This seems to be a more Tatsuha focused story than anything else, ne? Every time I write a chapter, Tatsuha always wants to be the center of attention, jumping up and down, waving his arms inside my mind, making me only think of things for him to do in the story.
Are all Tatsuha fans like that? Where are the Tatsuha fans, anyway? Lend me a shout-out, homies!
Just to let you know, there is a new character that I have added to the story that will be playing a big part. This character just keeps jumping back in my mind. Anybody know who that character is? Get it right and I will give you an invisible cookie! =D
Gravitation © Maki Murakami
ANGEL DUST
Chapter 4
Tatsuha walked down the busy streets of Tokyo, ignoring the loud noises of the bustling city. He was too broken to think about anything else. What had happened at the restaurant changed everything, what he had done made everything worse. Why did he do it? Was he that much of a fool? He could not take back what he had done, but would if he had gotten the chance. His life was over.
"What were you thinking?" Tohma queried his brother-in-law in a tone of voice that was lethal and spine chilling. He had seen everything that had happened between the two, and had already put Ryuichi in the vacancy of his car. "You actually put a move on Ryuichi-san? This is disagreeable Tatsuha. You cannot just be doing things in public, even more to him. Don't you understand that what you have done could be assault to him? He obviously was not too happy about it." He held out a ticket to Tatsuha, fanning them for him to take. "This is a ticket back to Kyoto. Go home, Tatsuha. I advise you to keep your distance from Sakuma Ryuichi from now on."
Although what Tohma said to him about staying away from Ryuichi was remarkable, it was a stupid thing to say. Tatsuha never even saw him like a casual friend would. He had only been with Ryuichi a few times before, and at the zoo together, which was the only time they were alone for once. Even so, what he said hurt him. He would never see him personally again, yet felt like he had for years.
Tatsuha wanted to beat himself up for what he did. He has done many stupid things in his life, but this actually meant something to him. Once he saw the look of confusion and ill will in Ryuichi's eyes after he pushed him away from the kiss, he broke like glass. At that moment, he knew what he had done wrong. He regretted it. He always wanted so much to be close to Ryuichi, to touch him or even have conversation with him. It was his one dream. However, once he had kissed the man, the man he lingered for and saw the look on his face; he wished he never thought those thoughts of him before. It was one of those things that made you wish you never felt that way before. Something that made you wish you were dead. "Damn it Tatsuha."
He arrived home late because of the slow bus travel. He never really understood why the bus was so much slower than what it was in the morning. Maybe it only seemed slower because of his bad mood, or the fact he was going back to his home in Kyoto where his father awaited. He walked into the wooden house, hoping his father was in bed by now.
"So," a sweet, feminine voice that flowed like pouring sugar rang into Tatsuha's ears, "how did it go?"
Tatsuha was surprised, well, not too surprised to see Miyu standing there, looking at him with glimmering eyes. She must have stayed after he had left to welcome him back and get an autograph that he had not received for her. Miyu made a growling snort in her throat when she noticed Tatsuha ignoring her completely, walking past her and sitting himself on the couch. He just laid his head back, eyes closed.
"Tatsuha-kun," she cooed, dashing across the floor and flopping herself right next to him on a cushion, sitting on her knees. "How was it? Did you get there late or something? Is it about my autograph, if it is I do not care if you did not get it. You don't need to be upset about that, I can live without it."
Tatsuha found out that there was no end to this hell, which bestowed him once he walked in the door. He only groaned, hoping she would get the picture and leave him alone. Of course, it did not work and only made her carry on more about 'if he was okay' and 'what happened'.
"Tatsuha-kun!" she tugged at his shirt and jumped once he sprang to his feet. He pulled something from his jacket pocket and tossed it at her, it fell right onto her lap. She looked down to see a shining cover of a CD case. "Oh my god, Tatsuha-kun," with a quick swipe of her hands, she grabbed the CD case and hugged it senseless. "Thank you so much! I can't believe you bought me the newest Nittle Grasper CD: Special Edition." Her lips planted onto the cover of her new precious item, "and it was just released today!"
