There are many things going on in my life right now, so I am going to keep this very short for now.
However, I would like for you guys to give me the best wishes, hoping that a certain someone will say 'yes' in going out with me! Please review, also.
ANGEL DUST
Chapter 8
Everything seemed to be going so fast, confusing every kind of sense in his body. What was going to happen? More importantly, what was going to happen to him? Things were coming left and right, and not even his own mind could put up with this much pressure and new situations. Emotions he had never felt before were suddenly darting inside of him, and he could barely breathe. Is this why he always tried to distance himself from getting too close? Was the reason only the simple fact that he could not take such confusion, change, and pain? It was almost as if he could foresee the obstacles that would happen to him if he jumped in some stupid act. A stupid act like as a mutual relationship. However, what was he really feeling right now? Sure, he would feel so happy that he could just explode from it all, but he had felt this way about every minute of his life. Around his friends, he would act just as he felt now. Was he confused because he was just being settled to a new person being in that position?
Ryuichi did not even know what was wrong with him. Every day he would stare out of his window, peering into the streets, looking for the answer to the questions inside of his head. All of the changes with Tatsuha in his life now were a little unnerving, causing him to want to be alone and just think about everything from time to time. With that very man in his bed next to him, covered in his covers as if they were his own, Ryuichi could only wonder why he even wanted the man to sleep with him. To have company in the dark night of this room was a wonderful essential, but to have Tatsuha's company seemed like a lot to Ryuichi. To feel his presence next to him in his sleep, to smell his husky, smoke filled scent.
Tatsuha seemed to treat Ryuichi as a friend, as he always made time to hang out with him but seemed get a little nervous when they got too close. How did Tatsuha really feel about him, though? More importantly, how did he feel about Tatsuha? To feel his lips seemed almost magical and wonderful every time they would share a kiss. Observing this, what did it mean for him to let Tatsuha kiss him? In fact, why had he asked him to kiss him before? He thought and felt Tatsuha as a friend, but is it right? In a way, it felt something much, much more.
Feeling the sensation of mild pressure and rubbing against him, he looked over to see Tatsuha turning around repeatedly and mumbling something silently. Once he turned towards Ryuichi, he could finally get a good look at Tatsuha's face. It looked so hard and delicate, probably because it was broad. His bangs would dance across his eyelids as he slept, making him look like a pure angel. His mouth was a little agape, letting breaths pass out from inhaling and exhaling. It had a very beautiful rhythm. Those beautiful, dark raven eyes soon fluttered open tiredly and looked up at the man gazing at his every feature.
Not helping himself, he smiled. "Good morning," he said in his deep voice.
"Morning," Ryuichi smiled back, feeling his heart beat faster after hearing that voice he always could not wait to hear. Placing his head on the pillow, he looked at the other man who was lying on his pillow. "I was going to wake up," he informed him.
Confused, Tatsuha gave him a look of wonderment. "Why?" he asked, wondering if Ryuichi just wanted to get rid of him.
"You need to go to school," Ryuichi replied, making him remember that the day was only Friday.
Tatsuha rolled his eyes, not wanting to leave Ryuichi for a place as horrible as school. He knew what would await him once he walked inside the educational doors. Not only work, but Miyu would be there today and she would probably have a thing or two to say to him about the argument they had, and why he had not came back home the whole night. "I don't want to," he let out a small whine, stunning Ryuichi.
"You sound like a baby," Ryuichi chuckled, never seeing this side of Tatsuha before. "It is just school," he tried to comfort him, hoping he would go.
Letting out a small laugh, he got out of bed, "No, it's hell," he spoke the undeniable truth. Knowing that would never get through to Ryuichi who has lived through high school, he flashed him a genuine smile. "Besides," he bent down and rubbed his hand across Ryuichi's cheek, "I would rather skip school and stay here with you," he tried to bribe, which did not seem to work.
"You can come over to my house after school," he countered back, obvious of what Tatsuha was trying to do. For Ryuichi to insist him arrive to his house was a big privilege to hear, and he seemed to brighten. Moreover, seeing him getting his socks and shoes on his bare feet was a definite conclusion that Tatsuha agreed with his suggestion. "I am glad you listened," he boasted, proud to convince Tatsuha to do something other than kiss him.
"Yeah," he said with the most pessimistic voice, not wanting to be defeated. Stuffing his foot in his shoe, he got to his feet and tried to think if he had any homework he left at home. Than, putting on his most adorable face, he looked at Ryuichi, "may I please stay here with you, Ryuichi?"
Waving goodbye to Tatsuha, biding him off to school, Ryuichi shut his door and let out a large sigh of relief. Having Tatsuha around was great and all, but it all seemed so frustrating because of all the things he was feeling and thinking about. He only thought about these things we Tatsuha was around him, so it was nice to get him away for a while. Touching his forehead with his fingertips, he could almost feel the thoughts rushing through his head. He never spent this much time thinking about one person only, and it was starting to scare him.
"What is wrong with me?" he asked himself before searching for Kumagorou, knowing he would talk it out with him. Walking into his room, he spotted Kumagorou on his floor, head first and his feet dangling in the air. Giving a smile, he asked his friend, "What are you doing?" he walked over and picked him up.
Sitting down on his bed, still feeling the warmth of Tatsuha, he looked at Kumagorou's black, beady eyes and could not help but notice see the curiosity in his eyes, almost as if he wanted to know what was going on in his mind.
"I do not know what is happening," he finally let out. "When I am with Tatsuha-kun, I feel happy and so full of life that it is unimaginable. I think of him as a great guy and wonderful friend," he started to trail off, looking at the little bowtie on the bunny's neck, "but is that how I really feel? I do not even know myself. I have had many friends, but I have never felt this way for a friend before and it is starting to hurt my heart for some reason. If I do have feelings for him, what should I say? If I do not, then why do I feel this way?"
