Puppeteers

Note: Yay! The first chapter of the summer! It still hasn't set in that I'm a senior... I'm top dog. The alpha female. I'm on top... and I can't even acknowledge it that much. I even changed my MSN screen name so that it reads, 'Senior... Senior... Senior... My body screams 'Sophomore!', my mind screams 'Junior still!', and reality yells, 'Senior, stupid!'...and that's how I feel...but... Junior year is over... and now I'm tackling the next bear... does it ever end? Anyway... I wanted to wait and let everyone get caught up to this chapter (I also have the next chapter done as well)... but I was so excited about it... I couldn't wait... so I'm posting now... I hope it doesn't mean I'll get less reviews...

Disclaimer: Please don't sue me! I'm not claiming ownership... so just... don't sue...

(((((((((())))))))))

'Well don't you know that time is a broken glass that splinters against the wall? ... Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. There's a time to play a king and a time to be a thief. 'Cause if you're making all these promises you know you cannot keep, you know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone... I'd take advantage, but I can't see through this charade. So don't you, don't go make it harder than hell.'

-Savage Garden 'Promises'

Chapter Twelve- Promises

I looked out over the roofs of Kyoto. They were just the same... except they were so different... I shook my head. I wasn't making any sense, not even to myself.

I sighed and shifted to lay my arms on my bent knees. I hadn't slept like I always did in times like those, when I wore my clothes and propped myself against the wall. Instead, I chose to wear a sleeping yukata and sleep on a futon, on what may have been my last night on the earth.

It didn't change the feeling of foreseen horrors to come the next day, which kept me from my much-needed sleep anyway. So I sat on the roof, looking up at the stars, hoping to all the kami that I would survive if Kaoru wouldn't hate me... and let me die she would. I shivered at the thought of the river taking me, after I had spent so many years escaping its icy touch.

The wind caught on the robe, lifting it in its gentle touch. I raised my face to the stars, letting them shine onto me, for what I hoped would not be the last time.

I felt someone climbing onto the roof with me, and I relaxed slightly. I had managed to avoid talking to Kaoru all through the day, for fear I would say something that, should I have died, she would remember regretfully for the rest of her days... but that seemed wrong to me anyway.

"Kaoru..." I murmured, not taking my eyes off the stars.

I could feel her ki tense, then relax. "What are you doing so up so late? Tomorrow is important..."

I smiled, unmoving. "What are you doing up so late, hmm?"

I could feel her eyes soften as they watched me. "Worrying about you." She was being honest... but... I didn't understand. She was in love with Hiro... wasn't she? Wasn't that why she was marrying him?

"You shouldn't worry about me." I told her patiently, but firmly.

She sighed and moved closer to me. She tugged on the sleeves of her own yukata. "I can't help it, Kenshin. I told you... I don't want you to be gone... I hate being at the dojo and having Yahiko storm around, hating me... I don't want to wake up in the morning and cook... or do laundry... I miss having you around, Kenshin... I miss our talks when I take a bath... I miss our talks when we do... whatever... I miss it... and it's gone, if you are."

I sighed. "Kaoru... those are the things you have to learn to enjoy with Hiro."

She stared at me with sorrowful eyes. "How can you say that? I know that you love me... you told me you did... it's not like you to just... say something like that."

I smiled and touched her shoulder, finally bringing my head down to look at her. "Kaoru... you've known him longer... you chose him before you even attacked me on the street... before you saved me from being arrested... before the sword bearing police threatened to hurt you because of me..." I sighed, but kept my smile. "Kaoru... you're engaged to him. And no matter how much I love you, even if I love you more than Hiro does, I cannot ask you to leave him. For your sake... For your honor, which I swore to myself that I would protect."

I closed my eyes, fireflies dancing over my eyes again. "When you took me in, I also swore that I wouldn't let you get caught up in things because of me. But then Kurogasa kidnapped you, and I was furious... I had promised in my heart that I would protect you, no matter what the cost, and I let you slip through my fingers... I was so angry at myself... but I had to get you back." I opened my eyes and stared right into hers, where her entire soul was bared to me.

"I would have killed him to get you back... and even then I knew it was too late... that I was already too attached... already falling in love with you. But, Kaoru, I can't ask you to turn Hiro away for me. No... not when your relationship with him is less confusing... more beneficial to you..." I pulled my hand away from her.

Her hand raised and caught mine. "Kenshin... I swear... I promise..."

I held a finger to her lips. "Don't... Just... don't make it harder for yourself."

She shook her head. "Kenshin... I... I was angry after you said goodbye... I was so angry that you had put me into such a position... and I didn't know why... I thought maybe it was because you were just supposed to be my friend... but that didn't seem right. I thought then it was because you were forcing me to choose between an old friend from my childhood, and a wanderer who is prone to leave at any moment, if things get bad enough, just to keep other people safe... I could convince myself of that... but then Hiro couldn't fight... he was so afraid that..." She shook her head. "He cowered, when you would have raised your sword... I found myself comparing the two of you... and thinking how it wasn't fair, but I never thought of why it wasn't fair..."

