A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I had school, Writers block and Lockhart singing 'I will Survive' to deal with!

Ginny K. Riddle: Thanks, he may look cute, but boy, is he one hell of a menace!

brady2003us: I'm writing, I'm writing, please put the gun down! What happened to Vernon, you ask? *smirks* Well, read on… By the way, TJ WILL be going to Hogwarts, I'm not mean enough to torture TJ by making him stay at the Dursleys.

Shades: He's in a lot of pain, trust me! Harry and TJ will be going to Hogwarts on September 1st, as usual. TJ's birthday is September 2nd, if you wanted to know that.

Kenaz Astaroth: I'm not really one for being tied up, but… if you really want to do me a favour, you could track down Lockhart and tie him up. He's really starting to annoy me!

I'd agree with you there, that did sound wrong! *grins then shrugs* Which part convinced you that TJ is actually five? Was it the 'Frankenstein' thing?

Prophetess of hearts: Perhaps… I can't say too much incase I give everything away!

Kandra: I try to do funnies! More wonderful words coming soon…

Nagini: *grins* What's that supposed to mean? OK, will do.

Npetrenko: More is here

Mars Raven: Whoa, down Mars! * pulls Mars back by the collar * It's about something else!!! Thanks anyway, but I've got to kill you for the Lockhart thing! I'm scarred for life, well who wouldn't be! Whatever you do in Terrible Shock couldn't possibly be worse than that, could it?

And now to the story…

******

A clown bed lay upturned on the floor. The first impression it gave out was that everything was perfectly normal. Upon closer examination it could be seen that the bed wasn't actually resting on the floor, it was resting on the upper part of Uncle Vernon's body, muffled cursing randomly floating out.

Aunt Petunia stood rooted to the spot, horrified. All of a sudden, Dudley's piggy head made an appearance from behind his mother's back. Seeing the bed and his father's legs flailing beneath it, his mouth fell open.

"W… Where's the other half of Dad?" Dudley asked stupidly.

'Could he get any thicker?' Thought Harry. 'Well, actually, yes, he could. At least he can form words instead of just grunting like Crabbe and Goyle!'

No one bothered to answer Dudley's question, they were too busy gaping at the bed (Aunt Petunia) or doubled up laughing. (Harry and TJ)

"GET THIS BLOODY THING OFF ME! NOW!" Uncle Vernon's roar was almost loud enough to make the bed fly off him as it is.

"Well, you heard him!" Shrieked Aunt Petunia at Harry and Dudley. "Get him out of there!"

The two moved forwards grudgingly. Each grabbing an end of the bed they heaved it off, revealing a very red, very mad, Uncle Vernon.

Hauling himself upright with as much pride and dignity as he could muster, Vernon glared at Harry and TJ.

"Now since you seem to find my…my…misfortune so amusing, you can move this bed yourself!" Satisfied, Vernon swept down the stairs, closely followed by Aunt Petunia.

Dudley looked at the bed before smirking at Harry and thumping down the stairs to re-settle his fat behind in front of the wrestling, again.

"Fat man bouncing!" Harry stared, amazed at the sarcasm with which this had come out of TJ's mouth. Off Harry's look, TJ grinned and gestured to the bed. "Got paint?"

"Can't say I blame you, I wouldn't want to sleep in that either! But don't worry, we won't be here for much longer." Turning the bed the right way up, Harry started to drag it across the hallway to his room.

Getting the bed inside, Harry set about moving his desk, his trunk and the wardrobe so that he could fit the bed in. Finally shoving TJ's bed against the wall, a series of grunts announced that TJ had been dragging the trunk across the landing for the past 10 minutes. Leaving the trunk just inside the doorframe, TJ perched himself on the edge of his new bed and watched as Harry wrestled the trunk into the room, eventually forcing it into a corner.

"So where are we going?" TJ asked, referring to the earlier conversation.

"Oh…uh, to my friend-Ron's for a while- I hope! Then to my school on September 1st " Harry replied offhandedly, not knowing how to explain the idea of a Wizarding school to a five-year-old, even if he wasn't exactly a Muggle.

"Hey- cool!" TJ's attention was distracted by something he saw on Harry's bed. Harry said a silent thanks to whoever saw fit to give a five-year-old the attention span of a goldfish, that is until he saw what TJ was staring at. The invisibility cloak was in full view on Harry's bed!

"Leave it!" Harry warned.

Both Harry and TJ made a dive for the cloak. Harry, for all his seeker reflexes, wasn't fast enough. TJ grabbed the cloak and pulled it over his head, immediately disappearing from view.

"TJ!" Harry shouted. The only answer he got was a giggle and the sound of retreating footsteps. Running out of his bedroom door, Harry could just make out the footfalls pattering down the stairs. Bounding after them, Harry raced into the kitchen where he could see Dudley chasing round a floating tub of ice cream.

Leaping into the path of the ice cream, Harry closed his fingers around an invisible wrist. Pulling the ice cream out of (the still invisible) TJ's grasp and throwing it as hard as he could at Dudley's head, Harry raced out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room, dragging TJ along behind him.

Getting into his room- 'No, wait, it's our room now!' Harry reminded himself. He whipped round and pulled off the cloak to reveal a mischievous looking TJ who grinned and flashed him the thumbs up.

"What the hell was that all about?" Harry asked.

"Fat boy looked like he could use some exercise, I was just helping him to gain an appetite!" Replied TJ in what he hoped was an innocent voice.

"Hmm…" Harry trailed off, suddenly realising the implications of raising a five-year-old were more serious than he first would have thought. "Anyway, we still have to get this stuff sorted."

Harry and TJ spent the next hour sorting out the room, rearranging furniture and trunks, during which Harry found a wax-sealed Gringotts envelope in TJ's trunk.

Tearing the envelope open, Harry found a golden vault key stamped with the numbers '314' and a statement that said TJ's current balance stood at over…one million Galleons?!

'Surely there must be a mistake,' Harry thought. He decided to query it the next time he was in Diagon Alley.

*****

A knock on the door some time later signified that dinner was ready.

Harry and TJ dawdled downstairs and entered the kitchen to find that Aunt Petunia was serving up a salad as Dudley was still (supposed to be) on his Smeltings diet.

Taking a seat at the table, TJ was presented with his plate of salad while Harry had his shoved his face, with a glare that said plainly "argue, and you starve for the rest of the summer!"

Dinner passed fairly uneventful aside from TJ pushing the food around his plate, muttering "I am NOT a rabbit, so why are they feeding me like one?"

After choking down a meagre portion of fruit salad for dessert, the pair marched up to their room and found a snowy owl perched on the desk looking very indignant.

"Hedwig!" Harry roared, bounding across the room to pick her up.

Unburdening her of the two letters she had tied to her leg, he placed her in her cage so that she could eat and rest.

Flopping down on the bed, Harry examined the letters. The first one, he recognised as bearing Ron's untidy scrawl. The other was heavier and…had the Hogwarts crest on the back? Harry was worried. He didn't usually get a Hogwarts letter this early in the summer. What if it was to do with Voldemort? Or worse still, what if he wasn't allowed to return to Hogwarts this year because he'd adopted TJ.

With shaking hand, Harry started to tear open the Hogwarts letter…

TBC