Title: Hogwarts School of Horrific Plotlines
Author: Ivory Tower
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters and concepts.
Hermione walked into the Great Hall and shouted, "Hey everybody, look at me! I'm back, and I'm the new Transfiguration professor since old McGonagall's conveniently kicked the bucket."
"Yes," replied Dumbledore sadly. "She walked right into a deadly Avada Kadavra curse. The perpetrator is still at large. Oh what trying times these are."
"Um-yes." Hermione cleared her throat and beamed anew. "Anyway, check out my new, pretty feminine, form fitting red dress."
"It goes lovely with your glossy curls, my dear."
"Why thank you, Professor Flitwick."
"Where are your robes?" demanded Snape.
"Neville ate them," replied Hermione, seating herself at the Head Table. "So, you sexy Snape, you. Let's shag!"
"Let's not." Snape frowned down at his undercooked meatloaf.
Dumbledore arose. "Your attention please! I would like to remind everyone that Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are dead. Also, Miss Granger is free to shag anyone over the age of sixteen, though she generally prefers much older men." Here, Dumbledore's smile broadened and his eyes twinkled. Snape choked on his undercooked meatloaf and felt ill. He suddenly missed McGonagall terribly.
Just then, Ron ran in with none other than the famous Harry Potter.
"You're not dead, then? There is no God!" exclaimed Snape, sinking into a deep depression.
"We just escaped Voldemort's evil clutches with our very lives! We are changing our identities to add flavor to the plot. From now on, I shall be Sniggerneous Elsum." Ron bowed then pointed to Harry.
"And I am Pendarvis."
"Pendarvis who?" Dumbledore wanted to know.
Harry shrugged. "Just Pendarvis. Oh, and now we go around in disguise." Harry put on a pair of aristocratic wire frame glasses. Ron donned a pair of black sneakers.
"Ta da!"
Everyone applauded, except for Snape, who buried his face in his hands and rubbed his temples.
"Fifty points to Gryffindor," awarded Dumbledore with bravado. "Now, let us eat!"
Harry and Ron seated themselves near Hermione and the Headmaster.
"Funny thing about You-Know-Who," said Ron, picking up a fork, "he is rather fond of rolling about on tarps covered with cooking oil."
Harry nodded in earnest agreement. Snape's meatloaf churned in his stomach.
"My panties are too tight," declared Hermione, pulling them off and tossing them aside. The panties landed on Hagrid's head. Hagrid continued to dig into his spotted dick with much fervor. Appearently, he hadn't noticed, or didn't care, or liked the feeling of red lace panties on his head. "Now I have a chill. Professor Snape, may I sit on your lap?"
"Certainly not, Miss Granger!"
"May I?" inquired Flitwick in a small voice.
"No!"
"A song," burst Ron suddenly. "A song! Oh please, Headmaster Dumbledore! Twas ever so gloomy down in Voldermort's private pleasure chambers."
"His floating mattress was no picnic either," muttered Harry.
"Very well," agreed Dumbledore good-naturedly. He waved his wand and began:
I love silk sockies
Filled with big, thick lockies!
"What's a lockie," interrupted Hagrid.
"Use your imagination," replied Dumbledore.
Snape spat out his lukewarm chicken noodle soup and regarded the Headmaster in horror.
"Go on," urged Hermione. "I like it!"
"I feel sick," said Snape.
"Oh hush, and let the Headmaster continue."
The importance of socks cannot be denied.
I buy them by the bushel, one hundred at a time!
They just seem to be made for certain men's endowments.
Once I tried nylons, but Minerva wouldn't allow it!
Oooooooh, I love to stuff them down my pants-
"You wear pants?"
"Shhh, Harry!"
"It's Pendarvis"
"Oh whatever!"
The electric feel of wool against my *CENSORED* puts me in a trance!
"Of course, this is strictly off the top of my head, you understand," added the Headmaster quickly.
"I think it's brilliant." stated Harry with a smile.
"Hear! Hear!" yelled Ron, banging his fists on the table.
"'ermione? Are these yer panties?"
"Yes. You keep them, Hagrid."
Hagrid blushed and thrust the red panties inside his coat pocket. Snape got to his feet.
"If you'll excuse me, Headmaster. I believe I'll retire for the evening."
"Not yet, Severus! It is time for the grand unveiling!"
"What grand unveiling?"
"This!"
Dumbledore tore off Snape's robes.
"Hey!" exclaimed Cornelius Fudge, "That's my man bra! Lucius, I thought I told you to guard it with your life."
Lucius blushed. "Yes, well...there was a slight complication that demanded Severus' assistance."
"Oh hell!" Snape took off the man bra and flung it to the floor. "Lucius was at the wall holes again, and-"
"Shut up," hissed the debonair blond, leaping to his feet.