Moving Kumagorou's head back and forth with his hands and fingers pressing against the back of his head, he seemed to have heard a response from the inanimate object, "Do I feel like I cannot live without him?" Ryuichi asked back, seeing as that what he must have asked. His eyes drifted to the very spot where Tatsuha slept with him and for the moment, he smiled by just thinking about the man.
"I don't know Kumagorou. I just don't know," he whispered into his large, floppy ear.
_____________
"You really seem to be zoning out today," a youthful, brown-headed boy said. Wearing sunglasses to cover his green eyes, and an earring to give him a mysterious demeanor. It was obvious this boy must be a popular, attractive person and his friendly aura emitted from him intensely. "What's on your mind, punk?" saying that with the utmost formality and friendship, he waved his hand in front of Tatsuha's face, hoping to get a blink out of him.
"Eh?" responding to the sudden flash of tan color, Tatsuha realized that he was still walking the hallways of school with Eichiro, one of his closest friends. Passing the loud, obnoxious sounds of opening and shutting lockers, he turned to him, "What did you say?"
Eichiro knew Tatsuha to drift off into dreamland every now and then, but he could see the serious thought and in eyes. Gripping a hold of the strap of his book bag, he pulled it up to his shoulders for support. "You seem to be thinking hard for some reason," too curious for his own good, he could not stop at that, "What's on your mind?"
"A lot," he replied, wanting to stop at that. Once they reached their lockers, he tried to avoid any more conversation and started to ruffle out his combination on the lock, trying to memorize the second number. From the corner of his eye, he saw Eichiro already getting into his locker with just a swift hit to the door.
Unzipping his book bag and taking out his notebooks, Eichiro would occasionally glance over to his friend, chuckling at his disability of opening his own locker before going back to grabbing his things for classes.
"34..." Tatsuha grunted to himself, twisting the lock to the exact number he mumbled, lifting the latch up, and opening the door. "Finally," proud of himself, he smiled broadly and started to get his books and a pencil.
Eichiro could not imagine after all these years; Tatsuha always took at least three minutes to get his locker open. Furthermore, to think this would be the last year he would ever see those antics from him in the hallway. "I cannot believe this will be our last year in this hellhole," he mused aloud.
"I can," he strained after putting the weight of his math book in his hands, "I am ready to run through those doors and never enter them again."
Eichiro said something underneath his breath, hoping Tatsuha would not hear him. However, he got his attention. "Nothing," he said, "we better get to class," once they shut their lockers, a swift figure walked past Eichiro quickly, making his hair go up from the breeze. The pushed her elbow into Tatsuha purposely, shoving their way past him and kept walking.
Saying nothing except giving a queer look, Tatsuha turned around to see Miyu walking down the hallway, holding her textbooks and speed walking past everyone. He felt as if he had just been beaten up inside, hard.
"What is wrong with Amori-chan?" Eichiro asked Tatsuha, grabbing some of his books he dropped on the floor. Sensing Tatsuha's uneasiness and his hurt look, he had an idea of what was wrong, "You two have a fight?"
Shaking his head, Tatsuha started to walk down the hallway with Eichiro close to his side. Knowing exactly why Miyu was acting like that was a little comical, yet hurtful. Now he had to explain to his friend, "Sort of," was his short answer.
"Oh, I get it," he giggled, "you serving up too much smut at night with her, big boy?"
"Hell no," giving him a glare as if having sex with Miyu never happens, "we did a couple nights back, though," he remembered the night before Ryuichi's birthday. He had almost forgotten about that little rendezvous.
Eichiro thought of her weird behavior for a moment, and did not even really realize that they both had walked into the classroom where everyone would listen to what they are talking about. "Maybe she is pregnant," he meant to say it as a joke, but his tone was rather flat, and serious.
The whole class seemed to turn around and stop all of their conversations at the sound of the rumor, "Who?" many of their classmates asked simultaneously, others were just agape and listened carefully.
"She could not be," he said nervously, taking note of all the pairs of eyes staring at him. Quickly taking his seat at his desk, he took one of his notebooks and opened it up to cover his face.
Eichiro leaned down to join him behind the book, "and why not? There is a high possibility, daddy," he giggled.
Ignoring his obvious joke, he answered simply, "She takes birth control."
"Maybe she skipped a pill on purpose," he countered.
Not fazed whatsoever, Tatsuha put his book down to see some of his classmates gave up on eavesdropping and went back to their own deeds, while a few others still listened. Taking in Eichiro's comment, he knew better than that. "If she was pregnant with my child, she would not be mad. Heck, she would have been skipping down the hallway, throwing flower petals, and jumped into my arms," hoping Eichiro would agree, he shut his book, letting the noise snap in his face.
However, Eichiro was one that hated to be defeated, "I don't know," he continued on, "girls usually get cranky when they are pregnant. It is like menstruation, I am telling you."
After that comment, Tatsuha barely said anything. For the rest of the school day, he thought his friend might actually be right about Miyu and being pregnant with his own child. It seemed like something Miyu would have done, but would she actually do it was the question. Would she go to such lengths just so Tatsuha would have to be with her forever, and not with anyone else, mainly Sakuma Ryuichi?
Thoughts ran rampant in his head as he stared at the back of the girl who may be with child in front of him.
All the students would flee from their classrooms after the bell rang, signaling that they can take their break period. Everyone chatted to one another, gossiping about the latest news. Men would walk the hallways with their girlfriends while holding hands together, trying their best to keep up conversation.
Already feeling like someone had drove him over; Tatsuha stumbled across the hallway and bent down to get a drink from the fountain, sucking up the water that poured out. Licking his lips to get the dripping water off his lips, he headed down to his locker slowly. He noticed the glances he would get from almost everyone. They all probably wondered why Miyu was not hanging off of his arm in some kind of fashion like she always is, or they must have heard the conversation he and Eichiro had before. Once he saw the exact person his whole class must be talking about, he stiffened up.