Tatsuha took off his jacket, and threw it to the ground. The CD he bought for Miyu was actually for himself that he had bought along his way home to repair broken pieces of the previous events. However, in a way, he also seemed too broken to listen to the man's voice that gave him such a gimlet-eyed look. He took the time to walk into his room while Miyu was covering her new CD in her saliva and shut the door loud enough for her to know he was gone. She looked up with a shattering glance of worry, "Tatsuha-kun?"
His father walked over to Miyu and patted her on the shoulder, "He must of have a bad day, huh?"
"I wanted to try and make him feel better." Miyu looked down at the Nittle Grasper CD he had given her and felt ashamed for paying so much attention to it and not Tatsuha, "I am such an idiot."
The elder man chucked at her abuse of not knowing her own unselfishness, "No you are not. Tatsuha just needs time to calm his spirit. He will be back to normal in no time."
Tatsuha sat in his room, his back against his door. His head hanged low as he listened to every word they said. "Back to normal in no time, huh?" he asked himself as he looked at his shaking hand. He was still shaking from the fright of that one mistake he made with his God. He could still taste the sweetness of his lips on his own and wish that taste would dissolve. The one taste he dreamt of, he wanted it gone. How could someone so pitiful go back to normal in no time at all?
"It's okay," Ryuichi patted Tohma on the shoulder after comforting him once more. He had already dropped him off at his house, but would not stop apologizing for what Tatsuha had done to him earlier that evening.
Tohma just put his hand to his forehead with a low sigh, "I knew Tatsuha would have done something sooner or later. I was a little cautious about taking him instead of Shuichi."
"Don't worry about it." Ryuichi grinned, motioning for him to leave now. He was ready to go to bed by now and knew he would have to be ready for work tomorrow, "I am over it. It was just a small kiss, no big thing."
Tohma was shocked for Ryuichi not to think of it as a 'no big thing'. He knew very well that Ryuichi hated being invaded when it comes to personal matters. "So you don't care what he did?" he asked in a confused, calm voice.
"I did!" Ryuichi blurted out, his attitude changing completely. "I was a little surprised at what he had done to me. I have never really let a fan get away with something like that, you know, kiss me before. It made me feel like punching him or something."
"That wouldn't have been too intelligent." Tohma chortled at the thought, but kept a straight face. "You would have been in trouble."
Ryuichi leaned against his door, looking back and forth from inside and outside. "Yeah, I do not know what I was thinking throughout that whole thing. Pretty stupid, huh?"
Tohma just gave him a loving smile, gave him a proper bid goodbye, and returned to his car to leave. Ryuichi shut the door promptly, walked over to grab his pink bunny in his arms safely, and took out his hair-tie, letting the back of his hair to hang. He stared into the black, beady eyes of Kumagorou, almost seeking an answer from him to all his problems. He received nothing but a small fall of the toy's head. He let out a measly grin and put Kumagorou to his shoulder, giving him a nice hug.
"You won't believe what happened to me today, Kumagorou."
Morning seemed to quickly come, and dew from leaves gently dripped upon the hard, cement sidewalks. A sudden jolt of surprise sprang Ryuichi awake from his sleep. His phone was going off this early in the morning.
"Hello?" he choked out in his voice, his tiredness was evidence in his voice. He was happy to hear the voice of his female band mate.
"Ryu-chan, how are you feeling today?"
He could tell the concern her voice and knew Tohma must have told her about last night. As much as he enjoyed everyone worrying, it bothered him for everyone to make such a big deal out of it. "I am feeling fine." Nevertheless, just in case, he wanted to make sure that is what she was worried about, "Why?"
"Nothing much really." There was a small pause and she let out an exhale before continuing. "Tohma told me about what happened. Are you okay?"
Ryuichi tugged at his own bangs from frustration and he clenched his teeth, "Yes, I am fine. Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?"
