"Don't you think that I'm bound to react now? My fingers are starting to turn black now. Maybe I'll put love on the ice. And teach myself, maybe that'll be nice."

Black Math, the White Stripes

The sharp rat-a-tat on his window was all he needed to wake him up. An owl beak was thrust through the small gap he could make without the whole windowpane creaking.

Harry swore that the Dursleys deliberately made the hinge creaky so that they would hear any further attempts to escape. He frowned at the bird that shot into his room.

He didn't recognise it. It was a tiny elf owl, much like the one that Ron owned. Just a small ball of brown fluff with piercing yellow eyes.

Those eyes. He recognised them from somewhere. Then it clicked.

Remus Lupin.

His former Professor usually stayed at Grimmauld Place so borrowed one of Sirius' owls- huge creatures that dwarfed Hedwig in sheer presence. Why wasn't Lupin doing that?

He knew that the pair were still in the cottage they were borrowing from Dumbledore, so that they could try to rehabilitate Sirius. But Harry didn't know Remus had an owl.

Dear Harry,

I hope Lupus – at this Harry gave a smothered snort of laughter when he looked at the 'Wolf' owl – got to you all right. He's a bit old, so you'll have to excuse his slowness. Anyway, I'm getting off the point.

Sirius doesn't seem to be making much of a recovery- he doesn't seem to even want to. So I left him. Don't think me a coward, Harry, because I would do anything if it meant I got the old Padfoot back.

This isn't the sort of thing that a healer can change. There isn't a potion that will suddenly reverse all the turmoil in his mind. It has to be done by him. Only through perseverance and self-strength can be overcome this.

I do not think I can help him.

If you wouldn't mind; I'd like to see you sometime, so that we could have a chat like we used to. I've enclosed a portkey to my house –excuse my presumptuousness- if you want to come that is.

R. Lupin.

Harry gathered his things excitedly, stuffing all of his belongings into a scruffy bag. He hoped Remus wouldn't mind his presumptuousness.

~

Remus stirred himself slowly from his position in his bed. His pale body was splayed between the sheets in no order at all, proof of the last night's activities.

With aching muscles he pulled on a robe and staggered into the adjoining bathroom. After a couple of seconds the light flickered on, illuminating the dirty state of the room.

The bathroom had not been inhabited for several years- the rule applied to the whole house- and there was mould gathering on the pink tiles and the sink had bits chipped out of it.

He studied his appearance in the mirror. Lips darkened by bruising kisses; neck, pale, with a hand imprint on the soft skin; body, scratched and sore.

Lupin irritably scraped his fingers through his hair, wincing at the overwhelming amount of grey in it. Soon he would be entirely grey. He gave a bitter laugh then winced as a cut on his lip reopened.

He didn't know why he had submitted himself so willingly last night. Maybe it was a sense of guilt. It certainly wasn't attraction or lust. He prided himself on never fancying his best friend.

Sirius was right; he wasn't much better than one of the painted girls, hanging about street corners, their pale faces illuminated by the harsh light. With every thrust or nip he was reminded so.

"Slut. Whore. Harlot."

If he forgot enough, he could almost find relief in the terms. He couldn't explain it, but it made it feel so much better.

In hindsight, the few times that Remus had had sex with someone, it had been a very passionate affair.

At Hogwarts he had spent a couple of months as the 'Slytherin Hussy', sleeping with Lucius Malfoy. Sleeping with Lucius was equally messy as it had been with the girl.

They both challenged each other, seeing how much pain the other could stand without yielding. Sexually, Lupin would never be so experimental. Bondage, domination, masochism.

Lucius could have his moments of extreme tenderness. But Remus had never experienced it- that was saved for the girls. And for him, the pureblood saved all the passion and anger.

With Lucius it was just sex.

Even after he had discovered Lupin's "dirty secret" he still organised the weekly meetings in one of the potions dungeon. But now there was a different edge to the sex. For once Malfoy allowed himself to be the one dominated and tied down.

He guessed that the Wolf would like it. And he was right.

