Chapter Five – Recovery and Relief
"Well… well, I guess I'd better stay here then." With that Ginny burst into tears and moved to leave the room.
Surprising all of his companions not least himself, Harry reacted to Ginny's tears by doing something that he had been wishing he could do for the last days. He wrapped his arms around the younger girl in a hug and he too burst into tears for everyone he had lost.
Tonks stood there for a minute watching the two teens crying for everything and everyone that had been taken from them and for the futures they no longer believed they would have before she went into the kitchen, taking Remus with her to allow them some space to deal with this in private.
Harry and Ginny stayed as they were, each crying and drawing comfort and support from the presence of the other for quite sometime.
Two hours later Tonks decided that she had better check on them and found them curled up together on the sofa, having cried themselves into an exhausted sleep.
Not wanting to disturb them, she conjured blankets and covered them up. She then sat in a chair so that she could be near them when then woke and sat there looking down at the two teens she considered her honorary younger brother and sister, thought of how unfair life had been to them. They would never have to be strong for her, she vowed. She would help them through this.
Eventually after she had been sitting watching Harry and Ginny sleep for just over an hour or so, Tonks noticed that Harry seemed to be beginning to stir.
As she had watched him sleep she had been struck by how young and innocent he appeared as he slept. There was none of the anger or pain that haunted his eyes, there was no sign of the dark circles and haggard look that indicated that he had gotten little sleep in the last several weeks. There was just a not quite 16 year old boy… there was no sign that he had missed out on a childhood and been forced to grow up all too quickly, forced by a cruel destiny to taken on responsibilities that would crush men three times his age. She wished she could see him look like that when he was awake too. She wished she could give him back some of the freedom and innocence he had missed out on.
Yes, he was definitely in that pleasant state halfway between wakefulness and sleep, where you just want to snuggle in deeper to the blankets and drift back off to your dreams again. Or at least that is what it was always like for her… she had heard stories about the visions and nightmares that Harry had been haunted by and she guessed that probably meant sleep wasn't something he found easy to get or enjoyable when he did get it.
Tonks really was trying to be quiet as she sat their watching Harry as he began to wake up and Ginny as she continued to sleep.
But then Harry tried to turn over and got stuck because of the way he and Ginny were curled up together and it was just too funny. He really didn't know where he was, or who he was with he was still so sleepy that all he knew was that he couldn't move because there was something on top of him. So there he was trying to get it off of him without waking up completely. And he didn't manage to do it. But he did manage to succeed in shoving the still sleeping Ginny off of him and onto the floor.
The shock of hitting the floor unexpectedly was enough to wake Ginny up, the noise that ensued made sure that Harry woke up properly too.
"W-what happened? How did I end up down here?" the still sleepy and somewhat shocked redhead asked confusedly.
"Sorry Ginny" Harry said blushing furiously as he realised just what he had been running his hands all over as he attempted to get it off of him. "I didn't realise that was you, I wouldn't have done it if I had, I promise…" breaking off, the poor boy ran from the room, too mortified to remain there any longer.
Ginny got up off of the floor and stared at the door Harry had run out of. She didn't know what to say or do next, she didn't know what had just happened between her and Harry.
Tonks just sat there and laughed her head off at the two of them, they were both so embarrassed, and so clueless. Oh, to be 15 again.
Eventually after an hour of hiding in his room, Harry decided to gather together all of his courage and face his friends again. Stepping out of the door and walking through the house he found them sitting around the kitchen table talking about inconsequential things as they waited for him to join them. Remus appeared to have a long-ish scroll of parchment in front of him that he appeared to be reading and annotating as the two ladies chatted and he made the odd comment.
"Wotcher, Harry" Tonks greeted him as he sat down and reached for the jug of ice water to pour himself a glass.
He smiled at the Metamorphmagus and turned to see what Professor Lupin, sorry, Remus, was doing but avoided looking at his fellow teen, still embarrassed by quite where his hands had ended up on her body earlier that day. He just hoped she hadn't noticed how his body had reacted to what he had felt.
Remus cleared his throat and rolled up the scroll he was working on before Harry could quite make out what it was about. Giving the older man something of a glare, Harry showed his annoyance at that. Again, someone had promised to tell him everything and then was going around keeping secrets from him. He couldn't believe it.
"It's not really anything of interest, Harry, Ginny." The tired werewolf addressed the two teens; "it's just a list of things Dumbledore felt we should attempt to do with the pair of you whilst we are here. I was just making a few notes about what to do with what and how best to teach certain things. You can have a look if you really want too but it's really not that interesting. Still," he joked, "if you need any help to get to sleep tonight it's there."
Harry shook himself, annoyed that he had doubted his father's friend and grinned at him "No, Thank You!" he laughed, "So what's the plan for the rest of the day?"
Remus and Tonks exchanged a look before Remus continued, "First we'll have some dinner. I had thought you two might like a little down time after that to absorb the events of the day after everything you've found out but…" he trailed off at this point knowing that neither of the pair were the type to back down from a challenge and if he suggested they either took a break or try something new depending on what they felt, both would opt to try something new.