"Well, it is a big deal Ryu-chan. Who knows what he may have done to you if Tohma had not arrived!"
"What he would have done?" Ryuichi grasper his pillow and slammed it down on the mattress as if a three-year-old would. "I doubt he would have done anything. Anyways, I know how to take care of myself if he did do anything!"
Noriko was a little taken back by his sudden shouting, knowing he was probably grumpy from just waking up, "Ryu-chan, calm down."
"I would if everyone just dropped the damn thing."
"You know," he could just picture her, standing there with her hand on her hip and the other holding the phone to her ear, "I think that kiss of Tatsuha's did some damage to your brain. Get some sleep, Ryuichi. We aren't having rehearsal today so that should give you enough time to catch up on it."
Ryuichi put the phone back on it's charger with an angry motion. He sat down, thinking of himself. Maybe that kiss really did give him an attitude change. He did not feel the same and was becoming jumpy at everyone, almost biting their heads off whenever they mentioned it.
Lyrics were at a loss to him. He had been sitting at the small desk, tapping the pencil on the blank sheet of paper after he took the time to get out of bed. His position was in the right place, but his mind was somewhere else. Their concert in Tokyo was coming up very soon and nothing was coming to him. Had the boy really changed his life for the worse?
Tatsuha could not sleep, in which he had not even slept at all the night before. He lay in his bed for hours, thinking of the man who probably hated even his own presence for what he had done to him. Because of that event, Tatsuha just seemed so stoical to everything now.
"Ryuichi," Tatsuha would say to the poster of that very man on his wall. "I'm sorry. I never take control of my damn, stupid actions." His agape mouth let out a heavy wave of breath, but was soon startled to hear a voice emit from inside his own room.
"It's okay." Miyu pranced over to the horizontal lying boy and gave him quick kiss on the check that he quickly brushed off. She had only walked into his room the moment he started to say he was sorry and must have interpreted that he was talking about her, "I understand you were in a bad mood earlier, so I forgive you, honey."
"I have told you more than once to not call me that, Miyu." She had always called him that in the most kittens of voices and he had scolded her for it more than ten times by now. "I was not talking about you, either."
Miyu, who seemed to have infiltrated herself into his room without being seen, reviewed him. She gave a small quirk in his lips, thinking he was just too shy to admit he was apologizing to her. "Thank you for the CD," the subject changed quickly, "I already listened to it by myself. The songs are amazing and so forthright in emotion. I thought I was going to cry while squealing like pig at the same time." Miyu brought her palm to her hand, covering her small giggles. She pulled out the CD case from the small purse she was carrying at her waist and let Tatsuha estimate it's beauty, "I thought you would like to borrow it. You did miss out on the evening with Sakuma Ryuichi himself, so I thought this might make you feel better to at least listen to him sing."
The cover of that case was almost taunting him, waving in front of his eyes like a dream. Nittle Grasper. Many times he had heard that band play, but never had he not desired to listen to one song every day. However, today he had no real feeling to play a song, even in his memory. He just looked at the picture inside the plastic case.
The whole case was a black scène; platinum to make is shine in the perfect lighting. 'Nittle Grasper' was smack on the top of the picture in big, white text. Three people stood in the middle of the case, being the main objective to look at. Seguchi Tohma stood to the far left, his side facing everyone and his head turned to the front with a smirk that seemed so menial, yet powerful. Ukai Noriko was to the far right, standing in the same position as Tohma. She wore a smile that was exotic that anyone would fall for it. Her hair was up in two curled pigtails, her famous hairstyle for concerts and events.