Walking down the hallway with a couple of her friends, laughing and chattering to and fro from one another, Miyu seemed so angelic. Releasing a golden smile, she took her index and middle finger to slowly brush back a loose strand of hair from her face and put it behind her ear. She and her two friends seemed to be talking about something interesting, seeing as she gave them her full-attention, expressions changing drastically. The blonde leaned in to whisper something in her ear and she would give her a baffled look, followed by a comment Tatsuha could not hear because of their distance. Her two friends started to giggle after she finished whatever she told them and they followed her steps down the hallway. Giving the perfect moment, she noticed Tatsuha standing there, looking at her at the water fountain.
Rolling her eyes, she could not help but feel thirsty and went over to the fountain and take a drink. After getting a good drink of fresh water, she brushed her hair back and leaned against the wall next to the boy. Eyeing him suspiciously, she did nothing but wait for him to say something to her. Saving them both from silence, she opened her perky lips, "What is this whole thing about me being pregnant?"
"Good news travels fast," he remarked as if he knew exactly what she was going to say. Looking about, he took note that her two friends must have wiggled away somehow, leaving them two alone. Forcing a smile, he gazed at her, "or should we say rumors travel fast?" Even he was unsure if the whole thing was a rumor or not. He was pretty curious.
Miyu could not help but laugh, "Of course it is!" feeling the need to, she patted him on the shoulder. "If I was pregnant, I would not come to school today. I would stay home, bawling. Doesn't matter who the father would have been, I still would react the same."
"Oh," Tatsuha felt a large amount of stress fly off his shoulders at that exact moment. Wanting to hug her, he held himself back after remembering the grudge he was holding against her. "That is all I wanted to know," he finished in a sour tone.
Turning her face away from him, Miyu needed to bring something up. "I see that you still do not want to see my face anymore, huh?"
Letting out a large breath, Tatsuha retraced his harsh comment he made to Miyu that morning before. Hearing the pain in her voice made his whole heart cringe and turn, as if she was just trying to show him how much he made her hurt. However, what she said about Ryuichi was almost unforgivable to him. They were unforgivable! What she called him, how she sounded while saying it, everything she said about Ryuichi and him. Thinking about it even made some cold feeling rage in his heart.
"No," Tatsuha said plainly, "not really."
"I see," she dared not to speak anymore, knowing it would just start an argument with him. Watching his back turn to her and leave, walking absently down the hallway, she brought her books close to her mouth. "I will just have to get you using other ways," she murmured.
___________
Hot, damp, and refreshed were the few factors of his body that made him actually relax after the last couple of days. All too well had he been rushed for work and then stressed upon by friends and others. The week had truly been hectic for Ryuichi and he had no way around it, seeing as most weeks of every year were the same as this one. Grabbing a dry towel, he scurried out of the shower and started to rub his head with the fabric. Water was dripping from the edges of his body, and heat overcoming his skin. Taking a hold of the clothes he set out, he carefully would slip on his shirt, undergarments, and followed by his pants.
"Hey buddy," he would smile at the pink bunny sitting there, waiting for the finishing touches of his shower. Delicately brushing his hair, Ryuichi would take the hair band and grab a good amount of the back of his hair and put it up. Although, two long strands of his bangs hung down separately on the sides of his face. Looking into the mirror to examine his face and see if he needed to fix his hair at all, he thought about what he and Tatsuha would do once he came back after school. Once he looked into the mirror, he seemed to see something else.
A distorted, confused image of himself. What he used to be seemed almost gone within himself and out of reach. Clutching to his chest, he felt his heartbeat raging and burning. Nothing he had ever experienced had ever been so challenging for him such as this, especially when he did not know what was causing all of this. The feeling almost made him faint but also made him want to throw up. Something was yelling at him from the bottom of his heart and the back of his mind. What was it and what was it trying to tell him? Looking at the mirror once more, his eyes were sparkling with confusion and emotion. He was feeling something.
Whatever that feeling was, he knew the feelings were for Tatsuha.
"Tatsuha-kun," he said quietly to himself. Overcoming his daze, he was surprised to hear the noise of his doorbell ringing. Feeling foolish for thinking deeply about such a thing, he grabbed Kumagorou and started down his stairs. Clunking all the way to the door, he grabbed the knob and swung open the wood to greet the person.
"I'm home," Tatsuha chummed playfully to the older man, his backpack swung around his arm. Not noticing Ryuichi's expression, he walked past him and right into the kitchen to grab a drink. "You need some beer in this house," he said while searching through his fridge, taking a carton of juice and drank straight from it. Once he put the carton back in the fridge, he grabbed something from his back pocket. It was his pack of cigarettes and he deliberately grabbed a nicotine stick out of the box and placed it between his teeth. Bringing his blue lighter to the cigarette, he looked up at Ryuichi before lighting it. He was just standing there, looking at him with big eyes that were a sure sign of something. Tatsuha jittered at the look and pulled the stick out of his mouth, "I am sorry, I am acting so weird, almost as if I lived here or something," he stuttered.
Ryuichi had taken notice of the behavior Tatsuha was doing, He just walked into his house, made himself comfortable, rummaging through his fridge, and even complaining about what he did or did not have. What did he expect; for him to go shopping for his needs? Even so, Ryuichi's heart seemed to like his forwardness, making it flutter at his every action. In fact, Ryuichi basically did just stand there and watch his every action, admiring his every move and feature like a love-struck schoolgirl. "We," he actually spoke, getting Tatsuha's attention. "We need to talk about some things," he informed.
"Okay.." Tatsuha gave him an awkward glance. Truly, he was a little afraid of what they may talk about. Taking a seat at his couch, he motioned for Ryuichi to sit with him, as he did. Fumbling with the unused cigarette with his fingers, he tried to think of something to start their conversation. "If this is about how I was acting, I am sorry. I am acting like a," he tried to find a good word for what he meant, but he found nothing suitable. Of course, he had a word that he did not want to use.