They didn't have the complete and overwhelming thirst for knowledge that their friend Hermione Granger did, but they enjoyed a challenge – particularly when it came to Defence against the Dark arts, a subject they both enjoyed and had a passion for. Something he suspected came from the bad experiences and suffering they had both personally suffered because of Voldemort and his followers (or his younger self in Ginny's case).
Harry shook his head at that, "No, I'd like to do something. I think it's good we talked about why we're here and I feel better now everyone knows about the prophecy but, I'd like, I need, to do something, take my mind off of everything." Here he risked a quick glance at Ginny "I don't know how you feel," he asked her, "but sitting around thinking makes me feel worse, I'd rather do something useful."
"Yeah that sounds like a good idea." Ginny said, showing her willingness to go along with Harry.
Tonks grinned at the younger girl. "Ah, a girl after my own heart! I could never sit around watching and thinking and waiting." She shared.
As they talked Remus had quickly conjured them some dinner and taken it to the table. It was just a simple meal of chicken and pasta salad but it was something they all liked and it was very tasty. Generally, it was considered better to prepare real food either the magical or muggle way as opposed to conjuring it, but for the odd meal once in a while there was nothing wrong with conjuring something and if they were to do something else that day they needed to eat and get on with things or it would be too late to do anything.
"We aren't going to do anything major today, it's too hot and you guys are tired. So we'll save the big stuff for tomorrow. But there is something that we can do just sitting here and talking." Remus said as he ate. "If you are to stand a chance in a fight you need to know how to just react instinctively, and not have to think you next move out. Ginny, if you are to give a patient the best chance when you are healing them you need to just know intuitively what their injury is and the best way to treat it. Indecision wastes time and can cost lives – maybe even your own."
Both Harry and Ginny nodded at that, it made sense. What didn't make sense, however, was how they were going to learn to do that just sitting and talking. Surely it would take more than that, surely they would have to practice fighting and duelling so they could learn what would work in different situations and circumstances? Harry questioned Remus about that.
However it was Tonks who took it upon herself to answer. "Well, yeah, eventually we will do some work on fighting and duelling and a healer will come to work with Ginny on the skills and techniques she will need to learn. But for now, we're going to try something we used to do in Auror training."
The mention that this was taught in Auror training guaranteed her the two teens undivided attention for the rest of the afternoon, Harry was determined to be an Auror if he survived Hogwarts and Voldemort, and Ginny might have just realised she would never fulfil her dream of being an Auror, but she was still interested. She knew now what Harry would eventually face and even though she wasn't one of his best friends, she was determined that he wouldn't face it alone – she would be there whether he liked it or not.
"Now, this might seem a little weird, I thought my instructors were living in Cloud Cuckoo Land when they first mentioned us doing this, but it works and it's kinda fun. You certainly learn a lot about the person you're doing it with. We're going to try something called Word Association. Basically, I'm going to say a word to you and you're going to respond with the first word that comes into your head and they I'll say the first word that I think of that relates to that and we go from there. Here's the catch, though. You don't get thinking time, you have to respond straight away."
She wasn't so sure either of them was so keen on this now they couldn't see how it would help them. "C'mon, give it a go. You and me can pair up for now Harry and Ginny can go with Remus. We'll give it fifteen minutes and then we'll swap, ok?" She asked, finishing her meal and banishing her dishes to the counter in the kitchen. "That was lovely, Remus. Nice bit of conjuring!" she joked, getting up and gesturing Harry to follow her to the sofa before tripping on the rug.
Harry and Ginny couldn't help their giggles when their former professor stuck his tongue out at Tonks in response to her teasing.
He ran over from where he had been placing his dirty dishes in the kitchen and gave her a hand to get up and they were soon settled on the sofa.
"Alright, you know what you have to do?" she checked. He nodded. "The first word then, is Orange"
"Juice" he said, an unsure note in his voice
"Breakfast" she smiled at him to show he had the right idea.
"Bacon"
"Eggs"
"Chickens," that was enough talk about foodstuffs, he was getting hungry.
"Pigs"
"Sheep"
"Dog"
"Sirius…" as the name of the closest person to a father he'd ever had slipped out without him meaning it, Harry blushed and looked down at the floor. The note of longing in his voice was clear; he was really missing his godfather. It was the first time Harry or anyone around him had mentioned him since his death and it hurt.
"Do you want to stop, Harry?" she asked softly, concerned.
He didn't look at her, only shrugged and continued staring at the floor.
"I think maybe we should take a break." She moved closer too him on the sofa and squeezed his shoulder. "It's OK to miss him, Harry, I do too."
"It's not OK, though, is it?" he spat angrily at her, "it's my fault!"
"Harry, Harry, Harry, what are we going to do with you?" she knew she needed to make him believe it wasn't his fault but she didn't know how. "It's not your fault, I thought we made that clear earlier this afternoon."
"It is! I could have checked better when Hermione said it might be a trap; I should have listened to her. I'm sorry Sirius, I'm so sorry…." He broke down in tears once again.
Tonks moved her hand away from his shoulder, fished out her wand and cast a privacy shield around the pair of them and then pulled him against her in a tight hug, rubbing his back and whispering to him soothingly as he cried out his grief once again.