"Time for another unveiling," called Dumbledore, seizing Lucius' robes.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
"My nipple clamps," shouted Harry.
"My word," gasped Hermione. "So tis true about the trademark Malfoy dong."
"Oooooooh!" squealed a fifth year girl. "Can I touch it?"
Snape's jaw dropped. No one had asked to touch *his* staff of power.
Just then, Draco decided to grace everyone with his presence. All great reunions happen in the Great Hall, or in the hospital ward, but I digress...Draco leapt atop the Head Table and held up his hands.
"Voldemort has been vanquished," he triumphantly announced.
"How is it so?" Hermione wanted to know.
"He beheld the magnificance that is my ass and was no more."
"Uh, how did You-Know-Who get a glance of your ass, Malfoy?" asked Ron.
Draco took a drink of pumpkin juice and continued, "The dark lord saw fit to spank my marvelous ass for my insolence. I simply could not bring myself to don a sequined catsuit and beat him with the tail."
Snape clutched his stomach. "Too much information," he groaned.
"Well then," said Dumbledore, "This calls for a celebration!"
"Gang bang!"
"No! No! Not yet, Hagrid. First, the socks."
Dumbledore clapped his hands, summoning Dobby the house elf, who brought forth a big basket of assorted socks. Dumbledore drooled. Hermione tittered insanely. Snape shuddered.
"I suppose we can put our robes back on," he stated, tying a bright yellow sash around his torn black robes to hold them shut.
Lucius continued to stand in the nude.
'Show off,' thought Snape, tying the yellow sash in a pretty double bow around his slender waist.
Meanwhile, Fudge crawled across the floor and retrieved his man bra or bro, as they are fashionably called, whilst Hagrid attempted to play catscradle with Hermione's lacey panties.
"A game!" cried Ron. "We must have a game!"
Everyone took up the chant. Dumbledore smiled.
"We shall play 'Stuff the Wizard's Pants Silly With Socks'".
"Hooray!" shouted Lucius and Draco, jumping up and down, dongs bouncing likewise.
Harry frowned. "How do you play that?"
"It's simple, Harry. I'll stand here while everyone stuffs all these socks down the front of my pants."
"Then what?"
"Then," continued Dumbledore, "I become highly aroused and disrobe people at random."
"All right then." Harry picked up a maroon sock.
"So that's where ally my maroon socks went," exclaimed Ron.
"Too true, my dear Sniggerneous."
"Then let us eat much fruit and watch the sexual perversion, Malfoy."
Hermione furrowed her brow. "Malfoy, you weren't here when Ron and Harry gave their new identities. How do you know that Ron's new name is Sniggerneous?"
"The Malfoy dong knows all, Granger. Now shut up and let Sniggy and I eat our luscious pomegranates."
"Oh blow it out your splendid ass, Malfoy," huffed Hermione.
A random student walked by. "Have a sock".
"I don't want a sock! I want Snape for a seat warmer."
Snape laughed a terrible laugh. "You'll have to catch me first, Miss Granger."
The two began a game of chase throughout the grand castle.
"No! No! Not that one! The yellow one with the green trimming will do quite nicely," said Dumbledore to a third year witch.
As the evening drew to a close, the front of the Headmaster's pants positively bulged with an abundance of socks. Twas really quite obscene looking. The students giggled like the children they were as they darted about the Great Hall, each one a potential victim of Dumbledore's disrobing fetish. It was rather like a game of tag, only naughtier.
Hagrid had knit Hermione's lacey red panties into a clever red beret, which he proudly sported at a coquettish angle on his bushy head. Fudge's man bra now adorned the chandalier conjured into existence for mere convenience of plot. However, Harry's prized nipple clamps (said to have been used by Merlin himself) at least that's what the antique nipple clamps claimed, were being put to good use by Filch and Madam Pince.
Snape would have had the perfect hiding spot from the slightly chilled Hermione, but at the last minute Lucius and one other snuck into the room. Malfoy senior, in a generous mood, was giving Minerva McGonagall a free sample of the trademark Malfoy dong. Horrified a the noises he heard, Snape crawled out from under the bouncing bed and sprinted out the door, not daring to look back.
In the end, Hermione cornered the Potions Master in the third corridor just shy of the Advanced Arithmancy classroom. Snape sighed, fully resigned.
"Very well, Miss Granger, you may sit on my-"
Hermione promptly tackled the grouchy, greasy-haired git and decided to give his trumpet a blast or two. Indeed, the event added an extra chapter to Hogwarts: A History as the only time in the history of the school that Severus Snape awarded Gryffindor House points. A week after the incident, he swept about the castle with a dirty smirk firmly implanted on his pale face.
~FIN~
A/N: Isn't that nice? Oh, a few of you wanted to know my sex. I am a 25-year-old single white female. See, women can be naughty too. Anyway, there's more where this came from. Stay tuned for more twisted perversion!
