Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.
"The Perfect Day That Went Bad in a Good Way"
by: Ivory Tower
Hermione woke up and realized she was madly in love with Professor Snape. That same day everyone else in the school realized how radiantly beautiful Hermione had become overnight. What a perfect day it was becoming! Hermione was made Prefect and even though she was only a student the was now allowed to sit at the Head Table whenever she felt like it.That same day Hermione suddenly realized, during a game of Quidditch, that her seeker skills almost surpassed Harry's despite the fact she'd always been the most average of flyers. Instead of wearing the ususal black uniform robes Hermione immediately switched to wearing beautiful pink robes instead. She also wore a touch of makeup because it just made her feel so grown up!
Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and a cast of hundreds of other males within the school all fell madly in love with Hermione. Draco was having an inner struggle over being in love with a mudblood, a very beautiful and intelligent mudblood, but a mudblood nonetheless. Oh what would his father say if he found out!?! Tears filled Draco's beautiful grey eyes when he thought of how heartbroken his mother would be if he was stricken from the family Bible. But all would be risked for the fair Hermione, even savage beatings and steamy, detailed rapings courtesy of Lucius Malfoy.
Snape was so in love with that siren named Hermione that he started to act nothing like his former cruel, callous self. Yes, Severus Snape was now a truely reformed man, just like that! Not all the Cruciatus Curses (and Snape had suffered about a zillion of those because we all love to read about Snape being frail and helpless) had been able to change Snape for better or for worse. Only Hermione's abrupt blossoming into eye candy, with a brain to rival both Einstein's and Dumbledore's, had softened dear old Snape into a sickeningly sweet man. I tell you I saw the man accidently step on an ant and he sank onto his knees crying like the pathetically weak character he'd become!
Things were going so well it was positively terrific! Everyone joined hands and skipped about Hogwarts singing of the joys of life, love and of Hermione's ethereal beauty. Fawns came out of the Forbidden Forest and played enchanting music. The streams ran with wine instead of water. Hagrid got roaringly drunk on the divine wine but he did not get sick. He knew there would be no hangover or even the dangers of damaging his liver because the wine was so special due to everyone's euphoria.
Hermione now decided to wear beautiful, trailing robes of white chiffon and Lavender Brown gave her a pedicure so everyone could fawn over Hermione's lovely feet. Harry spent half the fortune his parents left him on a dazzling tiara made of platinum and diamonds for the Venus-like Hermione. Everyone was so eager to see Hermione wear the exquisite tiara that Dumbledore decided to make a ceremony of it. Classes were cancelled so the entire school could bear witness to Hermione placing the stunning platinum tiara on her now super straight, sleek, glossified hair. Those bushy frizzies had bit the dust, as had Snape's lifelong problem with excessively oily hair. Love works in powerfully strange ways.
"Miss Granger! A hundred points from Gryffindor for being dressed in that rediculous costume! If this is your tiara then Gryffindor will definitely not win the House Cup this year!"
McGonagall was disgusted at Hermione for bringing such shame to Gryffindor House and deducted an additional 75 points. Malfoy was more than happy to remind Snape that Harry Potter had purchased the tiara for Hermione. Snape smiled a smile that would send Jack the Ripper to the asylum crying for his mummy.
"You're in deep shit," whispered Ron, who'd finally come to. Snape strode over to Harry and glared down at him, pondering the boy's doom. Harry shot Hermione a very dirty look while Snape's black eyes gleamed with a maniacle delight no normal human being is capable of.
"Potter, I would like nothing more than to shove this tiara up your ass, but Dumbledore would sack me and hire an inferior to replace me. Instead, I shall...GIVE THIS TIARA TO SYBIL TRELAWNEY TO WEAR EVERYDAY! HA! HA! HA!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!" Harry blacked out as did Ron and Minerva McGonagall.
"My God, man! Have you no soul," demanded a shocked Professor Lupin.
"I do not," retorted Snape evilly, whirling to face Lupin. Those black eyes gleamed with all the vileness of mental corruption. "Lupin," he continued in a threatening tone, "let's have sex in the Prefect's bathroom this time."
"Okay." Lupin's face relaxed a little. They linked arms and exited the Great Hall leaving everyone to their fate.
~FIN~
A/N: I've finally tracked down my old parodies. Hooray! I'm still mad at ff.net for deleting all of my old ones and my lovely, lovely reviews. Thanks to all who read and review. You have to have a warped sense of humor to appreciate these.