"A boyfriend or a lover?" Ryuichi optioned to him, leaning into him. Something about his eyes were a bit scary to Tatsuha and made him uneasy for a reason unknown to him.
"Yeah," Tatsuha stammered quickly, looking around the room. He felt himself go hot after looking at Ryuichi's face again. It was so innocent and sweet, yet so mature and confused. Something about Ryuichi was different today, something about his atmosphere and feeling. Wanting to calm down whatever made Ryuichi bothered, he brought his hand to Ryuichi's face, rubbing the silky smooth skin of his. God, did he love the feeling of Ryuichi's skin upon his own. Tracing his fingers through his hair, he saw the emotion in his face. Full of content ness and desire, Ryuichi obviously enjoyed what he was doing to him.
"Tatsuha-kun," he whimpered through closed lips, his eyes halfway shut and his knees shaking. Tugging at Tatsuha's pant leg, he drifted his other hand to his chest, rubbing invisible lines across the clothes that separated his palm and fingers from his bare chest. Feeling every muscle and structure, Ryuichi let out a small grunt before digging his head into the seventeen year olds chest, wrapping his lean arms around his back. Taking in every scent of the boy, he would snuggle his against him. Feeling Tatsuha stiffen up because of his actions, he slowly started to rub his back in upward and downward motion, feeling him relax.
Tatsuha wrapped his arms around the short man, placing his chin on the top of his head, smelling the scent of his just showered hair. "Ryuichi," he panted out eventually, hugging him tightly as if he never wanted to let go. This moment seemed to last forever, and the two of them wanted just as that. Their hearts beating in sync, and their deep breathes would go simultaneously. The warmth of their bodies filled one another completely, making them forget about everything around them. As long as they were this close to each other, the needed nothing else.
"I need to tell you something anyway," Tatsuha admitted, wanting this to be the time for him to tell him about the whole Miyu franchise. Also, his feelings for him.
Ryuichi did not even move from his spot, still hugging tightly onto Tatsuha. "I am listening," he would say and then scoot close to him, practically in his lap.
"Well," he started, lifting his head up, "This whole time I have been doing this with you, I-"
"HE-LLO!" a loud, melodic scream came from around the corner and Noriko came running into the room before she frantically paused at the sight. Seeing one of her best friends and a seventeen year old on the couch almost getting frisky isn't exactly what you would want to see once you entered your friend's house. Instead, Noriko giggled to herself and gave them both a mischievous grin, "I always wanted to know how one child would act when they walked in on their parents being sexual," she pointed at herself, grinning. "Now I know!"
Tatsuha could feel Ryuichi jittering on top of him and his face was so hung down, he could not really tell what he was feeling. Whether he was laughing, crying, or whatever a little unknown to all of them was. Noriko just laughed at what she had found, almost as if she had just seen the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. However, Tatsuha was paying more tending to Ryuichi's action.
"N-Noriko," he finally stammered, lifting his head up. His whole face seemed to be a bright color of red, covering up any other color of his entire face. Looking completely embarrassed, he pointed at his friend, "Shut up! What are you doing here!?"
Not at all fazed by his usual, childlike behavior, Noriko swung her arms up, "Oh, Ryu-chan. I know you are just bashful because you got caught getting friendly with your boyfriend."
This time, it was Tatsuha's turn to say something, and he gave her a glare that could kill, "Noriko," he warned her, but his flushed cheeks said otherwise.
"Calm down you two," she said, feeling a little bad about everything she had said before. However, it did not take her long before she got back on track, "Don't worry, Saki-chan has walked in on my husband and I before," she tried to sooth Ryuichi down.
"No wonder your daughter is the way she is," he come backed, but Noriko just seemed to find his joke funny.
Lifting her purse up to viewing angle, she searched through the assessment and pulled out her billfold, "Just to tell you, I am came down here to see if you wanted to go to the mall," smiling brightly, she flashed them some of her money before putting it safely back in its department.
"I don't really want to," Ryuichi was still sour about everything, looking away from Noriko and scooting off of Tatsuha. Tatsuha kind of looked neglected at his actions, still having his arms out from their hug.
Not wanting to spoil anything, and hopefully decrease the bad mood in the room, Tatsuha sighed and looked up at Noriko with a smile. "I would like to go, Noriko-chan," he told her using a sweet formality. Of course, his reply got the attention of a certain vocalist. Feeling the look he was getting, he looked over to see Ryuichi gazing at him with a bewildered, innocent look. Trying to encourage him, Tatsuha moved his lips to say, 'come with us'.
As if Ryuichi would be tempted into going, anyway.
_______
"Hurry up, Ryu-chan," Noriko shouted, walking from one store to another. Usually, the ecstatic thirty-one year old would be dashing around with Noriko, instead of toddling behind.
Feeling a little bad about the whole thing, Tatsuha would stay at Ryuichi's side and say nothing, hoping he would say something first. Maybe just walking by him would make Ryuichi feel a little better in a way. Looking over the man, he seemed completely in the dumps for a weird reason. He walked slowly with his head hung low, watching his feet take each step. He barely said anything, except for the occasional sigh every time and again.
"You okay?" he finally found the courage to ask him, hoping he found no problem in asking.
No reaction whatsoever and he just nodded, signaling a yes. Sighing once more, Ryuichi actually looked up at the crowds roaming around the mall and trying to spot out Noriko whenever he could. "I can't believe she saw," speaking for the first time since they came, "I feel so stupid."
"Stupid?" Tatsuha echoed, feeling a tad bit insulted. However, instead of going off on him, he just brought his tone down, "why do you feel stupid about that?"
It was evident that Ryuichi's cheeks started to go violet and his hand brought to his face, "because," was his first answer. Fiddling with his earrings, he looked up at the boy he was caught with, "aren't you embarrassed?"
