Episode Fourteen: Fangirls
One day, in the preservative free, low carb land of Tortall, various confusing things were happening. Alex happened to be wearing a slave collar for some reason. "Ahh... This thing is so heavy... Can't walk..."
"Oh shuddup!" yelled Duke Gareth. He threw a cookie cutter at Alex.
"Ow!" cried Alex. He picked up the cookie cutter and looked at it. "Hey, this thing still has some old cookie dough stuck in it!" He happily licked the cookie cutter.
"Alex, you little psychopath!" yelled Roger. He shrugged. "Oh well. Now for my evil act of the day!" he used his magic to open up a gigantic hole in the air. "Mwahaha!"
"Um... and what was the point of that?" asked various Tortallans.
Roger shrugged his shoulders. "I really have no idea! I was acting on sudden, unexplainable impulse without giving it a single bit of thought!"
Roger's act of evil proved to actually turn out very evil indeed. Suddenly, a herd of fangirls climbed in through the hole in the air!
"AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!" screamed Roger. "What have I done?"
The fangirls squealed and snapped photos.
"Hmm..." Roger thought to himself, "...maybe I can use their utter evilness and annoyingness to help destroy the world!"
Hearing the sound of his voice, several of the fangirls turned and stared at Roger. "Gasp! It's him!" They squealed and charged at Roger. Roger ran for his life. "Noooo! Leave me be!"
"No, don't run away, you sexy dude!" shrieked the Roger Fangirls.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!" screamed Roger. "ALEX, HELP ME!"
Several Alex Fangirls approached Alex. "Hello, Alexander! Come along with us!" They each held out cookies enticingly.
"COOKIES!" In order to have his precious cookies, Alex allowed the fangirls to drag him away.
"Noooooooooooo! I've been betrayed!" Roger screamed.
"We would never betray you, Roger!" crooned the Roger Fangirls, fluttering their badly mascara-ed eyelashes.
"GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEE!" Roger broke free of the fangirls and ran as fast as he could.
"Hey, why can't I have girls chasing me around?" Jon complained.
Suddenly, an extremely ugly and extremely strange looking girl appeared. She had a unibrow, bulging muscles, and very, very, very hairy legs. Yes, an actual Jon fangirl, the only one in the entire universe.
The Jon Fangirl let out a high-pitched scream. "Oh Jonathan, I love you!"
"EEEEK!" Jon turned around and ran.
"Don't leave me, oh pearl of my heart!" his fangirl cried.
"Hey, 'pearl of my heart' is my slogan!" yelled Cleon. He bent down and planted a tree. "Replenish the forest! Plant a tree today!"
The Jon Fangirl suddenly tripped and fell, causing her hair to fall out. It turned out that her hair was actually only a wig.
Jon screamed like he had never screamed before. "Y-y-you're a fanboy!" The Jon Fanboy giggled. Jon curled up in a frightened ball. "I want my mommy!"
Queen Lianne's ghost suddenly appeared. "What do you want?"
"There is a scary man posing as a girl chasing after me! I'm scared!"
"Then I'll get rid of him." Queen Lianne's ghost used her ghostly powers to turn the Jon Fanboy into a Hungry Monster Rat. The Hungry Monster Rat looked at Jon and sharpened its teeth.
"Sic 'em, boy!" said Queen Lianne's ghost.
"Aye aye, ma'am!" growled the Hungry Monster Rat. He pounced on Jon and ate him. The ghost of Queen Lianne disappeared.
Meanwhile, Roger was hiding underneath a turtle shell that he ripped off of some poor turtle's back, hoping that his fangirls would not find him.
"No respect for wildlife these days..." muttered the turtle whose shell had been stolen.
While Roger was busy hiding, Cleon was busy running around watering various trees. Suddenly, a group of Cleon Fangirls popped up. "HI CLEON!"
"Eek!" Cleon was startled that he dropped his watering can and it landed on his foot. "Ouchies!"
"We're treehuggers too!" squealed the Cleon Fangirls.
"Really? Hooray!" And Cleon and his fangirls skipped off into the forest together.
The Cleon Fangirls may have been happy, but the Roger Fangirls were not. They were frantically running around, searching for their beloved. "Has anyone seen Roger?"
"No," said various Tortallans.
"Where the heck is Roger! ROGER, COME BACK TO US!"
"He's right over there," said the turtle whose shell had been stolen. He pointed at his stolen shell, which had Roger fearfully crouching beneath it.
The fangirls immediately ran over and grabbed Roger. "THERE YOU ARE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roger screamed.
"You're so cute when you scream!" A couple of the fangirls swooned.
"Somebody end my misery!" Roger cried. "Hey, Alanna!"
"What?" said Alanna.
"Help me!"
"Are you kidding? Why would I help you?" Roger looked so pathetic and pleading however, that Alanna sighed and said, "Okay, fine. What do you want me to do?"
"Please kill me."
"I'll do that gladly!" Alanna whistled and a gigantic spidren came and carried Roger away. His fangirls began to cry loudly. "WHY DID HE GO! WHY!"
"Oh, shut up!" said Alanna. She managed to capture every single fangirl that had been let into Tortall, put them in a box, and sent it to the Divine Realms.
The Divine Realms, Weiryn managed to stumble across the box. "Hmm... What's this?" He opened up the box and all the fangirls jumped out. "HIYA THERE!" They let out annoying high-pitched giggles.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! THE HORROR!" Weiryn screamed.
"Hooray!" shouted various Tortallans with glee. "We are rid of the horrible fangirls!"
"And we're rid of both Jon and Roger!" cried Fred the pickle happily.
"We love you, Alanna!" the various Tortallans cried.
Alanna bowed and smiled. "Good. Because now I'm going to rule Tortall and I don't think I could bear to have subjects who hate me."
"Ahem!" said Thayet. "I happen to still be alive, and therefore I get to rule Tortall!"
"I don't think so." Alanna solved the problem by marrying Thayet off to some freaky Carthaki guy who was probably related to Ozorne. "There! Now I'm the ruler!"
"Hooray!" yelled various Tortallans.
"Hooray!" yelled the random turtle whose shell was stolen. He was happily reunited with his lost shell and eagerly crawled back inside it. He sniffed around. "Hey, my shell smells like Roger! Oh well!"
Review! Or the fangirls shall attack you and their annoying squealing will break your eardrums! (Ha, no not really)