Episode Seventeen: Bubble Bath, Penguins, and Lumberjacks

One day, in the frightfully deranged land of Tortall, Cleon the treehugger skipped about in the grass. He bent down and planted a seed.

Five minutes later, the seed sprouted and turned into a giant beanstalk, just like in the fairy tale.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cleon cried, obviously upset. "It was supposed to be a tree! I'm a failure!" He ran away in tears.

Owen popped out of nowhere and climbed up the beanstalk. "Look at me! I'm Jack!"

"No, I'm Jack!" said Captain Jack Sparrow, the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main, entire ocean, and entire world.

Owen lost his grip, fell off of the beanstalk, and landed right on top of an elderly sheep. "Ow! MY BACK!" screamed the elderly sheep.

"Oops," said Owen. He was then angrily chased around by the Elderly Sheep Protection Society.

Suddenly, a random penguin popped up out of nowhere, even though a penguin would never be able to survive in the climate of Tortall. "Why am I here?"

"Ooh, pretty!" said Numair, licking the penguin.

"AAAAGGHHH!" screamed the penguin. "You freak!"

"My name isn't freak. It's Numair!"

"My name is Hezekiah," said the penguin. He then ate the Dancing Dove, simply because he could.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed George in distress. "You ate my hangout!" He cried tears of jello, and then ate his jello tears. "Yum. Cherry."

"You people are all weird," said Hezekiah the penguin. He conveniently ran away.

"Look at me, I'm an Olympic diver!" Neal exclaimed. He tripped and fell into a volcano filled with bubble bath. "Help me!"

"I would..." said Kel, "...but I'm incurably afraid of heights!" She burst into tears and curled up into fetal position sucking her thumb.

"Since treehugging has failed me, I am now lumberjack!" Cleon announced, who was now wearing a red checked shirt. He ate a pancake and sharpened his axe.

"I don't like trees!" sobbed Kel. "Mommy!"

"You called?" said Ilane of Mindelan.

"Mother, the trees are a threat to my sanity."

"Well, as long as they're not a threat to my mine! See ya!" Ilane walked away singing blissfully, leaving her daughter alone and frightened.

"What a lousy mother," Kel complained.

"I can be your new mother," said Jonathan.

"But you're a man."

"Yes, but twice I was Queen Jon! I do have some female in me."

"Yes, but I hate you," said Kel.

"Don't we all?" said Fred the pickle, who was in the process of getting an "I Despise Jonathan" tattoo on his bottom.

"Go away, you stupid king," Kel told Jon.

"Never!" cried Jon. "They'll have to drag me away!"

Suddenly, a couple of George's thief friends showed up and dragged Jon away. They put in a zoo, in a cage labeled: Idiot King. Do Not Feed."

Jon tugged helplessly on the bars of his cage. "You can't do this to me!"

"Yes we can! We got official permission from the queen!" They showed him an official, legal document signed by Thayet.

"Now I'll be stuck here forever! Thayet, how could you do this to me!"

"Quite easily," Thayet answered.

"I'm still trapped inside this stupid volcano," Neal announced, hoping that someone would take pity on him and rescue him.

The bubble bath inside the volcano hissed and bubbled annoyingly. "Come on, Neal! Get squeaky clean!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Neal screamed. He clawed desperately at the walls of the volcano but was unable to get out.

"I have been endowed with flying powers!" cried Kel. "Up, up, and away!" He flew towards the mouth of the volcano, but suddenly stopped. "EEK! I've just remembered that I'm afraid of heights!" She fell to the ground and started crying.

"That's just pathetic," said Wyldon.

Meanwhile, at the zoo, various Tortallans pointed and laughed at Jon. "Haha!" They threw garbage through the bars of his cage."

"I'm being publicly humiliated! Make it stop!" Jon picked up some of the garbage that was thrown at him and began gnawing on it. The Tortallans laughed at him.

Jon suddenly fell down and started moaning. "No! This garbage has given me tooth decay!" He then died of severe gum disease.

"There goes our entertainment," grumbled the Tortallans.

Back at the volcano, Neal was still trapped inside. The evil bubble bath was advancing closer. "Baths are fun! Yes they are!"

"GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEE!"

Suddenly, Joren jumped inside the volcano, drank up all the bubble bath, and died of poisoning.

"I'm saved!" Neal happily climbed out of the volcano. If he was smarter, than he would have thought of climbing out earlier. But sadly Neal was dumber than a pickle.

"I resent that!" yelled Fred.

Joren's idiot uncle then set out on a mission to destroy all of the universe's bubble bath in vengeance of his nephew's death, and Cleon ate pancakes the whole time.

If you review, Cleon will give you a free pancake!
Cleon: What! I never agreed to-
Me: (claps hand over his mouth) Shh! Play along!