Sakuma Ryuichi. The man who stood right in the middle to gather the most attention of the three. He stood facing forward, his posture so fervent in itself. A small black, tight shirt clung to his body and showed off his chest and abs features. His head lay downward, and eyes scanning the floor in an almost demonic way. His band hung over his face, covering most of his features except for a little bit of a small smirk, and his eyes. Those eyes seemed to capture some sense in your body that would just send chills down your whole spine, sending you down to the ground in pure enchantment and fear. Tatsuha knew that feeling, he had wanted to fall to the ground from that very look Ryuichi had given him, except his eyes were a lot more confused and contained more enmity than of the 'Nittle Grasper' Ryuichi. Tatsuha just stared at those eyes, wanting to just be absorbed in them and forget everything.
"I…" his voice started to brake up and salty tears started to build up in his eyes. He feared to start crying in front of someone, but he could not hold it in forever. The salty tears started to drip from his eyes and roll down his cheek, falling to the floor, staining the carpet.
"Tatsuha-kun," Miyu gasped at his sudden emotions, "What is wrong?"
The Nittle Grasper CD shook in his hands and a few tears fell to the case, rushing down the plastic and leaving a trail of warm wet residue. Tatsuha watched as his tears passed over the picture of Ryuichi, "I need to see him."
"Who?" the beauty asked him, resisting her urge to sprinkle off those tears falling from his face but refused, knowing he would just shake her off.
Tatsuha said nothing, only held up the CD case he had given her the night before and planted his index finer right on the man in the middle. He was afraid to even try to talk, thinking his pain would be more evident in his already scratchy voice.
"Sakuma Ryuichi?" Miyu picked up her CD case to rub the trails of tears, spreading it even worse along the way. Her eyes turned to Tatsuha- merciless taunting in them. "I knew you were a huge fan Tatsuha-kun, but I did not know you were going to cry over something like this. You can always go to the concert instead of being down about missing your opportunity last night. Better than nothing."
Concert? Tatsuha saw the light of the unflagging darkness within his heart and his tears stopped, keeping him quiet. He looked up at his cousin, giving her a look of true salute and appreciation. Why had he not thought of that before? He seemed to have forgotten those prancing students talking about something of a concert Nittle Grasper was going to hold in Tokyo. That would be his only chance, maybe last chance to see Ryuichi and tell him he is sorry for what he had done, even if he did not accept the apology.
"I still do not understand why you want to come in work today," Tohma puzzled to Ryuichi, trying to find the right key to unlock the door to the building where they were to hold their concert. He rummaged through each key and smiles of success when he found the right one, unlocking the door and opened it. What waited for them on the inside was amazing: an enormous room, resembling the size of a ballroom. Millions of chairs that resembled ones of a theater were rowed in the room, with aisles after every three rows. The stage was also a large size, enough room to walk around freely without running into something like most of the stages they had been on. Millions of small lights hung on the ceiling that curved up and down like waves, adding charisma to the entire room. They were probably shading lights, perfect for a concert. Where the stage lights would be located were on a tall balcony located at the very back of the room, where the sound gears were also to be placed. Everything was so perfect.
"This is great," Ryuichi found himself speechless. Never had he seen such a gigantic place that seemed huge enough to hold millions of people. They have never had a concert inside before, and were so unaware of exactly how huge these places could be. Noriko was also taken aback,
"Aye, aye, aye." She poured from her soft pink lips, "You could hold a circus in here." With a small chuckle, she noticed the very large amount of distance they were from the stage. "How long do you think it would take to walk up to the stage?"
Tohma never really thought about it and seemed abashed at the thought, "It may take a little while, maybe ten minutes?"
As the two of them talked about it, Ryuichi had already gotten a head start at the whole ten minutes to take towards the stage. He was so engrossed at the thought of singing up there, fan cheering and sweat dripping from his forehead and down to his chin. The lights were already flashing and his mind, the beat of the songs flowing in his ears. He could hear the crowd screaming his name, "Ryuichi, Ryuichi!"
"Ryuichi!" Noriko stammered with her voice and tugged at his collar. She ran up to him, zapping him out of his daydream. She was aware of what she had done and patted him on the head when he looked at her, "You were zoning out, Ryu-chan. Come on, you came here to rehearse."