Author: Ivory Tower
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters and concepts.
Hermione walked into the Great Hall and shouted, "Hey everybody, look at me! I'm back, and I'm the new Transfiguration professor since old McGonagall's conveniently kicked the bucket."
"Yes," replied Dumbledore sadly. "She walked right into a deadly Avada Kadavra curse. The perpetrator is still at large. Oh what trying times these are."
"Um-yes." Hermione cleared her throat and beamed anew. "Anyway, check out my new, pretty feminine, form fitting red dress."
"It goes lovely with your glossy curls, my dear."
"Why thank you, Professor Flitwick."
"Where are your robes?" demanded Snape.
"Neville ate them," replied Hermione, seating herself at the Head Table. "So, you sexy Snape, you. Let's shag!"
"Let's not." Snape frowned down at his undercooked meatloaf.
Dumbledore arose. "Your attention please! I would like to remind everyone that Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are dead. Also, Miss Granger is free to shag anyone over the age of sixteen, though she generally prefers much older men." Here, Dumbledore's smile broadened and his eyes twinkled. Snape choked on his undercooked meatloaf and felt ill. He suddenly missed McGonagall terribly.
Just then, Ron ran in with none other than the famous Harry Potter.
"You're not dead, then? There is no God!" exclaimed Snape, sinking into a deep depression.
"We just escaped Voldemort's evil clutches with our very lives! We are changing our identities to add flavor to the plot. From now on, I shall be Sniggerneous Elsum." Ron bowed then pointed to Harry.
"And I am Pendarvis."
"Pendarvis who?" Dumbledore wanted to know.
Harry shrugged. "Just Pendarvis. Oh, and now we go around in disguise." Harry put on a pair of aristocratic wire frame glasses. Ron donned a pair of black sneakers.
"Ta da!"
Everyone applauded, except for Snape, who buried his face in his hands and rubbed his temples.
"Fifty points to Gryffindor," awarded Dumbledore with bravado. "Now, let us eat!"
Harry and Ron seated themselves near Hermione and the Headmaster.
"Funny thing about You-Know-Who," said Ron, picking up a fork, "he is rather fond of rolling about on tarps covered with cooking oil."
Harry nodded in earnest agreement. Snape's meatloaf churned in his stomach.
"My panties are too tight," declared Hermione, pulling them off and tossing them aside. The panties landed on Hagrid's head. Hagrid continued to dig into his spotted dick with much fervor. Appearently, he hadn't noticed, or didn't care, or liked the feeling of red lace panties on his head. "Now I have a chill. Professor Snape, may I sit on your lap?"
"Certainly not, Miss Granger!"
"May I?" inquired Flitwick in a small voice.
"No!"
"A song," burst Ron suddenly. "A song! Oh please, Headmaster Dumbledore! Twas ever so gloomy down in Voldermort's private pleasure chambers."
"His floating mattress was no picnic either," muttered Harry.
"Very well," agreed Dumbledore good-naturedly. He waved his wand and began:
I love silk sockies
Filled with big, thick lockies!
"What's a lockie," interrupted Hagrid.
"Use your imagination," replied Dumbledore.
Snape spat out his lukewarm chicken noodle soup and regarded the Headmaster in horror.
"Go on," urged Hermione. "I like it!"
"I feel sick," said Snape.
"Oh hush, and let the Headmaster continue."
The importance of socks cannot be denied.
I buy them by the bushel, one hundred at a time!
They just seem to be made for certain men's endowments.
Once I tried nylons, but Minerva wouldn't allow it!
Oooooooh, I love to stuff them down my pants-
"You wear pants?"
"Shhh, Harry!"
"It's Pendarvis"
"Oh whatever!"
The electric feel of wool against my *CENSORED* puts me in a trance!
"Of course, this is strictly off the top of my head, you understand," added the Headmaster quickly.
"I think it's brilliant." stated Harry with a smile.
"Hear! Hear!" yelled Ron, banging his fists on the table.
"'ermione? Are these yer panties?"
"Yes. You keep them, Hagrid."
Hagrid blushed and thrust the red panties inside his coat pocket. Snape got to his feet.
"If you'll excuse me, Headmaster. I believe I'll retire for the evening."
"Not yet, Severus! It is time for the grand unveiling!"
"What grand unveiling?"
"This!"
Dumbledore tore off Snape's robes.
"Hey!" exclaimed Cornelius Fudge, "That's my man bra! Lucius, I thought I told you to guard it with your life."
Lucius blushed. "Yes, well...there was a slight complication that demanded Severus' assistance."
"Oh hell!" Snape took off the man bra and flung it to the floor. "Lucius was at the wall holes again, and-"
"Shut up," hissed the debonair blond, leaping to his feet.
"Time for another unveiling," called Dumbledore, seizing Lucius' robes.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!