It hurt her to watch him suffer like this and cry so much but she knew it was a healthy part of the grieving process and that he needed to do it in order to heal and move on with his life. She was beginning to believe more and more that Dumbledore and Remus were right and Harry was medically depressed. She sighed, she would have to try to broach the subject with him if she was to help him, but she didn't quite know how to do it.
Ginny really wasn't sure why they were playing this stupid game, it seemed really silly but she trusted Tonks and Remus (it felt really weird to call him that) and if they said this would come in useful to her in the future then she would give it her best shot.
"Dementor"
"Chocolate"
"Ice cream"
"Strawberry"
"Cheesecake"
"First day back" Ginny loved her mother's cheesecake, which she would always make on special occasions such as birthdays and the first day they were home from Hogwarts for the holidays.
"Holidays"
"Christmas"
"Presents"
"House-elf heads"
"Hats" they seemed to be almost discussing their shared memories of the last Christmas they had both spent at the Order Headquarters when her father was injured and recovering in St Mungo's.
"Scarves"
"Gloves…" here he paused, a slight noise, almost like a half stifled sob catching his attention.
He would have continued but then he saw the flash that indicated either Harry or Tonks had put a privacy spell around themselves. He knew that Harry was having a very hard time at the moment and figured that something must have happened to set him off again. Hopefully Tonks would be able to comfort him. He'd let them be for a while and then check to see if there was anything he could do.
Somebody needed to stay with Ginny anyway. She might not be having such a tough time as Harry was, but coming to Africa and leaving her family had still been extremely difficult for her and she too was missing Sirius. It was very important to him that they didn't forget about her whilst putting all their efforts into helping Harry deal with his guilt and depression.
"Remus?" Ginny questioned pulling him out of his reverie, "Is everything OK? Is Harry alright?"
"It's difficult, Ginny. I don't think he is OK now, but with our help, he will be."
She nodded at that "But how can we help him, I hate seeming him like this, it isn't like him at all is it?" She blushed a little as she continued, "I just want to help him…"
"What we need to do Ginny is make sure he knows he has all of us. We need to be there for him if he needs to talk, if he needs a shoulder. But we also need to help him get out of himself, try to stop him from wallowing in self pity whenever possible."
"So what you're saying is sometimes we need to be there for him but then maybe some other times we just need to distract him a bit, maybe try to give him something else to think about. Maybe we should do something fun tonight, forget about everything?"
"That's an excellent idea." Remus answered "I know Tonks packed a few games and such that we could play and there are a couple of places around here where we could go out for a meal or whatever but they might be better left for another day when Harry's feeling a little better. You have to realise Ginny that Dumbledore and I both believe that Harry might be suffering from what the Muggles call 'Clinical Depression' and that it's going to take time for him to get back to normal, perhaps many months."
"I've heard of depression, but what's clinical depression?" she questioned.
"It means his depression is quite severe and he might need to take a potion to help him recover from it. It's likely his moods will fluctuate a lot, like we've seen, some days he will seem like he doesn't have a care in the world, others he will be like he is today. Some days he might be very reckless and others he might be nervous and scared acting. Exercise can help a lot with that and Dumbledore also believes you could both benefit from improving your fitness and stamina so starting tomorrow we will be doing stretches and running first thing every morning."
"Yes, I can see how being fitter could help in a fight. Running and stretches? Is that the only form of fitness training we will do? I always wanted to learn to swim the muggle way."
Their conversation would have continued along this vein for a long time but they were interrupted once more by the privacy spell around Harry and Tonks coming down and Harry heading towards his room once more, pausing some what unwillingly only to let Tonks hug him one last time and ruffle his hair.
"Wotcher Remus, Ginny" Tonks said as she took a seat next to them. She shook her head to get her hair out of her eyes and when that didn't work scrunched up her face and shrunk her hair down into a shorter style where it had no chance of getting in her way and annoying her. "I convinced Harry to have an early night, see if some sleep helps him feel better. He's not so sure about the idea of taking a potion to help stabilise his mood, but he did agree to take a dreamless sleep draught for now. I said one of us would go in to him in about 20 minutes and take it to him."
"Thank you, Tonks." Remus replied, "I didn't expect him to agree to medication straight away, we'll see how he gets on and if it comes to it I can take another go at convincing him in a couple of days. I think I'll take a walk for a few minutes and then I'll take Harry his potion" he quickly left leaving the two young women to chat.
Remus slowly walked the short route he planned to have them take when they went running the next morning. They would eventually be running much longer trails but this short 1 mile route would be more than enough to start with. Hogwarts was a fantastic school and he had never been happier than he was in his seven years as a student there and one year as a professor, but it placed little emphasis on physical fitness and so whilst playing Quidditch had ensured that neither Ginny nor Harry were out of shape as such, they weren't as fit as they perhaps could be and he was sure that they would find the mile enough of a challenge to begin with.
He soon realised that the twenty minutes he had to himself were nearly up and he would soon have to take Harry his dreamless draught. As he walked back to the house he would soon learn to call home, he looked up at the skies and the stars and said a prayer to his friends who had gone before him and hoped he could find a way to protect and help the young boy.