Episode Eleven: Return of Liam

One day, in the highly destructive land of Tortall, a very unlikely visitor appeared. "Hello everyone!" said Liam the Shang Dragon happily. "I've managed to come back to life!"

"Hello!" said Numair. "I am Numair and I am a mage!"

Liam screamed like a four-year-old girl. "EEK! A MAGE!" He backed up a few paces. "GET IT AWAY!"

Numair was confused by Liam's strange behavior. "Do I have a disease or something?" He quickly gave himself a medical shot in the buttocks. "Ouch. That hurt."

Liam was trembling with fear. "Just stay away from me!"

Numair used his magic to create a small green fire. "Look at the pretty fire! It's green, the delicious color of pickles!"

"Are you making fun of me?" said Fred the pickle indignantly.

Liam stared at the green fire with eyes widened with utmost fear. "AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! M-M-MAGIC FIRE!" he fell over and had a minor heart attack.

"Heart attack alert! Heart attack alert!" yelled Numair. "We need a healing mage over here!"

Duke Baird was currently in a lazy mood and had no desire to go heal anyone. "Er... I'm busy today! Yes, horribly busy! Neal, you take over for today!"

"Why me!" cried Neal.

"Just do it, son, or I'll never ever allow you to lay eyes on another female ever again!"

"Okay!" said Neal hastily, giving in to his father's threat. Duke Baird then skipped off singing to himself, and Neal went over to Liam. He used his magic to heal Liam's heart attack, and Liam immediately sat up. "Eek! You healed with... with..." he brought his voice to a whisper, "...the m word!" he shuddered.

"You mean magic?" said Neal.

"No! Do not speak of it!" He curled into a frightened ball and refused to look at Neal. Neal shrugged and went away.

Ten minutes later, Liam got to his feet just as Alanna was walking by. She froze in her tracks and gasped. "Liam! What are you doing here?"

Liam made a stupid pose. "I came back from the dead."

"How?"

"I really have no idea. Will you marry me?"

"I'm already to married!"

"Well then I challenge your husband to a duel for your hand!"

Alanna backed away from him. "No way! Besides, my husband George is a baron now! He doesn't partake in roguish street fighting!"

"I didn't say it would be a brawl! I said it would be a duel!" Liam got down on his knees and tried to look pathetic. "Please?"

Suddenly, the uncomfortable event taking place was interrupted, as Numair popped up out of nowhere and shouted, "BOO!"

"Eek!" Liam curled into a ball and started to whimper. He suddenly remembered that Alanna was there, and he stood up and tried to appear heroic. He only succeeded in looking as if something awkward were in his pants.

"I like to go scuba diving under that floorboards," Numair said for no reason.

Liam fidgeted uncomfortably. "That's... er, nice."

"Want to see something funny?"

"No, not really."

Numair struck a dramatic pose. "Well I'll do it anyway! I am going create something that will banish your fear of magic!" Liam did not reply. Numair waved his hands around in the air and created an abundance of black light. There was a sudden POOF! and a Hungry Monster Rat appeared.

Liam screamed like an elderly woman whose dentures had broken. "Wh-what is that thing!"

Numair shrugged and scratched his head. "Um, that's not really what I meant to do. I guess I'm losing my magic touch."

The Hungry Monster Rat growled viciously. "I wish to eat Liams!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Liam, quickly dug a hole in the ground and stuck his head inside it like an ostrich. Even though no real live ostrich had ever been caught doing that.

Various Tortallans screamed and ran in circles. "Help! There is a hideous creature loose on the city!"

"Do I hear a plea for help?" said Jon. "This looks like a job for... Jonathan the Mighty!" He ripped off his clothes, revealing fluorescent pink spandex long-johns underneath.

"NO!" growled the Hungry Monster Rat. "It is Jonathan the Mentally Impaired! Must run away before indigestion strikes!" He then took off running and disappeared to a kingdom far far away.

Various Tortallans celebrated in the streets. "We are freed from the hideous creature!"

Jon struck a conceited pose. "Ahem!"

"You never did anything, Jon!"

"Yes I did! And now you all have to throw a party in my honor!"

"Alright, we will," said the various Tortallans. "We'll throw a magnificent party, but it won't be for you!" Jon burst into tears.

Suddenly, a Demonic Flying Jackrabbit appeared. "Tears are for the weak! Take this, foolish human!" It grabbed Jon and quickly devoured him.

"That was incredibly disturbing," gasped various Tortallans. "Now who will be our king?"

The Hungry Monster Rat, who had returned from the kingdom far far away, raised one of its sharply-clawed paws. "Me! Pick me!"

"Okay!"

The Hungry Monster Rat constructed a crown made of human bones and placed it upon his head. "But who is my queen?"

"She is," said Gary, pointing at Thayet.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!" Thayet squealed. "I'm married to a rat?" She withered away and died.

Suddenly, Daine popped up and gave the King Hungry Monster Rat a hug. "I love and adore all animals! I'll marry you, Hungry Monster Rat!"

"I'm loved!" cried the Hungry Monster Rat.

"Daine! How could you?" Numair and Neal cried at the same time. Fred the pickle bonked them both on the head. "Am I the only sane being in this whole crazy universe?" He heaved a sigh.

Hungry Monster Rat: (bares fangs) Please review! (gnaws on some guy's arm)
Random Guy: OW! (This could happen to YOU if you don't review!) (just kidding)