"Um," Tatsuha had to think about it. In his life, he had been caught with many of women and men before by friends and yet that never seemed to bother him. Through years of such sexual actions and being seen he never really was embarrassed, merely because he took pride and stored it in his ego, knowing that someone else saw the beautiful women or handsome men he could get. However, actually knowing Ryuichi was embarrassed about the situation was kind of funny. For he knew the shorter man was shy and bashful because of it, but it was different when he actually admitted to it. The declaration almost made him feel a little embarrassed about the whole thing as well. "Not really," he told.
Ryuichi groaned slightly and threw back his head, "Well I am," he said. "And it was Noriko, too. She will just go and tell everyone she knows about the whole thing. You know how women are," instructing Tatsuha like a child seemed a little weird and ironic. Tatsuha was the one who knew a lot more about women then him, but he let him continue on. After finishing his explanation, he turned to him, "what were you saying?"
"What?" Tatsuha asked, he had not said a word. In a way, he was downright puzzled and the other, he tried to think of something to day.
Poking him in the stomach slightly, Ryuichi giggled. "When we were at my house, you said you had something to tell me. You started to say something but were cut off by Noriko-chan," he reminded him.
Tatsuha had plum forgotten about trying to confess to Ryuichi about Miyu. To actually think about it, maybe he was going to tell him that because he was so absorbed in their moment, and that he did not want to lie to him. Now, he was just too scared to see the outcome it would bring. However, past the whole Miyu serenade, he had to tell Ryuichi what he was feeling for him. In fact, he was going to tell him that before Noriko trampled in, anyways. Passing an ice cream stand, he tried to eye everything in sight except for the person he was going to talk to. To even look at his face would bring him down and make him freeze up. It was even harder because he was so oblivious to all of this, just like a child.
"Well?"
Taking a quick, hard grasp of Ryuichi's arm, Tatsuha dragged him over into an almost empty store, and looked into his eyes. "Sakuma Ryuichi, I really do need to tell you something," he swallowed hard; he decided to just skip the Miyu situation and go straight for his feelings. Scanning Ryuichi's face, he could see the intense anxiousness from what he wanted to hear, and the dash of confusion. All of this must be difficult for him; not knowing what Tatsuha was thinking yet would rag him to a secluded place as if it was a big deal. In addition, there was also a sense of fright in his face. It was true that he had not been informed of anything that had been happening between Tatsuha and Miyu, and little of how Tatsuha may be thinking about him. To Ryuichi, this just could be a talk about how Tatsuha would never want to see him again, ending their friendship.
"Ryuichi," he had to do it now. If he could not tell him now, he felt like he never could. Closing his mouth quickly, he dragged his face closer to his before continued, "I-"
"Sakuma-san!" came a familiar voice, breaking Tatsuha off again.
At that very moment, Tatsuha could have just fallen to the floor. His hands were on Ryuichi's shoulders and their faces were so close together for a kiss, and he was just about to tell him his feelings for him! In a way, he wanted to punch the exact person who ruined this moment.
"Hold on just a minute," Ryuichi grinned at Tatsuha, patting his hand cutely. He looked over to see a friend of his, Shuichi. "Shu-chan?" he questioned him before running to him excitedly and giving him a huge hug.
Shuichi embraced his friend and started to talk to him about everything that had happened lately with things from Yuki to Bad Luck. "Also, Happy Belated Birthday," it was obvious he felt bad for not even calling Ryuichi up about it.
"Thanks," Ryuichi found not damper in the whole fact he did not mention it on the exact date and just smiled, happy to see him. "Where is Yuki-san?" he asked, actually noticing that the blonde was not there with his lover.
Shuichi suddenly started to pout, putting on a grim face. "He wanted to stay home. He said that being seen with me in public will make his book sales go down," rolling his eyes, he finished, "I don't see why. He got more popularity because of our relationship being announced, and so did my band."
"Ah, Eiri is just not a social person, he hates going anywhere," Tatsuha spoke up so that he was not forgotten, hoping to get Ryuichi's attention back. "Except for nightclubs, bars, and stores to buy cigarettes and beer."
Shuichi had to laugh at what his lover's younger brother just said, "Are you kidding me? He makes me go to those places for him!"
"He makes you go to nightclubs for him?" Tatsuha smirked, imagining Shuichi picking up women for his brother.
"No," Shuichi quit his giggling, not wanting to think of Yuki hanging around there. "He makes me go and buy him cigarettes. One more year and he will make me go and buy him beer, too."
Ryuichi had to jump into the conversation, "Cigarettes are bad for your health," he preached. He was looking at Shuichi while saying this, but it was obvious who he was directing it towards. Many times had Tatsuha pulled out a cigarette in front of Ryuichi in his house, laid down on the couch and started to puff away.
"Well," Tatsuha perked up in a giddy voice, "it's a good thing I don't smoke then." Of course, he got a look from Ryuichi that just shot out the words, 'yeah, right.' He could not help but smile. "Let's go," he grumbled, still frustrated with his declaration being interrupted.
The three of them found Noriko shortly after walking around and she was holding millions of full bags from different jewelry and clothes stores. With the money she had, it was no surprise of all the things she could have gotten. "I still need to get something for Tetsuya and Saki-chan," she looked at her watch to see how much time they had spent in the mall. Mumbling about what to get her husband and daughter, everyone else just watched in amazement on how she could still look at her watch without dropping one, single bag. "Well, let's go to the toy store first. Saki-chan told me she wanted something from the store," she said.
"Toy store?" Ryuichi shimmered before running ahead of everyone and dashing straight into the store. He started to fumble with everyone, amazed at all the high-tech and normal toys that he could play with. Running over to some balls, he took one out and started to bounce it. "Noriko-chan, I want this!" he called to her, and then dropped the ball once he saw something more interesting, "Noriko-chan, I want this!"