"Kaoru... don't do this." I whispered to her, my breath catching in my throat.

She shook her head and held my hand tighter. "Kenshin... I don't want you gone... ever... Hiro is a good man... I think I may love him... but I don't know if it's the same thing... if it's the love that people spend their entire lives searching for."

I shook my head. "Kaoru... please... don't..." I didn't want her to say something she would regret. "Please don't."

She shook her head. "Kenshin... let me say it. I know why you don't want me to... why you're trying to keep me from saying it... I understand... and after I say it... I'll stay here at the Aoiya until you get back... and you had better come back... After that... I'll go back to Tokyo... and I'll marry Hiro."

I hung my head, staring at the roof under us. I looked up at the stars, which were the witnesses to what I had done weeks before. Stars and fireflies. My witnesses. I shook my head. "Kaoru..." I murmured. "It's not right."

"It's okay, Kenshin... nothing's quite right anymore..." She smiled at me. "Kenshin... the reason it wasn't fair to compare the two of you... is because you would always win... because you would always, always beat out Hiro in my mind. You would raise your sword and die like a true samurai... even though you aren't a true samurai..." Her finger tapped my chest, directly over my heart. "You have the heart of a samurai... the heart of a sword... but your heart is still big... still loving and caring... you can still love..." She paused, and then continued, dark sapphire eyes shining in the starlight. "Hiro has the blood of a warrior... the blood of a samurai... but the heart of a coward. It's no contest... but..." She looked out onto the roofs. "But I thought I could love him... He disappeared during our courtship... it would seemingly go faster that way, if we did what we did best..."

She sighed, and shook her beautiful head. "But then... you happened... and Yahiko came... and Sanosuke... Even Megumi... All of you... just suddenly in my life. I wasn't alone anymore... I almost forgot I was being courted with the excitement that surrounded us."

I sighed, closing my eyes. "And then... Hiro came back to end the courtship."

She nodded miserably. "I love him, Kenshin... I do... he and I grew up together. You always love your childhood playmate... and... things just got..." She started to laugh bitterly. "You know the rest..."

I sighed. "Kaoru... I may die in the morning... fighting Shishio... I don't want to die..." I closed my eyes and rubbed my arms. "I'm afraid to die."

She leaned over and hugged me loosely. Our eyes met, and she held me closer. "Kenshin...?" Her voice was barely audible.

"Aa?" I whispered back.

"I'll go back... I'll marry him... but... I have a favor to ask... just one..."

I nodded very slowly. "Yes? What is it?"

"Stay with me. Just tonight... and I swear it will be enough... I won't ask you to stay with us and watch me live my entire life with another man... I won't ask you to do my laundry, or cook my meals... or talk with me while you mind the fire for my bath... Never, ever again... Just... stay tonight... Don't leave until the morning, when you have to... and then..." She closed her eyes, and I felt a single drop of hot wetness on my cheek. "I won't be selfish... I won't ask you to do what you would do, just for me... because I know it would break your heart."

I raised my hand and wiped one of her eyes with a calloused thumb. "It's all we'll ever have... and it's still not right... It's infidelity."

"I'm asking you, Kenshin."

I paused. "Why?"

She stared at her hands. "Because...you're right... I can't just leave Hiro... I'm still engaged... we're still getting married... But I can't change this thing inside me... not now... it's too late for me, too. I'll marry him... but I won't ever forget you."

All I could think was that it was a dream. There was no other logical explanation for Kaoru and me to be sitting on a roof, in Kyoto, in our sleeping clothes, while she asked me to spend a night with her before she left to get married, and I to die.

And as I took her into my arms, I surrendered to the part of me that had been telling me to throw away sensible actions.

I threw away all logic.

I stayed the night with Kaoru.

(((((((((())))))))))

Note: Dammit... this chapter didn't turn out at all like I wanted it to. It was supposed to influence the rest of the story, and lead up to a later chapter (which it did, by the way. I accomplished that... and that's about it). However... it was supposed to be another very sad chapter, which this is... but it's bittersweet, in a way. The way I'd wanted it, was for them to sit on the roof and talk about everything, and then somehow leave things in the air. When I was re-reading it to make sure I wrote it okay (I wrote this between 1 AM and 3 AM), I decided that, while not exactly how I'd intended, the story wrote itself and I liked how this is going to transition more than the other way...

Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews! ::hugs you all:: I can't express how much I love all of you for... for everything. When I sign in and check my stats, and then see I have new reviews, I get really happy... Thank you!! Poor Hiro's really looking bad, isn't he? ::hears silence:: What? You think he needs more torture? ::smiles innocently:: Okay, Bando-chan... you're a Utilitarian-esque person... The greater good, ne? Maximum utility! ::pulls out a big box:: Come on up! Leave a review, pick your favorite torture device from Bando-chan's Box of Torturous Things, and Hiro's waiting calmly over in his chair... isn't he a good boy? ::smiles at Hiro, who is duct taped to a chair::