The music started to beat, causing the floor underneath their feet to shake. Tohma and Noriko would quickly hit the keys right on time, perfecting each moment of the song. Ryuichi stood, holding the microphone close, waiting for the introduction to end. He looked out, observing the long and wide amount of land this place took. He looked down in the front row to see one chair to be occupied by his fluffy companion, Kumagorou. He had put him there to watch them rehearse, as he has always done. Ryuichi smiled with his mouth ajar and waved at his little pal, who just sat and watched. He smiled back with that smile he always wore. He eyes averted down to the floor, getting back into the flow of the music. His eyes closed and fluttered back open quickly, as they wore a more serious tone. He grasped the microphone and brought it to his lips, "nijuuhachi-ji no yoru wo kiritoru mado wo toshimetara hajimaru ichido shikaketara tokenai wana wo ma ni awanai protection."
The rehearsal went very well, all the beats were coordinated with Ryuichi's lyrics and his tone was perfect with each line. The concert sent a premonition of good hopes. They just finished up, testing the keys on the keyboards before shutting them off, turning the controls of the sound and music operator to see if everything was intact. Ryuichi, on the other hand, was busy catching his breath. He took off his already damp red headband to wipe all over his face, making it absorb the sweat. He reached out and grabbed the bottle of water he had brought to take a long drink of nourishment. He walked to the very edge of the stage and jumped off to land right on his feet, almost falling to his knees. He gave a happy smile as he walked towards the seated Kumagorou.
"How did you like the rehearsal Kumagorou? Pretty good, huh?" his arms wrapped around the small bunny and he placed him against his chest. He walked back over to the stage, put his hand to the stage first for support and pulled himself back up on the stage. He sat down to play with Kumagorou, playing with his ears, making him hop up and down. "Can't wait for the concert, can you?" he shook Kumagorou's head up and down. He averted his eyes to Tohma and Noriko who were carrying on a conversation and Ryuichi raised an eyebrow at the mention of his name. He got to his feet and proceeded towards them.
"Well, it would only be a thing incase Tatsuha-san tries to make a move." Tohma placed a speaker of more to the right.
Noriko was brushing her hair, waving it out. She sighed, "Yes, but we shouldn't banish him from the concert. He is still a fan nonetheless and it would be wrong to do such a thing."
Ryuichi stopped in his tracks. They were still talking about him. He had almost forgotten about the whole event, but they just could not drop the whole subject for one second. They had to make a big deal out of anything. It was his problem and he was the one who should have dealt with it. He could feel it, the feeling of that boy who turned his life upside down. He made everything for him a roller coaster and headaches every morning until the sun went down.
"He can come." Ryuichi spoke out, making the both of them jump from unawareness that he was listening. He looked at the both of them with those eyes he had used just a while ago during rehearsal. He broke it fingers to his soft lips and turned to look at the stadium in which he may see the boy himself soon. "If he tries to make any advantages towards me, than we can do something about him."
End
Man, I have a bad habit of ending chapters with Ryuichi saying something. It is so cold down here, but my muses just keep whispering ideas into my head. Mwaha. It is going to get better, I promise you.
Inside concert. Weird idea, but I got it from actually going to a concert inside before, and they are actually gigantic. You would not believe how many acres it must take.
Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, although more would be appreciated. I have low confidence. ._.
PikuPiku: Don't hate me, okay? I need lots of love, so give me cookies. Heh. In addition, thanks for the Kumagorous, I wanted one so badly. Tatsuha does not see himself so lucky anymore, huh? Thanks for review.
Queen Of Vegetasei: I love you for the encouragement. Thank you so much! Moreover, sorry to say, my muses made me write the chapter and I proved you wrong. Sorry, but hopefully things will turn out! Let us hope so!
I-Love-Ken-Hidaka: Thank you for the praise. I am not so sure of a
lemon, or not. The only way I would make one is if I get enough
requests to decide. But then again, I am not sure if I should.