"My nipple clamps," shouted Harry.
"My word," gasped Hermione. "So tis true about the trademark Malfoy dong."
"Oooooooh!" squealed a fifth year girl. "Can I touch it?"
Snape's jaw dropped. No one had asked to touch *his* staff of power.
Just then, Draco decided to grace everyone with his presence. All great reunions happen in the Great Hall, or in the hospital ward, but I digress...Draco leapt atop the Head Table and held up his hands.
"Voldemort has been vanquished," he triumphantly announced.
"How is it so?" Hermione wanted to know.
"He beheld the magnificance that is my ass and was no more."
"Uh, how did You-Know-Who get a glance of your ass, Malfoy?" asked Ron.
Draco took a drink of pumpkin juice and continued, "The dark lord saw fit to spank my marvelous ass for my insolence. I simply could not bring myself to don a sequined catsuit and beat him with the tail."
Snape clutched his stomach. "Too much information," he groaned.
"Well then," said Dumbledore, "This calls for a celebration!"
"Gang bang!"
"No! No! Not yet, Hagrid. First, the socks."
Dumbledore clapped his hands, summoning Dobby the house elf, who brought forth a big basket of assorted socks. Dumbledore drooled. Hermione tittered insanely. Snape shuddered.
"I suppose we can put our robes back on," he stated, tying a bright yellow sash around his torn black robes to hold them shut.
Lucius continued to stand in the nude.
'Show off,' thought Snape, tying the yellow sash in a pretty double bow around his slender waist.
Meanwhile, Fudge crawled across the floor and retrieved his man bra or bro, as they are fashionably called, whilst Hagrid attempted to play catscradle with Hermione's lacey panties.
"A game!" cried Ron. "We must have a game!"
Everyone took up the chant. Dumbledore smiled.
"We shall play 'Stuff the Wizard's Pants Silly With Socks'".
"Hooray!" shouted Lucius and Draco, jumping up and down, dongs bouncing likewise.
Harry frowned. "How do you play that?"
"It's simple, Harry. I'll stand here while everyone stuffs all these socks down the front of my pants."
"Then what?"
"Then," continued Dumbledore, "I become highly aroused and disrobe people at random."
"All right then." Harry picked up a maroon sock.
"So that's where ally my maroon socks went," exclaimed Ron.
"Too true, my dear Sniggerneous."
"Then let us eat much fruit and watch the sexual perversion, Malfoy."
Hermione furrowed her brow. "Malfoy, you weren't here when Ron and Harry gave their new identities. How do you know that Ron's new name is Sniggerneous?"
"The Malfoy dong knows all, Granger. Now shut up and let Sniggy and I eat our luscious pomegranates."
"Oh blow it out your splendid ass, Malfoy," huffed Hermione.
A random student walked by. "Have a sock".
"I don't want a sock! I want Snape for a seat warmer."
Snape laughed a terrible laugh. "You'll have to catch me first, Miss Granger."
The two began a game of chase throughout the grand castle.
"No! No! Not that one! The yellow one with the green trimming will do quite nicely," said Dumbledore to a third year witch.
As the evening drew to a close, the front of the Headmaster's pants positively bulged with an abundance of socks. Twas really quite obscene looking. The students giggled like the children they were as they darted about the Great Hall, each one a potential victim of Dumbledore's disrobing fetish. It was rather like a game of tag, only naughtier.
Hagrid had knit Hermione's lacey red panties into a clever red beret, which he proudly sported at a coquettish angle on his bushy head. Fudge's man bra now adorned the chandalier conjured into existence for mere convenience of plot. However, Harry's prized nipple clamps (said to have been used by Merlin himself) at least that's what the antique nipple clamps claimed, were being put to good use by Filch and Madam Pince.
Snape would have had the perfect hiding spot from the slightly chilled Hermione, but at the last minute Lucius and one other snuck into the room. Malfoy senior, in a generous mood, was giving Minerva McGonagall a free sample of the trademark Malfoy dong. Horrified a the noises he heard, Snape crawled out from under the bouncing bed and sprinted out the door, not daring to look back.
In the end, Hermione cornered the Potions Master in the third corridor just shy of the Advanced Arithmancy classroom. Snape sighed, fully resigned.
"Very well, Miss Granger, you may sit on my-"
Hermione promptly tackled the grouchy, greasy-haired git and decided to give his trumpet a blast or two. Indeed, the event added an extra chapter to Hogwarts: A History as the only time in the history of the school that Severus Snape awarded Gryffindor House points. A week after the incident, he swept about the castle with a dirty smirk firmly implanted on his pale face.
~FIN~
A/N: Isn't that nice? Oh, a few of you wanted to know my sex. I am a 25-year-old single white female. See, women can be naughty too. Anyway, there's more where this came from. Stay tuned for more twisted perversion!