Episode Twelve: Cross-dressing

One day, in the mentally challenged land of Tortall, Wyldon got a crazy idea into his bald, shiny head. "I've decided that I don't want to be the training master anymore!"

"HOORAY!" shouted various pages, squires, and knights. "We're free!"

"Instead," said Wyldon, "I've decided to open up a school for cross-dressers!" Various people stared at him in shock. What a ridiculous thing to do.

"I already am a cross-dresser!" Cleon announced. He made a curtsy with his pink ballerina tutu.

"Who in their right mind would want to learn to be a cross-dresser?" Fred the pickle asked in disgust.

Jonathan waved his arms around in the air excitedly. "I DO! I DO! I DO!" he jumped up and down. "I absolutely love and adore cross-dressing!"

"Um... okay," agreed Wyldon. "Just no more beauty pageants for you."

"Aw! But I was so pretty in the beauty pageant!"

"Um, yeah... I'm sure you were..." Wyldon turned around to have major fake coughing fit. Someone suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. "Huh? What?" He turned around to find Alanna facing him.

"Hey, Wyldon!" said Alanna. "I can help you with your school! I know all about being a cross-dresser!"

"Okay," Wyldon agreed.

"Is class starting yet?" Jon asked. A carrot suddenly flew out of nowhere and hit him. "Hey! What the heck was that?"

"Beats me," said Alanna with a shrug.

"Lalala!" Cleon sang. He attempted to do a cartwheel and fell down. "Ow. I need some green beans." He got up and danced away.

A carrot came flying through the air and hit Jon. "What was that?" he demanded.

"Shut up and sit down," said Wyldon. "It's time for your classes." Jon found a seat and sat down, waiting in eager anticipation.

"But there is only one student," said Alanna.

"WHO WANTS TO BE A CROSS-DRESSER!" Wyldon roared.

"ME ME ME! I do!" squealed Thom, who happened to be alive for some strange and unknown reason.

Alanna shuddered. "Oh no! Not my brother!" One of her eyes began twitching.

"I run around in shirts and breeches all the time," Daine announced. "Does that make me already a cross-dresser?"

"I don't know," said Wyldon. "I don't care either. Now go away." Daine scampered away.

"Dresses are shiny!" Numair yelled for no reason.

"Then learn how to wear one!" Alanna suggested.

"OKAY!"

Thom and Numair eagerly sat down in their seats. Alanna and Wyldon stood in front of their three students, and Wyldon rang a bell. "Okay, classes have now begun."

Alanna paced in front of the students. "Lesson One: You must wear the clothing of the opposite gender. That is what being a cross-dresser is all about. Lalasa, bring out the dresses!"

Lalasa, who also happened to be there, disappeared and then returned carrying an armful of dresses. She spread them all out on some empty desks.

"Ooh... pretty..." Numair grabbed one of the dresses and attempted to eat it. Alanna smacked him. "Bad Numair, bad!"

"I GET TO TRY ONE ON FIRST!" Jon yelled. A carrot appeared out of nowhere and hit him. "What with all the carrot throwing?"

"Just shut your trap and put on a dress," said Wyldon.

"Okay. I'll do that gladly!" Jon took off his clothes and put on a hot pink dress that had an extremely low neckline and was rather tight in the buttocks area. "I feel drop dead sexy!"

Thom stroked his dress. "You sure so!" He went over to the collection of dresses. "Can I go next?"

"Uh, sure," said Alanna a bit hesitantly.

Thom put on a purple dress. "It brings out the color of my eyes! Teeheehee!" he started to prance around the room, proudly swishing the long skirt of his dress.

Numair grabbed a dress and put it on backwards. "I feel funny."

"Numair, you're wearing it wrong," Wyldon remarked.

"Well I think it's pretty! So ha!"

"Uh... if you say so," said Alanna. "Well now it's time for you to learn your next lesson. Lesson Two: You must learn to walk like the opposite gender."

"Like this?" said Numair. He began walking in a feminine manner, and suddenly tripped and fell. "Ouchies!"

"Let me try," said Jon. "I'm the king, and so everything I do is perfect." He started to walk, moving his hips and sashaying his bottom back and forth, which was really quite scary looking. "Ta-da!" He was suddenly hit with a carrot. "Hey!"

Thom started skipping and singing in an extremely high-pitched voice.

"Um... good job, Thom," said Wyldon. "But you don't have to skip. Only five year olds do that."

"But skipping makes me feel all happy inside!"

Jon opened his mouth to speak. "Is the next lesson-" He was hit with a flying carrot. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!"

Numair picked up the carrot. "Goody gargoyles! I have a new friend!"

"You know what?" said Jon. "I just now realized that I'm allergic to carrots."

"That's nice," said Alanna with a yawn.

"And now I have a contagious rash!" Jon began scratching himself uncontrollably.

"Did you say contagious rash?" squeaked Wyldon.

"Yep."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Wyldon, Alanna, Numair, and Thom all began scratching themselves uncontrollably all over their bodies.

Alanna busily scratched under her shirt. "Um... you have all graduated from cross-dressing school. Go away now."

"YIPPEE! I GET TO WEAR BEAUTIFUL DRESSES!" Jon shouted excitedly.

"Oh great, is he going to be "Queen Jonathan" again?" Thayet moaned.

"Most likely," answered Alanna. "Would you like to be king Thayet?"

"The world has gone insane," Thayet said with fear. She ran away and went into solitary confinement so that she could not be touched by the insanity.

Numair took his dress and ate it. "Yum."

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