Noriko shook her head at his childish behavior, "Ryu-chan, we are here to get something for my daughter," she informed him before looking at Shuichi and Tatsuha, who seemed to think Ryuichi's actions were cute, yet disturbing. "He does this every time we go to a toy store," he let them know before looking around the entire store for the toy her daughter told her about.
"So," Shuichi kicked at the feet, trying to think of a conversation to start with Tatsuha. "I see you and Sakuma-san are good friends?"
Tatsuha looked down at him, "Yeah, we are. I stayed at his house last night and everything," he sunk into that though, thinking about the warmth and feeling of sleeping in the same bed with his God.
"Oh," Shuichi said, looking as if something bothered him. "So I guess that means you and Amori-san are not getting married?"
"What!?" Tatsuha jumped at his query. How the hell did Shuichi know about any of this?
Shuichi seemed a little taken aback by his shouting, and seemed to feel beaten. He knew he most have said something wrong and just stuttered it again, "You are not getting married with Amori-san? Yuki told me about it, because Mika-san told him about it."
'Of course," Tatsuha thought. Miyu and Mika were really good friends and always told each other things about Tatsuha. Mika would share secrets about Tatsuha, while Miyu did the same for her. In addition, soon enough, Miyu had to tell Mika about the 'engagement' and she would go and chirp to Yuki, who probably could not stand the humor of it any longer before telling Shuichi. 'This sucks,' he thought.
Hearing the shout from Tatsuha, Ryuichi had to come over and see what was happening, "What's wrong?" he asked, a toy figure in his hand.
"Oh, it's nothing," Tatsuha told him, waving him off to go and play.
Shuichi looked at Ryuichi too and smiled, "Yeah, it is no big deal. I was just seeing if Tatsuha was still going to get m-"
"Oh man," Tatsuha shouted once more, startling them both to quit their conversation. Tatsuha seemed so jittery because of the fact he had to save his ass. "I forgot my homework at school," he said to them, hoping they would forget about the whole conversation.
Ryuichi just gave Tatsuha an awkward glance, noticing his strange atmosphere. He never really seen Tatsuha so jumpy and his face was flashing with something. "Now what, Shu-chan?"
"Ryuichi," Tatsuha began again, but with a lot more of a soothing tone. "Come one, I will buy you that toy."
"Really?" he asked, bouncing up and down. Tatsuha had him right where he wanted him, and all he had to do was say he would buy him something he was wanting. Of course, he lost interest in the whole 'if Tatsuha was going to [whatever]' puzzle and was more happy about his toy. Walking up to the cashier, Tatsuha felt the weight off his shoulders fly away. Proud and happy, he asked, "How much is this?" pulling out the only money he had with him: twenty dollars, he waited for the ring up.
"Thirty dollars, please." The middle-aged man asked politely.
Once again, the weight decided to land on him again, making him feel as if he could fall to the floor at that time.
_____
"That was tiring," Tatsuha yawned, opening the door for Ryuichi to walk in the house. Following in pursuit, Tatsuha walked straight to his friend, the couch and fell on it, face first. In fact, the way was tiring. Tatsuha spent his whole time making Shuichi not tell Ryuichi about Miyu while he was trying to Ryuichi about his feeling for him. Nothing came easy when it dealt with him and Ryuichi.
Ryuichi sat down next to him, playing his new bought toy, "Look on the bright side; Noriko bought me the toy," he said cutely.
"It is a damn toy," Tatsuha groaned with a mouthful of cushion, "why is it so much?"
Thinking about it as well, Ryuichi scanned the figure. It was not even that big or detailed, yet they priced it so high. It did seem a little outrageous for a toy that Ryuichi would probably forget about in a couple months or so. "I don't know," he shrugged before placing the toy down on the floor. Leaning into the head of the couch, he stared at Tatsuha, who seemed dead lying there. The couch almost seemed to be eating him in a way. "Don't you think your dad is wondering where you are?"
"He is always praying or at religious ceremonies," Tatsuha countered, lifting his head up so he could see Ryuichi. "So, I guess not."
"I'm sure he is," Ryuichi countered back, "You are his son, and you are still only seventeen."
Tatsuha did not want to hear anymore so he buried his face back into the couch, grabbed a pillow, and placed it over his head, "So?" he grumbled almost inaudibly. The couch system made him hardly hearable.
"I am just saying this," Ryuichi took the pillow of his head, just to see the back of his cranium; the rest was flat on the cushion. "Not to offend you or anything, but you just walking in my house and flopping on my couch is a little," he paused for a moment, "weird."
A little offended, Tatsuha rolled over to lie down on his back, looking up at the ceiling. Even now, you could notice how empty this house was. "Not used to company this much, huh?" he asked him. Noriko and Tohma once explained about how he hardly has anyone over, so this was probably all new and as he said, 'weird' to him.
"Not really," Ryuichi mused, a little ashamed of feeling that way. It wasn't exactly normal for someone to be like the way he was, and Tatsuha could have laughed at him.
However, he didn't. Instead, he sat up and looked at Ryuichi. He was so delicate and broad, and his resemblance to Eiri Yuki was stunning. You could tell in his eyes and expressions that he was completely serious, yet a little melancholy for an unknown reason. Staring into Ryuichi's deep eyes he opened his mouth, "Should I leave, then?"
"No," Ryuichi answered him as if he was crazy to ask that. "Sure, I am not used to company and sometimes I am a little bothered by it because it is different. However," he leaned in close to Tatsuha, "I like your company."
His heart started to beat fast but he kept the same look on his face: serious. Ever since he started to be around Ryuichi, he could never say exactly what he wanted to. He would always freeze up because he was too frightened on what Ryuichi may think or say to him. He was even more afraid of what would happen between them. This time, he had to do it. "Why do you like my company?"
