Episode Thirteen: George's Many Hobbies

One day, in the fun and educational land known as Tortall, George was walking through the streets asking random people an important question. "Would anybody like to donate their ears?"

"What for?" asked Various Tortallans.

"Hehehe..." George grinned and polished his knife.

"Eek!" cried various Tortallans. They clapped their hands over their ears protectively.

George sobbed and wiped away a few tears. "No! My ear collection is a failure, for nobody wishes to donate their ears!" He thought for a few minutes. "Aha! Perhaps I will... collect butterflies instead!" He giggled. "Butterflies are pretty!"

"I don't know him, I swear!" said Alanna in embarrassment.

George ran around in the grass waving a net around. "Pretty butterflies!" He managed to catch one in the net. "Yippee! My mommy will be so proud of me!"

"I don't know him, I swear!" said Eleni Cooper. "We are not related!"

"I don't think my mother is very proud of me," said George. "That makes me feel rather sad inside."

Jon suddenly came walking by and strode over to George. "George Cooper, I demand that you capture butterflies for me!"

"No. I don't feel like it."

"BUT I'M THE KING! YOU MUST!" As he walked along, Jon suddenly tripped over a lemon. "Ooh..." he picked it up and it squirted in his eye. "AAAAGGGHH!"

"Haha!" laughed various Tortallans.

"That hurt," said Jon. "Lemons are now my bitter enemy for all eternity."

"I wish I was a bird, so I could fly!" Owen announced for no reason.

Suddenly, a boy who looked quite a bit like a girl came flying out of nowhere and extended his hand towards Owen. "Come away with me to Neverland! You don't have to grow up!"

"Peter Pan?" said George, confused.

"Yippee!" cried Owen. "It's a boy, and he's come to teach us to fly!" He grabbed Peter Pan's outstretched hand and the two of them flew away.

"Okay, now that was just plain weird," George commented.

Meanwhile, Alex, also known as the slave of Roger, was busy engaging in acts of evil. In Alex's case, that meant stealing cookies from Master Oakbridge.

"I am a bridge made of oak!" mumbled Master Oakbridge. He promptly fell asleep.

Alex happily stroked the cookies that he had stolen. Cookies were nice and soft and fluffy and he dearly loved to stroke them. Cookies were the only joy in his pathetic life.

"Alex!" called Roger. "Alex, where di you go?"

"Eek!" Alex tried to hide, but Roger caught sight of him. "There you are!" He put his slave on a leash. "Now bow! Bow before your master!"

Alex got down on his and bowed. "I love Roger... Roger is the best... Roger shall rule the world... Women find Roger irresistibly sexy..."

Roger laughed. "That is so true." He then tripped and fell flat on his face for telling a blatant lie. He irritably got to his feet, grabbed Alex's leash, and tied him to a tree. "Now stay there until I've finished with my evil plans!"

Alex whimpered and tried to get free.

Roger paced back and forth talking to himself. "Now I shall build a dark and terrible fortress to do my evil plotting in!" He ran off.

Alex suddenly remembered his cookies and spent the rest of his time gazing adoringly at them.

Now back to George. While Roger plotted and Alex obsessed over cookies, George was busily catching more butterflies. One flew into his net. "Pretty!"

The butterfly suddenly turned into Daine. "Hey, let me out of this net!"

"Too bad," said George. "You shouldn't have turned into a butterfly." He went into the museum and hung Daine up on the wall in the butterfly section.

"This is very uncomfortable," said Daine.

"Well you're part of my butterfly collection, so learn to deal with it."

"But I'm not even a butterfly anymore!"

"Oh well!"

While George went off to find more butterflies and Daine hung in discomfort, Roger had completed his evil task. "Mwahaha! My dark and scary fortress is complete! Now for Evil Plan Number One!" He dropped a hippo on top of Jon, and Jon was crushed.

"We love you, Roger!" cried various Tortallans.

"Good. Now be my slaves for all eternity."

"NOOOOOOOO! We changed our minds. We don't love you anymore!"

"Oh come on!" Roger pleaded. "If you be my slaves, I'll give you cookies!"

Alex's head perked up excitedly and he started to drool with longing and hunger. "COOKIES! SOMEBODY MENTIONED COOKIES!"

"Be quiet! They're not for you!" yelled Roger.

Suddenly, Cleon the ballerina blasted gas right in front of Roger. "AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Roger fell dead from the smell.

"Eew!" squealed Cleon's ballerina fan club. "We're not your fan club anymore, Mr. Flatulence!"

Cleon fell to his knees in begging posture. "Nooooooo! Don't leave meeeeeee!"

Numair suddenly walked past the museum in which Daine was held captive. He gasped. "That museum! It is highly offensive towards the Frizzy Sparkling Grammatical Erroring Zebras!" He used his magic to blow up the museum.

"I'm free!" Daine cried.

"Noooo!" George moaned. "I have failed at being an expert butterfly catcher! Well, I guess I'll have to be a thief again!" He stole his mother's teeth as his first act of thievery.

"Hey!" cried his mother Eleni. "I need my dentures!"

George started to laugh hysterically. "Hahaha! My mother wears dentures!"

Cleon's ballerina fan club who wasn't his fan club anyway pranced over to George. "Hey, George! We'll gladly be your Thieving Fan Club!"

"Okay!"

"Well, my ballerina days are over," sighed Cleon. "I have decided to become a treehugger. SAVE THE FOREST!" He ran off to live in the Royal Forest.