"The Perfect Day That Went Bad in a Good Way"
by: Ivory Tower
Hermione woke up and realized she was madly in love with Professor Snape. That same day everyone else in the school realized how radiantly beautiful Hermione had become overnight. What a perfect day it was becoming! Hermione was made Prefect and even though she was only a student the was now allowed to sit at the Head Table whenever she felt like it.That same day Hermione suddenly realized, during a game of Quidditch, that her seeker skills almost surpassed Harry's despite the fact she'd always been the most average of flyers. Instead of wearing the ususal black uniform robes Hermione immediately switched to wearing beautiful pink robes instead. She also wore a touch of makeup because it just made her feel so grown up!
Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and a cast of hundreds of other males within the school all fell madly in love with Hermione. Draco was having an inner struggle over being in love with a mudblood, a very beautiful and intelligent mudblood, but a mudblood nonetheless. Oh what would his father say if he found out!?! Tears filled Draco's beautiful grey eyes when he thought of how heartbroken his mother would be if he was stricken from the family Bible. But all would be risked for the fair Hermione, even savage beatings and steamy, detailed rapings courtesy of Lucius Malfoy.
Snape was so in love with that siren named Hermione that he started to act nothing like his former cruel, callous self. Yes, Severus Snape was now a truely reformed man, just like that! Not all the Cruciatus Curses (and Snape had suffered about a zillion of those because we all love to read about Snape being frail and helpless) had been able to change Snape for better or for worse. Only Hermione's abrupt blossoming into eye candy, with a brain to rival both Einstein's and Dumbledore's, had softened dear old Snape into a sickeningly sweet man. I tell you I saw the man accidently step on an ant and he sank onto his knees crying like the pathetically weak character he'd become!
Things were going so well it was positively terrific! Everyone joined hands and skipped about Hogwarts singing of the joys of life, love and of Hermione's ethereal beauty. Fawns came out of the Forbidden Forest and played enchanting music. The streams ran with wine instead of water. Hagrid got roaringly drunk on the divine wine but he did not get sick. He knew there would be no hangover or even the dangers of damaging his liver because the wine was so special due to everyone's euphoria.
Hermione now decided to wear beautiful, trailing robes of white chiffon and Lavender Brown gave her a pedicure so everyone could fawn over Hermione's lovely feet. Harry spent half the fortune his parents left him on a dazzling tiara made of platinum and diamonds for the Venus-like Hermione. Everyone was so eager to see Hermione wear the exquisite tiara that Dumbledore decided to make a ceremony of it. Classes were cancelled so the entire school could bear witness to Hermione placing the stunning platinum tiara on her now super straight, sleek, glossified hair. Those bushy frizzies had bit the dust, as had Snape's lifelong problem with excessively oily hair. Love works in powerfully strange ways.
"Miss Granger! A hundred points from Gryffindor for being dressed in that rediculous costume! If this is your tiara then Gryffindor will definitely not win the House Cup this year!"
McGonagall was disgusted at Hermione for bringing such shame to Gryffindor House and deducted an additional 75 points. Malfoy was more than happy to remind Snape that Harry Potter had purchased the tiara for Hermione. Snape smiled a smile that would send Jack the Ripper to the asylum crying for his mummy.
"You're in deep shit," whispered Ron, who'd finally come to. Snape strode over to Harry and glared down at him, pondering the boy's doom. Harry shot Hermione a very dirty look while Snape's black eyes gleamed with a maniacle delight no normal human being is capable of.
"Potter, I would like nothing more than to shove this tiara up your ass, but Dumbledore would sack me and hire an inferior to replace me. Instead, I shall...GIVE THIS TIARA TO SYBIL TRELAWNEY TO WEAR EVERYDAY! HA! HA! HA!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!" Harry blacked out as did Ron and Minerva McGonagall.
"My God, man! Have you no soul," demanded a shocked Professor Lupin.
"I do not," retorted Snape evilly, whirling to face Lupin. Those black eyes gleamed with all the vileness of mental corruption. "Lupin," he continued in a threatening tone, "let's have sex in the Prefect's bathroom this time."
"Okay." Lupin's face relaxed a little. They linked arms and exited the Great Hall leaving everyone to their fate.
~FIN~
A/N: I've finally tracked down my old parodies. Hooray! I'm still mad at ff.net for deleting all of my old ones and my lovely, lovely reviews. Thanks to all who read and review. You have to have a warped sense of humor to appreciate these.