess he must be."

Suddenly, a shadow was cast over everything as none other than duke Roger appeared in everyone's midst. "I've somehow managed to acquire a fan club!"

Alanna gasped in shock. "It's a miracle!"

"Well how many member do you have?" Jon asked.

"One!" Roger answered. "My slave, Alex!"

Alex got down on hands and knees and bowed to Roger. "Roger is the greatest... Roger is the greatest... Roger is the greatest... Roger is the greatest..."

"How could anyone possibly be devoted to Roger?" Alanna wondered.

"I bribe him with cookies," Roger answered.

Suddenly, Alex perked up. "Cookies! WHO MENTIONED COOKIES?"

"Here." Roger took a cookie out of his pocket and tossed it several feet. Alex immediately darted after it as fast as he could. "Cookiiiiiieeeee!"

"That's interesting," Alanna said. "And all this time, I could have said 'Hey Alex, I'll give you a cookie if you let me beat you at fencing'. If only I had known."

Alex happily gnawed on his cookie. "Yum..."

Jon was as miserable as Alex was happy. "No way! Roger's an evil jerk and even he has fans!" He threw himself off of Balor's Needle.

"No sad loss there," said Thayet.

For no reason at all, Numair happened to be riding on a unicycle. "Peas are green! Haha!"

Alanna looked disturbed. "Yes, Numair. That is quite obvious."

"Pickles are green too! Green is a tasty color."

"Hey, I'm a pickle!" Fred the pickle announced.

Suddenly, a swarm of various Tortallans crowded around and shouted, "FRED, WE WISH TO JOIN YOUR FAN CLUB!"

"SO DO WE!" shouted various other non-Tortallans. "WE LOVE YOU, FRED!"

"Wow!" said Fred happily. "My fan club has 237,836,904,673,112,786,360,000 members! I'm the luckiest pickle in the universe!"

"I want a fan club!" Numair whined. "Hmm... The Frizzy Sparkly Grammatical Erroring Zebras can join my fan club!"

"Numair, I hate to break it to you, but they don't even exist," Daine told him. "They're only figments of your imagination."

"They are! NOOOOOOOOO!" Numair fainted from shock.

Cleon: (twirls) Please review! (pirouettes)