In less than half an hour he was awake, stumbling around and getting dressed, trying to make the house as presentable as possible. It was hard work, but nothing that a wizard couldn't do.

The house was paid for in James' will. Knowing that his lycanthropic friend was forever short of a warm place to sleep in, he had bought the house, sensing that it was the ideal home.

It was a ruined old cottage that scarcely had electricity apart from a bulb in every room, a fridge, an Aga and a video player in the living room. It was set nearly half a mile away from the nearest farm in a muddy corner of Sussex, hidden down winding country roads and small copses.

Every full moon he used to run through the small woods, fighting hard to stay away from the farms. But who was a farmer to suspect when a sheep went missing occasionally; a respectable "tired looking" young man, or one of the marauding foxes?

It was a debt that Remus would never thank James enough for. In his times of trouble it was a haven, buried away from the buzz of wizarding city life and where the highlight of the local news was the fact that a female Christian chose to wear a veil in the style of a woman in the Middle East.

Lupin could easily transfigure the battered old sofa into a bed for Harry. After last night he did not want to put the young wizard in the same bed that his former-Professor and Godfather had slept in.

"Am I being presumptuous in turning up this early?" came a familiar voice, travelling through the wood of the front door. "I hope not."

Remus found a smile leaping to his face and he rushed out to greet his old student. Surprising even himself, he pulled Harry into a tight embrace.

"Merlin, I've missed you," he whispered, pushing Harry away so that he could beam down at the boy. "You look well."

Harry frowned, shrugging in the baggy clothes that swamped his skinny frame. He would never be as tall as James but he was a fairly respectable 5"9. He reached forward a pale hand to gently touch Lupin on the cheek.

"Christ…" he started before pulling his hand away with an embarrassed blush. "What happened to you?"

His questioning eyes met the rapidly colouring bruise on Remus' neck and similar ones dotted over his face. They finished on his darkened lips.

"Sirius, that's what happened to me, kiddo," Remus answered heavily, swiftly ducking down to grasp Harry's bag and walk away into the bedroom.

"Snuffles did that to you!" Harry cried incredulously, fierce pride for his godfather fighting against the instinct to believe Lupin. "You're joking."

"I wish I was."

"Sirius wouldn't do something like that," there was an air of panic in the boy's voice as he raced after Remus. He grasped the old man's wrist and spun him around at the same time pushing him down onto the bed.

With awkward deliberation Harry set about examining the bruises on Remus' face and neck. Finally he came to his arms and quickly pulled the shirtsleeve upwards to reveal fingerprints on the soft skin.

He traced the line of old scars up and down Remus' arm before realising the action and pulling away sharply.

"He didn't do that, Harry," the werewolf said quietly, pushing the sleeve back down again.

"I guessed."

Harry slumped on the bed next to Remus. "I-I don't understand… why would Sirius beat you up like that? Was he mad because you left him?"

"He didn't beat me up, per se. It was done inadvertently."

"Now I'm even more confused… he didn't beat you up; yet you're all bruised like you've been in a major fight with him." Harry caught Lupin's hand and squeezed it. "You can tell me whatever happened."

Remus stared at the seventeen-year-old for a while, marvelling at the quiet wisdom in his eyes before sighing. "You're old enough to know about relationships aren't you?"

Harry gave a soft giggle. "You aren't giving me the talk about the birds and the bees are you? 'Cos if you are, it came about five years too late."

"Harry- please be quiet." Remus voice was steely quiet. "Sex isn't just about two people expressing their love for each other, and all that rubbish parents are supposed to tell you. You know that, right?"

Harry gave him a confused look but nodded all the same.

"It isn't always just about pleasure either. It's about mind games," Lupin reached up one long finger to tap the wizard on the temple. "It's about power. Sirius came around last night to me…"

"He wanted to sleep with you?" Harry whispered. He had always taken Sirius for such an obvious heterosexual; Lupin he wasn't so sure. But Sirius… it seemed obvious.

"Yes. Now I know what you're thinking. Sirius doesn't like sleeping with men as a rule. He did it this one time because in his mind he had something to prove. I don't know why, but he did."