"I don't know," Ryuichi said, quickly going further away from Tatsuha's face and sitting in a normal distance. It was the first time Tatsuha had ever seen him act this way. For once, Ryuichi actually seemed baffled at a question such as this. You could actually see one of his hands shaking and his eyes wander about. He was truly, utterly confused. Ryuichi himself did not even know what he felt for Tatsuha, and looking at his handsome face made everything he was feeling worse. Could he not live with out him? By saying he did not want him to leave, was it true?
Averting his eyes right and left, Tatsuha made sure that they were alone. They were finally alone, it was almost unbelievable. The day he wanted to come out to Ryuichi was being bombarded with interruptions and now was he chance. "Would you mind if I bared my soul, and came right out and said something?" he asked Ryuichi a weird question, which obviously got Ryuichi confused as well.
Not knowing at all what to say, he looked up at him with glimmering eyes, "Yeah, you can," he told him, a little unsure of what he even meant.
"You're beautiful," Tatsuha said deeply, not once thinking about how he would react. He did not care anymore; he just had to tell him. Feeling his heart beat faster and faster, it almost seemed to jump into his throat.
In fact, Ryuichi was feeling the same way, even worse. All of these things were just happening to him without him knowing, and he was confused by it all. What did he feel for him? The compliment was a nice thing, but the look Tatsuha was giving him was a bit unnerving for him. He actually meant what he was saying with compassion, the exact emotion he held in his eyes right now. What should he say? What should he do? Every part of his body seemed to start trembling and his head was getting dizzy, "What?" he asked, making sure he heard right.
"Just as I said," Tatsuha placed his hands on Ryuichi hips, and scooted him closer. Feeling Ryuichi's pants on his neck were tickling his senses, and he causes goose bumps to spread all over Ryuichi's body by just touching him. Noticing his quivering, Tatsuha just looked at his face. Before long, he leaned into to lock his own lips with his. It felt so good to actually kiss him again after these few days. Ryuichi's shivering soon stopped before he melt into the kiss, holding onto his own chest.
Ryuichi's face was burning hot and Tatsuha was sure to feel it emitting directly from his cheeks. For a second, Ryuichi felt himself go really dizzy, enough to make him faint. All of this was so passionate and full of feeling; Ryuichi almost did not know exactly what to do. Suddenly, he felt Tatsuha index finger slide up to his bottom lip, tug down on it just a little so he could open his mouth. Sliding his tongue into Ryuichi's mouth, Tatsuha explored the place he never got to with him. Hearing a moan from Ryuichi once he brushed his tongue against his was obvious he was enjoying. Kissing with tongue must have been something new for Ryuichi, seeing as he hardly moved his tongue at all. It did ruin the thought of it just a little, but being able to do such a thing with Ryuichi was good enough.
Taking his tongue out of his mouth, he pecked his lips sweetly before sitting back up to look into Ryuichi's eyes. "Wow," was all that Ryuichi could say, whole face a dark color of red.
"Ryuichi," Tatsuha smiled, thinking his reaction was the most adorable thing he ever seen. "I need to tell you something. Something I was trying to tell you all day."
Once more, Ryuichi seemed to stiffen up and started to quiver, "Is it bad?" seemingly, that is all he really wanted to know.
"Depends on how you feel about it," this time, Tatsuha started to become frightened. What he said was true, and that is what made him scared. If Ryuichi did not feel the way he did, I guess it would be bad for the both of them. Gathering up his courage, he quickly hugged Ryuichi, "Will you forgive me because I feel this way?" feeling a nod on his shoulder, he got away from the embrace to look Ryuichi face-to-face.
"I love you."
The silence between them seemed to last forever. Tatsuha just looked at Ryuichi's face for any signs of feeling at all. Ryuichi, on the other, just looked shocked at his sudden declaration. His heart skipped a beat and another, blushing wildly, he had nothing to say. What he felt for Tatsuha was unknown to even himself and his own heart. Looking at Tatsuha, he saw the faint blush on his face and a little bit of pessimism, knowing he was going to get thrown down.
"I'm sorry," Ryuichi began, tears forming in his eyes. Tatsuha quickly looked away; his whole face seemed to cringe up in pain and heartbreak. He knew he could never get what he truly wanted. Lifting his head down, he brought his hands to his eyes to wipe the tears. Crying, he explained, "This is just so confusing, Tatsuha-kun. When I am with you, I feel happy and whole and worthless when I am without you. But, I don't love you. I just know that I don't, I just can't bring myself to feeling that way for you, even if I tried. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I am sorry," he whimpered. "The only thing I see you as is a friend. That's it," he finished.
"I kind of figured that," Tatsuha cringed through a strained breathe. Even in his voice, you could tell he was on the brink of crying. 'Nothing will ever change for me,' he thought, 'I can never be who I really want to be, being with who I dream to be with. Other people can only make me who I am, just like being married.'
"Tatsuha-kun," Ryuichi sniffed, "even if I don't love you as you do me, will you still stay with me? Stay here with me like you have been doing?" having Tatsuha gone would leave him alone again, and his heart could not take it. He lived in this house all by himself, with Noriko and Tohma coming and going. However, Tatsuha seemed so much different. Whenever he would leave, he would feel so empty and lost. Losing Tatsuha now would almost seem he would lose part of himself, as well.
The question was a hard one to accomplish an answer for. Tatsuha only liked being with Ryuichi because of how he felt for him, but now he felt as if he could not even show his face around him anymore. Remembering back to when he almost told Ryuichi about him and Miyu, he wished he had just told him right then and there. However, he did not tell him because he just wanted to stay with Ryuichi as long as possible.
Shouldn't he feel that way now, too? He loved Ryuichi; he had just admitted that to him and himself, as well. The reason he did not tell Ryuichi about Miyu was because he wanted to be with him as much a possible, which he should be feeling like now. However, there almost seemed to be a void there where he used to hold that desire. Did he not want to be with him anymore? He was so unsure. Looking at Ryuichi's crying face, reality hit him hard. To leave Ryuichi would mean to leave the person he loved, and in pursuit, would probably hurt Ryuichi just as much as it would he. It was foolish of him to actually think about leaving the actual, one person he felt this way for.
