Chapter One: The Lab
Sara peeled off her rubber gloves and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up. As per her usual pattern, she was just about maxed out on overtime for the month. But that didn't stop her from coming in at all hours of the day and night to work her cases. She was throwing herself whole-heartedly into case after case, heart and soul. She knew it wasn't a good idea to get so involved in every case, but right now work was all that she had. When she questioned a suspect, she felt anger and hatred that they could intentionally hurt another human being. When she talked with the victims she felt sadness and empathy. She knew what it was like to have your world turned upside down on a regular basis. When she collected evidence and found the truth, she felt powerful, like she really could make a difference in the world. Like she mattered.
But when she wasn't at work, when she wasn't analyzing evidence or talking to a victim or questioning a suspect, she felt…nothing. She just couldn't feel for herself anymore. Before, when she could still feel her own pain, she thought it would be nice to be a robot. To feel nothing. To be able to move through life with an objective eye, looking at everything as an outsider. Truthfully, now that she found herself there, it just felt empty, lonely, and dead. Just to make sure she was still alive she threw everything she had into her work and felt for other people. She lived through their joys, their pain, their guilt and innocence.
She stood up from the table strewn with pictures of her latest crime scene and made her way to the break room to get some coffee. Glancing down at her watch she realized that she had been in the lab for almost twenty-six hours. No wonder she was tired. It was also her night off. Maybe after a few more hours of work she would be exhausted enough that she could go home and pass out and sleep the dreamless sleep that she had become accustomed to as of late. Just one more shot of caffeine, one more good look at the evidence and she would go home. Her quest for caffeine was cut short, however, when she heard her name called out, from his office.
"Sara."
Grissom saw her pause and take a deep breath before she entered his office. He briefly wondered if there was something wrong, but dismissed the thought when she entered his office and addressed him as normally as ever.
"Grissom."
"How is your case coming along?" he asked.
"Fine," was her short reply. "I'm just going to get some coffee and take another look at the evidence, and then probably call it a night. Did you need something?"
'She seems angry,' thought Grissom as he leaned back in his chair and contemplated the brunette standing before him. Grissom was a student of life; he studied everything, and could usually read people fairly easily. Staring at the woman before him, arms crossed on her chest, eyes staring blankly at him…something was wrong, but he just didn't know what. When it came to Sara Sidle, all of the rules he knew about human behavior went straight out the window.
"No, I don't need anything. I was just going over tonight's cases and I was wondering how your case was going…if you could take on a new one." He saw Sara tense up before him. He was certainly doing something wrong, but he honestly had no idea what to do to fix the problem.
"It is my night off you know, and I am almost maxed on overtime, and there is still another week and a half to go before month end."
He looked down at the schedule sitting in the one clear corner of his desk. It was her night off, he had forgotten.
"So it is, then why are you here?"
"I've been here all day," she said, in that same tone you would use to scold a child that you had to keep repeating things to over and over even though they ought to know the answer on their own.
"Oh," he said, for lack of any more eloquent words.
"I'll see you tomorrow then," she said as she turned to leave his office.
"Sara, is something wrong?"
Slowly she turned around to face him. With not so much as a hint of emotion, she answered his question with one of her own. "What would be wrong?"
Shrugging, he turned back to his work. "Have a good night off."
Sara shoved her hands into her pockets and walked out of his office and back towards the evidence room. Forget the coffee, she was going to pack up and go home now. Suddenly, she felt even more exhausted than she had before.