Harry's mouth fell open as he stared at his former-Professor. "I think maybe I ought to leave you alone, Professor. You need some time on your own."

"Harry, no," Remus got to the door before him, firmly shutting it. "Hear me out before you go haring back to the Dursleys." He took a deep breath. "Sirius is very ill. Azkaban- it did something to him. I'm not sure what; it unhinged some part of his mind. And so he turned to alcohol."

"You're telling me he was drunk when he slept with you?" again the high, slightly hysterical sound.

Remus nodded slowly. "He probably won't even remember it. We did it then I pushed him into the fireplace and sent him back home. He's probably still asleep on the floor."

"You're lying!" his voice was a hiss at the start.

"I'm not- do you think I'd making something like this up, Harry?"

"You're LYING!"

"Harry- please believe me. Sirius is unwell"-

"YOU'RE LYING."

"Fine." Harry knew he had gone too far as the frosty tone entered Remus' voice. The werewolf crossed his arms, knocking the door opened carelessly with his foot. "Go then. Take some Floo powder and say 'Sherbet Cottage'. Tell Sirius that I sent you with all my love."

Remus spat the final few words out, shoving the bag into Harry's arms and escorting him to the fireplace.

There was a flash of light and the boy was gone, all that remained was an echo of the wide, green eyes staring out that repeated itself through the lycanthrope's head.

He sank to his knees and for the first time he wept.

~

"Oh, bleeding great!" came the sarcastic moan as soon as Harry stumbled out of the fireplace. The shove that had started in Lupin's house propelled him out and he landed on his bag.

"Moony's sent along his personal miracle worker? What's wrong- has he given up hope as well?"

Harry frowned as he searched for the owner of the voice. Finally he found it coming from a singular armchair, turned away from the rest, staring out of the window.

"'Lo Sirius," he murmured. "Lupin sent me."

"Bastard, he knows I'm terrible with kids. Bugger off, Harry; you don't want to be here. No offence meant, mate. I'm hung over therefore I am moody and you do not want to be here."

"I wouldn't believe Lupin," Harry said quietly. "He was lying, wasn't he?"

For the first time Sirius stood up, stretching his lanky frame to the highest it would go. He looked quite frankly, awful. His skin had a green tinge to it and his hair was greasy from neglect.

"Nope. Moony doesn't lie well, you can always tell when he's fibbing."

Harry balled his fists as anger started to course through his body. "You bastard," he cried, emerald eyes gleaming. "Have you seen what you've done to him?"

"Done to him?" Sirius repeated, his eyes wide and mocking. "I didn't do anything to him," his voice was low and threatening as he made his way over to his godson. "He brought it all on is himself."

Harry aimed a sloppy punch upwards but it was intercepted by the taller man's hand and stopped. "Your little friend is nothing but a slut. He was asking for it."

"Stop saying that!"

"He's done it before you know- he just lies on his back all day with his legs spread to all and sundry!" Sirius' voice was loud and noisy, spittle landing on Harry's cheek.

Colour rose in Harry's face in indignation of hearing his former-Professor insulted like this. "You don't know him like I do, Harry. He's insatiable; he'll sleep with you too if he got the chance. Did you know he tried to shag your father? Luckily Prongs wouldn't let him. Do you know who he slept with at school?

…

Lucius Malfoy. Yep- everyone's favourite tame werewolf is nothing but a slut. The Slytherin Hussy everyone called him."

"Shut up." Harry didn't know when he had suddenly become so protective over Lupin, truth be he usually believed his godfather more than the man who had taught him for a year.

He just couldn't see Lupin painted in this light that Sirius described him. "Yeah," the wizard drawled as if reading Harry's thoughts. "He's not just that bookish man that everyone loves so much…"

"Shut up." This time the punch landed and Harry fled back through the Floo network leaving Sirius in baffled silence with not only a throbbing head but now an aching jaw.

Thanks to my darling reviewers: AmandaMarsters, Moongirl, Starr Light1, Bipolar Girl, Doneril, madisonfairie and gfhgfhgf (I hope this quick update was long enough for you. ;