Then again, he was a fool. A fool in love with the most wonderful man he has met, and he would never just walk out on that. Not now, not ever. Taking his hand and wiping a few tears from Ryuichi's eyes, he could see a small smile form on the older man's face. Ryuichi felt a little bit of happiness once again, just by feeling the warmth of Tatsuha's skin.
"Of course I will stay with you, Ryuichi," Tatsuha finally answered, rubbing his soft face. "I will stay with you as long as you want me to."
To the both of them, they hoped that meant forever.
END Chapter 8
Damn, I'm good. Well, Tatsuha finally confessed his feelings for Ryuichi. Yet, Ryuichi only sees friendship for him. Will that change? I seriously don't know yet, but I have some goodies coming up soon!
Now, reviews! (I want more.)
Woodsie: Holy spaghetti, I love getting comments that I write well. This fanfic is based on the manga, except for around the end. Because, if it was, Ryuichi would not be there for one reason. In addition, yes, the manga is a lot better than the anime in my opinion. I had volume 1-12 and I treasure them like my demon children. And to my point, I really LOVE your reviews. Seriously.
Noali: Thanks for the praise. Now, you are my slave. Mwaha! Um, the manga in Japan is unfinished and stopped at volume 12, Murakami-sama said she would finish it later but there have been no signs yet. What inspired me to write? Uh, I don't know. I have always enjoyed reading and writing, and to the question of why I like Gravitation: I am weird. Everyone who likes Gravitation is weird, Hun. Lol. Actually, I am bisexual and a friend of mine introduced me to the manga series a long time back. Also, did I feel your need on Ryuichi in this chapter? Seriously, just to let you know, I am buckling Ryuichi down until later. Once we get there, we are going to see a lot of descriptions of Ryuichi's feelings and thought. So, just wait.
Cherry-Wolf: Didn't let you? So, FF.Net really IS evil, after all! Uhh... Just kidding. Tatsuha+Ryuichi+Bed=Good. Yes, yes. Wow, someone who actually likes the triangle. Everyone seems to hate Miyu, and you feel the same way about her as I do. Great minds think a like, huh? After all, since your favorite character is Tatsuha, you are a complete Einstein. You think it is awesome because I am male? *laughs* Oh yes, be amazed at me and my shlong!
Nittle Grasper Wonder: NOOO! Miyu, my baby! I raised her from a little semicolon. Heh, anyways, I assure you that they are going to do something soon. I need to zip my lips now.
PikuPiku: Thanks. Seeing as Tatsuha admitted his love for Ryuichi in this chapter, I hope you like it. I am not sure if they will get more lovey-dovey or not. I will just have to see what I think about that, ne?
Karura: I am glad that you mean it when you said you liked my story. Uh, it would have been weird for you to say, "Just kidding!" at the end of your review, lol. Um, no, this fanfic is not finished at all. I am slowly working on it and it won't be done for a while now. Thanks for the review, by the way.
zeli17: *gets praised* Yes, you do.
NymAulth: Thank you so much! I try to make my characters react and seem just like real people would in these kinds of situations. I love Miyu, also. She may be a bitch, but I am very fond of her and everything. Also, I hope Ryuichi does not find out at all, really. It may sound weird, but I don't want him to. Yeah, Tatsuha is a little rude to Miyu, but after being with her for years on end, they seem to get along sometimes, and fight the rest of the time.
The Dark Neko: lol, this is the first person that I know of that actually squeals while reading my story. That is so cute! Draw fan art of this, Oh man. That would be so awesome, I am serious. I can just see a picture of Tatsuha and Ryuichi hugging romantically and Miyu peeking behind a tree with evil, red glowing eyes and fangs. Har-Har!
Komioji Fin: lol, obviously Ryuichi did buy Tatsuha's "April fools". Then again, this is Ryuichi we are talking about. Thanks for the comment. Also, I did not even like writing about Tatsuha and Miyu getting friendly. I like Miyu, but… no.
Zufu-chan: It is nice to impress people with my manliness! Uh, I mean... fanfic. Minions? Wow, I wish had some. All of mine prefer to sit on the couch all day and eat Doritos. Heh, yeah, Ryuichi would only hug meh! ^-^ Coffee? Pixistix? Holy moly, you are my new best friend!
Now, your moment of Zen:
In this chapter, Shuichi told Ryuichi a "Happy Belated Birthday", and in fact, I should be saying the exact same thing to Shuichi. Yesterday was his birthday, and he would be around 26 now. However, in MY story he is 20!
Shuichi: I can't believe you forgot your favorite character's birthday!
No I didn't. Tatsuha's birthday is December 21, silly.
Shuichi: Never mind. *rolls eyes*
Tatsuha: *runs over* Have you guys seen the latest Gravitation Drama CD cover?
Tohma: No, I haven't.
Where the hell did you come from?
Tohma: *smiles*
Uh, right. Anyways, Yes! I have seen the cover and it is BOOTEHLICIOUS!!! If you have not seen this cover, you should be condemned to hell, all of you!!
Shuichi: KB, it is just a CD cover. *sweat drops*
Tatsuha and KB: *long, hard, evil glare*
Miyu: *jumps at Tatsuha* Let me see it, let me see it!
Oh, Miyu, hi! The character everyone loves to hate is here.
Miyu: *looks at cover and instantly grows fangs* TATSUHA-KUN! What is the meaning of this!?!
Tatsuha: Oh shit, those red eyes and fangs could only mean one thing: PMS.
Okay, this is getting almost too stupid for me.
Ryuichi: *walks in* Hi, everybody!
Now is a time to end this chapter, see you next time!
Ryuichi: *insulted* Hey!
Gravitation is owned my Maki Murakami, and don't eat peanuts.